Note: Dr. Strangelove is owned by Columbia Pictures. This story is dedicated to Peter Sellers.
Dr. Strangelove was in the war room. The war was becoming more dangerous than ever, but Dr. Strangelove was distracted by his sudden ability to walk again. Dr. Strangelove said "Wow. This is awesome." He jumped around with excitement over having the ability to walk again. At first he didn't notice stuff around him blowing up. After a few minutes he finally started to notice. He said "Oh no. Hurry. We need to go into the mineshaft. President? Oh dear. It seems like I'm the only one left and soon I will be gone too." Dr. Strangelove was worried.
Suddenly a blonde girl wearing a pink sweater and a purple skirt came out of a time portal and said "Please come with me."
Dr. Strangelove was shocked by what was going on. He said "Who are you? How did you get here?"
The mysterious girl said "There is no time for explanations. This is your last chance for survival."
Dr. Strangelove looked around at the explosions and said "Okay. Please get me out of here."
The girl said "I will save you. Hold my hand."
Dr. Strangelove said "Alright."
Dr. Strangelove and the girl went from the 1964 to the present. Dr. Strangelove landed on the ground. The girl said "Are you okay?"
Dr. Strangelove said "Don't worry. I recently learned to walk again." The girl helped Dr. Strangelove get up. Dr. Strangelove said "Who are you?"
The girl said "I am Professor Eccentriclike."
Even Dr. Strangelove thought that name was weird. He said "What kind of a name is that?"
Professor Eccentriclike said "I named myself after you. I am your most loyal fan." She took off her sweater to show Dr. Strangelove that she was wearing a shirt that had Dr. Strangelove on it.
Dr. Strangelove said "I'm flattered, but how do you know who I am?"
Professor Eccentriclike said "Hollywood found out about your story and made a film out of it."
Dr. Strangelove said "Alright. Is it still in theaters?"
Professor Eccentriclike said "No. It came out over 50 years ago."
Dr. Strangelove said "Oh. It's probably been forgotten by now."
Professor Eccentriclike said "That's not quite true. It became a big success."
Dr. Strangelove got excited and said "That sounds great."
Professor Eccentriclike said "You became so popular that the film was named after you even though you are only in 2 scenes."
Dr. Strangelove angrily said "2 scenes? The war was all about me. Anyways why did you bring me into the future?"
Professor Eccentriclike said "This isn't the future. This is the present. I brought you here to save you from getting blown up in the war and so we can be together."
Dr. Strangelove said "What?"
Professor Eccentriclike said "Well I am your most loyal fan. I even made my own Dr. Strangelove action figure."
Dr. Strangelove looked around and said "The world sure has changed. It looks interesting and exciting, but I barely know anything about modern times."
Professor Eccentriclike said "I will teach you everything that you need to know." She had Dr. Strangelove watch the modern films that were popular and taught him about what was considered relevant.
After a long day of catching up on films Dr. Strangelove and Professor Eccentriclike went to a McDonalds. She said "How does it taste?"
Dr. Strangelove ate some chicken and fries. He said "Best food I have ever eaten."
Professor Eccentriclike said "So what do you think of the films that I showed you?"
Dr. Strangelove thought about it and said "Well the Frozen fans need to let it go, Star Wars might as well be called Bland Wars, and I'm surprised that those silly comic book characters have so many films. However I'm flattered that they named a super hero after me."
Professor Eccentriclike said "Dr. Strange isn't named after you."
Dr. Strangelove stubbornly said "Yes he is."
Professor Eccentriclike said "I have a secret that I kept from you. I'm not a real professor. I work at a store that sells stuffed animals."
Dr. Strangelove said "Oh. People stuffing animals. That's cool."
Professor Eccentriclike said "No. Stuffed animals are like toys except more cute."
Dr. Strangelove said "All of these popular films seem to have a pattern that I don't like."
Professor Eccentriclike said "What do you mean?"
