A/N: No, I do not own Harry Potter.
I also didn't draw the cover image, but I couldn't find the source! Sorry if it's yours!
Other than that, please read and relax! Reviews are much appreciated.
Updated as of 1 November 2015
He was playing with her hair again. Twirling the gleaming strands around his fingers. Suddenly they both burst out laughing, and he kissed her little button nose.
Lily was clutching a piece of parchment - a draft of her Charms essay - her grip slowly tightening as it shrunk into a crumpled ball in her hands. Her mouth was a thin line, and she was breathing heavily through her nostrils, as James and his girlfriend of six months continued in their "oh so adorable" manner.
'No! Get yourself together Evans!' she reprimanded herself. 'You are being completely unfair! James is your friend! You have no claim over him! Who turned him down? You did, you fucking idiot, and this is the result. Oh shit, he's spotted me, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, control yourself you dolt!"
"Hi James!" she exclaimed, pasting a smile on her face. "Jess! Hey!" her voice made an embarrassing crack on the "Hey!".
"Hi!" they chimed together, hands entwined. Lily had to suppress the urge to pull a face.
"We were just going to the library to do some homework, if you want to join us," James suggested.
"Oh yes, please do! You know how hard it is to get this one to focus!" Jess laughed, pressing her body to his as she teasingly hit his chest. Lily tried to contain her shudder. God, he looked so infatuated.
"That's okay, I'm tutoring this afternoon anyway."
Lily thought she registered some disappointment on his face, and her stomach gave a jolt of satisfaction, which she should have felt terrible for.
"I thought tutoring was on Wednesdays?" James asked, suspicion replacing the possible disappointment.
"Bit obsessed with my schedule, aren't we Potter?" she taunted him, trying to make up an explanation; no way was she going to willingly submit herself to the sick-fest that was any interaction between James and his girlfriend "They have their test tomorrow, so we're having an extra session."
"That's so sweet of you!" Jess exclaimed. Lily could practically see the sun shining out of her arse. James looked unconvinced.
"Alright, see ya!" Lily called, rushing off.
"Oi, Evans!" he caught her shoulder.
"What?"
"You don't have tutoring."
"Yes I-" the look on his face silenced him,
"Okay, fine, I don't have tutoring. I do, however, have a very long charms essay, a whole new patrols roster to somehow conjure up, plus a Slug Club meeting and a whole lot of things to do before Sirius' party, which is in less than twenty four hours, so, I'm sorry, Potter, but I can't go to the library with you and your girlfriend, okay?"
Gosh, where had that come from?
"Okay..." James said awkwardly, hands buried in his pockets.
"Sorry. S'pose I'm just a bit stressed is all." Lies. This was pure, unadulterated jealousy, with a healthy sprinkling of resentment, and just a hint of horniness.
"Alright..." he replied, still looking a bit uneasy.
The silence hung uncomfortably between them for a moment.
"Um... I should probably get back to Jess." James gestured half-heartedly back to his patiently waiting girlfriend. Oh, just go buff your freaking halo or something! No one is that happy to wait!
Lily tried to hide her own disappointment as she nodded.
"See ya," she tried to smile.
"Later Evans!" he grinned at her, before spinning on his heel and practically jogging back to the waiting Jess. She hated that he was so eager.
With a final, somewhat wistful sigh, she turned and disappeared into the dark corridor.
"Where is Prongs?" Sirius pouted, looking forlornly around his party.
"It's only been an hour, and you're making us stay awake until morning. I'm sure he'll show up soon!" Lily placated him.
He looked at her with big puppy dog eyes.
"Fine, I'll go find him. But only because it's your birthday."
He grinned at her, and she rolled her eyes.
"Can I at least have the map?"
The boys had introduced her to the wonders of their invention towards the end of sixth year.
"It's in the top drawer of my dresser," he told her, before joining his increasingly drunk party guests.
Lily made her way up to the boy's dormitory - she'd really been spending too much time up there since she'd gotten closer to the Marauders last year - and easily found the piece of parchment.
She located his dot rather quickly, as most of the students were in their common rooms at this hour. He was in a broom cupboard. With Jess.
'You've got to be kidding me,' she thought, continuing to stare at the two disturbingly close dots, hoping that they would somehow change. "Oh for fuck's sake."
"Sirius!" she yelled as she descended into the common room.
"Yes, flower?" he teased when he found her, a neon pink boa around his neck.
"Look where your precious Prongs is. And more importantly, whom he is with."
"Hehe, whom! You're so posh, Evans!" he giggled with a flick of the boa.
"Focus, you drunk twat! James is with Jess… in a broom cupboard… in the middle of the night." She thought she'd take it slowly, due to the birthday boy's intoxicated state.
"That's my boy!"
"Sirius, be serious," she held up her hand before he could comment, "Aren't you just a tad miffed that James is spending your birthday making out," she hoped, "with his girlfriend, instead of spending it celebrating the gift that is your birth?"
