Disclaimer: I don't own them, Joss and them lot do; too obviously, just
look at the shows.
Authors Notes: This was the first fic that I finished and I think I wrote it way back in March.
Timeline: Four years from the beginning to middle of season six. Though events are partly different from 'The Gift' onwards.
Summary: Dawn died instead of Buffy and she couldn't cope so she took the easy way out; she ran. Four years later she's still trying to forget the life she ran away from.
Feedback? Oh yes please, I love feedback but, be gentle eh? This was the first fic I finished after all.
"Ms Summers, could you come and check this please?" Alison asked nervously as she looked from me to the computer screen.
"Are you sure you need me to check it?" I asked irritably. I was already late and this was not improving my mood. She nodded looking uncertainly at the computer. I walked back towards our departments' front desk and then behind it to see what she was talking about. I sighed, I was right she didn't need me to check it. "Alison, this is fine, in fact it's great, you don't need to ask me about every second thing." She looked embarrassed so I continued, "You can do this job very well, and you just need to believe in yourself a bit more. I know you've only been with us for a short time but I hired you because you not only had an excellent resume and people skills but you had these great computer skills as well." She smiled in appreciation.
"Thanks Ms Summers, I promise to try not to bother you unless it's urgent or something."
"Okay Alison, you have a good evening." I said as I made my way towards to elevator.
"You too Ms Summers, see you tomorrow." She called after me. Alison was a sweet girl, not really much younger than me, but she was a little clueless and unconfident. I breathed a sign of relief as I got into the elevator and pushed the button for the ground floor, my feet were killing me, I didn't normally come into the admin departments offices but today was just one of those rare days and I needed to get out of here really badly. And I grimaced at the familiar thought. Of course this kind of thing was only to do with how I'd been working all day and I was exhausted, it wasn't the desperate urge to leave and never look back, the way I had left Sunnydale four years earlier.
I still tried not to think about it, the people I hurt, the ones I left, I had just had to get out, get out before I died of misery. They were happy, I wasn't. I mean who would have been happy, if a hell god had killed their sister just months after losing their mother? I closed my eyes only to have the all too familiar nightmare images flash across my mind. How I'd reached the top of the tower only to find that Dawn was dying. I could have saved her, I could have saved my sister and I didn't. I knew she was going to jump into the portal and I'd realised my blood would stop it, my death. I would have died for her and I rushed forwards only to have to stop due to a shock that paralysed my body only to have my voice scream and shout what I'd tried to stop, Dawn dying. She jumped into the portal before I could stop her, before I could save her, save everyone, but she did instead, Dawn saved us and I screamed and screamed but it didn't bring her back. She shouldn't have died, it should have been me, and I would have. It was my gift, not killing everything but dying myself, dying to save everyone, to save Dawn, but I couldn't. The one thing I was meant to do and I hadn't. I was the slayer, I was meant to save everyone even if it meant sacrificing something, I thought of Angel as I thrust the sword into him and sent him to hell. I stifled a sob, and composed myself as best I could as three people entered the elevator, they didn't give me a second look, too eager to get home like me, I thought thankfully.
Sometimes I couldn't get away from these thoughts and it was only when I was distracted, when I was with Ayanna and at my happiest or distracted at work, then I didn't have to think about how I'd failed and it was those times I could live my life and be happy. And most of the time it was okay, I could live normally, have the better, normal life I left for, it was just times like this when I was so tired that these thoughts came sweeping over me, that and the nightmares. There were some nightmares where Dawn would scream at me to save her and for not saving her. But then, my dreams never had been of the pleasant variety.
I silently pleaded with the elevator to get a move on, but as we descended farther down, it stopped at every level, it got even fuller, more people who were going home to their normal lives, normal husbands, normal children. Something I knew I would never have if I stayed in Sunnydale. I felt like I was being suffocated, I couldn't breathe and the only thing I wanted to do was to get the hell away from that hell. My family, the family that mattered was dead. I thought bitterly about my father, he'd never been there, he didn't know me, he didn't know what I'd been through and he didn't care. Giles had cared, Giles. But he'd left several months after the battle, he didn't think I needed a watcher and he thought I blamed him for Dawn dying. I didn't, but he thought it because he had told me the only way was to kill her. He'd seen me pull back from everything and I guess he left because he thought I needed jolting back into reality, so I wouldn't run to him when there was trouble. He'd wanted me to be the old Buffy, or young Buffy, whichever, the dependable one, the one who lead everyone. I was hurt by his oblivion to the fact that I could never be that Buffy ever again. I couldn't go back, something inside of me died when Dawn jumped from that tower and nothing was the same. I couldn't be the leader and I couldn't stay in Sunnydale. It had felt like there was nothing to keep me there, I know I had my friends but they had each other and their families still and they had lives. When the portal was closed and we'd fought the demons that had been left in our reality it was done. The hellmouth had been sealed and except for the few remaining demons there was nothing left for me as the slayer. What was I if I couldn't be that? All my friends had jobs or college and I couldn't even be the slayer anymore.
