Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt, we were never here
My, my, my, my ,my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer
- Skinny Love by Bon Iver
Life is unexpected. People say that life is just a series of unplanned events. That bad things are needed in order for a person to grow and learn. Some are decline to say that with every choice there's an particular outcome.
While these are all insightful thoughts, they can very be a nicer version of life's reality. And the reality of it all, out of all the sayings, is that life is simply a bitch.
The perfect example of this is Mariah Maximilliana Jones; especially now as she stands here alone.
She has certainly learned by experience that life owns nothing to nobody. At the age of eighteen she felt and knew romantic love for the first time.
While other girls her age planned for a future in college and careers, she planned for a future in marital bliss.
Her bliss would be shared with Jesse Beaudry. He was a attractive, and honest man; he was the kind of man your parents would approve.
He was the idealist guy to settled down with and start a family. Their attraction for one another was obvious at first sight and falling in love did not take long. However it is also at eighteen that Maxie, as she is know as, felt heartbreak for the first time.
She is over flown with emotions – anger, loneliness and sorrow, as she recalls that fateful night.
Jesse was a young detective with a bright future. He never backed down from what was right and always honored the oath to 'serve and protect.' The night he got shot will forever be embedded into Maxie's brain.
He got shot at carnival, during a mob war and the ironic part - he was protecting the son of a mobster. That's what she loved and hated about him. She loved his willingness to protect all people but she hated he's carelessness.
No second thought of safe or what honoring his 'oath' could cost him. Sometimes when she hears a sound of bang she remembers that night. She remembers Jesse pushing her to the ground. She remembers him pushing Diego Alcazar out of the line of fire. She also vividly remembers herself cradling Jesse's bloody head, praying for him to survive.
She truly believed he was the one for her or at the very least wanted to believe that love can last forever. She wanted a life shared with Jesse Beaudry but life had other plans. Unfortunately for Maxie, Jesse was not her first lost.
She thinks about the love she was surrounded by growing up.
She wonders if she is worthy of love – to be loved or capable to love anyone. She was convinced out of love, she knew that, even blessed with a little sister. Her childhood was filled with laughter and tears.
Occasionally the tears over-powered the laughter, just like now as she clutches herself onto the cold white tiled bathroom floor.
She clutches herself into a ball just like the night when she learned about Andrew 'Frisco' Jones, her father.
As a young child she was a Daddy's little girl in every single way that mattered. She loved the nights where Frisco would put her into bed; telling her stories of his adventures. Frisco Jones was not your average father; he didn't even hold an 9 to 5 job. He was an adventurous man with even more adventurous job.
He was an agent, an security agent for a security federal bureau. He was a man that gained fulfillment through his work. The type of job did not matter – the bureau, the police department or freelance – he enjoyed the rush. Performed missions with no regard on how dangerous it will be or long for that matter.
When he became a father he cut back on the missions, conforming to the average life. He became comfortable with being an average guy raising an average family. As time pass Frisco's new life did not provide much fulfillment as his previous one. He loved his family, yes of course, especially his daughters but he loved his work more.
Maxie gets the strength and courage to stand up over the sink, her eyes still closed.
She's not ready to accept reality just like she was not ready to accept the truth about her father. It took her awhile to accept that it wasn't her fault. It wasn't her fault that Frisco did not enjoy the average everyday life. And it was certainly not her fault that her parents marriage failed.
She wonders though, how long did it take for Frisco to realize that it was his fault for ruining a little girl's trust in the world? How long did it take him to realize that life of fatherhood was too deadening? Maybe it was the other way around. Did Frisco bought into the idea of having an simple everyday life – wife, kids and a mortgage?
Maybe it took awhile for him to figure out that the simple life was not suited for him. Maybe he became scared when he found himself being trapped into the typical role of a husband and father. Perhaps that's the reason why one day, Andrew 'Frisco' Jones choose his fulfillment over reading a bedtime story to his little girl.
And at the age of eight, Maxie felt abandonment for the first time.
Since the age of eight, Maxie always felt alone especially at this moment.
She wishes for a mother's comfort only to be remembered that she doesn't have a mother anymore.
Felicia Jones dreamed of finding love just like Maxie dreamed. Felicia found that love twice – once with Frisco and the second with Mac Scorpio. Sadly for Mac Scorpio, Felicia's second love could not compete with the first.
Mac Scorpio was a loving man who gracefully embraced parenthood. Welcomed them into his heart openly and with that heart came a new family for the three Jones girls. The Scorpio clan adopted Felicia and her daughters into the family very quickly. In this process Maxie gained an aunt or two and some cousins. Robin Scorpio over the years became more of an surrogate big sister than a cousin.
Maxie grew to love her new family but it did not easy her pain of the departed Frisco Jones. Every atrocious decision made from childhood to the teenage years was done in an idiotic way to test her parents' love. No matter what the scheme she plotted or act committed they always forgive her.
Forgiveness from Felicia Jones was no longer needed; not since the day Felicia got tried of being a mother just like her Frisco got tried of being a father. Felicia left for the search of adventure or more specifically on the search for Frisco Jones.
The only thing Maxie has left at this moment is to pray that Mac will forgive her for her current transgression.
