Disclaimer: They're not mine, they never will be... But I'm going to 'borrow' them for awhile.
A Reason to Change
By Symee-Sama
Hilde gritted her teeth as his bedroom door opened and he sauntered out, arrogant and satisfied. It was like he was flaunting himself, mocking her with the fact that he would never see her as more than a friend. He winked at her, and she fumed. She would love to walk over to him and knock that cocky grin off of his face. Her frustration grew when a blonde woman walked out behind him. Her hair was mussed, her clothes were wrinkled and her makeup was smudged, but Hilde had to admit, Duo's latest conquest was beautiful.
It wasn't fair. It was always like this. Duo would meet someone at the club where they hung out, and then he would go out on a date with them. Somehow, the date always ended here. In the apartment that they shared.
It tore up Hilde's heart every time that she saw him with another girl. She hadn't known why at first, but now she knew the feeling for what it was. She, Hilde Schbeiker, was in love with Duo Maxwell, and she could've killed herself for feeling that way. It wasn't right that she feel this way for her best friend, but she couldn't help it. She had tried to stop many times, but it had never worked.
Faint laughter echoed from the doorway, and Hilde sighed. How could she compete with the girls that he brought home? They were beautiful, intelligent, and usually, they seemed like they were nice people. Hilde was average. She wasn't beautiful, but she definitely wasn't ugly. She was intelligent enough, she did help run the scrap yard after all, but she couldn't talk to him about politics, and the other things that Duo talked about with his dates.
And she wasn't nice. She could be when she wanted to, but she had a tendency to be blunt, and call things as she saw them. She never learned to hold her tongue and tell white lies to make people feel better. She didn't like lying anyway, so she didn't. Her bluntness had earned her the title of 'bitch' at work. The others called her that when they thought she couldn't hear, but not him. He never spoke badly of her.
Is that why I'm in love with him? Hilde mused. Because he's kind to me? She shook her head. No, that wasn't it. The only reason that she could think of that explained her feelings was that he accepted her. He didn't expect her to act like the other girls, he just accepted her as she was. No one had ever accepted her like that before.
Melodious laughter pulled Hilde from her reverie. She clenched her hands into fists. She knew what would happen next, he did this every time he brought a girl home. He would smile and thank her for a great time, and the girl would laugh again, and tell him that it was 'her pleasure' or something like that. He would kiss her goodbye, and then wait until she got into the elevator before he closed the door, and came to brag about her to Hilde.
"G'morning Hil," Duo began as he walked into the kitchen. Hilde glanced up at him, averting her eyes quickly so he wouldn't see that she was blushing. He had grown in the last five years. He was no longer the gawky fifteen year old that he had been when she had met him. Back then he had been cute. Now, he was gorgeous. No wonder girls practically melted into his arms. Who wouldn't?
He still had the braid, although he cut it every once and awhile so it would stay roughly the same length, and his amethyst eyes held the same spirit that she had seen in them when she had first met him. They were still full of laughter, and fierce determination. Maybe it was the eyes that drew all the girls to him, Hilde thought dreamily as she looked into his eyes and lost herself in them.
"Uh...Hil?" Hilde snapped out of her trance, blushing when she realised that she had been staring at him. "Are you okay?" Duo asked, the concern evident in his voice. "You look kinda flushed." He grinned. "It's about me right?" Hilde nearly flinched. Did he know? "You can't wait to hear about my date." Duo continued, and Hilde let out the breath that she had been holding.
"In you dreams, Maxwell." She shot back. "All your dates are the same. You take her somewhere nice, talk to her, and practically exchange life stories, and then you bring her back here and sleep with her. You've told me about them a million times."
"But Megan was different," Duo whined. "She knew how to do this thing that intensifies-" He cut off when Hilde glared at him. "Oh yeah, you don't want to hear it."
"Damn right." Hilde grumbled. "The last thing I need is an in-depth look at your sex life." Duo's grin dissappeared when he heard the sharpness in her tone.
"Hil," he began, walking up behind her and encircling her body with his arms. "Is something wrong?" Hilde stiffened at the sudden contact. "I'm not gonna hurt ya, Hil." She could hear the hurt in his voice. How had she hurt him? "You can trust me."
Not with my heart. Hilde thought sadly as she broke his hold on her and put some distance between them, but she didn't say it outloud. "I do trust you." She said finally. "It's just..." She shook her head. Even if she did tell him the truth, he'd never understand. "Never mind." She finished weakly, trying to ignore the concerned look on his face.
"Hil." Duo said softly, and Hilde felt a tightening in her chest when he said it. He doesn't love you, She reminded herself. He's only a friend. "Tell me what's wrong." His eyes pleaded with hers, and Hilde finally gave in. It wasn't right to hide the truth from him anyway.