Nothing felt real; I tried to make myself feel anything but I couldn't. I even slept with Spike, a lot. When I think about it now I feel pretty sick but at the time I'd needed something and I'd tried to find it with him. When I finally shook myself out and stopped it I knew I couldn't stay any longer. All I needed was to get out, at least somewhere else I could still be the slayer in a more useful way than I could here and at the most I hoped I'd find my normal life waiting for me to slip into. I hardly even thought about Angel when I left, I knew he'd been seeing Cordy but I decided not to care. It wasn't worth the grief, sometimes that's all I felt he'd left me with, grief. He'd come when Dawn.but he couldn't do anything obviously, so I sent him away in a fit of grief stricken, love, hate rage. When I think about that last time I spoke to him I do feel guilty but he knew how I felt about him and he knew I was mad with grief, he'd told me.
I'd written them letters. I left one for my friends, one for Giles and one for Angel. I'd tried to tell them how I was feeling but I don't think it came out right so I didn't tell them everything, they thought I left just because of Dawn and it wasn't just that, it was everything.
And it had worked out pretty well, I was living and I was happy. I hadn't planned on ending up in Washington D.C. but I had and it was working out okay. I breathed a huge sigh of relief as the elevator opened its doors for the final stop and everyone filed out. Looking at my watch I cursed under my breath. I was late; I hoped Carol would understand, as I wasn't normally late. It was just these damn offices, I felt so much better at the sports centre, more at home.
As I pulled up to my apartment building the rain was coming down in droves, I had to run into the building and I was still soaked but it felt good. I liked the rain, to an extent. I remember patrolling in the rain with Angel once but we didn't get much patrolling done. It had always felt freeing to get soaked in that beautiful kind of refreshing rain you sometimes get on hot summer days. Today it just made me shiver; it was cold for March.
I knocked on the door of my neighbour, I could hear shouts and screams coming from inside and I smiled.
"Hi Beth," she said, holding a sleeping three year old, "Come in, it's a mad house, just like every day!" She said laughing.
"I'm so sorry I'm late, got caught up at work."
"That's okay Beth you look exhausted, you want some tea?" I smiled gratefully at her as I sat on the couch; she was such a lifesaver. Suddenly two tiny beautiful arms reached up to me and I picked up my two and a half year old daughter Ayanna and sat her on my lap.
"Hey baby, did you have fun?" She nodded as I looked into her cute round face. Carol said she already looked like me, she had golden hair and brown eyes and she was my angel. She handed me a picture. "Did you do this for me honey?" she nodded obviously tired. And by the time Carol came back with the tea she was asleep in my arms.
"She's tired out isn't she?" Carol asked looking fondly at her.
"Yeah I'd better not stay too long, how was it today?"
"Madhouse, like I said, I swear those teacher training days should not be allowed it gets them more hyped up than on weekends." I smiled and let her talk about it. Carol was a part time nurse and her husband Bill was a haulage supervisor, which meant he was away for most of the week. But she was so great at looking after Aya for me when I couldn't get to pick her up from the crèche myself. They had three children, Andy who was 9, Nathan, 6 and Ellie who was three and who'd she had been holding when I arrived.
"Is Ellie asleep too?" I asked careful not to wake Aya.
"Yeah, she's tired out too, they love playing together." She said gesturing to my sleeping baby.
"Yep, well thanks for taking her again, I'd better put her to bed."
"No problem, you get some sleep too, you hear?" She looked at me firmly.
"Yeah, I will I promise, you still up for the family shopping day on Saturday?"
"Heck yes girl! I wouldn't even attempt it without you. Two mommies are better than one as far as shopping's concerned."
"I know, thanks again." I said as we hugged goodbye.