No one, not even Maxie herself, would've reckoned that the stepfather would be the parent to stay. And he did, despite the bittersweet divorce and despite her mother's affair with Luke Spencer; Mac devoted his life to being a father.
He provided her with unconditional loved, something every child wants and needs. Mac was a good parent, did all the things a father should do for his daughter. He took her to the annual Father-Daughter dance at Port Charles High School. Took her to the police station for bring 'your-daughter-to-work' day. Made chicken noddle soup when she was sick; bought her favorite ice cream when she had a bad day.
Yet after all these things, despite Mac's unconditional love, deep down she asks the question every abandon child asks - "Why?"
However it is not that abandonment of her biological parents to be the thing that damages Maxie Jones.
She can hear her heartbeat race a thousand beats per a minute as she open her eyes, 'God, this can't be happening's he thinks to herself.
The first unexpected event in the life of Maxie, was her failing heart at the tender age of five. She lays in a hospital bed covered with wires, each one with a different function. One was there to record her pulse rate and another to monitor her heart.
An IV for the medications that the nurses inject into her body; a tube connected to the oxygen tank. Her time is spent sleeping most days; in and out of consciousness and denied any form of human contact.
She was aware of it all; she was aware that she was sick but she was unaware of how sick. Why she was denied any form of human contact? Why her cousin, Robin, always cried at a visit? Then one day she got a new heart.
The IV was removed, a oxygen tank no longer need. Pain killer pills were replace with anti-rejection pills. She was allowed to be back home, to be hugged by her family once again. She eventually stopped questioning on way she still had to visit the doctors once a month.
She even stopped questioning on why her cousin Robin, always cried. She soon though began to question about another cousin. She questioned on why she has yet to see her cousin and best-friend, BJ Spencer?
And so at the age of six, Maxie, also comprehended the feeling of survivor's guilt.
Fast forward thirteen years later, Maxie is now nineteen. In her mind she suppose to be married to Jesse Beaudry by now.
They had everything planned – she wanted kids but he wanted her to attend college first. She wanted him off field work but he enjoyed his job. He wanted kids too but didn't want her to have any regrets; she knew Jesse loved his job but worried about his safety.
Maxie biggest fear was to have Jesse resent her; to have him one day become another Frisco Jones or worse she becomes another Felicia Jones. So a comprised was made to suit both their needs and feelings. She agreed to attend Post Charles University, part-time and they'll try for kids a year into their marriage. In turn he'll switch to desk duty with the promise that he'll never leave or resent her.
Unfortunately that promise was broken by unforeseen circumstances.
She never had the chance to go dressing shop with her sister, Georgie, and her cousin, Robin. Never had the moment where Mac will walk her down the aisle. Never experienced a honeymoon; never got the moment to say 'I do.'
She'll never know what their children will look like or argue over what names to pick out. They'll never get a chance to grow old together with gray hair and all. He promised he'll never resent her but now she resented him.
She resented for him breaking his promise of never leaving her. She resented him for getting shot. She resented him for not switching to desk duty when she first asked. She resented him for taking over Lucky Spencer's shift. She even resented Lucky Spencer for asking Jesse to take over the shift. However, that resentment did not stop her from mourning three months and certainly did not stop her from falling into Lucky Spencer's bed.
She can't help but think how ironic life can be sometimes as she hears someone trying to open the bathroom door. It seems that the Spencer family has effortlessly become part of the package that life has given her.
Bobby Spencer has somehow became an aunt-figure in Maxie's life. Bobby's daughter, BJ Spencer, give her a second chance at life. Luke Spencer prohibited any possible chance of reconciling for Felicia and Mac. A decade later it also seems that infidelity is a trait in the Spencer family. Her sister's marriage ended thanks to Lulu Spencer, though Maxie, is no place judge.
She tells herself that she betrayed everyone. She betrayed Elizabeth's newly somewhat friendship.
She hears a knock. Her mind is utterly confused. She betrayed everything Mac taught her in life.
She hears two more knocks. She betrayed Jesse's love and her heart breaks into a dozen pieces.
She hears another set of knocks. There is an outcome to Lucky's infidelity, she thinks for a moment, it's her infidelity as well. She may very well be a single woman but in her mind she cheated on Jesse.
She didn't want this to happen. It was just a way to grieve; a one night stand that wouldn't stop.
The knocking on the door becomes more rapid and urgent.
This situation was an unplanned event but she allowed the outcome to happen. She finally comes to the realization that it hurts so much not because she betrayed the people around her but because she betrayed herself.
She allowed herself into Lucky's bed when ever she became depressive or aggravated by the world.
Now here she is, 15 minutes over lunch time, locked inside the Metro Court bathroom.
She was a lonely person seeking solace in another lonely person, who just happened to be married.
She hears more knocks. She stares down at two pink lines hoping that her eyes are deceiving her.
Perhaps it's a false positive, that's common thing, then again she hasn't received a monthly visit in two months. It could also be due to stress like the stress the knocker at the door is giving her right now.
She redirects her eyes from the pregnancy test to the door when the knocking stops, "Maxie, open the door...It's Carly." Life is a bitch.