Dr. Strangelove said "Well it seems like all of them are so serious and boring. They made a film a guy in a bat costume that fights a clown a intense action film. What's wrong with the filmmakers these days? Have they forgotten that films are supposed to be fun, not bland overdramatic Oscar nominated films."
Professor Eccentriclike said "You truly are old fashioned, but I agree with you."
Dr. Strangelove thought about it for a few minutes and said "I have a plan. I will become a director. I will direct a entertaining film. I will make American fun again."
Professor Eccentriclike said "That sounds awesome."
Dr. Strangelove proudly said "Yes I am."
Professor Eccentriclike said "It is nighttime. Come on. You will be my new roommate."
Dr. Strangelove said "Oh no."
The next day Dr. Strangelove wore a new outfit that he bought. It looked the same as his previous outfit. Dr. Strangelove said "Now I can wear a different outfit every day of the week, but people will think that I always wear the same outfit."
Professor Eccentriclike said "Anyways are you ready to go Hollywood?"
Dr. Strangelove said "I sure am."
Professor Eccentriclike said "This trip is expensive, but it's worth it for you." She hugged him.
They went to Hollywood. Dr. Strangelove said "Hollywood is a great looking place."
Professor Eccentriclike said "Yes you are. I mean yes it is."
They walked inside the Hollywood studio. Dr. Strangelove got ready for his appointment with Joe Hollywood. Dr. Strangelove walked inside of Joe's office and said "Hello Mr. Hollywood. I'm Mr. Strangelove."
Joe Hollywood said "Take a seat."
Dr. Strangelove said "Okay. I'll steal a chair."
Joe said "No. Sit down."
Dr. Strangelove sat down. He said "I assume that you have seen my film."
Joe said "Yes. It's a classic."
Dr. Strangelove said "Are you calling me old?" Dr. Strangelove got out his baseball bat.
Joe nervously said "No. Classic is a compliment."
Dr. Strangelove put down the baseball bat and said "Okay."
Joe said "Anyways I have been working on a idea for a film called Son of Strangelove."
Dr. Strangelove said "Cute idea, but no. I got a great idea for you Joey. Let me be a director."
Joe got wide eyed and said "You want to be a director?"
Dr. Strangelove said "I have lots of work experience. I taught Mel Blanc how to do silly voices."
Joe said "Really?"
Dr. Strangelove said "I also taught Tony Jay how to sound evil. During the times that there were no wars I secretly worked as a filmmaker. I helped make some of the cartoons that people loved over 50 years ago. Let me direct a film."
Joe said "I'm not so sure that I should let you."
Dr. Strangelove said "I will let you have 80% of the profits."
Joe said "Okay."
Dr. Strangelove walked out of Joe's office and said "I got a new job as a director."
Professor Eccentriclike said "That's awesome. I'm proud of you sweetie."
Dr. Strangelove angrily said "Never call me that."
Professor Eccentriclike said "Okay cutie."
Dr. Strangelove saw a fancily dressed man and said "Who is that clown?"
The man said "I am Mr. Normalhate, the world's most beloved director. Over half of my films have won Oscars."
Dr. Strangelove pretended to be impressed. He said "Wow. You must be so amazing. You make those long pieces of blandness that people call quality films."
Mr. Normalhate angrily said "My films take lots of work to make. They have original plots, complex characters, and a strong amount of realistic sequences."
Dr. Strangelove said "I think that you are unaware of what films are for. They are for giving people a good time. They make people smile and laugh."
Mr. Normalhate angrily said "No. Films are for making people cry and feel other intense emotions. Films that make people laugh are disgraceful and poorly made."
Dr. Strangelove said "I am a new director. I am going to make a fun film to show people what films are for."
Mr. Normalhate giggled and said "Your film will bomb."
Dr. Strangelove said "A long time ago I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb."
Mr. Normalhate said "Your film will lose money and the critics will hate it."
Dr. Strangelove said "Whatever."
Mr. Normalhate walked away. Dr. Strangelove said "That guy makes me so mad. He turns films into overly serious sad fests."