I laid Aya down in her bed and put on her twinkly night lights, she liked them and sometimes it meant if she did wake up she'd just go back to sleep again, they soothed her. Thank god I found them that time at the mall when she was a couple of months old, since then she's loved them. Carol had been a great friend to me. When I moved in next door to her we got to be friends right away and she'd been so supportive when I'd had Aya. She showed me all about how to look after her and I'm not sure what I'd have done without her if I had never met her when I moved to Washington. I spent a year in New York right after I'd left Sunnydale and I'd been a complete mess.
I'd done exactly what I knew I shouldn't have been doing, drinking, clubbing, I cared about nothing and I working as a waitress again. It was easy to get lost in New York, that was partly why I went there first but I'd lost myself somewhere along the line and what I did in New York that first year was simply stupid. I'd been stupid and careless and almost too free. I stopped caring about anything, even myself. I went out with the wrong guys, none of them were good for me, they wanted to drink themselves to death or they wanted to control me or they just didn't care about anything, like I had got to be and I knew if I didn't get out I'd just spiral out of control. It was too much freedom, I had no control over myself there and it was nothing better than being in Sunnydale. The only thing that seemed to steady me was the slaying. There was evil in New York, enough to keep me occupied, to keep me sane, if I hadn't had that I would have died, I was killing myself and I knew it. I left three months pregnant, I had been stupid and careless and it was my fault but I swore it wouldn't ruin me; she saved me in a way. Her father didn't want to know so I left town hoping to find what I'd set out to get in the first place. A life, and I found it here, or I found part of it here. I had Ayanna and my job as a self-defence and martial arts instructor and assistant manager at the sports centre and I was happy.
But even now I have these nagging feelings every now and again, and I know there's something missing. I miss my friends and Giles and my Mom and Dawn but it's Angel who haunts me. I told myself he didn't care, he was with someone else or even if he wasn't, he didn't care or wouldn't and I tried to tell myself I didn't care either but I was lying to myself and I knew it. It just seemed so much easier to deny I had any feelings for him and try to forget than sit around and mope when I had a life to lead and a beautiful daughter to love and take care of. So that's what I tried to do, forget, just as I had forgotten our day together until one drunken night in NY when I hit my head on a cupboard at Danny's place and had these weird vivid dreams about that day which I knew were real. Sometimes I let the walls down and the flood gates open and I think I'll never stop crying for what we never got to have and what we will never have, but then I stop and I carefully rebuild the walls and put back the façade that is Beth Summers, assistant manager, and who has nothing to do with a vampire named Angel or anything remotely weird. Since I had Aya I haven't slayed in a regular way but I've kept up the training as much as I can, it goes with my job which is good and as I once told Mom I only slay if they give me lip. Sometimes I'll sense an evilly presence and that's the only time I really go looking for it. I can't afford to now, with my baby to take care of.
Oh, I wish I could forget about him. I have too many trust issues to date guys in any serious way. Half of them don't care but then there are those that do, those that know I won't let them in because I'm waiting for someone else. Riley knew and then he left as well, further heightening my resolve not to trust men, they only made me miserable. Of course, when I was in NY I didn't care so nothing mattered but now. As much as I try he still affects me. I haven't been out with anyone in ages. There is this cute neighbour we all have. He's called Richard and he lives down the hall and I know he likes me. He's liked me since I moved in and he's such a good guy, like Riley was only not so stupid or pathetic as he turned out to be. Richard is great with Ayanna and she loves her 'Uncle Richard' he cooks for me sometimes but I just can't seem to make myself care for him like he does for me. I think he's accepted it now and he's still a great friend.
When I think about it though, my friends aren't really friends with me, but friends with 'Beth'. They know nothing about the real me, the one I'd tried to hide and maybe it's that I miss too. Maybe I do miss being Buffy, being with my friends the ones who know and love me for who I am and I miss being Angel's Buffy. As I try to sleep, I know that, sadly, there will always be a part of me who is Angel's forever. I just have to find a way of moving on from that. I'm still trying, maybe Richard is the answer, I do love him, I guess I could try and see him differently. I know he won't have any problems because unless he's met someone in the last week, I know he still loves me, he just hides it, badly. What would it hurt to try and be happy with him? You know the answer to that, you could, but he's not Angel. Well, maybe it's time I moved on?
Coming soon! Part 2: An Otherwise Ordinary Day. Just as long as you tell me what you think!
