Steve stumbled out of his bed as the morning light crept through the window and blinked his eyes blearily. It was four in the freaking morning, but he could still hear the TV blaring from the living room. Steve muttered insults at Tony's inappropriate morning rituals which conveniently took place whenever Pepper was missing-they were already disgusting enough, he hoped he didn't stain the couch again.
He carefully inspected the couch in the now empty living room before whirling around to glare at the TV, and saw…people fornicating. Ugh. He vowed to ask Tony to keep his late night/early morning activities to himself. He started searching for the remote to turn the freaking thing off, when, the grunting stopped and talking started. Despite his embarrassment, he found himself intrigued. Was the girl crying? He didn't know they could do that on camera…
But then he continued watching and realized this wasn't porn, there was an actual story going on here. The girl was crying and spluttering- he had no idea sexual intercourse could be this traumatizing! Then the guy rolled over and walked away and Steve tried to figure out what in the Lord's name had just happened. He sat on the couch and continued watching in spite of himself.
Hours later he watched Izzy-who he had been growing quite fond of before she'd cut Denny's LVAD wire-do doctors really do that? He'd have to keep an eye on Bruce-lying on the bathroom floor. He wondered how Alex would take this. Alex reminded him a lot of Tony…Evil Spawn, it kind of fits. When Clint walked in and eyed Steve suspiciously "What the hell are you doing? How long have you been up?"
"Burke, that asshole!"-Steve pauses, pink tinting his cheeks, "He just LEAVES Christina at the aisle! After declaring his love for her! She's already damaged! How's she supposed to come back from this?"
Clint plops down on the couch next to Steve and smirks "Oh don't worry, Owen Hunt, the hottest trauma surgeon on this side of the ER, her knight in shining scrubs, sweeps the damsel in distress of her feet". Clint doesn't mention that later Owen cheats on her, no reason to upset Steve further, he obviously feels very strongly about this. "Sorry I left the TV on…did you stay up watching all night?".
"There was a marathon running", Steve chirped "I had no idea you get gain weight during a marathon". He popped another kernel of popcorn in his mouth "Is this what stands as good TV these days?" Steve squinted at the TV "Clint, what's George doing with Izzy? He's married to Callie!".
Clint rolls his eyes, "Don't be stupid, none of these people are married, not to each other anyway, this is nothing buy an epic romance dressed in medical clothing".
Clint feels Steve stiffen for a second before he starts talking, averting his eyes away from Clint. "Clint…there were these two guys who were…together…and it got me wondering…I'm assuming two women can get… together…how does that work?
Clint's eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he faked a yawn. He got up and started edging toward the door. "Steve I'm tired…I think Tony would be better equipped to…inform you". Clint was out the door in the next second.
Refusing to be deterred by Clint's hesitance, Steve shrugged and made his way to the Science Bro's lair. He found Bruce and Tony hunched over a project, and cleared his throat for attention.
They both looked up and watched Steve mumble a slur of intangible words. "Come again Steven?" Tony asked?
"I was watching…a show..and then these guys and then I wondered, ummm how do women engage in sexual intercourse?".
Bruce and Tony stared at Steve unblinking, before Tony got up and walked away backwards out the door "All yours Dr Banner" he declared with a shit eating grin. "Jarvis! Roll the cameras!", I'll double my fortune when this goes viral on Youtube!".
Steve watched the newly dubbed Evil Spawn walk out with a mental "Good riddance", before turning to Bruce.
Bruce gave him a nervous smile and pushed his glasses up his nose, mentally preparing for one hell of a long explanation.