"Don't ever laugh
as a Hearse goes by
for you may be the next to die"
The small child curls up into the fetal position. Curling up to the bear that lays next to her. The night air is cool. It makes a change from the scorching weather they seemed to endure for an endless period of time. She can hear voices in the other room, her Mama has some friends over, so the small child goes forgotten, the only comfort she has is the nursery rhyme that is playing in her head, the one she is mumbling to her bear. The five year old didn't have a clue what a Hearse was, but she liked the rhyme, it was catchy. And it reminded her of her mum singing it to her when they cuddle on the sofa. The song makes her think of her perfume, just the right amount. She smiles as she remembers the smell, as she turns into her pillows, trying to sleep.
"They wrap you up in a big white sheet
from your head down to your feet
They put you in a big black box
and cover you up with dirt and rocks"
This time, the blonde haired eight year old is singing it as she runs into the sea. She's not alone this time, she has friends. Talia and Noa. The three of them are racing one another into the sea. She is winning, she can feel the hot sand under her feet, until that cool feeling hits her. She turns round as her two friends join her, she smiles, as she splashes the two of them. They get into a water fight, she can see her mum on the beach. She's talking to her boyfriend, not the slightest bit interested in what her daughter is doing. She sighs, going back to the rhyme that is plauging her.
"and all goes well for about a week
and then your coffin begins to leak
and the worms crawl in,
the worms crawl out"
The twelve year old is clad in a black dress and sunglasses, holding her mothers hand as the coffin is lowered into the ground. All she can think about is how the worms will get in their. She knows that when she dies, she wants to be cremated. She doesn't like the thought of worms in the coffin, even though she is aware it's just a childish rhyme, it still haunts her. Her mother motions for her to join her in throwing dirt over the coffin of her mothers finace, as she can't stop thinking about worms in the coffin. It gives her the creeps, as her mum pulls her in for a hug.
"the worms play pinochle
on your snout
They eat your eyes,
they eat your noes
they eat the jelly between your toes"
The seventeen year old can feel her heart rate slowing, staring at the ceiling, she can hear the guy next to her beginning to give into sleep. The song is haunting her now. She can't sleep, the alcohol is coursing through her veins. She has far to much energy, so she gently slips out, putting on her bra and knickers, going to search for her shorts and top. She stares at the guy sprawled out on the bed. She knows him, he goes to her school, Jamie. She sighs as she leaves the room unnoticed, sneaking out the front door. She makes the short walk to her house. Paula is in hospital, she's sick. With her kidneys, so Jasmine is home alone. They are planning to make a trip to England, to visit her grandfather. She says trip, they are moving there. She passes out on the sofa.
"the worms that crawl in are lean and thin
your eyes fall in
and your hair falls out
your brain comes tumbling"
The now nineteen year old is sitting on an uncomfortable chair at the royal United hospital, in Bath. She doesn't know what to say, or what to think. She genuinely feels like her brain has tumbled out, like the song says. She can see the ginger woman lying in the bed, as the American guy tries to convince her that she should meet her, Jasmine. Her younger half sister. It's a weird concept to Jasmine. She's got a sister, Paula isn't her only family. Her head can't take it. Jasmine has other family, she has a sister. She always wanted one, one to love her. To look after her.
"down your snout
and the worms crawl in,
the worms crawl out
they crawl all over your dirty snout"
She just stands there, as she has accusations shouted at her. "A whore." She just looks down "dirty" the dirty reminds her of the the rhyme. She is dirty, she shouldn't have slept with him, but she didn't mean for his wife to catch them, she wasn't expecting his eight year old daughter to catch them in bed. Apparently the wife was supposed to be out, so he invited Jas round. She accepted because she had nothing better to do. She is finally excused, leaving the house as quickly as she can. Although it is May, she is cold. The hot weather in England doesn't compare to the heat in Goa. She just sighs, as she stops at the local cafe, to get a skinny latte. Deciding what she wants to do next.
"your chest caves in
and your eyes pop out
your brain turns to saurkraut"
She sees the saurkraut in fridge at her latest bunk up. She's subletting in an apartment. No one's home, so she's making food. Saurkraut makes her laugh, thinking back to all the times her mum used to sing that ridiculous song. She always emphasised the word sauerkraut. She looks in her locket, Jacs back tomorrow. She wonders what will lie ahead. What her sister is like. She's heard horror stories, she's heard of the 'ice queen'. She just smiles, because whatever she's like, she is going to be close to her only remaining family.
"hey invite their friends,
and their friends too they all come down
to chew on you
and this is what it is to die,"
She just lays in the the on call room. Trying to sleep, except what happened with Morven plays on her mind. She didn't mean it in a malicious way, far from it. Morven was her friend. She loved her. She already had been told what for by Fletch. She thought about Elinor, about Serena and how sorry she was, nothing ever seemed to be enough. She thought about Jac, who wanted nothing to do with her. Is this what it is to die?
"I hope you had a nice goodbye
did you ever think
as a Hearse goes by that
you might be the next to die"
She reads the accounts, staring at what happened there. Trying to get her head around it. About what Jac when through, what Fran went through. She reads about the suicides in the home, because of the sexual assault. The pictures of the buildings give her chills. Even the building is creepy. Her mind searches back to that song. Humming it to herself as she makes herself a coffee, she can't give up her research now. She wants to know why Jac is the way she is, and she wants a way to get through to her that she loves her.
"and your eyes fall out
and your teeth decay
and that is the end of a perfect... day"
She shuts her eyes, she can hear everyone shouting. She can't speak, the pain is far too much. She just stares at Morven. She's shouting at Romeo. He's cute. She would totally gone for him, but she knows she's not going to survive this. He runs off, and all Jas can do is mutter the word Jac. She thinks about the voice mail she left Jac, hoping that Fran hadn't deleted it. She wanted Jac to know she loves her.
She doesn't know what's happening. She's not really in it. She hears the word trauma bay, but nothing else seems real. Until her sister came in. She tells her that she's going to save her, Jasmine knows different. She's a bright girl. She knows that whatever Jac tries isn't going to work. She smiles as Jac tries to help her, she's conscious enough to grab her hand, staring at her palm. She was right. Fran was delusional. She just hopes someone else will pick up on it. Her head hurts, and she doesn't know how long she can go on like this, the pain in her side. She looks up at Jac, pleased that she came. It shows thay what she said earlier she didnt mean, she came. Surely that means Jac loves her. She can hear Jac shouting at her as she fades out, that stupid rhyme still in her head from last night. She knows that this is the end, but it was OK because she knew that Jac loved her. Nothing could change that.