Cutting Costs*
SilverPhoenixWings
A budget proposal plan.
My friends and colleges, welcome. As you know, our nation has acquired a great national debt. To settle this, I have thought up a new proposal that I feel is the surest way of decreasing the nation's expenses. If we cut back on the amount of money we give out, we can settle this debt.
My solution: Make the United States only have forty-five states. Surely decreasing the nation by five states would cut down on cost. If we rent them out, we can even make money.
But which states to give up? My first thought is this. We sell Alaska to Andorra for a quarter. I think we're safe with a country who isn't even on most maps as our neighbor. Hey, we're doing them a favor. Before they move in, we can drain the stocks of oil and chop down all the forests the build duplexes in Las Vegas. What they don't know won't hurt them.
Next, I say we give up Hawaii. We can rent it out to Olympic swim teams in Olympic years, and to rich computer guys every other year. They could use the tan, right? They can start a franchise on the islands, occasionally performing ritual sacrifices of old Macs to the volcano gods.
My uncle says California should slowly slip under the ocean. I don't see that as logical, however. All of the hot movie stars would drown. California is safe. The next state I say we cast ruthlessly aside is Idaho. We'll sell it to Canada, and they can deal with all of the Neo-Nazis. We'll sell their potato fields to Ireland.
Also, we can rent out Florida to green cows from Albania. You have to admit, the prospect of theme parks run by cows is amusing. The cows will pay in milk, thus saving us the cost of running dairy farms.
Since the dairy issue is taken care of, I propose we sell Wisconsin to the Swiss. That way, the Swiss have no competition, and we don't have to pay heavy shipping to buy the best cheese in the world.
If this highly logical plan is followed, the number of states will decrease by five, thus causing our nation's debt to lower. Please consider!