Writers Notes:
- A small tale I wrote recently. I'd like to improve my writing abilities with it so any helpful critiques that will help me improve my writing skills are very welcomed.
A letter arrived in the mail today which is strange as I don't receive very much in the first place. The lining had an obnoxious pink ribbon looping tightly around the sides. From the sharp tear at the top, I could see it's already been open and its contents exposed regardless of the name of the recipient is for me, Satori Komeiji. I glare upwards meeting my gaze with my two very loyal pets, Rin Kaenbyou the feline and Ustuho Reiuji the black raven.
("Please, say yes Master!") The cat begs in her heart. Her body quivers with expectation.
("I wanna go! I really wanna go!") The bird is no different.
With a sigh, I turn to see Koishi, my sister, on the other hand smiling gently from behind. Even a mind reader does not have to "read minds" to understand that expression. It's longing with a sample of anticipation and a hint of eager joy. One emotion that I simply can't turn away either.
I nod slightly. "Yes...We can go." I say as I pass the note back to my pets lethargically. Their excitement explodes in a fit a hooray and cheers. Not like this over enjoyment was something I hadn't seen coming. Even if I was not a Satori the sense of familiarity from my family past actions makes them predictable. One can know the thoughts of another simply being close to them. It's this calming normality that makes this solitude life under the surface I live rewarding.
There are two separate worlds I live in. One filled with the voiced emotions that many experiences. Then there is the second reality shrouded in hidden silent desires that I have grown accustomed to understanding. The side in which the other Youkai fear so readily. However, when I meet a stranger that doesn't mean I will automatically know every minute detail about them. Even if I can read the deep dark thoughts of another they are still very much unpredictable. The smiles glimmering on their face can hide sinister intentions. A rugged exterior could hide a soft and gentle soul. Unlike my family of three that I watch dance around in excitement. I know what to expect from them and that fills me with a solemn joy. It's like reading a favorite book over once again. I look down back at the book in hand. The pages will never change, the tale will always be the same and that is why it is a favorite book.
Finally, after their dragged-out victory fest, I wave them away to continue my book. Koishi follows Ustuho gleefully into the next room but before I could sink my teeth back into the beloved novel a certain cat wistfully confiscates my lap. Her pitch-black fur snugs gently up against my thighs. She switched from her human form to her feline appearance in a blink of an eye. The feeling is yet another calming sensation brought on by one of my favorite stories. Orin lately would climb into my lap and rest from time to time. Something she didn't use to do much until recently however it has become a new norm between us.
("Thank you, Master. Thank you.") But the words fail to escape her mouth. Only the gentle purrs are substitutes for her thanks. I feel my cheek raise up slightly. Her tail flings back and forth unable to hold in her excitement.
Something so foolish as eating with a collection of people would make them this happy? To think they'd be lacking enough members to invite a Satori to their gatherings as well. Nobody likes to hear their mind read aloud so at all cost avoiding one who does just that for a living is natural. With my own idle thoughts roaming through my head I begin stroking Orin's firm back. Her tail wags fiercely in response.
("I love, Master Satori.")
I chuckle, "Me too."
Housepets, unlike the other Youkai, are relatively easy to please. If fed, played with time after time and, given affection the tend to grow to adore their owner. They would even harm others to see that the ones they love are well. They truly are...nothing like others. That is one reason why I as well adore animals too. Without their constant love and affection, I do not think the books surrounding my studies will fill me with the sense of gratitude that these two can provide.
As Orin lies on my lap I open to the next chapter of my book. Luckily it cannot talk back to me. It will not tell me the end of its story until I close its backside. It won't try to hide secrets from me deep within its heart. Books are truly the only unpredictable things that I like. However, this book is a favorite so I know its contents inside and out. It will never change.
We arrive at the door of the infamous red and white miko, Reimu Hakurei. She opens the door with an indifferent grin on her face.
("Ah, the weird mind reader Youkai has arrived! I didn't expect she'd show up.) "Ah, come in!"
Her greeting polar her thoughts. Common courtesy is truly an unforgivable sin. If all manners of men would speak their hearts freely then many problems would be solved readily. But unaware of her reluctance my sister and pets frolic in as I warily stay firm at the door.
