*Disclaimer: I do not own Rob Thomas (though it would be nice), Matchbox
Twenty, Texas, August, Canton Bell (I stole it from my friend Kate), Bent
Oak, leather pants, Rochelle, Ashley, Bethany (oh wait, yes I do), Evian,
Dannon, Orangina, Legolas, Mountain Dew, the theme from Dallas, the city of
Dallas, passionate kisses, the Rose Parade, Candy Cake Road, the CBHS band,
the Internet, or anything else because I am poor. Please send money. The
way these things and people have been portrayed is not necessarily how they
would actually be/ behave. Names have been changed to protect the innocent,
and also the not-so-innocent. The story is written in one giant paragraph
on purpose, because it makes fanfic hard to read. Thank you for your time.*
Rob Thomas and Three Girls from the Canton Bell High School Band: A Salute to Bad Fanfic
"Man, it's hot." Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty was in Texas, and it was real hot, because it was summer. Actually August, which is in the summer, so it was hot. Anyway, his car had stopped on the side of the road and he didn't know why. "Damn it! I shouldn't have thrown my cell out the window. That was stupid." Rob was mad at himself. "I don't know where I am!" He started walking. He walked and walked until he passed one of those big green signs they have on the highway to tell people where they are. It said 'Canton Bell.' "Wow, I must be in Canton Bell," said Rob. He even pronounced it right, unlike the stupid people who covered the Rose Parade a long time ago. But Rob is just smart like that. Rob turned onto a street that said Candy Cake Road, because he figured that would take him into town. He walked and walked down the street. He took his shirt off because he was so hot it was all soaked in sweat, and he felt like taking it off. His smoking leather pants were starting to steam because the were so wet with sweat and it was real hot. But that made them stick to him even more. "Damn black pants! Why do I love them so much? Oh yeah, because they make me look super sexy." He walked a real long way, and then he got to a street that said 'Bent Oak.' It had houses so it probably was a neighborhood. Rob went up to the first house. There was a pink bike in the yard and lots of other stuff. "There must be kids here," Rob thought. He went up to the door and rang the doorbell. It went ding-dong, but nobody answered. So he rang it again. Nobody answered again. So he went to the next house. There were not one, but two band signs in the yard. "Wow, a band kid must live here," thought Rob. He went and rang the doorbell. This one went ding-dong, too. No one answered. So he rang it again. Just as he was about to give up hope that anyone actually lived in this city of Canton Bell on this street of Bent Oak, he heard footsteps. A teenage girl came to the door and looked through the glass window that was in the door because it was pretty. Usually she didn't open the door to strangers but she did this time. Mostly because she could tell, even though the glass, that he was a very sexy shirtless man in smoking leather pants. She opened the door and screamed "GOOD LORD!" Then she shifted her feet. "ROB THOMAS IS AT MY HOUSE!!" Rob smiled. "So I guess you wouldn't believe me if I told you my name was George?" "No," said the girl. "But I would believe that you're about 5 gajillion times hotter in person, Rob. Can I call you Rob? I love your music. You're like the best ever." Rob nodded and smiled his sexy smile. Just then she remembered that she had friends over at her house, and they totally loved Matchbox Twenty too. "Rochelle! Ashley! Come here! Rob Thomas is here in smoking leather pants and no shirt and he's unbelievably sexy! Would you like to come in, Rob?" "Yeah. Thanks. What is your name?" Rob asked, as two more teenage girls sped around a corner and collided with each other. "Ouch!" said the shorter one. One was really tall. "I'm... Bethany," said the first girl, whose name was Bethany. She remembered it just in time. The other two girls quickly collected themselves and scrambled up off the floor. "Oh my gosh! You're Rob Thomas!" said the taller girl (not Bethany. Bethany was not tall, but she was taller than the short girl.) "Yes, Rochelle. Didn't I say that already?" said Bethany. "You are such a Legolas." Ashley said, "Hi, I'm Ashley." Rob smiled at all three girls, but he smiled at Bethany the longest. They all felt like they were going to melt. "So is this your house?" Rob asked Bethany. "Yes," she said, as her brain started to function again. "Would you like to have something to drink? Or sit down? Or something to eat? Is their anything you want?" (The last was code for 'you're so sexy I'd give you whatever you wanted.') "Um, a drink would be nice." said Rob. (This was code for the same. J/k!) "Oh, um, we don't have any alcohol, but we have water and fruit juice and sodas. Don't worry, our water's not Evian or Dannon, but we don't have any Orangina Sparking Citruc Beverage either." "How about a Mountain Dew?" asked Rob, not too distraught over the lack of Orangina. He didn't even like it anyway. That was Paul, the drag queen of the group. Bethany ran off to the fridge to grab a can of Dew, leaving the other three in an awkward silence in the entryway. She was back real soon though. "I hope a can is okay, Rob," she said. The