Disclaimer: This story is purely fictional. I don't own any of the characters/the programme itself or any of the storylines shown in the show.
Note: Regular chapters will be much longer than the prologue.
Prologue
It was stupid. It was wrong. It wouldn't work.
It wouldn't work.
The words replayed in my head and over and over. It wouldn't work, I was sure of that. It never would. I was stupid for even thinking of it, wondering about it.
I was stupid for wanting it.
I stared into the bottom of the wine glass, still. Watching the dark fluid swirl under the movement of my hand. I couldn't shake the feelings, the want.
The need.
It had come out of nowhere. At least I thought it had. Maybe it had been here all along, lingering in the background?
Maybe.
I didn't understand it. I wasn't sure I ever would. This wasn't me; it wasn't me for so many reasons. Hundreds.
He wasn't what I ever wanted. He wasn't anything like other men I had been with. I knew him for everything he was. All of his flaws, the deceit – I knew it all. Yet, I couldn't stop thinking about him.
Us.
The word haunted me. There was no us, I had already made sure of that.
"Scherbatsky," the name followed by the clicking of fingers in front of my face shook me out of my daze. "Scherbatsky, stay with me." I looked up at the man before me. I still didn't take in what he was saying, deep down I knew I wouldn't want to hear it anyway. I looked at Barney as he continued to talk, waffle even. His greying suit was perfect as usual, the scotch in his hand almost empty as usual. "So, what do you think?" He finished eventually, gaining my attention again as he sipped his drink.
"Yeah." I said unsure of what had even been said. "Yeah, great." I forced a tight lipped smile, noticing Barney's raised eyebrow as I did so.
"So you'll have sex with me?" He smirked, leaning across the table slightly in his usual manner. He retreated almost immediately, as if he too noticed the awkward tension that had just filled the air. I swallowed, forcing yet another smile as I shook my head.
Barney stared into his scotch before pulling back the perfectly prim sleeve of his suit jacket. "Where's Ted? I thought he'd be here by now."
I knew it was small talk.
"Have you heard from Quinn?" I asked, regretting it immediately. I watched Barney's face harden slightly, as he fixed his tie uncomfortably - his eyes meeting mine. They dropped to the table once more as he spoke.
"No," he swirled the almost empty cup just as I had minutes previous. He thought for a moment before meeting my gaze once more. "I don't think she'd even want to hear my voice after-" He paused.
And there it was again. Tension.
"-I'm gonna go call Ted." He said what felt like hours later. Again, I exchanged a fake smile as he pulled his phone from his pocket and disappeared out of McLarens.
I cursed myself inwardly for bringing that up.