I know; I'm evil! -*naughty grin*- he he he
Authors Notes: This was the first fic that I finished and I think I wrote it way back in March.
Timeline: Four years from the beginning to middle of season six. Though events are partly different from 'The Gift' onwards.
Summary: Dawn died instead of Buffy and she couldn't cope so she took the easy way out; she ran. Four years later she's still trying to forget the life she ran away from.
Feedback? Oh yes please, I love feedback but, be gentle eh? This was the first fic I finished after all.
"Ms Summers, could you come and check this please?" Alison asked nervously as she looked from me to the computer screen.
"Are you sure you need me to check it?" I asked irritably. I was already late and this was not improving my mood. She nodded looking uncertainly at the computer. I walked back towards our departments' front desk and then behind it to see what she was talking about. I sighed, I was right she didn't need me to check it. "Alison, this is fine, in fact it's great, you don't need to ask me about every second thing." She looked embarrassed so I continued, "You can do this job very well, and you just need to believe in yourself a bit more. I know you've only been with us for a short time but I hired you because you not only had an excellent resume and people skills but you had these great computer skills as well." She smiled in appreciation.
"Thanks Ms Summers, I promise to try not to bother you unless it's urgent or something."
"Okay Alison, you have a good evening." I said as I made my way towards to elevator.
"You too Ms Summers, see you tomorrow." She called after me. Alison was a sweet girl, not really much younger than me, but she was a little clueless and unconfident. I breathed a sign of relief as I got into the elevator and pushed the button for the ground floor, my feet were killing me, I didn't normally come into the admin departments offices but today was just one of those rare days and I needed to get out of here really badly. And I grimaced at the familiar thought. Of course this kind of thing was only to do with how I'd been working all day and I was exhausted, it wasn't the desperate urge to leave and never look back, the way I had left Sunnydale four years earlier.
I still tried not to think about it, the people I hurt, the ones I left, I had just had to get out, get out before I died of misery. They were happy, I wasn't. I mean who would have been happy, if a hell god had killed their sister just months after losing their mother? I closed my eyes only to have the all too familiar nightmare images flash across my mind. How I'd reached the top of the tower only to find that Dawn was dying. I could have saved her, I could have saved my sister and I didn't. I knew she was going to jump into the portal and I'd realised my blood would stop it, my death. I would have died for her and I rushed forwards only to have to stop due to a shock that paralysed my body only to have my voice scream and shout what I'd tried to stop, Dawn dying. She jumped into the portal before I could stop her, before I could save her, save everyone, but she did instead, Dawn saved us and I screamed and screamed but it didn't bring her back. She shouldn't have died, it should have been me, and I would have. It was my gift, not killing everything but dying myself, dying to save everyone, to save Dawn, but I couldn't. The one thing I was meant to do and I hadn't. I was the slayer, I was meant to save everyone even if it meant sacrificing something, I thought of Angel as I thrust the sword into him and sent him to hell. I stifled a sob, and composed myself as best I could as three people entered the elevator, they didn't give me a second look, too eager to get home like me, I thought thankfully.
Sometimes I couldn't get away from these thoughts and it was only when I was distracted, when I was with Ayanna and at my happiest or distracted at work, then I didn't have to think about how I'd failed and it was those times I could live my life and be happy. And most of the time it was okay, I could live normally, have the better, normal life I left for, it was just times like this when I was so tired that these thoughts came sweeping over me, that and the nightmares. There were some nightmares where Dawn would scream at me to save her and for not saving her. But then, my dreams never had been of the pleasant variety.
I silently pleaded with the elevator to get a move on, but as we descended farther down, it stopped at every level, it got even fuller, more people who were going home to their normal lives, normal husbands, normal children. Something I knew I would never have if I stayed in Sunnydale. I felt like I was being suffocated, I couldn't breathe and the only thing I wanted to do was to get the hell away from that hell. My family, the family that mattered was dead. I thought bitterly about my father, he'd never been there, he didn't know me, he didn't know what I'd been through and he didn't care. Giles had cared, Giles. But he'd left several months after the battle, he didn't think I needed a watcher and he thought I blamed him for Dawn dying. I didn't, but he thought it because he had told me the only way was to kill her. He'd seen me pull back from everything and I guess he left because he thought I needed jolting back into reality, so I wouldn't run to him when there was trouble. He'd wanted me to be the old Buffy, or young Buffy, whichever, the dependable one, the one who lead everyone. I was hurt by his oblivion to the fact that I could never be that Buffy ever again. I couldn't go back, something inside of me died when Dawn jumped from that tower and nothing was the same. I couldn't be the leader and I couldn't stay in Sunnydale. It had felt like there was nothing to keep me there, I know I had my friends but they had each other and their families still and they had lives. When the portal was closed and we'd fought the demons that had been left in our reality it was done. The hellmouth had been sealed and except for the few remaining demons there was nothing left for me as the slayer. What was I if I couldn't be that? All my friends had jobs or college and I couldn't even be the slayer anymore.