"Ah! Sorry for that." The Miko bows apologetically. "I…didn't mean it. At least I don't think I did."
"You have nothing to be ashamed of. Thank you for inviting us." I nod as I walk past. "I'm sure they will enjoy this occasion."
As I approach the main room the voices grow more robust as the chatters of the two worlds ring clearly in my ears. I sit at a small table in the far corner of the room to view my surroundings. Many of the girls I know by face are here but without journeying to the surface more often there seems to be an overwhelming number of newcomers. My sister gleefully gathers a seat at the largest table near the middle. Her eyes glimmer with excitement. A feeling polar to my own. As I search around more I see Ustuho chatting freely with the green and white Miko and her family. The unsettling pinch of unease takes hold as my throat begins to feel dry. Orin as well seems to have found a group suited for her taste. A smaller feline youkai with a green hat chat with her. Over the loud room I cannot make out their conversation but by expressions alone, I can understand that the two are enjoying each other's company.
Suddenly, an obnoxious clank of a plate hitting my table interrupts my thoughts. I gaze at the dish of delights along with a tall glass of sake then up at the friendly witch who offered me the gift.
"Howz it hangin' Satori? ("It's been a while since I've last seen her. She must really be out of her element here. Something to break the ice, maybe?")
"Thank you. I do appreciate that concern."
"Huh? Oh, that's right. Nothin' gets passed you!" (I better keep my think'n to a minimum, right Satori?)
I chuckle, she seemed to genuinely want to entertain me.
She bows slightly tilting her hat and then makes her way back to the front leaving me alone in the lowly corner of the room. In the view from the depths of this lively occasion, all the other Youkai seem to be enjoying themselves. Their voices boom with excitement, chatting about festivals and other fun occasions. However, within my other world, many selfish thoughts are flowing across the room.
("Where does she get off?! How can she act so cocky?")
("I can't wait for this to be over. I want to go home.")
Few have looked this way and noticed my presents and expectantly avoid eye contact with me.
("Ah, it's that Satori.")
("Should I talk to her?")
("I better leave her alone...")
The voices from the second world about my presence have been a mixture of good and bad. Some seem curious, others seem scared. A normal reaction to the curse of being a Satori. I'm not cynical enough to believe that every voice that crosses the mind of another is their true feelings. I've known as my life as a Satori that all thoughts begin with an emotion attached to them. The mind is a source that calculates those internal feelings. When those thoughts are firm and coherent internally they make their way into words that convey feelings to another. However, being the one who can internally see the process of the mind calculating what it wants to say between the voice that arrives soon afterward makes it hard for me not to be a tad reluctant.
Living in two worlds is tiring.
"Is it true you can read minds?" A childish voice rings in my ear, waking me up from my internal monologues. I turn to the side and meet my gaze with that twin tailed cat Youkai with a green hat whom Orin was chatting with recently. Her eager eyes glimmered at me as if waiting for a magic trick to be performed.
"Yes, I can, Chen."
"Wow!" ("That's scary…but kinda cool.")
"I guess it would be a little scary, now wouldn't it?" I tease. To her surprise, she jolts now fully realizing I am reading her thoughts from my secondary world.
She eagerly looks around. Her eyes halt, "Can you tell me what she is thinking?" She points to an ice fairy floating across the room with a dumbstruck smile.
To set the mood for the child I put my finger on my chin. "Not very much I can tell you that. But the word...strongest is something that's been on her mind for a while now."
Chen giggles. "That really is something! Oh, wait, can you guess what number I'm thinking of?!"
"61, now 47, 55, 22, 10."
The child laughs now fully entertained by my second world. I can't help but lift my cheeks in response.
"There you are, Chen! Why are you bothering Master Satori?" Stomping feverously, Orin makes her way to the table in a rush.
("Leave her alone, Chen.") her mind explodes in a frustrated tone.
"It's quite alright, Orin. She was just curious." I stroke the child's head, she returns a smile.
"Well...I guess that's okay. But still..." Now crossing her arms as her tail swings back and forth.