Professor Eccentriclike patted Dr. Strangelove's head and said "Don't worry. You will impress the world with your amazing film. What will your film be about?"
Dr. Strangelove said "It will be a action-comedy. I will save a group of supermodels from a villain."
Professor Eccentriclike said "What else will happen?"
Dr. Strangelove said "That's all there is to the plot. Simple, but in the best way possible. People will love it right?"
Professor Eccentriclike said "I'm sure they will."
Dr. Strangelove worked on the script. A few hours later he came out of his writing room and said "I have finished the script."
Professor Eccentriclike said "You finished a script to a whole film in 1 day?"
Dr. Strangelove proudly said "I sure did. Since you know more about what the modern people like I want you to read it and tell me if it's good enough."
Professor Eccentriclike said "Okay." A few hours later she finished reading the script.
Dr. Strangelove said "What do you think of my script?"
Professor Eccentriclike said "It was really good."
Dr. Strangelove said "Oh yeah." Dr. Strangelove did a victory dance.
Professor Eccentriclike said "So who will be the star of it?"
Dr. Strangelove said "I am the star of it."
Professor Eccentriclike said "So you are the star, director, and writer?"
Dr. Strangelove proudly said "I sure am."
The next day Dr. Strangelove started filming the film. Dr. Strangelove said "I bought a director's hat, but I accidentally put it in a toilet. Thankfully I bought another hat, but I lost it. Where is the main actor?"
Professor Eccentriclike said "You are the main actor."
Dr. Strangelove said "Of course I am." Dr. Strangelove got on set with his female co-stars.
Mr. Normalhate showed up and said "Stop filming."
Dr. Strangelove said "What's wrong?"
Mr. Normalhate said "I heard what your film is about. It won't work. The characters aren't complex enough."
Dr. Strangelove sarcastically said "What a tragedy."
Mr. Normalhate said "Your character is a typical thinks he's so cool protagonist, the villain is too silly, and every character each need their own unique personality traits."
Dr. Strangelove said "And you need to get a life. Stop being a try-hard."
Mr. Normalhate angrily said "I tried to give you helpful advice and you mock me? I hate you." Mr. Normal hate walked away.
Dr. Strangelove said "Anyways lets start filming. Where is the director?"
Professor Eccentriclike said "You are the director honey."
Dr. Strangelove said "Don't call me that."
Professor Eccentriclike said "Okay dear."
Dr. Strangelove was given a 20 million dollar budget, but only got a few weeks to film the film. Dr. Strangelove worked moderately hard each day. He made a film called "Awesome Dude." The film starred Dr. Strangelove as a young detective. The villain of the film, Mr. Big Bad, kidnapped the worlds' 5 most beautiful super models so it's up to Dr. Strangelove to save the girls before Mr. Big Bad's volcano hideout explodes. The film had plenty of action and comedy. Dr. Strangelove got a few famous actors to appear in small roles so he could put their names all over the advertising.
After Dr. Strangelove finished filming the film Mr. Normalhate saw the film and said "The film is really flawed."
Dr. Strangelove rolled his eyes and said "What is wrong with the film?"
Mr. Normalhate said "Oh so many things. First off it's too short."
Dr. Strangelove said "Dude it's over 90 minutes."
Mr. Normalhate said "But it's not 2 hours. All good films are over 2 hours." Dr. Strangelove rolled his eyes again. Mr. Normalhate said "Stop doing that."
Dr. Strangelove said "I will." Dr. Strangelove rolled his eyes again.
Mr. Normalhate said "Second of all the film is too silly. All good films need plenty of dramatic scenes throughout the film. Your film only has a small amount of serious scenes. The rest of the film is unrealistic action scenes and dumb comedy."
Dr. Strangelove said "Did you at least like the supermodels?"
Mr. Normalhate angrily said "They lacked personality and proper storylines. They are simple and generic."
Dr. Strangelove said "Oh come on bro."