Nothing felt real; I tried to make myself feel anything but I couldn't. I even slept with Spike, a lot. When I think about it now I feel pretty sick but at the time I'd needed something and I'd tried to find it with him. When I finally shook myself out and stopped it I knew I couldn't stay any longer. All I needed was to get out, at least somewhere else I could still be the slayer in a more useful way than I could here and at the most I hoped I'd find my normal life waiting for me to slip into. I hardly even thought about Angel when I left, I knew he'd been seeing Cordy but I decided not to care. It wasn't worth the grief, sometimes that's all I felt he'd left me with, grief. He'd come when Dawn.but he couldn't do anything obviously, so I sent him away in a fit of grief stricken, love, hate rage. When I think about that last time I spoke to him I do feel guilty but he knew how I felt about him and he knew I was mad with grief, he'd told me.
I'd written them letters. I left one for my friends, one for Giles and one for Angel. I'd tried to tell them how I was feeling but I don't think it came out right so I didn't tell them everything, they thought I left just because of Dawn and it wasn't just that, it was everything.
And it had worked out pretty well, I was living and I was happy. I hadn't planned on ending up in Washington D.C. but I had and it was working out okay. I breathed a huge sigh of relief as the elevator opened its doors for the final stop and everyone filed out. Looking at my watch I cursed under my breath. I was late; I hoped Carol would understand, as I wasn't normally late. It was just these damn offices, I felt so much better at the sports centre, more at home.
As I pulled up to my apartment building the rain was coming down in droves, I had to run into the building and I was still soaked but it felt good. I liked the rain, to an extent. I remember patrolling in the rain with Angel once but we didn't get much patrolling done. It had always felt freeing to get soaked in that beautiful kind of refreshing rain you sometimes get on hot summer days. Today it just made me shiver; it was cold for March.
I knocked on the door of my neighbour, I could hear shouts and screams coming from inside and I smiled.
"Hi Beth," she said, holding a sleeping three year old, "Come in, it's a mad house, just like every day!" She said laughing.
"I'm so sorry I'm late, got caught up at work."
"That's okay Beth you look exhausted, you want some tea?" I smiled gratefully at her as I sat on the couch; she was such a lifesaver. Suddenly two tiny beautiful arms reached up to me and I picked up my two and a half year old daughter Ayanna and sat her on my lap.
"Hey baby, did you have fun?" She nodded as I looked into her cute round face. Carol said she already looked like me, she had golden hair and brown eyes and she was my angel. She handed me a picture. "Did you do this for me honey?" she nodded obviously tired. And by the time Carol came back with the tea she was asleep in my arms.
"She's tired out isn't she?" Carol asked looking fondly at her.
"Yeah I'd better not stay too long, how was it today?"
"Madhouse, like I said, I swear those teacher training days should not be allowed it gets them more hyped up than on weekends." I smiled and let her talk about it. Carol was a part time nurse and her husband Bill was a haulage supervisor, which meant he was away for most of the week. But she was so great at looking after Aya for me when I couldn't get to pick her up from the crèche myself. They had three children, Andy who was 9, Nathan, 6 and Ellie who was three and who'd she had been holding when I arrived.
"Is Ellie asleep too?" I asked careful not to wake Aya.
"Yeah, she's tired out too, they love playing together." She said gesturing to my sleeping baby.
"Yep, well thanks for taking her again, I'd better put her to bed."
"No problem, you get some sleep too, you hear?" She looked at me firmly.
"Yeah, I will I promise, you still up for the family shopping day on Saturday?"
"Heck yes girl! I wouldn't even attempt it without you. Two mommies are better than one as far as shopping's concerned."
"I know, thanks again." I said as we hugged goodbye.
