River's Choice.
Disclaimer: I don't own diddlysquat.
Author's Note: So this is an idea that has been going around my head for approximately a year but has finally taken a proper form. The idea comes from the Buffy episode 'Normal Again' crossed with the Doctor Who episode 'Amy's Choice' so any references to those episodes are intentional and not just me trying to steal other ideas and pass them off as my own. This takes place in River's timeline at some point before the Pond's departure but not a specific point other than that. Enjoy…
"Melody?" Amy asked nervously as she looked down at where he daughter was stirring on the bed, her eyes flickering rapidly as she did.
"Mum? Is that you?" The young girl croaked as she looked around through bleary eyes. "Where am I?"
"You're home, you're safe, you're with us." Amy reached out and gripped on to her daughter's hand tightly as tears began to fall down her pale cheeks.
River tried to focus her eyes as they adjusted to the bright lights that surrounded her. She saw her parents sitting at her bedside. Rationally she knew that it was them, that it was Amy and Rory, but they looked so much older than she had ever seen them. They wore haggard expressions on their faces and looked on the verge on hysterical sobbing. Their faces were pale and the bags under their eyes were so prominent it scared her.
"What's going on?" She asked, looking worriedly between her parents.
"You were gone for so long, Mels." Rory sniffed as he gazed at her. "We really thought you weren't coming back."
"Coming back?" River repeated in shock. She tried to sit up but found her hands tied to the bed and felt her heart beat faster in panic. "Why am I tied down? What the hell is going on? Tell me and tell me now!"
"It's for your own good. You were thrashing around, hitting yourself." Rory muttered quietly, not quite meeting her eyes. "We were just trying to protect you, I promise Melody-"
"Why are you calling me that?" River growled as she thrashed against her restraints. "My name's River, you know that."
"Oh God. Not this again." Amy snapped as she withdrew her hand from River's and instead placed her head in her hands.
"Amy." Rory whispered warningly as he placed his hand on her back. "Leave it."
"No I won't leave it." Amy snapped in response. "She's been back two minutes and she's all ready started this nonsense again."
"Nonsense?" River repeated almost hysterically. "How is this nonsense? What's going on?"
"I'll tell you what is going on. You are Melody Williams, my daughter and you are at home in Leadworth and that is the end of it." Amy fumed, folding her arms so tightly around herself that Rory looked concerned for her circulation.
"But I'm not-" River stopped suddenly as she looked down at her hands properly for the first time since waking and gasped. Those were not her hands. Those hands had not been her hands for a very long time. "Why am I Mels? How am I Mels? I was River a second ago. What is going on?" She shouted in frustration, her voice close to cracking and her head feeling ready to explode.
"You've always been Mels, hunny." Rory replied calmly as he stroked her arm. "There's no River."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" River gaped. "This is ridiculous. Something's gone wrong. Where's the Doctor? He'll fix it."
"Oh of course. The bloody Doctor." Amy spat as she stood up. "I should have known it'd come back to him!" And with that she turned and stormed from the room, barely hiding the tears that cascaded down her face.
"What's wrong with her?" River asked. "What's happened to the Doctor?"
"There is no Doctor." Rory replied levelly.
"I don't understand." River stammered as she attempted to keep the panic from her voice.
Rory sighed heavily as he looked into his daughter's questioning eyes.
"There is no Doctor. There is no River. There's only us. You, me and your mum, Melody. That's all there ever has been." He stated grimly.
"But I-"
"You're sick." Rory cut across quickly. "It's not your fault but you're a very poorly young girl and you invent things. You leave us and you disappear into this other life that you created for yourself but you must remember- it's not real. This, here, is where you belong. This is your life."
"No." River gasped as she shook her head. "No. It's just not true. I remember… I'm his wife… You travel with us…"
"We travel with an alien from another planet in a blue box that's bigger on the inside and you're a girl who can change her face at will?" Rory raised one eyebrow sceptically. "Does that sound like reality, Melody, or a dream world you invented? Be honest now."
"But… Well how come I'm black and both my parents are white if I'm not able to regenerate? Explain that to me!" She spat.