"I'm just tired of having to wear my headphones to sleep every other night." Hilde attempted to smile. Coward. Her conscience scolded her. Tell him the truth! Hilde opened her mouth, and then closed it again. She couldn't tell him. He would freak out, and it would ruin their friendship. "You do make a lot of noise." She continued, desperately hoping that he didn't see through her lie.
"So..." Duo scratched his head. "You're tired of me bringing home girls?"
Yes! Hilde's mind screamed, but she ignored it. "No," she smiled again. "I just want to spend a little time with you, that's all."
Duo gave her a confused look. Why would she want to spend more time with him? She lived with him for heaven's sake! She worked with him! Duo pored over the time he had spent with her lately, and realised that she did have reason. Lately, he had gotten into the habit of getting home from work, changing and then heading straight to the club. No wonder she felt a little neglected.
"A little time, eh?" Duo smiled at her, and she felt all her problems fading away. "Well, why don't we go out tonight?" He saw the beginnings of the frown on her face. "Not to the club. This is like a date, so we'll go someplace different."
"Where?" Hilde asked and Duo shrugged.
"Let me think about it at work." He said, and looked at his watch. "Speaking of which." He grabbed her arm, and practically pulled her out of the door. "C'mon! We're gonna be late!" Hilde couldn't help laughing at his antics.
"Duo! It doesn't matter if we're late." Hilde protested between bursts of laughter. "We own the business. We're the bosses. We can be late if we want to." Duo slowed his stride to let her catch her breath before they continued at a much slower pace. Duo began talking about his date last night and Hilde nodded absently, not really listening.
It was then that the conversation between her and Duo came back to her. She had complained about the attention he gave her, and now, he was going to do something with her. She wanted to hit herself. She was going out. On a date. With Duo. She groaned, ignoring the look that Duo gave her. She would never be able to survive the night without giving away how she felt for him.
She was doomed.
She was feeling much better that night when they walked into the movie theatre. She was much more relaxed and composed. I can do this, she thought fervently. I can do this. She smiled as Duo announced the movie that they were going to see, and poked him in the ribs. "You want to see that one again?" She asked with a huge grin. "You must have seen it twenty times already."
"But Hil!" Duo protested. "It's a classic! You can't ever see too much of the classics!" He gave her a pleading look and her heart melted.
"That's cheating." She grumbled as he led her up to the ticket counter and got in line. "I don't know why we have to see this again though. I mean, you've seen it so many times that you can repeat the lines word for word." Duo shrugged, and Hilde took that as an opening to keep pestering him. "And it is so old! From the times before the colonies! It's not even in 3-D!"
"I dunno why I like it so much, Hil," Duo smiled at her. "It's just a cool movie. C'mon." He prodded. "Admit it." Hilde smiled back at him and nodded.
"It is a cool movie." She conceded. "I just don't know why we have to see it every time that we go out. Do you take your other dates to see it?"
"What?" Duo was shocked. "Take them to see this? They wouldn't like it. Most of them aren't into movies with fighting." He mimicked a British accent, and drew himself to his full height. "They only want to see classics with Hugh Grant in them.
"Besides," he dropped the accent, and adopted a serious look. "This is our movie, Hil. I wouldn't go to see it unless you were with me." Hilde's chest constricted. It was their movie? She told herself to calm down. He only meant it in a friendly way, but she still couldn't stop her pulse from racing, and she knew that she would never complain about seeing this movie again.
Duo stepped up the counter, pulling out his wallet. "Two for Endless Waltz." He said, and the lady behind the counter nodded, taking his money and handing them back two tickets with pictures of the main characters on them.
He snatched them, examining it closely before letting out a cry of triumph! "Yes!" He cried, and waved the ticket in front of Hilde's face. "I got him!"
She couldn't stop from laughing at his excitement. "I figured it out." She said between bursts of laughter. "You like the movie because you look like one of the main characters."
"One of the main characters looks like me." Duo corrected absently, and she burst into laughter again. "What?" He protested. "There are characters that look like all of our friends in this movie! It's really cool, and it's really accurate... It's even got the pairings down." He scratched his head. "I wonder how they did that?"
"Idiot," Hilde mumbled under her breath. "The movie was made before you were born. A long time before you were born. So it's just a coincidence. Your parents probably saw the movie and decided that Duo was a nice name, and then named you after the movie."
"Nuh-uh." Duo waved his finger under her nose. "You forgot that I chose my own name."
"Well maybe you saw a poster for it or something." Hilde countered. "It's just a coincidence Duo. There is no hidden meaning behind it."
"C'mon Hil!" Duo persisted as they walked into the theatre and took their seats. "You have to admit that it's weird. All the names are the same. All the couples are the same. The occupations are the same. And you call that coincidence?"
"Not all of the things are right." Hilde argued. "It doesn't really show Heero and Relena together in the movie, but in real life, they're all over each other."
