TITLE: I thought we were talking about, er, sex. (Note: We weren't talking
about sex.)
SUMMARY: We're stoned and bored and therefore we wrote the most f***d up
story we could think of involving scary and complicated connections
freakishly resembling a Spanish soap opera. I can't discuss it here. Just
read and review.
We dedicate this to Caffeine Ted. We love you. Oh, and Joss. This is all your fault. You made too many subliminal relationships that inspired this fanfic. Such as Caffeine Ted. Whoops, wait, that's something else. He's not even in this story. Oh wait, yeah he is.
NOTE: All of the Spongebob analyzing was Emily. Sarah can proudly say that she has no idea who the characters even are, much less what they represent. Emily, however, has little brothers and an obsessed father and cannot escape her fate. (
A/N: Angel is not tortured. Connor was not raised in a hell dimension. Spike's only ½ British. Buffy's a bitch. This is completely AU where everyone's human, so these things are all for a reason. So leave us alone.
CHAPTER ONE
"Who is that girl?" Connor asked his best friend Fred as they sat on the steps of Hemery. Fred looked first at Connor, and then at where he was looking. He was staring intently at a freshman girl, looking around the way freshmen always did on the first day of school. The sad thing was that even those confused little freshmen were cooler than geeky science nerd me, Fred thought to herself.
"I don't know. Freshman, I think." Fred replied, hoping that Connor didn't get too interested. "So, are you switching out of your first period Acting or what?" She asked him, changing the subject. Connor did not switch his gaze however, until Fred snapped her fingers in front of his face, when he jerked up.
"What? What'd you say?" Connor asked. Fred sighed. She knew Connor would never notice her. Not in that way, but she couldn't help but wish that he would. That stupid theory of people wanting what they can't have. It's true, she thought, and looked at the senior boy sitting next to her.
"You know what? I think I'm going to talk to her. I should, right? I mean, hey, I'm a senior this year. I own this campus. I own this school. I can do whatever the hell I want. Which means I can talk to a girl without stammering or anything."
"You never stammer around me." Fred mumbled.
"It's different with you. You're like my girl shaped guy friend."
"Who has much better English than you."
"Damn right. I'll talk to you later." Connor stood up and headed toward the lost brunette, looking at her class schedule. "Excuse me, are you lost?"
Dawn looked up at the tall senior who had randomly approached her. "Um, yeah." She said, a little embarrassed that her confusion was so apparent.
"What class are you going to?" Connor asked the girl.
"Um, first period acting. I decided to just get my requirement over with, you know?" She said. Connor silently thanked himself that he hadn't.
"Well, not all of us are that smart. That's where I'm headed. I'm Connor Doyle, by the way."
"Dawn Giles."
~
"Who is that girl?" Angel whispered to his best friend Spike. Spike knew everybody.
Spike looked up from his notes to where Angel was pointing a few rows in front of them. He craned his neck to get a better look at the petite blonde that Angel was pointing at.
"Um, something that starts with a B. Don't really remember. I think I saw her walkin down the hallway with Red."
"Why do you call her that?" Angel asked him.
"Cause, in case you haven't noticed, Peaches, her hair is red."
"Why do you call me that?"
"Dunno. Never really thought about it." Spike said, trying to recall how he had ever come upon the nickname. "Oh, right, that thing with the crayon.in Kindergarten, it was."
"Thanks for the memory, Yoda."
"Short and green Yoda is. Not I am." The two started to laugh at Spike's weak imitation.
"Excuse me, if you two aren't too busy talking I'd like your attention up here." The professor called to them from the front of the room. He crossed his arms as the entire class turned to look at the two.
"Eh, sorry mate. Continue with your wonderful talk about. er, sex." The class laughed.
"We weren't talking about sex. This is Images of Pop Culture." The blonde girl stifled a laugh.
"Oh, right." Spike said. "Guess we're in the wrong place then."
"No we're not, sit back down." Angel hissed at his best friend, pulling him back into his seat by his leather duster.
"You said this was about sex."
"I said we might talk about the Sex Pistols because it's pop culture, idiot!" Angel replied angrily.
"If you two are finished disrupting my class, maybe you could move on and torture some other professor." The professor called.
"We're sorry." Angel barely got the sentence out before the professor pointed at the door, indicating that they should leave. The two started to gather their stuff and head for the door.
"How many times has this happened now? Twenty?" Angel muttered as they walked down the hall.
"Think it's only about eighteen classes I've gotten you kicked out of, Peaches. Don't worry. UCLA has a lotta different classes. Big variety. You've got enough to go through before the end of our final year. Hey, that's this year, isn't it?"
"Well at least you learned something at college." Angel replied just as Spike's cell phone rang. He picked it up.
"Yeah?" He groaned when he heard the voice on the other line. "Hey there, wanker, what're you doing calling me?" From the sound of it, Spike was talking to his fraternal twin brother, Xander. The two didn't get along so well. Spike listened to Xander talk for a while. "Well, what do you want me to do about it, then?" Pause. "What? No. I can't do it tonight, I have a date with Faith. Yes, I'm seeing her again. So what if the bint can't get a date? You're dating Red, what do you care about her friend? Hold on, talk to Peaches bout it." Spike handed the phone to Angel.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Okay, then, cut to the chase all you want." Xander said on the other end. "Basically, I have a date with Willow tonight. Her best friend's sort of depressed and needs a nice evening, and Willow doesn't want her to be alone. So I figured that if we just set her up with someone." Angel didn't like the way this was going.
"Look, Xander, I don't know about this."
"Please? Just do me this one favor. Trust me, this chick's gorgeous, smart, really nice, there won't be a problem."