"Hey, Ms. Satori, let's go over there and play with Cirno and the others."
The feline tugs on my sleeve. An uneasy sense of unfamiliarity settles in my stomach. My dry throat persists. Very few times has a Youkai been interested in my abilities. This is one of the unpredictable aspects of meeting new people. Even though it is a tad unsettling it's not a negative feeling I believe.
("Leave Master Satori alone.")
"Orin, I already told you..."
I turn to see Orin's face twisted slightly. One hand sits firmly on her hip. Ah, another expression I've seen countless times. This must be a bit of jealousy from Chen's over friendly, childlike attitude. Another predictable emotion that I've learned to read while watching my family for all this time.
As to not annoy my pet I clear my throat. "Hm, maybe some other time, Chen. I am a little tired right now."
"Huh?" She squeals from my sudden rejection.
("I bet it's because of Orin!") she internally barks.
"Okay...it was nice meeting you, !"
The cat makes her way back into the group of Youkai children. Her twin tails lose most of their vigor from before leaving me a bit saddened as well.
"Orin..." My pet turns to me, I'm sure she's realized from the tone of my voice that I did not appreciate her budding into my entertainment.
"I'm sorry...I just...didn't like that she used your ability for her amusement." Her shoulder slumps.
("I hate Chen so much!")
"Well now, aren't you going to go play with the others now that I'm alone again?" My tone a little sourer than I hoped. Orin puts her head down.
"But I want to stay with you." ("So, Chen doesn't come back.")
Her ears perk up and she looks back at me.
"I-I didn't mean that, Master."
I sigh, "You don't need to worry about me, I'll sit here and enjoy the solitude of my book alone."
"I-I didn't mean that-" Orin weaves her fingers through each other. The flush redness overshadows her usual expression of frustration.
("I love Master Satori...so…I don't want others using her like that.")
"I know...You don't have to keep telling me."
I take a small swig of my sake to clear my dried throat. Then I look at Orin, her lips are pursed and her body slumps. The glimmer of wet tears flows slightly on the side of her face. I only intended to scold her for her jealous actions but it seems I may have gone rather far and hurt her more than I hoped. So, in response, I set my palm on top of her head and pet her gently from side to side. Her expression softens up just like always. That foreseeable reaction is another reason why I care for my family. Just like my favorite stories, they are always the same.
"I love you too, Orin."
"You do?" She asks, begging the question to me.
"Yes, so don't worry," I assured her.
"Worry?" She says lethargically.
("So, I do love her...don't I?")
My hand stops as my joints turn cold. Orin returns her gaze with that of a blistering heat of red pulsating through her cheeks. Something about that...desire in her mind was different from the previous ones I've ever encountered.
"Master?" her tone softer than a whisper bordering a slight seductiveness.
"..."
I turn and look back down at my book. It's the one I've finished many times now. No matter what the pages will always be the same, just like my family, right? I could tell a person about each of them from sun up to sundown because I know each and every one of them like the book I've already read countless times. Just like this one sitting in my hand right now.
But for some reason…This particular book...with the redden cheeks and downcast tail…When I opened it again...had different words in it. As if the messages are changing creating a different alternative to what I am so fond of.
"Master...Master Satori?" Orin now begs for my response.
"I... want to be alone right now, Orin."
I stare at the pages of literature. Orin didn't say another word but the expression on her face was clear as day when I glanced to the side. An alluring fear festering in her heart. One that's been masked away for some time now.
"Please, I...I need to be alone." As I reproach her by lifting the book to my nose and prompting my body against the wall in the noisy room I attempt to explore a book that I've known all too well. One that won't change no matter how often I read it. I'm unsure when she left my side but before I knew it the voices were beginning to dwindle.
As the party begins to calm I make my way outside. My legs drag like led as I approach the platform and dangle my feet off the edge. The dawn sky begins to break outside as I sit on the porch. The crowd is disbanding one by one. Soon a familiar cat takes hold of my lap. However, unlike the other times before she doesn't purr, her tail isn't wagging. Her movements are like the dead as she lies her body on my lap. I do my best to ignore her brazen act. I simply read the book I prepared beforehand. It's almost complete with a few pages left but my attention is wearing slightly.