"Me and your mother…" He looked across to where Amy stood hesitantly in the doorway and he held out his hand to her. "We couldn't have children biologically, you know this Melly, so we adopted you when you were a baby. That doesn't mean we don't think of you as our own or that we love you any less than we would if you were biologically ours."
River opened and closed her mouth silently as tears stung her eyes.
"If that's what this is about," Amy began hesitantly as she resumed her seat beside the bed. "Then we can sort it out. If all this is because you feel you don't know your true identity and that you're confused we can fix it. We can find your birth mother and-"
"No!" River gasped as she stared at her mother. "You're my mum. I don't want anyone else. Never."
"I'm just saying, whatever it is, we can get through it together. You don't have to disappear into your head and invent aliens to defeat and worlds to save. Whatever demons you are battling we can help you get better." Amy smiled sadly.
"But I'm not… It's real…" River whispered, more trying to convince herself than anyone else.
"This is real, Mels." Rory sighed softly. "This is all there is and you have to cut the links with that other life you invented. You're gone for so long now and if you don't choose soon I fear we'll lose you forever."
"But I don't know how." River replied quietly. She felt so small in that bed, like a sick child. Maybe that's all she was really.
"Just do something, anything to prove to yourself that it's not real." Rory implored her.
"I… Can't…" River whispered as she suddenly felt her eyes become heavy and her head slump back onto the pillow. She tried to fight against the oncoming tide of sleep but it seemed inevitable.
"No!" Amy cried as she gabbed her hand. "No, not yet. Baby, stay with us." But even as she spoke she knew her words were useless as she watched her daughter's eyes close and her body become limp once more.
"River?" The Doctor gasped, panic etched through his voice as he leaned over the body on the floor of the TARDIS.
"Doctor?" River gulped, opening her eyes as if she'd just emerged from being underwater. "Where am I? Who am I? What the hell is going on now?" She babbled as she pulled herself up and glanced down at her hands. Her hands. They flew to the side of her face and she felt the reassurance of her masses of hair surrounding her. She was herself again.
"You're in the TARDIS. You're River Song. And I have no idea." He bit his lip nervously as he watched River pace the floor. "You just collapsed and you were out for hours and I didn't know what to… What happened River?"
"I don't know. I just don't know." River breathed deeply, trying to make all this make sense. "I was in Leadworth with Amy and Rory but they weren't our Amy and Rory, they were older, different and so I was I. I was Mels and they said…" She trailed off, unable to complete her train of thought.
"They said what, River?" He asked urgently.
"They said that I was ill. That I'd invented this alternative life for myself to escape. That none of this was real." She turned to face him. "It is real, isn't it? Tell me it's real."
"Of course it's real, River." The Doctor grabbed her hands tightly. "Shall I get your parents, would that help? If they can tell you that this isn't some weird dream?"
"No because they're not the ones who were there with me. Not the ones who've been sitting at my bedside crying over my unconscious body." River fought back the tears that threatened to spill.
"No one has been sitting there because that place, that world, doesn't exist. It's all in your head River, believe me." He practically begged, his eyes searching hers for some reassurance.
"But then that's what you would say, isn't it, if you were a character I'd made up to try to trap me here." She replied blandly.
"No, I promise, River. This is real. Think of all the things you've seen, all we've done, the adventures we've had. Remember running for our lives and watching suns explode and listening to music on a frozen river and eating ice cream at the beach. Those times, those memories, they can't be imagined." His voice cracked with emotion as he willed her to remember, to believe in him.
"What's more likely though: a sick girl with an over-active imagination or a child of the TARDIS married to an immortal God travelling through time and space and writing the wrongs of the universe?" She smiled sadly as she shrugged her shoulders.
"It's not the most normal of lives, I agree, but it's the one we live. And, come on, think about it, if you'd invented all this surely you would have made me a perfect husband rather than one you have to slap on a regular basis?" He smirked.
"Maybe you're right." River laughed lightly as she leant forward and put her head on his shoulder, exhaling deeply. "I'm just so confused. I don't even know what's going on in my head right now."
"I swear to you, River." He breathed as he put her arms around her and pulled her closer. "This is where you belong."
"I don't know how to make it stop." River whispered.