"Yeah," Duo agreed. "But it only shows right after Mariemaia was defeated, and do you remember how long it took for Heero to admit his feelings to Relena after that happened? It took years. So it is pretty accurate. In fact, the only thing that isn't right is that they paired me up with you."
He grinned at her, giving her a playful punch on the arm. "Could you imagine it, Hil? You and me together? We'd kill each other before a week had passed." She opened her mouth to comment, but he placed a finger on her lips. "I know that we live together all right, but when you get together with someone, everything changes." His somber mood passed as the lights dimmed and the opening credits started to roll, stopping Hilde from saying what she wanted to say.
Why does it have to change? She wondered as the narrator described the events of the world. Maybe I shouldn't be with him. I wouldn't want to ruin this. She glanced over at him, and saw that the movie had his full attention, and could also see his lips mouthing the words. She smiled contentedly. I wouldn't want to ruin this. I should just forget about how I feel... I mean, it would be better to be best friends than to be going out anyway. At least he doesn't switch best friends every couple days.
With those slightly disturbing thoughts in her head. She turned away from him and settled into her chair. She was determined to enjoy the movie, and to forget any feelings that she might have for the man beside her.
"...When Heero says 'Roger that' and shoots the base." Duo said decisively smiling at his best friend. "Yup, that's the coolest part, and of course, the fighting, the fighting was great." Looking over at Hilde, he noticed the distant look on her face, and poked her on the ribs. "Earth to Hil." He joked. "What was your favourite part?"
Hilde grinned at him, knowing exactly what to say that would set him off. "I liked it when Duo got punched and locked in a cell." Her smile grew at the strangled noise that Duo made. "That was great."
"Harsh, Hil," Duo complained. "That was really harsh." His frown was gone in a second though, and he hailed a cab. "What do you wanna do? We could go to the club..." He trailed off as he noticed the frown on her face. "We don't have to go there if you don't want to."
"Duo," Hilde began slowly, not sure how to put it. "The club is for your dates. It's not where you would take your best friend." He looked at her uncomprehendingly, and scratched his head. "If we go to the club, you're probably going to go and dance with someone else, and I don't want to spend the night watching you make time with other girls."
"I wouldn't do that," Duo assured her. "Tonight, I'm yours. I'll only dance with you, talk with you. Whatever, Hil. This is your night." He held out his hand to her. "Okay?"
Hilde nodded, and grabbed his hand, trying her hardest to ignore the warmth that flooded through her fingertips. "Okay." She agreed as he pulled her into a taxi, and gave the drivers directions to the club. There was a nervous knot in her stomach that she couldn't get rid of. What am I doing? She thought miserably. If I get all mushy from holding his hand, how the hell am I going to dance with him?
Duo's voice pulled her from her misery. "What's wrong, Hil?" He asked softly as he tried to think of the last time he had seen her dance and found that he couldn't. Hilde didn't dance. Was that why she was so apprehensive? "Are you worried about dancing?"
She nodded slowly, and he laughed. "Don't worry about it! I'll teach you how!" The cab pulled up to the club and he paid the driver before pulling her from the car. "C'mon Hil." He still hadn't released her fingers, and her head was buzzing.
Before she realised what was going on, he had pushed her into the club, and then she was in his arms. She froze. She couldn't do this! But he was there, whispering words in her ear that made her feel like melting to the floor, and slowly, she began to relax, letting him move her around the dance floor.
Duo was confused. He was beyond confused as he looked at the woman that he held in his arms, blinking a couple of times and shaking his head to remind himself that this was Hilde, his best friend, and he had no right feeling this way for her.
The instant that he had pulled her into his arms, a strange warmth had spread throughout his entire body, and now, he didn't want to let her go. He wondered what it was. It wasn't lust. He knew what that felt like, and this definitely wasn't it.
He felt like he could stay like this with her forever, just dancing with her, but with the others, he had just wished that it would be over with so he could take them home. Why did he want to stay with her so much? The song ended, and Hilde began to move away from him, but he pulled her back against him. "One more dance?" He pleaded softly, and she nodded her consent.
They moved to the music, and one dance turned into two, than three. By the time that the owner announced that the club was closing, Duo had lost track of the times he'd danced with Hilde. They'd all melded into one amazing dance, and he was saddened beyond belief when she pulled away from him.
The bouncer smirked at him as he walked out of the club. "Another conquest?" He asked with a raised eyebrow, and Duo shook his head when he saw the horrified look on Hilde's face. "See you tomorrow, Duo." He said, sure that that the braided man would be back the next night with a new girl.
Duo waited until they were back in their apartment before he decided to break the awkward silence. "Hil..." He began. "Don't take it personally."
