In Lagrimas I challenged myself to do a 'non-happily ever after' S/J story. I wasn't sure whether or not I was going to do a sequel. However, after a number of readers asked so nicely, I decided to go for it.
Warning: extreme sweetness. For fluff bunnies only!
He walked into his dark house and threw his jacket on the stair banister. He was too tired to worry about hanging it up. He walked carefully to the kitchen, not turning on the lights, but being careful of the still unpacked boxes in his path. The last thing he needed was to trip and fall.
When he got to the kitchen he made his way to the refrigerator and grabbed a container of orange juice and drank right from the carton. That was one thing about living alone – no one would give you a hard time about things like that.
He thought briefly about making himself something to eat, but decided not to bother. He was too tired and not that hungry, even though he hadn't had much more than a bagel today. With a sigh he turned and walked slowly into the living room and practically collapsed onto his couch.
He'd been in Washington for 4 months now, and he still didn't feel at home. It wasn't surprising really. All he did was work, from morning till late at night. Even his weekends were filled with paper work and trying to get caught up on everything he needed to learn to run Homeworld Security.
He thought briefly back to those first few weeks of running the SGC and how he'd almost resigned, feeling totally overwhelmed with everything. Well, that was nothing like DC. Here he felt like a total fish out of water and was sure, most days, that everyone around him thought he was a complete idiot.
What had made it harder, of course, was the fact that George hadn't really stayed on to pass over the reigns. Oh, he'd offered, and he'd planned to, but Jack had refused to let him stay. He'd been worried about his old commander. The man looked worn and ill. Jack assured him that he was just fine and that he'd figure everything out. George had protested a bit, but his heart wasn't in it and after a bit had agreed, with a look of relief, to take a quick retirement.
He'd talked to Hammond a few times since and had been assured that the older man was doing just fine, although Jack had his doubts. He still sounded weary. He prayed that the General would be okay. He'd feel terrible if he lost someone who was as close to a father figure as he had – even though technically Hammond wasn't old enough.
Well, Hammond's leaving had meant that Jack had had to pretty much figure things out on his own. He'd thanked God, repeatedly, for his secretary, Lieutenant Fitzgerald. She'd served under Hammond and had a good handle on what was going on. She'd saved his butt more times than he could remember. Still, she wasn't at meetings and couldn't always tell him what to say to the various politicians and bureaucrats he had to deal with on a daily basis. He'd spent most days freaking out, until he'd had a brilliant brainwave. He'd asked to have Paul Davis transferred to his office. He'd spoken to Paul first, and when the man appeared eager to join him, he'd begged the Chief of Staff. He was pretty sure the Chief was looking for some way to help Jack and so quickly agreed. Having Paul, who understood all the ins and outs – and booby traps – of DC was invaluable.
Still, Jack kept up his hectic pace. After a while it was more habit – and avoidance – than need. He'd finally gotten to the point where he knew what he was doing – mostly – and could actually make intelligent decisions. The problem was, he didn't have anything to do outside of work. He'd hadn't had time to make new friends and people treated him very differently now that he was a Major General. Gone were the days of the easy camaraderie of the SGC. People there had shown him respect, both when he was a Colonel and when he made General but they'd worked and fought side by side with him for years so there was more of an ease about their treatment of him. Here, people were very conscious of rank and status. He was expected to hang out with the other Generals, not with his subordinates. The only problem with that was the fact that he couldn't stand most of them. He found them to be a lot of self-important wind bags who had no idea what the men and women under them were dealing with. For most of them it had been years since they'd served on the front lines and none of them had been out there, beyond earth's boundaries. They didn't have a clue what was going on, either on earth or in space.
Of course, in his more honest moments, he admitted to himself that the real reason for his sudden and total focus on work, and lack of a social life, was that he was using it as a way to anesthetize himself. The more he kept busy, the less time he had to think. He was tired of dealing with the pain of loss and so decided to ignore it completely.
Even he knew this was probably not a smart thing to do. He was pretty sure that one day it would come up to bite him in the ass. He couldn't ignore it forever, even if that's what he'd like to do.
With a heavy sigh, he pulled himself up out of his chair and made his way to bed. He was just exhausted enough that he could probably sleep. In the morning he'd head in early and start the cycle all over again!
His intercom buzzed and he picked up the phone. "O'Neill", he answered abruptly. He really didn't feel like dealing with idiots right now.
"Sir, you have a call on line two. It's Dr. Jackson."
"Thank you Lieutenant." He took a deep breath and pushed the button. "Daniel, what's up?"
Daniel made a point of calling him at least once a week. He appreciated it, really he did, although he found all the calls quite exhausting. He had to work hard to not let his friend hear how miserable he was. He did his usual joking around, and made comments about all the things he was doing in DC (total lies of course). So far, Daniel hadn't caught on, which surprised Jack somewhat. Jackson was usually really good at discerning the truth. It had driven Jack crazy for years.