Sirius frowned in contemplation for a moment.
"I guess. It's okay though, you're going to go get him, aren't you?"
"You still want me to- oh you are so lucky that it's your birthday!" she scoffed.
Lily stormed through the portrait hole and into the castle, contemplating just how much her mood was now ruined. She couldn't even resent Jess for snogging (please just be snogging) James, she was dating him after all. The girl was lovely; both outwardly and inwardly, and she had every right to be with James. Lily was simply jealous, and she hated herself for it.
'Way to be mature, Evans. Good thing you're head girl.'
God, why did she have to be so fucking perfect? Jess with her big brown eyes, and bloomin' perfect brown curls, and her perfectly freckle-less alabaster skin. Plus she was a fucking Hufflepuff, so she was automatically the embodiment of sugar and spice and everything nice. Ugh! James just had to go have good taste in girls!
She neared her destination and, fuelled by the rage that had sprung up from somewhere deep within her, didn't hesitate for a second before ripping the creaky old door open, exposing the half undressed figures of James and Jess caught in a passionate embrace.
"James Potter, what the fuck do you think you're doing, snogging your girlfriend in a broom cupboard whilst your best friend, I repeat, best friend, is spending his seventeenth birthday wondering where you are? How selfish can you be? I honestly thought you'd matured enough to control your hormones, but you have yet again proven me wrong. Now button up your shirt, and if you're not in the common room with a drink in your hand and a very well crafted apology within ten minutes, there will be dire consequences."
"Lily-"
"Dire consequences."
With that final remark, she turned their back to them, hair doing a very satisfying flip, and started back to the common room at a furious pace. The clipping of her heels against the stone floor echoed down the corridor.
"What the hell was that?!" James puffed when he fell in next to her, still buttoning his shirt. Not that Lily noticed, of course.
"I have no idea what you mean."
"Why'd you blow up at me like that?"
She stopped in her tracks, crossed her arms and did the little neck thing that James knew meant he was about to be in a cauldron full of trouble.
"Because, firstly, as I said, I think it is very rude, inconsiderate, and quite frankly mean to not be there for your supposed best friend on his birthday. Secondly, I do not relish being given the task to come and find you and your girlfriend in who-knew-what state, when I could have been enjoying the birthday of one of my friends. So basically James, I'm sick of having to act like your mother because you can't seem to grow up!"
"Holy shit, that's it! What the fuck has been going on with you lately? You've been blowing up at me at the drop of a sickle; you're always making excuses when I ask you to hang out! I don't know what I've done, but I'm tired of this, Lily! I'm sorry that you feel I'm so selfish and immature, but, quite frankly, I am done trying to prove myself to you! So you can just sod off!"
He turned his back to her and purposefully marched off in the direction of the common room. Lily thought she might cry. She couldn't let this interfere with her relationship with James. She just couldn't. She had to get a grip of herself. Surely these feelings would pass eventually? She'd just have to keep up the façade until then.
"James, no, wait! Please? I'm sorry! You're right, I have been a bitch lately. I don't know why. I guess I've just been going through some stuff, and I've been taking out my frustrations on you."
His face softened as he took her in, her demeanour small and vulnerable. He couldn't very well stay angry at her now. Bloomin' Evans.
"Well, we all go through rough patches sometimes. Even the miraculous Lily Evans!"
She looked up at him with hopeful but wary green eyes, looking to decipher how he was feeling. Seeing her hesitation, he grinned at her.
'Come here."
She threw her arms around him and buried her face in his chest, gratefulness bubbling up inside her.
"Thank you," came her voice, muffled by his shirt.
"There's really nothing to say thank you for!"
"Just for being so understanding."
"That's what friends are for, right?"
"I haven't been a very good friend to you lately."
"You've been fine! Apart from the occasional, I believe uncalled for, reprimand, that is."
"I promise I'll stop snapping at you! Really I will! You know how my temper can be."
"That I do," he broke their hug, and put his hands on her shoulders, looking her soundly in the eye when he asked, "Seriously though, is everything okay, Lil?"
"It will be." Lily felt more at ease than she had in months; they were being friends, and she was handling it just fine! Maybe the end was finally in sight. Maybe she would get over this.
"Promise?" he asked, a playful lilt to his voice.
She nodded.
"Right then, shall we return to Sirius' birthday bash?" James suggested.
"Did you just say birthday bash?"
"And you say I'm the immature one!"
"Bottom."
James blushed, and looked to be in pain as he tried to contain his man giggles.
"I rest my case. Now, let's go before Sirius drinks all the Firewhiskey."
Sirius' party had all but died out. Only the Gryffindor seventh years remained, as Sirius had insisted that they all spend the night in the common room.
It was around one in the morning when someone had the bright idea to play truth or dare. Everyone rolled their eyes, and secretly revelled in the cliché. They were sat in a large circle by the dying embers. After Sirius returned from his naked romp in the castle grounds - although the boa did not leave his person - it was James' turn.
