A/N: So I wanted to write something based on the promo of 5.20 because it gave me major feels. I don't expect it to go as I write it, but a girl can dream right :) Lyrics are from the song Fear Nothing by Selah Sue. Hope you enjoy
The things I feel
Never have the same hold
Till I've finally found you
Now you made me feel like choosing love against doubt,
'Cuz I want to fade out with you
I would fear nothing.
He is dead.
The grand Captain Hook is dead after straying across uncountable seas and navigating the most diverse array of worlds.
He had know it all.
He smelt the oriental spices being carried right to port by the wind. He didn't even need to set foot on ground to smell them. Along with those fragrances came the blasted orange sand of Agrabah. The grains made his beautiful ship look like something more in lines of a shore. Every day his crew was forced to clear it away with hard sweeps to reveal the dark wood from under the layer sand again.
He felt the humidity of the Neverland jungle while swiping the back of his hand over his forehead yet another time, removing the sweat that rested above his brow. The thrill of the cat and mouse game he and Pan always seemed to fall back into pumping through his bloodstream.
He had seen the extravagance of Wonderland. The wide grin of the Cheshire Cat scheming in a dark corner of the forest. His eyes were witness of the tight hold Cora had on the realm, ruling it as only Cora (or some other great evil) flowers, giant smoking caterpillars and every other creature your mind could imagine.
He had lived a full life.
Right until he met her.
Until Killian Jones met Emma Swan.
The reddish gloom of the sky has found its way to the the dungeon, forming a red lens over the iris of his eyes. Mixed with the darkness the depth of the tunnels provide, it's hard to read the squiggly lines engraved under the scale. He steps closer, not breaking the connection between Emma and him.
"Only true love can pass." he translates.
Emma's head immediately turns towards him with a confidence that Killian has rarely seen since their descent into the Underworld.
"That won't be difficult." Emma says with a small smile directed at him.
"Are you sure, love? We are still in the Underworld and it's Hades. Going grocery shopping would be made difficult by him, let alone the quest to get us all out of here." Killian raises his eyebrow skeptically.
He would love to believe it is as easy as it seems, but his years of experience have learnt him that it never is. Villains tend to like an impossible challenge.
"I doubt that we'll just have to walk through a door and suddenly earn our ticket out of here, but at least we have got the true love part covered."
She leans closer to the pedestal. On top of it is a weight balance. Two rusty scales covered in dust held on the same height by strings.
"So what are we supposed to do with these?" Emma testingly puts her fingers on one of them and presses down with minor force. The scale produces a high creak while trying to regain its balance and the sound echoes through the dark cave.
"Here." Killian says while wiping his hand over one of the sides. His hand clears the dust of the surface and reveals more text.
"Can you read it?"
"Aye, it says…" Killian takes his time to reads the symbols, only speaking when he is sure of their meaning. "...the weighing of the heart."
If Emma doesn't understand it right away, Killian does. He's heard a lot of stories over the years of ancient kingdoms, read a lot of books describing their customs and that one sentence brings it all back.
"Killian, what does it mean?" she inquires, having sensed the recognition on Killian's part.
"It's an old custom that goes back to the ancient Egyptians. After someone passed, it was necessary to find out if he was worthy to pass on to a better world and they did that with the weighing of the heart. On one scale," his hand points to the balance that has stopped moving again. "they placed a single feather representing truth and justice."
Like on cue, the small, white feather appeared, marginally weighing the balance down.
Killian continues.
"On the other one, the heart was placed. If the heart was indeed true, it would be lighter than the feather, granting its owner passage to the Fields."
He stops talking, aware of what happens if the scales tilt the wrong way. Is he willing to risk that? To risk her? Surely, Hades put in a trap somewhere or there's a catch they are oblivious to. The man is still the bloody God of the Underworld and letting 9 people leave again without any repercussions is a big commitment.
"What happens if the heart is heavier?" Emma asks, eyes still trained on the metal object.
"I only know that back then the heart would be eaten by some wild animal, but here… Never being able to leave, damnation, being sent for a worse place. My guess is as good as yours." Killian says grimly.
He knows he's not giving her the happiest options of the bunch but he doesn't want to encourage her. Although Killian knows that once Emma's heart is (quite literally) set on something, there's no turning back.
How he wishes he could be the one to risk it all. He's already dead but that is exactly where the problem lies. Killian is dead and the hole where his heart used to reside is a testimony of that.
"Good thing I love you then."
Emma takes a short but powerful breath, rolling her wrists to stretch herself.