"If she's so great why can't she get her own date?" Angel muttered.
"She devotes more of her time to school than the social life. Come on, please?" Angel groaned.
"All right. Where should I meet her?"
We dedicate this to Caffeine Ted. We love you. Oh, and Joss. This is all your fault. You made too many subliminal relationships that inspired this fanfic. Such as Caffeine Ted. Whoops, wait, that's something else. He's not even in this story. Oh wait, yeah he is.
NOTE: All of the Spongebob analyzing was Emily. Sarah can proudly say that she has no idea who the characters even are, much less what they represent. Emily, however, has little brothers and an obsessed father and cannot escape her fate. (
A/N: Angel is not tortured. Connor was not raised in a hell dimension. Spike's only ½ British. Buffy's a bitch. This is completely AU where everyone's human, so these things are all for a reason. So leave us alone.
CHAPTER ONE
"Who is that girl?" Connor asked his best friend Fred as they sat on the steps of Hemery. Fred looked first at Connor, and then at where he was looking. He was staring intently at a freshman girl, looking around the way freshmen always did on the first day of school. The sad thing was that even those confused little freshmen were cooler than geeky science nerd me, Fred thought to herself.
"I don't know. Freshman, I think." Fred replied, hoping that Connor didn't get too interested. "So, are you switching out of your first period Acting or what?" She asked him, changing the subject. Connor did not switch his gaze however, until Fred snapped her fingers in front of his face, when he jerked up.
"What? What'd you say?" Connor asked. Fred sighed. She knew Connor would never notice her. Not in that way, but she couldn't help but wish that he would. That stupid theory of people wanting what they can't have. It's true, she thought, and looked at the senior boy sitting next to her.
"You know what? I think I'm going to talk to her. I should, right? I mean, hey, I'm a senior this year. I own this campus. I own this school. I can do whatever the hell I want. Which means I can talk to a girl without stammering or anything."
"You never stammer around me." Fred mumbled.
"It's different with you. You're like my girl shaped guy friend."
"Who has much better English than you."
"Damn right. I'll talk to you later." Connor stood up and headed toward the lost brunette, looking at her class schedule. "Excuse me, are you lost?"
Dawn looked up at the tall senior who had randomly approached her. "Um, yeah." She said, a little embarrassed that her confusion was so apparent.
"What class are you going to?" Connor asked the girl.
"Um, first period acting. I decided to just get my requirement over with, you know?" She said. Connor silently thanked himself that he hadn't.
"Well, not all of us are that smart. That's where I'm headed. I'm Connor Doyle, by the way."
"Dawn Giles."
~
"Who is that girl?" Angel whispered to his best friend Spike. Spike knew everybody.
Spike looked up from his notes to where Angel was pointing a few rows in front of them. He craned his neck to get a better look at the petite blonde that Angel was pointing at.
"Um, something that starts with a B. Don't really remember. I think I saw her walkin down the hallway with Red."
"Why do you call her that?" Angel asked him.
"Cause, in case you haven't noticed, Peaches, her hair is red."
"Why do you call me that?"
"Dunno. Never really thought about it." Spike said, trying to recall how he had ever come upon the nickname. "Oh, right, that thing with the crayon.in Kindergarten, it was."
"Thanks for the memory, Yoda."
"Short and green Yoda is. Not I am." The two started to laugh at Spike's weak imitation.
"Excuse me, if you two aren't too busy talking I'd like your attention up here." The professor called to them from the front of the room. He crossed his arms as the entire class turned to look at the two.
"Eh, sorry mate. Continue with your wonderful talk about. er, sex." The class laughed.
"We weren't talking about sex. This is Images of Pop Culture." The blonde girl stifled a laugh.
"Oh, right." Spike said. "Guess we're in the wrong place then."
"No we're not, sit back down." Angel hissed at his best friend, pulling him back into his seat by his leather duster.
"You said this was about sex."
"I said we might talk about the Sex Pistols because it's pop culture, idiot!" Angel replied angrily.
"If you two are finished disrupting my class, maybe you could move on and torture some other professor." The professor called.
"We're sorry." Angel barely got the sentence out before the professor pointed at the door, indicating that they should leave. The two started to gather their stuff and head for the door.
"How many times has this happened now? Twenty?" Angel muttered as they walked down the hall.
"Think it's only about eighteen classes I've gotten you kicked out of, Peaches. Don't worry. UCLA has a lotta different classes. Big variety. You've got enough to go through before the end of our final year. Hey, that's this year, isn't it?"
"Well at least you learned something at college." Angel replied just as Spike's cell phone rang. He picked it up.
"Yeah?" He groaned when he heard the voice on the other line. "Hey there, wanker, what're you doing calling me?" From the sound of it, Spike was talking to his fraternal twin brother, Xander. The two didn't get along so well. Spike listened to Xander talk for a while. "Well, what do you want me to do about it, then?" Pause. "What? No. I can't do it tonight, I have a date with Faith. Yes, I'm seeing her again. So what if the bint can't get a date? You're dating Red, what do you care about her friend? Hold on, talk to Peaches bout it." Spike handed the phone to Angel.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Okay, then, cut to the chase all you want." Xander said on the other end. "Basically, I have a date with Willow tonight. Her best friend's sort of depressed and needs a nice evening, and Willow doesn't want her to be alone. So I figured that if we just set her up with someone." Angel didn't like the way this was going.
"Look, Xander, I don't know about this."
"Please? Just do me this one favor. Trust me, this chick's gorgeous, smart, really nice, there won't be a problem."
"If she's so great why can't she get her own date?" Angel muttered.
"She devotes more of her time to school than the social life. Come on, please?" Angel groaned.
"All right. Where should I meet her?"