"So… Prongsie," Black slurred, "Truth or dare?"
"Dare, obviously," Lily chimed in.
"I am touched, Evans."
"Right…" Sirius began, an evil glint in his eye, "Just as a nod to old times… and old crushes… kiss Evans."
James rolled his eyes with a playful grin, as Lily felt herself grow pale. She couldn't very well say no; that would raise far too much suspicion. But at the same time, what would happen if she kissed him? Images of disaster flashed before her eyes.
"What about Jess?" Lily scrambled, in a desperate attempt to avoid the situation
"She'll be fine! It's just a game, after all!" James assured her. The words stung more than she cared to admit.
"You have to do what the birthday boy says!" Sirius whined like a five year old.
She sighed and turned to face James, resigning herself to her fate. He gave her an apologetic smile, and placed a quick peck to her lips.
They pulled back as if the kiss had stung, and stared at each other with wide eyes. The room seemed to buzz. Lily felt like she couldn't breath.
Suddenly, they lunged at each other, hands grabbing and mouths bruising. Lips and tongues attacked each other and hands tugged at clothing, desperate to get closer, to fill the need that had exploded inside them. It was absolute heaven; uncontrolled, frantic, all consuming heaven. Lily couldn't think as her hands raked through his hair and his tongue explored her mouth.
Her head to hit the edge of the fireplace as they unconsciously lay down. The spell was broken as they detached and stared at each other with unfocused eyes, chests heaving against the other's.
A fog seemed to lift as Lily took in her surroundings. Their fellow students were staring at them with horrified faces. Slowly, the pieces came together as she looked up at James' equally flabbergasted expression.
Numb, she felt herself get up, look around once more and promptly flee through the portrait hole.
"Lily!" she heard James call, but merely sped up.
"Lily, please wait!" he called again as she rounded a corner. He was gaining.
"Lily, stop!" he bellowed, grabbing her wrist. She stopped and they stared at each other, never breaking eye contact.
Suddenly, they were kissing again. Like two magnets springing together. Her hands grabbed his collar as his one arm circled around her waist, yanking her closer. His other was buried in her hair, cradling her head. A blissful ferocity controlled them. They could not got enough of it.
After a few minutes of passionate open-mouthed snogging, the kiss slowed down and calmed. Desperation and desire leaked out, replaced with tender reverence. Their lips met and parted languidly. Soft, contented sighs escaped Lily's mouth, as James' thumb stroked her cheek.
They broke apart, eyes meeting again.
"Lily," James breathed, eyes dazed and looking rather awestruck. Unable to resist the blush colouring her cheeks, he drew her in for another slow, but intense kiss. His lips left hers, moving to brush her forehead, cheekbones, eyelids.
He pulled back and looked at her, her beautiful face in his hands. A soft smile played on their lips.
Suddenly, his grin faded. Hers was replaced with a look of confusion.
"We can't do this," James said, sounding panicked, and his hands dropped from her as though burned by their contact.
"I'm sorry," Lily said timidly. He refused to meet her eyes. She looked at his tensed jaw, and took a step forward.
"We shouldn't have done that. But James," she reached out and touched his jaw, he looked at her with a frown, "I just can't seem to get you out of my head." She bit her lip. "For months now, all I can think about is you… your laugh, your terrible jokes, your smile," her voice sounded dreamy, and James stared at her in disbelief.
"Your hair, the little crinkles at the corners of your eyes, your loyalty, your kindness, how you can never shut up about quidditch..." Her hand was cupping his cheek now.
"Lily, it sounds like you're saying that-"
"James, I think I'm in love with you. I've been denying it for months, but I don't think I can
anymore."
"But- you don't- I " His face look conflicted … betrayed somehow. His lips were pursed, his jaw clenched; he looked like he was either going to burst into tears or burst from frustration. "I have a girlfriend!"
"I know, but-"
"Why would you say that? How could you say that?"
"James-"
"What do you want from me Lily? Do you have any idea in how difficult a position this puts me?"
"I know! I know it does James! That's why I've been trying so hard to keep it bottled up!" Involuntary tears slid down her cheeks. "I'm sorry!"
James merely huffed in response.
She wiped the tears from her face with indignation.
"You're being unfair," she told him.
"I'm being unfair?"
"You kissed me back."
"Yes, but I-"
"And you don't kiss someone like that if you don't have any feelings for them. You just don't!"
"Well maybe I'm just a fantastic kisser!"
Her eyes clouded with hurt. She tried to stifle her tears with a shaky breath, but a small sob escaped. His eyes shot up at the sound.
"No, Lily, shh, I'm sorry," he said, drawing her into his arms.
"You're right, I did kiss you back..."
She nodded, hope blossoming in her chest.
"But I'm really not sure what my feelings are right now, and I just need some time to work them out."
"Okay."
"I think I should go." He let go of her small frame.
"All right."
Resisting the urge to look back, James walked away, leaving Lily alone in the moonlit corridor.