"Jack, hi. Uh look, I have a few days off and I thought I'd come up for a visit. I was wondering if you'd be free this weekend? I'll probably come up Thursday night but I can hang around by myself Friday. I thought maybe we could do some things together on Saturday and Sunday."
His first thought was almost one of panic. Daniel wouldn't fail to see that Jack was not enjoying life. Still, it would be great to see his friend.
"Jack?"
"Sorry Daniel. That'd be great. I was - I was just checking my schedule but it looks clear. Just let me know what time you're arriving and I'll pick you up – or if I'm in a meeting I'll send my driver."
"You have a driver?" Daniel asked.
"Yeah, I'm an important person here you know. Generals are important people in DC."
"Really? Aren't there a lot of them?"
"Oh yeah – way too many in fact! However, sometimes the perks are nice." He stopped and suddenly realized that he was looking forward to his friend's visit. In fact, it was the first thing he'd had to look forward to for a long time.
He stood waiting in the airport for Daniel to arrive. He'd decided to take the Friday off and spend some time with his friend. He hadn't really taken anytime off at all since he'd arrived, so he figured nobody would mind. He would have been surprised at how relieved his secretary was. She liked him, but he was around all the time, which made her job harder.
He grinned when he saw Daniel arriving. He looked the same – which shouldn't have surprised Jack since it'd only been 4 months. Still, for some reason it had felt much longer.
"Jack! It's good to see you." Daniel dropped his backpack and gave his friend a 'man hug'. "How are they treating you here in DC?"
Jack laughed. "Oh you know me. I've probably managed to piss off most of the Pentagon by now. I figure that eventually they'll figure out that I'm not cut out for this and let me retire to my cabin."
Daniel laughed dutifully, but he hadn't missed the fact that Jack wasn't totally kidding. As they headed towards the exit he looked surrepticiously at the General and was surprised at how worn and tired he looked. The job must be taking a lot out of him, he realized.
"I really appreciate you putting me up like this. I hope I didn't come at a bad time."
"No, it's great actually. Things are a bit slow right now so I have some time. Unless you had something planned I thought I'd take tomorrow off and we could do something."
"Oh, that's great – you're sure you can do that."
"Hell, I'm really the man now Daniel. I report directly to the Joint Chiefs – and they pretty much ignore me unless there's an alien incursion or something.
"Really? Wow. I thought they'd be more interested in what's going on out there."
"Well, they are really, but for most of them it seems like kind of a shadowy kind of threat. They've never been off world so they don't really get it. It's not that they don't believe it exactly, it just isn't very real to them."
"They should all be made to visit another planet. Hey", he said eagerly as he had a wicked thought, "we could send them to one of Teal'c's Jaffa planets and stage a mock battle – and not tell them it wasn't real. I bet they'd have a different view once they dealt with a few Jaffa."
Jack laughed again, imagining the joint chiefs faced with Teal'c and his Jaffa buddies. Hell, they should send them over to meet Ishta and her Haktyl warriors. That'd give them a shock. "Yeah, I think I might actually suggest that to the President. They'd probably be easier to convince when I'm trying to ask for more money. Hell, we should make all of Congress go. That'd light a fire under their butts."
They eventually arrived at Jack's house in Alexandria. Daniel was quite impressed with the Colonial brownstone. It was big – much bigger than a single man needed – but had probably been meant for a family.
Jack opened the door and led Daniel in to the hallway. "Nice decorating Jack", he said when he noticed he stacks of boxed.
"Well, I've been busy. Haven't had time to put everything away yet."
"Everything? It kinda looks like you haven't put anything away", Daniel peeked into what he thought was the study and saw more boxes.
"Yeah, well, I don't need very much. Come on, I'll show you your bedroom."
Daniel was relieved to find that his bedroom didn't have boxes and looked totally finished. What he didn't know was that Jack had rushed out to buy new bedding and then had spent a late night getting everything ready for company.
After ordering supper, the two men spent a relaxing evening talking and laughing. It had been a long time since Jack had enjoyed himself but it brought back to him how much he missed his friends, and his old life.
Daniel had filled him in on everything that was happening back at the SGC. He was glad to hear that everyone was doing okay, although he couldn't help admit to himself that it made him feel a bit sad that they had gone on so well without him.
"Of course, we all miss you Jack", Daniel said, as if he'd read Jack's mind. "Things are okay but it's just not the same without you."
"Really? Things just not running as smoothly?", he asked hopefully.
"Well – no, things are running smoothly."
"Okay – but-?"
"But there's a shortage of cake, no red jello or fruit loops, no yo-yo's and no one comes and bugs us at inconvenient times during the day."