three girls looked at each other and giggled. Then all three of them tried real hard not to stare at his glistening bare chest or what was contained in the smoking leather pants. Ashley started talking real fast because she does that when she gets nervous, just like lots of people. "Rob, do you remember when you almost showed the whole crowd your ass crack at the concert in Dallas back in June? That was really cool." She turned red. "Er... what I meant was..." The other two turned red too, and so did Rob. Then he laughed. "You mean it was funny, right?" he said, coming to her rescue. That was just like Rob. By this time Rob's sweat was starting to dry due to the arctic temperatures of Bethany's house. Rob pushed his hair down so it looked extra sexy. "So you were at the concert? That's cool. Were you close to the stage? We were looking for hot girls to come backstage but I guess we missed you guys." The girls blushed even more. Rochelle spoke up, "No, our tickets sucked. we were back in the geezer section because we were stupid and didn't skip school to go get tickets. But we still had a good time." Nice save. "Oh, well, now that I have Bethany's address, I can send you first row seats and backstage passes to the next one," said Rob. The girls had a spaz. Rob laughed his sexy laugh again. "Hey Rob?" said Bethany. "Do you remember when you sang the theme from Dallas at the concert? Well we play that song in band and we kind of hate to play it but after you sang it, it sounds a whole lot better and now that's my favorite part of the song." She had caught Bethany's nervous talking disease. Rob laughed again. "I'm glad you liked it. You know, I'm a sucker for band nerds. I was one when I was in middle school, and high school before I dropped out. What do you ladies play?" "Flute, flute, and oboe, respectively," said Rochelle, pointing, and using those mad G/T vocab words. She was smart like that. "Woodwinds. Cool," said Rob. "What did you play, Rob? Let me guess, trumpet," guessed Ashley. "You're right," said Rob. Ashley was good like that. Rob was getting a little cold from the freezing temperatures, but decided to leave his shirt off for the benefit of the girls. They were grateful. Just then Rob remembered why he was there. "Oh yeah. Bethany" she practically fainted just from hearing him say her name in that sexy sexy voice "can I use your phone?" "Of course!" she said, and ran to get it. She was back in a flash. Then he used the phone to call a tow truck and so he had to leave and the girls were sad and they cried so he gave them each the number to his private line and his email address (even though he's scared of the internet) and his home address and a zillion other ways to reach them, and they gave him theirs. Then he passionately made out with each of them, starting with Bethany (and that was the longest because she was the best kisser he had ever experienced) which were their first kisses ever, and then he promised to call them and stop by the next time he came to Dallas and then they said goodbye. The End.
Rob Thomas and Three Girls from the Canton Bell High School Band: A Salute to Bad Fanfic
"Man, it's hot." Rob Thomas of Matchbox Twenty was in Texas, and it was real hot, because it was summer. Actually August, which is in the summer, so it was hot. Anyway, his car had stopped on the side of the road and he didn't know why. "Damn it! I shouldn't have thrown my cell out the window. That was stupid." Rob was mad at himself. "I don't know where I am!" He started walking. He walked and walked until he passed one of those big green signs they have on the highway to tell people where they are. It said 'Canton Bell.' "Wow, I must be in Canton Bell," said Rob. He even pronounced it right, unlike the stupid people who covered the Rose Parade a long time ago. But Rob is just smart like that. Rob turned onto a street that said Candy Cake Road, because he figured that would take him into town. He walked and walked down the street. He took his shirt off because he was so hot it was all soaked in sweat, and he felt like taking it off. His smoking leather pants were starting to steam because the were so wet with sweat and it was real hot. But that made them stick to him even more. "Damn black pants! Why do I love them so much? Oh yeah, because they make me look super sexy." He walked a real long way, and then he got to a street that said 'Bent Oak.' It had houses so it probably was a neighborhood. Rob went up to the first house. There was a pink bike in the yard and lots of other stuff. "There must be kids here," Rob thought. He went up to the door and rang the doorbell. It went ding-dong, but nobody answered. So he rang it again. Nobody answered again. So he went to the next house. There were not one, but two band signs in the yard. "Wow, a band kid must live here," thought Rob. He went and rang the doorbell. This one went ding-dong, too. No one answered. So he rang it again. Just as he was about to give up hope that anyone actually lived in this city of Canton Bell on this street of Bent Oak, he heard footsteps. A teenage girl came to the door and looked through the glass window that was in the door because it was pretty. Usually she didn't open the door to strangers but she did this time. Mostly because she could tell, even though the glass, that he was a very sexy