I laid Aya down in her bed and put on her twinkly night lights, she liked them and sometimes it meant if she did wake up she'd just go back to sleep again, they soothed her. Thank god I found them that time at the mall when she was a couple of months old, since then she's loved them. Carol had been a great friend to me. When I moved in next door to her we got to be friends right away and she'd been so supportive when I'd had Aya. She showed me all about how to look after her and I'm not sure what I'd have done without her if I had never met her when I moved to Washington. I spent a year in New York right after I'd left Sunnydale and I'd been a complete mess.
I'd done exactly what I knew I shouldn't have been doing, drinking, clubbing, I cared about nothing and I working as a waitress again. It was easy to get lost in New York, that was partly why I went there first but I'd lost myself somewhere along the line and what I did in New York that first year was simply stupid. I'd been stupid and careless and almost too free. I stopped caring about anything, even myself. I went out with the wrong guys, none of them were good for me, they wanted to drink themselves to death or they wanted to control me or they just didn't care about anything, like I had got to be and I knew if I didn't get out I'd just spiral out of control. It was too much freedom, I had no control over myself there and it was nothing better than being in Sunnydale. The only thing that seemed to steady me was the slaying. There was evil in New York, enough to keep me occupied, to keep me sane, if I hadn't had that I would have died, I was killing myself and I knew it. I left three months pregnant, I had been stupid and careless and it was my fault but I swore it wouldn't ruin me; she saved me in a way. Her father didn't want to know so I left town hoping to find what I'd set out to get in the first place. A life, and I found it here, or I found part of it here. I had Ayanna and my job as a self-defence and martial arts instructor and assistant manager at the sports centre and I was happy.
But even now I have these nagging feelings every now and again, and I know there's something missing. I miss my friends and Giles and my Mom and Dawn but it's Angel who haunts me. I told myself he didn't care, he was with someone else or even if he wasn't, he didn't care or wouldn't and I tried to tell myself I didn't care either but I was lying to myself and I knew it. It just seemed so much easier to deny I had any feelings for him and try to forget than sit around and mope when I had a life to lead and a beautiful daughter to love and take care of. So that's what I tried to do, forget, just as I had forgotten our day together until one drunken night in NY when I hit my head on a cupboard at Danny's place and had these weird vivid dreams about that day which I knew were real. Sometimes I let the walls down and the flood gates open and I think I'll never stop crying for what we never got to have and what we will never have, but then I stop and I carefully rebuild the walls and put back the façade that is Beth Summers, assistant manager, and who has nothing to do with a vampire named Angel or anything remotely weird. Since I had Aya I haven't slayed in a regular way but I've kept up the training as much as I can, it goes with my job which is good and as I once told Mom I only slay if they give me lip. Sometimes I'll sense an evilly presence and that's the only time I really go looking for it. I can't afford to now, with my baby to take care of.
Oh, I wish I could forget about him. I have too many trust issues to date guys in any serious way. Half of them don't care but then there are those that do, those that know I won't let them in because I'm waiting for someone else. Riley knew and then he left as well, further heightening my resolve not to trust men, they only made me miserable. Of course, when I was in NY I didn't care so nothing mattered but now. As much as I try he still affects me. I haven't been out with anyone in ages. There is this cute neighbour we all have. He's called Richard and he lives down the hall and I know he likes me. He's liked me since I moved in and he's such a good guy, like Riley was only not so stupid or pathetic as he turned out to be. Richard is great with Ayanna and she loves her 'Uncle Richard' he cooks for me sometimes but I just can't seem to make myself care for him like he does for me. I think he's accepted it now and he's still a great friend.
When I think about it though, my friends aren't really friends with me, but friends with 'Beth'. They know nothing about the real me, the one I'd tried to hide and maybe it's that I miss too. Maybe I do miss being Buffy, being with my friends the ones who know and love me for who I am and I miss being Angel's Buffy. As I try to sleep, I know that, sadly, there will always be a part of me who is Angel's forever. I just have to find a way of moving on from that. I'm still trying, maybe Richard is the answer, I do love him, I guess I could try and see him differently. I know he won't have any problems because unless he's met someone in the last week, I know he still loves me, he just hides it, badly. What would it hurt to try and be happy with him? You know the answer to that, you could, but he's not Angel. Well, maybe it's time I moved on?
Coming soon! Part 2: An Otherwise Ordinary Day. Just as long as you tell me what you think!
I know; I'm evil! -*naughty grin*- he he he