"Oh." Jack sat for a second and then grinned. "So the really important things are missing."
"Yup", Daniel grinned back.
Over the next few days the two friends spent time seeing some of the sites and just spending time together. It was a great time, only spoiled by one conversation. Daniel had said that Sam was doing okay, but otherwise hadn't said anything. It was Saturday before Jack had the courage to say anything.
"So", he'd finally asked as they sat in the living room, watching a moving. "How's Carter? She working too hard as usual?" He tried really hard to sound as casual as he could.
"Yeah", Daniel had said, pretending he didn't know how hard it was for Jack to ask. "I'm pretty sure that's all she does."
Jack turned and frowned. "Are you making sure she goes home on time and gets out of the mountain?"
Daniel grimaced. "Uh, she doesn't really listen to me Jack. I think you're the only one she'd ever really listen to."
"What about Landry?" he asked, refusing to think about what Daniel had said.
"Uh, he doesn't really try. I don't know if he knows. He doesn't go down to see her like you used to. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a good guy, but he's not as close to us as you were."
"Teal'c?"
"No, she pretty much ignores him too."
"Really? I'd think that – uh – Pete wouldn't be happy that she was working all the time."
"No, I don't think he is, although he's still living and workig in Denver." Daniel looked over at the General and hated what this was doing to his friend. "He's transferring down next month before the wedding."
"I see. Well, she'll have a reason to go home then." With that Jack stood up and asked Daniel if he wanted a beer and that was the end of the conversation.
As Jack dropped Daniel off the next day at the airport, he couldn't help but realize he felt better than he'd felt in a long time. It had been great to see his friend but it made the distance from his old life seem even greater. That evening he sat in his living room and tried to watch TV, knowing that starting tomorrow his life would return to the same old grind he'd had since arriving in DC.
Daniel sat in the plane, looking out of the window thinking about his visit. It had been great to see his friend. He hadn't realized how much he missed the older man. Jack, along with Teal'c and Sam, had become his family, but it was Jack who had been the first one to make him feel like he was no longer alone, that he had someone who cared about him. The career Air Force officer ironically also kept him grounded. Although Daniel often got exasperated at his friend, deep down he knew and appreciated the fact that the teasing and harassment was Jack's way of showing his affection and concern.
It had been after a conversation with George Hammond that hehad decided to fly out to DC. The General had moved back to Colorado Springs and Daniel had gone to visit him. Hammond wasn't looking well – he'd aged considerably since Daniel had seen him last. He hadn't want to talk about himself however, instead he'd almost instantly brought up Jack.
"Have you seen him lately?", the General asked.
"Uh no. We email and talk every week but we've both been pretty busy. Why? Is there a problem?" Daniel worried that Jack wasn't doing well.
"As far as the job is going, he's doing great. Unfortunately he had to take over without a lot of help." George grimaced. "My health wasn't too good." When Daniel looked worried he smiled. "I'm okay now, just have to take it a little easier. I'm afraid I'm not up to worrying about alien incursions anymore."
"You've done enough Sir. If it wasn't for you we'd have been toast a long time ago. I think you deserve to take it easy."
"Thank you Dr. Jackson. But the fact is I'm worried about Jack. As I said, he's doing a fantastic job. I'm getting glowing reports from Washington – and they're from people who I trust to tell me the truth. No, the fact is that from all indications he's just about killing himself. Paul Davis told me the man works 7 days a week and often doesn't go home until late at night. We're all worried he's going to burn himself out."
"I expect he's just trying to get caught up on everything. I'm sure it was a pretty intense learning curve."
"Yes, although he had an advantage having been with the program since the beginning. From what I've been told he hasn't seen anyone or done anything outside of work, unless he's doing it in the middle of the night. I have a feeling he's not happy. I also feel like I forced him into taking the job when it was really something he didn't want."
Daniel frowned. General Hammond was clearly feeling guilty and was worrying about Jack. "I can go see him and find out what's wrong", he finally said, "but you shouldn't feel bad. I think Jack wanted to leave the SGC. It was getting – hard for him." He didn't want to say anymore. It was Jack's business after all, but when he saw the look of comprehension on Hammond's face he realized he didn't have to say anything.
"I wondered how he'd take it", he said. "I didn't know if things had changed or if there were still – feelings there."
"Yeah, there are, and I don't think it's just on Jack's side", he confessed. "She's working herself to death too and I can't get through to her."
"Then why in hell hasn't she gotten rid of Shanahan?" George asked.
Daniel raised his eyebrows in surprise. This was the first time he'd ever heard the General admit to knowing anything. He'd kept things pretty close to his chest, although Daniel realized he hadn't had much choice. If he'd brought the matter out into the open he could have destroyed two careers.