"Why shouldn't I?" Hilde snapped. "Should I be proud to be just another one of your bimbos? Should I be proud to be a one night stand?" She threw her hands up in the air, looking for something to release her anger on. "Because I'm not. I don't see anything to be proud about."
That hurt for some reason. That she believed that he thought of her as a one night stand. He didn't want her for just one night. Damn it! He felt like... Aw, hell. He didn't know. He couldn't seem to sort through his thoughts. It wasn't usually like this. Usually it was him that had the girls wrapped around his finger, but Hilde... He felt like he would do anything to be with her right now. To hold her in his arms like he had when they were dancing.
"Hil," He reached for her, but she pulled away from him. He dropped his hand, a strange pain in his chest, the misery evident in his eyes. "I want to be with you." He said softly, shocked at his own admission. "Please...let me be with you." The pain in his voice gripped Hilde's heart, but she ignored it. How many times had he said this to other girls?
"I don't care." She said sharply. "I refuse to be just another conquest." Her heart ached. This wasn't what she wanted. She didn't want to be just another girl that he would say goodbye to in the morning. She wanted to be with him, but not like this.
How many times had she dreamed of him wanting her? How many nights had she slept with headphones, and tears streaming down her face because she wasn't the one that he wanted. She should've been happy that he was asking her, but instead, all she felt was dread. He would use her, just like he used all the other girls, and then he would toss her aside to be placed in the friend category again. She wouldn't be able to stand it.
"Hil..." Duo tried again. "You don't understand. I want..." He struggled to find the words. "I want more than one night." He pulled her close to him. "I don't even understand, but I want something more." She struggled in his grasp. "Please Hil, don't fight this."
He cupped her chin, and brushed his lips against hers. "Don't fight me." He whispered, and Hilde shuddered, trying to break his hold on her before she felt like doing whatever he asked of her.
"I can't!" She slipped out of his grasp, and took a couple steps away from him. "Don't ask me to do this!" He reached for her again, pulling her close to him and capturing her mouth again.
God, she was everything that he could have wanted. Duo knew that he wanted her, that he needed her, and for the life of him, he couldn't understand why she didn't want to be with him. She liked him. He'd seen the way that she looked at him, and knew how she felt for him, so why wouldn't she take that last step?
Light flashed before his eyes and he glared at her, reaching up to touch his burning cheek. Anger flared inside of him, and he took a menacing step towards her. He was offering her everything, and she was treating it like it was nothing. She was rejecting his feelings like they meant nothing. Why are you being such a bitch, Hil?
Hilde's mouth dropped, the anger in her eyes fading, and being replaced with tears. Duo wanted to shoot himself. He hadn't meant to say that out loud. He knew that was what the guys at work called her, and he knew that she wasn't one. She was simply honest...
He also knew that the name hurt her, and made her feel like she was worthless. Had he made her feel worthless? Guilt hammered at him as he took another step towards her, reaching for her hand.
"Don't touch me!" She snapped, and he could hear the pain in her voice. His hand dropped, and she stared at it for a moment before she could find the courage to look at his face. "Duo..." She struggled to keep her voice steady. "If I ever meant anything to you. You'll let me go. You won't force me to do something that I don't want to and you'll..." She swallowed, suddenly feeling like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. "You'll let me go."
Duo nodded slowly, and backed away from the door so she could pass him. "I didn't mean it." She barely heard his words. "Honest, Hil. I didn't mean it."
But she didn't want to hear what he had to say anymore. He was just like everyone else. He was just like everyone else who thought that she was pretty until she opened her mouth. He had wanted something that she wasn't ready to give. She had been honest with him, and he... he had proved that he was no different from the others.
"If you didn't mean it," Hilde felt drained, like there was nothing left anymore. Like she was empty. He was just like everyone else... "You wouldn't have said it." She brushed past him, gratified when he didn't try to stop her, and walked out of the apartment closing the door behind her.
Duo waited until he could no longer hear her footsteps before he moved. He stormed into his room, grabbing a picture of him and Hilde, and staring at it for a moment before he hurled it against the wall. A grim smile appeared on his lips at the satisfying sound of glass smashing.
He felt so hollow. Like there was a void where she used to be, and it hurt more than any injuries that he had gotten during the war. Why? She was just another girl. She didn't mean any more to him than any of the other girls that he had bedded.
Liar. A small part of him thought as he reached for the phone, but he ignored it. Hilde was no different from any of the other girls, and he would prove it.
To Be Continued...
Author's Note: This is a 2xH fic that I'm writing for my friend's birthday. Her favourite character is Duo, and wanted me to write a romance about him... So I tried to. Tried being the operative word. I can't really write romance that well... Anyway, one of my beta readers didn't like the way that I made Duo, and another one thought that it was amazing... I'll leave it up to you to decide. Could you please give me some feedback on what you liked/disliked, and help me improve this fic? Thanks!