"You just have to choose, honey, and then it'll all go away and we'll be back to normal. I mean, really, one life is difficult enough I can't see you being able to juggle two." The Doctor laughed, trying to relieve the tension that filled the TARDIS. "Can you go back there?" He asked gently.
"I… I think so." River closed her eyes and it was like Leadworth was still there but at the end of a very long tunnel and she knew that if she chose to she could walk back to where she was before.
"And do you want to?"
"No. I want to stay here with you and forget that it ever happened but I can't, can I? If I don't choose I'll be stuck being pulled from one reality to another forever, won't I?" He voice wobbled and she felt her hands shake. She felt sick to her stomach. This wasn't something she could deal with. Aliens, plots to kill her, ten minutes to save the world? No problem. But this was a whole new level of hell and she wanted nothing more than to be able to point a gun at it until it went away but she knew that wouldn't happen.
"I'm so proud of you, River." The Doctor whispered.
"Well I haven't done anything yet." She laughed uneasily.
"I'm always proud of you." He kissed the top of her head gently.
"Right, I'm going to go for it." River breathed deeply and put on her best false smile as she pulled her head up and looked into the Doctor's eyes. "Just got to make the choice. That's all."
"Don't let them talk you into believing that theirs is the real world. Remember this, remember us."
"I will. It'll be fine." She balled her hands into fists to stop them shaking. "Now, don't let go, okay?"
River smiled briefly before she closed her eyes and went limp in his arms. The Doctor closed his eyes tightly, trying not to think about what was going to happen next as he pulled his wife closer to him.
"Melody? Are you really back?" Amy gasped as she lifted her head up as she felt her daughter's hand stir beneath her own.
"Yeah, I'm back mum." River smiled as she tried to ignore the butterflies she felt in her stomach as her mother looked at her with so much love and affection.
"But you were barely gone." Amy blinked in confusion.
"It didn't take long. I did what you said. I made my choice. And here I am, I'm back. I came back to you." River smiled weakly and watched as her mother began to cry onto her father's shoulder. They were so happy she almost wished the lie were true.
"Just like that? It's all over?" Rory sounded like he could hardly believe it.
"It's all over." River smiled again as pain stabbed at her heart. "Now are you going to let me out of these so I can give you a hug or not?" She laughed as she pulled at the restraints that still bound her tightly to the bed.
"Yes, Yes. Of course." Rory replied as he fumbled to find the key and then to release his daughter.
"You're really back?" Amy repeated quietly as she stood and stared at her daughter.
"Of course I am." River smiled as she pulled herself unsteadily to her feet and became instantly engulfed in her parent's arms.
Amy sobbed into her shoulder and Rory placed his arms around the pair of them, pulling them close to him. River stood there and she felt her resolve weaken as the tears she'd fought back for so long finally fell. This was what she'd yearned for for so long, to be loved by her parents this deeply and wanted so much. To be their life, not just a stranger that they knew long ago. But she knew, deep down she knew, that this wasn't real. This couldn't be it.
"Okay, come on. Give me some air." River laughed as she pushed her parents away. If she'd stayed there for a second longer she never would have left.
"Sorry, Melly." Rory laughed as he ruffled her hair as she walked over to the window and opened it.
River glanced around at her parents, knowing this was it, and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry." She whispered and then quickly she pulled herself out of the window and onto the ledge.
"Melody, no!" Amy screamed as she dashed forward. "What are you doing?"
"I'm making a choice mum. And I'm really sorry." River spoke steadily as the tears cascaded down her face.
"Please, don't leave us." Amy whispered.
"I'm not. I'll see you there. You'll be there when I wake up." River promised herself.
"But what if that's the dream, Melody, what then?" Rory pleaded as he looked up at her.
"Then it's the best dream I've ever had." River smiled through her tears. "And it's one I can't let go."
"You can't chose him over us, you just can't." Amy screeched.
"It's not him that I'm choosing. It's all of it. The life, the love, the adventure. There's so much out there that you've never even seen, so much more than even I could dream up. And yes there's this man, this wonderful inexplicable man, but there's also me. The real me. There's River Song and she's brave and wonderful and truly alive in a way I never could be in this place. And you're there too and I promise you, I promise, that it'll all be okay."
River closed her eyes one final time and jumped.
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