"I'm not sure", he finally answered. "I think she's trying to convince herself that this is what she wants – or at least what she needs. She's living in denial and has told herself that everything will be fine when they're married."
"Have they set the date?" he asked.
"June 14th", he answered. "She just told me the other day. Teal'c wanted to tell her she was being foolish but I convinced him not to. She has to be the one to figure it out. I don't think any of the rest of us can say anything."
"No, probably not. The only person I've ever met who's more stubborn than Samantha Carter is Jack O'Neill – she was just more subtle about it."
Both men sat, with heavy hearts, wishing they could do something for their friends, but knowing there wasn't anything they could do – not when the people involved were so blind and stubborn.
So, Daniel had called Jack and flown out to Washington and he was glad he had. Not only had he enjoyed the visit, he'd seen for himself that Hammond's worries were legitimate. Jack was working too hard and he was convinced it was to mask the pain he was in. He should have taken some C4 he realized, and put it under Jack's butt. He needed something to get through to him.
Sam sat looking at the stack of invitations in front of her. They frightened her more than a whole battalion of Jaffa and all the System Lords put together. She had been sure that when she finally agreed to a date for the wedding and started the planning, that her doubts and fears would go away. Instead they'd gotten worse. She went through most of her days feeling sick to her stomach. At one point she'd even gone to see Dr. Lam, thinking that maybe she had a low grade flu or something. The good doctor hadn't found anything but had suggested that maybe all Sam needed was a break.
Taking a break – no matter how small – was just something she knew she couldn't take. She didn't want to have time where she'd have to think – at least of anything other than naquada reactors and aliens threats. No, she'd be fine, she'd convinced herself. She just had to make a decision and get going on it.
So, here she sat, with 100 invitations to her wedding ready to be addressed. She had the weekend - they'd been given four days off and Daniel had gone away - although he hadn't said where. Teal'c was in the middle of a movie marathon in his room! So, she figured now was the time to get the damn things written.
Her wedding was coming up in 6 weeks. She frowned – no, she meant Pete's and her wedding. She couldn't forget him, mustn't forget him, even though she had a tendency -" She closed her eyes, suddenly guilty for the thought. He was a good man, a kind man – and he made her happy – didn't he? Of course he did, she said to herself. The days that he came down from Denver were much easier for her. Maybe that was her problem. Once he was here permanently she'd be much better.
She pulled the first invitation towards her and determinedly began to write. Her future mother-in-law and her two future sisters-in-law had all offered to help her but she'd insisted she could do it. She knew she'd disappointed them but she really didn't think she could handle sitting around laughing and giggling about her upcoming wedding. It just didn't make her feel – that way.
She knew Pete's family had a hard time knowing what to make of her. She'd tried to be polite and friendly, but she had a hard time opening up to them. For some reason she resented the fact they assumed they were her new family. She already had a family – Mark and his wife and kids, Teal'c, Daniel, and –" She put her pen down and took a deep breath. This was ridiculous, she thought. What the hell was she doing.
Once more she picked up her pen and began to write. By the time she'd been at it for almost three hours her hand was numb. She was down to the last handful and knew that she'd soon have to face that invitation. She still didn't know what to do.
Jack let himself into his house. It was late – almost 9:30 by his watch. At least the weather had warmed up and spring was in full bloom. This was the nicest time of year in Washington. Soon the weather would become stinking hot and humid, but for now it was pleasant.
He grabbed the stack of mail on his floor and put it down on the hall table while he removed his jacket. He grabbed it again as he headed to his kitchen for a drink. Again, he didn't feel like eating but figured he should have something. His uniforms were all getting too big and he knew people were noticing his weight loss.
He grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat at the island and looked through the envelopes. Bills, offers for credit cards – how the hell many credit cards does anyone need for God's sake, he wondered, EHarmony, he tossed that one aside with a grimace. He really didn't need to find a woman on the internet! Finally he picked up a large, gold embossed envelope. He instantly felt his heart stop.
It took a few seconds before he could breathe again. He briefly closed his eyes but decided he might as well get it over with. Using his finger he slit open the envelope and slowly pulled out the card .
He glanced over it as quickly as possible, feeling like each word was ripping another piece out of his heart. His eyes moved to the bottom of the page where there was a personal, written message.
Sir,
It would mean a lot if you could come, but I'll understand if you're too busy.
Carter
Yeah, that was his Carter, all right. Always trying to make it easy for everyone! She'd made him feel wanted while at the same time giving him a way out. Well, he absolutely was going to take that way out. He glanced again and saw the date – June 14. Yup, he was sure he had a major, international summit on that day – or was it a meeting with the Asgard? Whatever it was, he knew he couldn't make her – wedding.
With a deep breath – that sounded suspiciously like a sob – he reached over and picked up the other envelope he'd tossed aside. EHarmony. Maybe it was time.