When they were at Lake Nostos, Cora was unable to take Emma's heart because of the protection of her magic. Regina tried again when Emma wanted the heart split. Maybe it was the fact that her name stood in clear letters on that tombstone. Or maybe it was her heart refusing the intrusion again.
Her eyelids close to focus. On her hands and on her magic. If anyone is able to remove Emma's heart, it would Emma herself. Just as she's about to reach for it, Killian stops her.
"No." he says shortly, still keeping her hand from coming anywhere near her chest.
The confusion is written all over her face. From her creased eyebrows to her halfway opened mouth.
"What are you doing?"
"I can't let you."
He pulls them away from the stone.
"I have to. Hades gave us two hours and with all the running around we have done, I think our time is almost up."
"No, you don't. I've got it covered."
He didn't tell her about the visit of the deity right after it happened, nor did he say what he was told by the man. The plan had come up and it was a good plan. One that had chance to succeed and bring them all back to quaint, little (non hellish) Storybrooke. Right up until now. He would rather take Hades' deal than put yet another life on the line.
Emma's look orders him to explain what he's doing and what the hell he's talking about. Killian abides. He wants to take a deep breath but stops when he remembers that dead people don't breathe.
"Hades suggested the possibility of me staying here while the rest of you can return. Whether your name is engraved or not. It seems that he's quite sick of us meddling in his business and he would simply trade my life for all of yours." Killian can't suppress the faint chuckle out of his mouth.
"Are you serious right now? We are this close to going home." There is barely a distance between her thumb and index. "All of us. And now you suddenly decide you're not coming."
If Killian only heard Emma speak, he would be sure she is enraged. However her facial expression betrays how she really feels. The tears are starting to form in her eyes. She tries to keep eye contact with him but eventually she does defer her look.
"Emma, it's alright." Killian says. His right hand comes the brush away the firstly fallen tear.
"No, stop it." Emma replies.
Killian doesn't know if it is a response to him trying to convince her or him trying to console her, so he takes a step back, granting her her space.
"If this is a choice between saving me, someone who's already dead or saving you," His gaze lingers on her beautiful and teary face. "someone who still has a wonderful life to live and along with 7 others, then I will not doubt or debate for a second to give up my life. You go, Emma. Go back to where we began. Tell the others you can finally go home."
"No." Emma says with determination. The stream of tears is halted by her hand quickly wiping all of the tears away.
"I came all the way down here for you. I risked my life for you. To save you. I'm not leaving you behind to go back and live my life like nothing happened."
The emotion in her voice hits Killian and before he knows the tears start to gather in his blue eyes too. He doesn't want to fight over this but she needs to understand.
"You should have let me go a long time ago." he says.
Killian wants to touch her, wants to kiss her pain away, embrace her until the sound of her heart echoed back by his void chest can lull her to sleep. But he can't. This illusion has been going on for far too long. They have been deceiving themselves, making each other believe that everything would turn out alright. That love is worth fighting for.
Of course it is, you don't need to tell Killian Jones, the man who spent near three centuries battling for love, that. However he still remains in the Underworld. He is still dead.
"I don't know how to say goodbye." Emma admits, tears welling up again. "I used to be great at leaving, starting over, pressing the reset button, but then Henry came and gave me a home. A home I missed, full of people I loved." Emma has stopped glancing away and is watching him intensely.
"Then you came and got under my skin and tore my walls down. I don't want to feel like this, Killian." She shakes her head to emphasize. "Like my life would be over if I lost you again but I do. Because you're in here."
Emma's left hand grabs Killian's hand and places it right under her collarbone, where her heart is beating fiercely. Her other hand grabs his hook like it is a worthy substitute of his hand.
"I don't know how to pretend like my life will be okay. I don't want to return to Storybrooke without you. That big house is nothing if I can't share it with you. Can't you understand that I don't want to let you go?"
Killian wants to reply but he doesn't know what. Of course he understands that.
"You were the one who said we were going to have a future together. What about that promise?" Her green irises plead with him.
"I still want that." comes out as a strangled noise.
"Then you need to trust me to take my heart and show you what I just said."
"I trust you." he assures her.
"Good."
Killian Jones had lived a full life, longer than any man without magic could.
But when he saw Emma Swan, all of that disappeared.
His past didn't seem as full as it did before. The life he had spent was nothing in comparison with that he wanted to spend. He would choose to wake up next to her instead of in his narrow bed and in a strange land. He'd happily take an year with her over a century without her. She changed him.
Emma had taken his fear and replaced it by love.