A/N: I wanted to write Ada, but all I can think about is Gilbert at the moment for some reason... :( I feel so bad for him.. He's so dumb. He can't cry because Oz hasn't yet... but Oz is not Vincent's brother. Oz has not known Eliot for ten years. Oz doesn't give a crap about Duke Nightray... So go cry a river, Gil! Gosh. Okay anyway, enjoy. ^^
Disclaimer: I don't own. I don't make money (except from allowance). Don't sue me.
How Many Times
~pinkhearter13
How many times must I tell myself?
I loved you.
I still do.
Because that's what a brother should feel.
And you've left me behind. You've burdened me with the pain of your betrayal, your horror and sick, twisted fantasies, your sins. You've dealt the concern on my shoulders harshly, almost unbearably, and every time I think of you, I worry.
And my head perks every time I hear your name, because I have to know why they would mention you. If it's something that would injure me. If it's something that has injured you. My heart ached when I heard of your involvement with my enemy. I clutch my heart now, and wonder what I could have done to realize it sooner, what I could have done to help you, what I could have done to be a better brother—
—and you've hurt me because I never abandoned you.
How many times did a scared, helpless boy look at his younger brother's peaceful face as they slept long hours of the night in the cold, on the street, in each other's arms? How many times did that boy wonder just how better off he would be—without you, haunting away the people who might have loved him? How many times did it cross his mind that someone like you should never have been born?
How many times did I shove those thoughts aside and stay with you?
Every night I try to count the stars instead of cry.
Because I loved you.
I still do.
Isn't that what my brother should feel?