shirtless man in smoking leather pants. She opened the door and screamed "GOOD LORD!" Then she shifted her feet. "ROB THOMAS IS AT MY HOUSE!!" Rob smiled. "So I guess you wouldn't believe me if I told you my name was George?" "No," said the girl. "But I would believe that you're about 5 gajillion times hotter in person, Rob. Can I call you Rob? I love your music. You're like the best ever." Rob nodded and smiled his sexy smile. Just then she remembered that she had friends over at her house, and they totally loved Matchbox Twenty too. "Rochelle! Ashley! Come here! Rob Thomas is here in smoking leather pants and no shirt and he's unbelievably sexy! Would you like to come in, Rob?" "Yeah. Thanks. What is your name?" Rob asked, as two more teenage girls sped around a corner and collided with each other. "Ouch!" said the shorter one. One was really tall. "I'm... Bethany," said the first girl, whose name was Bethany. She remembered it just in time. The other two girls quickly collected themselves and scrambled up off the floor. "Oh my gosh! You're Rob Thomas!" said the taller girl (not Bethany. Bethany was not tall, but she was taller than the short girl.) "Yes, Rochelle. Didn't I say that already?" said Bethany. "You are such a Legolas." Ashley said, "Hi, I'm Ashley." Rob smiled at all three girls, but he smiled at Bethany the longest. They all felt like they were going to melt. "So is this your house?" Rob asked Bethany. "Yes," she said, as her brain started to function again. "Would you like to have something to drink? Or sit down? Or something to eat? Is their anything you want?" (The last was code for 'you're so sexy I'd give you whatever you wanted.') "Um, a drink would be nice." said Rob. (This was code for the same. J/k!) "Oh, um, we don't have any alcohol, but we have water and fruit juice and sodas. Don't worry, our water's not Evian or Dannon, but we don't have any Orangina Sparking Citruc Beverage either." "How about a Mountain Dew?" asked Rob, not too distraught over the lack of Orangina. He didn't even like it anyway. That was Paul, the drag queen of the group. Bethany ran off to the fridge to grab a can of Dew, leaving the other three in an awkward silence in the entryway. She was back real soon though. "I hope a can is okay, Rob," she said. The three girls looked at each other and giggled. Then all three of them tried real hard not to stare at his glistening bare chest or what was contained in the smoking leather pants. Ashley started talking real fast because she does that when she gets nervous, just like lots of people. "Rob, do you remember when you almost showed the whole crowd your ass crack at the concert in Dallas back in June? That was really cool." She turned red. "Er... what I meant was..." The other two turned red too, and so did Rob. Then he laughed. "You mean it was funny, right?" he said, coming to her rescue. That was just like Rob. By this time Rob's sweat was starting to dry due to the arctic temperatures of Bethany's house. Rob pushed his hair down so it looked extra sexy. "So you were at the concert? That's cool. Were you close to the stage? We were looking for hot girls to come backstage but I guess we missed you guys." The girls blushed even more. Rochelle spoke up, "No, our tickets sucked. we were back in the geezer section because we were stupid and didn't skip school to go get tickets. But we still had a good time." Nice save. "Oh, well, now that I have Bethany's address, I can send you first row seats and backstage passes to the next one," said Rob. The girls had a spaz. Rob laughed his sexy laugh again. "Hey Rob?" said Bethany. "Do you remember when you sang the theme from Dallas at the concert? Well we play that song in band and we kind of hate to play it but after you sang it, it sounds a whole lot better and now that's my favorite part of the song." She had caught Bethany's nervous talking disease. Rob laughed again. "I'm glad you liked it. You know, I'm a sucker for band nerds. I was one when I was in middle school, and high school before I dropped out. What do you ladies play?" "Flute, flute, and oboe, respectively," said Rochelle, pointing, and using those mad G/T vocab words. She was smart like that. "Woodwinds. Cool," said Rob. "What did you play, Rob? Let me guess, trumpet," guessed Ashley. "You're right," said Rob. Ashley was good like that. Rob was getting a little cold from the freezing temperatures, but decided to leave his shirt off for the benefit of the girls. They were grateful. Just then Rob remembered why he was there. "Oh yeah. Bethany" she practically fainted just from hearing him say her name in that sexy sexy voice "can I use your phone?" "Of course!" she said, and ran to get it. She was back in a flash. Then he used the phone to call a tow truck and so he had to leave and the girls were sad and they cried so he gave them each the number to his private line and his email address (even though he's scared of the internet) and his home address and a zillion other ways to reach them, and they gave him theirs. Then he passionately made out with each of them, starting with Bethany (and that was the longest because she was the best kisser he had ever experienced) which were their first kisses ever, and then he promised to call them and stop by the next time he came to Dallas and then they said goodbye. The End.