Every breath she took in the mornings, felt like her lungs were being torn out. Her heart had already been torn out 14 months ago. She wasn't sure how she had gotten this far in the last few months but some how her movements became mechanical.
She tried seeking out comfort from him but he rejected her telling her he knew she was in pain but he couldn't give her the kind of pain relief she was seeking. She tried liquid comfort but all it did was bring the hurt to the fore front of her mind. She tried downing a bottle of sleeping pills, but all it did was actually made her sleep a full night.
So know she just went throw life, every corner of her apartment reminding her of her little Reuben, watching her neighbor, the man she trusted her sons life to, go on with his life like nothing had happened. Like he hadn't destroyed someone's life. Like he had a right to enjoy life and everything it brought.
She watched through the peep hole as he celebrated New Years with that Lindsay woman. She listened as they had their first major blow out about her nearly getting run over by a fleeing suspect, her lips curled up in a smile when she heard doors slamming. She also listened as they made up for hours the next day.
She watched through the peep whole when Lindsay agreed to move in with him, a continuous stream of New York's 'Finest' streaming through the halls carrying box after box.
She watched through the peephole when he brought home a bag from Tiffany's, a bouquet of white and pink roses in his hand. She listened as Lindsay screamed from joy and agreed whole heartedly 'YES!'
She watched through the peep hole when Lindsay came home carrying a brown paper bag that she recognized the emblem being from the pharmacy around the corner. She listened as he cheered and hooped and hollered and thanked her for making his dreams come true.
But her heart still ached every morning. How could this man, the man who destroyed her world, who was supposed to protect her son, have all these wonderful things happen to him? Who decided he was worthy of all this?
Months went by and she watched all these milestones happen, she watched Lindsay's belly grow bigger. She would say nod politely in passing if she happened to run into either of them in passing. She watched as he fidgeted in discomfort if he did happen to see her.
She still wondered why he worthy of having a child of his own was. What had he done so great? He had done nothing to stop her child from being murdered. He told Reuben to go home? He didn't watch him go and make sure he got there okay? He couldn't call in whatever the problem was and walk Reuben home? What kind of father would he make? Why should another innocent child have to suffer because of his actions?
Lindsay entered the elevator to go down, Rikki jumped in just before the doors closed.
"Hey Rikki," Lindsay said kindly.
Rikki nodded her head kindly, "I wanted to tell you congratulations, on everything." She gestured toward both her belly and her wedding rings.
Lindsay was confused, "How did you…?"
"Thin walls," Rikki replied softly.
"Oh," Lindsay blushed, "Ughh sorry about that. And thank you."
As the elevator descended to the parking garage, Rikki dug into her big jacket pocket gripping the handle of the bladed weapon she had purchased.
Lindsay moved to walk off the elevator when the door opened, "Could you help me with something in my car?" Rikki asked before she could go too far.
"Sure," Lindsay agreed, rubbing her 7 month bump, feeling the reassurance of her gun brush agents her ribs.
Danny pulled his phone from his belt, "Messer," He replied.
"Danny, where the hell are you?" Mac demanded.
"I'm on the Island, with Ma. It's my day off, Lindsay's on," his heart started pounding, why was Mac calling him? Where was his wife? Why wasn't she calling him and yelling at him? "Mac, what's goin' on?"
"There has been an accident," Mac replied, "You need to get to St. Michael's now."
The bright sun and warm breeze filled the air. The hot sand and warm ocean water surrounded their bodies.
Danny held his 3 year old daughter close to his chest, as he waded out into the ocean. She squealed with delight as the gentle waves picked her light frame and carried her as far as her attentive father would allow. He looked to the beach, his heart warming at the vision in front of him.
"Let's go see mommy," he said throwing his daughter over his shoulder, running through the water.
"Daddy," she squealed with delight as he tickled her well they ran.
Falling to his knees when he reached their 'beach front property' he through his daughter to the ground making sure she landed gently.
He laid on his side, next to his comfortable looking wife, his hand lying gently on her rounded belly. "Hey mommy," he said softly leaning down to kiss her.
"Hey daddy," she said back, returning his kiss.
His thumb lightly caressed the scar from the unplanned, premature c-section that had taken place. She wasn't sure who had worse nightmares about it, him or her.
She remembered following Rikki to her car, but she had a bad feeling about it. She watched as Rikki pulled the knife from her pocket and charged her. Rikki threw Lindsay to the ground and ripped away her clothing on her top. She can still feel the pain on the knife as it entered her flesh on the side of her body. Lindsay fought like hell, squirming through the pain, in a desperate attempt to save her life and her unborn child's. She remembered the feel of her gun digging in her back. Rolling as much as she could, the blade slicing more of her flesh, more searing pain, she maneuvered her gun from behind her. Her arm twisted enough to get any sort of shot off, she squeezed the trigger. Rikki cried out in surprise, grabbing her side. She bent down to retrieve the knife still protruding from Lindsay's side. Through the blinding pain, Lindsay pulled her gun around to her front squeezing the trigger twice more as Rikki came at her again. Rikki's eyes went wide, her mouth agape as she landed on her knees. She looked down at her chest, the blood gushing out, and crumpled as her last breath left her body.
With the energy she had left Lindsay fumbled for her phone, dialing 911. "Officer down, 1910 Chester ave. Stabbed, 7 months pregnant, losing blood quickly," she kept the phone on until she faintly heard sirens wailing.
She came in and out of consciousness, enough to give her info, and to have them call Mac. She knew Danny's phone would be hard to reach, he had gone to his mother's house and reception out there was terrible.
She woke up fully to find her belly gone and her husband praying next to her.
Danny had come so close to losing everything that day. His wife, his daughter, his sanity and his world.
Lindsay was a fighter. She fought to save their baby, fought to save herself, and she won.
Emily Aiden Messer was just as much a fighter her mother. She was born 2 months too soon, but she made it. Which meant she was just as stubborn as her parents, so all their friends and family knew they would be in trouble one day.