There was always one girl that wouldn't leave me alone no matter what I told her.
"Hey, I don't like you."
"Hey, why are you here? Please leave."
"Hey, stop."
...But she never listened to me, because she saw right through me; she saw right through my lies.
I was never one that was good with words, so the day I finally decided to actually tell her my true feelings instead of playing riddles and hoping she would get it, well, I was pretty damn nervous. And with nervous I mean that my poker face was slightly faltering now and then.
As much as I tried to not think about it, I simply couldn't; this was going to be big for me, and to be honest, I would rather to not do it at all, but she is as dumb as a brick (which surprises me, since she can read me so well) and of course she doesn't notice the tiny signals I've been sending her. I'm pretty sure if our situation was different...no, I'm pretty sure if she was another person entirely, I would simply let it go, because yes, I am not afraid of spending my life alone (who needs people?), but...
She's one of those people; one that you meet only once in your life, and I rather not lose her.
I tapped my pen against my desk furiously; dammit, since when time passed this slow? Maybe always, and I never notice because I rather just stare out the window and daydream. But my desperation was building up, and oh guess what, it's only the first period.
"I hate everything."
"No you don't!"
"Yes, I do."
"Nope! You don't hate me!"
"..."
I was sitting restlessly on my chair after lunch. In the end I couldn't even see her while lunch, because of course, her and her goody-two-shoes butt decided to help teachers around the entire time (who the heck does that?). Not that I planned on bringing the theme up, but seeing her would ease my nerves a bit...
I'm very afraid of losing her. She's the typical popular and cute nice girl, so of course there's a lot people behind her, both with friendly and romantic intentions, and I would be lying if I said she always had time for me (which I wish she did, but I won't tell her that). What I'm afraid the most is that she says 'yes' to one of the many proposals she gets and ends up leaving me.
Just like she did that one time.
"Sorry, I won't be able to hang out after school."
"Why?"
"Well, you see, I got a date!"
"..."
"...?"
My mood after lunch was foul. Why did I decide to bring this up again? I should get over it, it has been 2 years since she left that guy, and she told me herself that she didn't plan getting in another relationship any time soon.
But well, 2 years already passed, so it should be okay...
Argh, I don't know! I just know I hate that stupid guy she went out with. No, it's not because I was jealous of him (...that much), it's just...he treated her so wrong. I am very bad at dealing with people, and even I could see that, and honestly? I'm surprised they lasted for 6 months; she's really too nice. So that's why I'm afraid.
I'm afraid she will date someone out of pity again.
"I'm sorry for calling you at this time, I just..."
"Nothing wrong with calling me at this time, though."
"But, it's 2 AM! And I...I don't even know what to say!"
"You don't have to say anything."
"What? And what will I do then? Cry to you for 2 hours again? Let you listen to my silence once more?"
"That's what I'm here for."
"..."
It started raining at some point, and as usual, I ended up looking over to the window and let myself get taken to a dreamland while staring at them; everything around me was silent, which made me think clearly.
...But I found myself over-thinking things again.
At this time, I would turn to her. She always said that anything that was bothering me, I should go and talk to her about it, but I can't really tell her this, now, can I? It sucks to be a loner and have no friends at times like this, because I have no one to turn to; no one will reassure me now.
I'm so nervous. What if I ruin our entire friendship?
"Hey, hey! I did it, I broke it off!"
"Woo."
"You could try to sound a bit more enthusiastic about it, you know?"
"I'm happy for you."
"Well, thanks! I don't plan on getting in a relationship any-time soon."
"Hm?"
"Yupp! It's you and me once more!"
"Hopefully it stays like that..."
"What?"
'"...Nothing"
Finally, the last bell rang. It took me some time to hear it though...or well, I didn't even hear it, my home-room teacher was just kind enough to go to me and tell me the day was over, as I was still spacing out on my seat.