("I love you...Master Satori...")
Nobody likes to have their minds read aloud. Some thoughts are branded to stay within the heart however they escape into the mind and the mind journeys around the feelings of anxiety, excitement, sorrow, and other variations of emotions. Ultimately, it expresses itself through actions and words. However, there are many feelings that stop right there at the mind and never express themselves openly. These emotions have the power to change the world I know. The predictable world I love.
("Master...I do.")
My throat dries up as I focus intently on the book.
("Don't you love me, too?")
"..."
I caress her fur that had begun to shiver. It's still warm outside despite the sun beginning to set.
"I do Orin. But please...give me some time to finish this book." I strain to say but her body refuses to stop trembling. The fear of the inevitable has arrived. Words that had been thought of has changed the very premise of her book.
The feeling of love that I adore about this animal is different. It seems that it will not match up to her expectations. People are not like books. As time changes our minds do too. In turn, our hearts build up all kinds of passion and ultimately our minds guide around those feelings. With Orin…that seems to be the case.
When those feelings escape her mouth...Will I be... able to answer her expectations? Can I be willing to turn the page of the story I know so well... and start a brand-new tale? But I don't want this story to end.
("I do...love you.")
The moment she gets the courage to express her feelings of her...true love...aloud is when it will change the love we have for each other now. That moment has already wrapped around her heart and brought those feelings bubbling to her mind.
Sifting through my memories of our time together with this foresight…there had been glimpses and occasions that her thoughts have wondered into more…personal details about me.
Solemn respects about my eating habits. How she liked seeing me smile when I read a good book. Even how I cross my legs when I'm enjoying a book deeply and not want to be bothered by others...
Eventually, I heard thoughts pass through her mind about how much that hurts her when I do cross my legs because she is not able to lie in my lap at those times.
Respectfully, I refused to bring her feelings to the surface in more to adore for her in being so loyal. But at times...her loyalty didn't apply to her actions. Just how long has it been festering in your heart when you're around me? How...tainted has your soul become by trying your best not to think about the changes in your story while I'm beside you, Orin? Your actions have greatly expressed your admiration for me. But if that admiration was nothing but a facade to mask the true intent now overflowing in your chest and reaching your mind... Am I going too far to say that…your predictable behavior that I grew so fond of…has been a lie?
And if so will...that eagerness for my same feelings destroy these peaceful moments between us?
My throat is parched now as this burning sensation gathers around my stomach.
("I don't want our love to change!") I scream internally.
I can feel the heat of my face beginning to burn. Soft wet drizzles escaping as I feel my mouth quiver, shriveling the pages of my book. Do I want to try and read this new tale with an unpredictable outcome? I would rather her words never have different meanings to them, that's the emotion racing in my heart.
But Orin isn't a Satori. She can't understand unless I express that through my mouth. But unlike her, my conviction is still thriving deep down in my chest. It hasn't truly reached my mind and most certainly won't come out anytime soon. But when she opens her eyes to me...her words won't be taken back. Her book will change and the direction it's taking...scares me. It's unpredictable, nothing like the life under the surface that I came to cherish. The calm life of me and my pet will change. It's inevitable now since her heart has pushed her emotions to the brink of insanity. Her mind can't take it any longer and soon...Everything will bubble out into words and life will be different between us.
Her eyes flapped tenderly as her human form took shape in my arms. Her bright red feline pupils dilated, piercing through my heart.
"Master...Satori...I...I...have something to tell you. Will you listen?"
She brushes her arms against my back and rubs her nose against my chest. My favorite book falls to the ground making a soft clunk on the dirt. The pages turn violently in the wind, I do not know what page it will stop at. Even now my favorite novel has betrayed my expectations.
"Master...I..."
However, because of my second world, I foresaw this outcome. The script of her book has changed drastically and I am unable to know how it will end after this moment. I swallow, attempting to wet my parched throat. My eyes water, streams of tears roll down my cheeks as I brace myself for the future ahead. It is a curse being a Satori, isn't it?