It's Not Fair
BtVS Season 4 Willow/Riley w/ mention of Buffy/Willow & Willow/Riley Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss Whedon owns that lovely right.
It
isn't fair. Not at all. I see him every day, and yet I can't have
him. I want him, dear god how I
want him, but it's not going to
happen. I know what would happen if we did: there'd be gloom,
and
doom, and the breaking of trust and friendship. Not to mention
the guilt. That would be the worst part.
So, no. I'm not going
to take what I'd wanted since I first saw him.
But there was
just one tiny problem with that. Every night when I sleep, I dream of
him. Of him
with his hands all over me. Of him breaking up with
his girlfriend for me. Of him just coming up to me
and kissing me.
Of him . . . no. I can't think about that anymore. If I do, I might
do something stupid.
But he's so. . .
No. I won't do this.
This isn't me. I'm not some kind of boyfriend stealer or some
type of slut.
I'm Willow Rosenberg, hacker extraordinare and
Wicca-in-training. I'm better than this. I don't need
him.
I've never needed him before. So . . . why do I need him now?
Because I'm in love with him. Because he's so handsome and
sweet and strong and caring and . .
. it would be wrong, totally
wrong.
If she knew how I felt about him, our friendship would be
over. But I just can't help it. Every
time I see him, I find
myself wondering how long it would take us to run back to my dorm
room and . . .
stop thinking about that!
My heart beats faster
and faster as I try to stop thinking about him. About his . . . no!
Stop it,
Rosenberg!
I am disturbed from my thoughts as she
comes up to me. The woman who has what I want. She
has no idea
what I am thinking. It's probably better that way, for all three of
us. Well, actually four,
considering I myself am dating someone.
So will I ever tell them? Any of them? No. We'll just do what
we have been doing for the last
six months. He'll continue to
date my best friend, never knowing there was someone who loved
him
more. And I'll continue to date someone I used to love, but
can't anymore.
"Hey Wil," She says to me cheerfully.
I
put on my happy face and say, "Hey Buffy. How's Riley?"
"Great.
He's taking me out to a fancy restaurant tonight." She says.
"What about Oz? How are
you two?"
"Awesome." I say, not
thinking of Oz but of how Riley and I could be.
"You wanna go
to the Espresso Pump and get some frappachinos?" She says.
"I
have class in two minutes." I say, wishing I did.
"Oh. I'll
just go see if Riley wants to. See you later." She says. Inside, my
heart breaks at her
words. She's leaving now, a sad expression
on her face because I can't go with her. If she only knew.
If
she only knew.
fin