"Ah...I..." I thought of saying something, anything, but I ended up getting flustered and looked down to my desk, my cheeks burning. This was so embarrassing, but being the kind soul she was, she just pushed her long, thick pink hair behind her ear and told me to not worry about it, then left me there.
I stared down at my desk with a heavy glare; dammit, I am not ready for this. What will I do? What should I do? She always has stuff to do after school and I end up waiting for her for around 10 minutes, but today, such action is going to be so painful.
...I could always...ditch her, though...
"Hey...Do you...have anything to do after school?"
"Hmm? Well, the usual; clean my classroom with my classmates."
"I mean after that."
"Oh! Well, nothing, study for my test, why?"
"...I want to talk to you about something."
"Oh? Then talk to me about it now!"
"...No. It has to be after-school."
"Aww, don't be that way! Now I won't stop thinking about it all day!"
"...Sorry."
I ended up waiting for her instead, in the usual park I did, which was not too far from our school building. I sat on my usual swing, and did my usual routine of swinging faintly while staring down at my feet. I didn't think about anything, I forced myself not to...but that task was hard, since I always ended up drifting to that.
"Oiii! Piko!" Ah, here it comes.
"..." I didn't respond, but I never did to begin with; I just turned my head up to look at her. She smiled like usual, and I nodded my head at her like usual. Everything was like usual, except it was not; not for me, anyway.
"Pikooo~" She hummed my name out again as she finally caught up with me "I've been so eager to see you today! I'm so sorry we couldn't spend time together at lunch together today."
"We never do." I dead-panned almost immediately; well, I was not lying, but she still looked a bit sad that I said that, but even though I wanted to apologize for it, I didn't.
"Don't be mean! You know I would love to spend all my time with y-"
"I don't know, Miki. Don't assume I do."
"..." There was an awkward silence after that. I just looked back down at my feet like nothing happened, and she stood there at a loss of words, probably wondering what was wrong with me today. I'm sorry, Miki, I'm just too nervous to even think right, and my words are probably stabbing you right now.
"..Right. So, this is what you wanted to talk me about? It's not my fault that I-"
"It's not your fault, but it still bothers me." Why can't I just get to the damn point?
"I'm sorry, but-"
"Are you really?"
"Yes, I am!"
"Then why are you putting 'buts'?"
"Because I can't help that people actually like me and want me to participate in their lives too! You're not my only friend, you know?!" She realized what she said a moment too late, and ended up covering her mouth with her hands, already looking at me with apologizing eyes.
"..." Ouch, that hurt. But I deserve it, so I kept quiet.
"A-Ah, I'm sorry, I lost my cool and I-"
"It's whatever." I cut her off once more, and ended up dropping my gaze to my feet.
This was it, this was the end of the conversation. I wouldn't say anything else, and neither would she; she just stood there and I just sat there, and nothing else was said for what it seemed to be hours. I honestly wanted to die at this very moment; I wanted to be alone, I had no motivation to even try to talk about what I planned to with her any more. Since she was the busiest girl in the world, I figured she would turn to leave, apologize a million times, then end up going away.
But she never left my side.
"...You've been here for a while" I broke the silence approximately 3 hours later. By now it was already dark around us, and she ended up sitting on the swing next to mine, occasionally moving forward on it, but mostly she just sat there, looking as beautiful as ever.
"So have you." She countered almost right away.
"I didn't ask you to be here." Here I go again.
"I know." She didn't seem bothered by my remark though. I didn't know what else to say to that, so I didn't say anything at all.
"...Piko."
"...What?"
"...We...are always going to be friends, right?"
"..." It took me a while to answer that. "I...guess."
"...Piko."
"...What?"
"You never told me what you wanted to talk to me about." I had hoped she had forgotten about that.
"...I don't want to any more" I am just being a coward now, am I not?
"...Piko."
"...W-What?"
"...I love you too"
I want to write lemon of these two, but since I couldn't come up with anything I wrote this instead. The ending is up to you lol, not really, I'll probably make this a two-shot or something (withlemONHAHAH-)