Mr. Normalhate said "How dare you call me a bro. Here. I have made a booklet of notes on how improve your bad film. Read all of my notes carefully so you can make your film decent."
Dr. Strangelove said "Okay." Dr. Strangelove threw the notes in a garbage can.
Mr. Normalhate angrily said "How dare you ignore my brilliant advice. I hate you." Mr. Normalhate walked away.
Dr. Strangelove said "I do not care what that guy thinks of my film. I'm proud of my film."
Professor Eccentriclike said "And I'm proud of you. When will your film be released?"
Dr. Strangelove said "I don't remember the month, but I know that it's either January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, or December. There are only 12 possible choices so I think I know when it's coming out."
Eventually the release date for Dr. Strangelove's film was announced: September 8th. However that was the same day that Mr. Normalhate's new film was coming out. Dr. Strangelove said "The competition is a little scary, but I'm sure that my film will make more money."
On September 8th both Dr. Strangelove and Mr. Normalhate's films were released. Dr. Strangelove and Professor Eccentriclike went to a film theater to watch the film. Dr. Strangelove wore his usual black suit and Professor Eccentriclike wore a fancy pink outfit. Dr. Strangelove said "Ah. It's a great feeling to be at the opening day of my awesome film. All of those people are here to see my film."
Professor Eccentriclike said "Well not all of them darling."
Dr. Strangelove said "Well I'm sure that most of them are super excited for my masterpiece."
After Dr. Strangelove watched the film he checked Rotten Tomatoes see what critics thought of the film. The film only got 40% on Rotten Tomatoes. Dr. Strangelove said "This is a ripoff. I'm going to watch 1 of the reviews."
Dr. Strangelove started watching a review. The reviewer said "This film sucks. The plot is nothing unique, the characters lack the complexity and depth that all good films need, and the jokes were lowbrow. Plus it was totally unrealistic. There is a action scene where you can see 1 of the wires that the stunt man was on for like half a second. Plus the scene where Dr. Strangelove jumped 25 feet in the air was totally unrealistic. This film is a disgrace to cinema and everybody that worked on it deserves to be punished."
Dr. Strangelove said "Well I hope that the film made lots of money." Dr. Strangelove checked the money that his film made. His film was in 2nd place. Mr. Normalhate's new film made over twice as much. Dr. Strangelove sat around with a sad look on his face.
Professor Weirdlike said "What's wrong darling?"
Dr. Strangelove said "People hate my film. It appears that having fun is considered disgraceful to society."
Professor Weirdlike said "You only checked what the critics think of your film. Check Rotten Tomatoes' audience score."
Dr. Strangelove said "Wow. 85% liked the film."
Professor Weirdlike said "You are a success."
Dr. Strangelove said "But Mr. Normalhate's film did so much better."
Professor Weirdlike said "Forget about his film. People who know that watching a fun film is more enjoyable than watching a depressing bland film love your film. I love your film."
Dr. Strangelove said "But it seems like people don't care that much about fun films anymore."
Professor Weirdlike said "They pretend to hate comedy films and love dramas to seem more cool, but people hardly ever re-watch dramas. People want films that make them smile, not films that make them cry. Do you believe me?"
Dr. Strangelove said "Kind of."
Professor Weirdlike said "Well to prove how beloved your film is there is a group of dedicated fans outside who want your autograph."
Dr. Strangelove went outside and said "Did you like my film?"
The people said "We love the film!"
Dr. Strangelove said "Thank you. I'm proud of all of you and my film. Who wants a autograph?" Over 2,000 people had autograph books. Dr. Strangelove said "This will take a long time."
After a hour of autographing Dr. Strangelove said "I'm tired."
Professor Weirdlike said "I'm proud of you. I love you."
Dr. Strangelove said "You saved my life and helped me get a new career. I'm grateful. You are really nice and pretty. Would you like to be my girlfriend?"
Professor Weirdlike said "I already am." She kissed Dr. Strangelove. She said "Wanna go marathon your film all day?"
Dr. Strangelove said "Yeah baby."