A.N.: The first chapter is confusing due to Sakura's mental state. Check my profile for more info and detailed warnings.
WARNINGS: the narration can be very disturbing, as it's written from each character's point of view. As such, it can be unclear, if their mental state isn't good; their descriptions might be incorrect and affected by their beliefs, etc. Overall, this is a story about humanity - self acceptance plays an important role, and so does the fight against inner demons. As such, the following themes are present: depression, angst, sorrow, insanity and irrationality among others. For this same reason, there will be violence and abuse, to the point of reaching torture, murder and/or rape, just to mention a few. Since the scenes described can be a bit brutal, be aware that things like gore/horror are bound to be described. Another big theme is psychological damage/attacks and their effects. I will try to explore different characters' development in dire situations and despair, so no one will be safe from suffering. I also like doing detailed personality, descriptions and worldbuilding, to make it more realistic, so there will be some of that.
Post-ending note: yo! After finishing this story and reading through it, I've come to notice that my little-editing style (most chapters were uploaded in the first draft; I wrote them as I went) on the story means that there's typos here and there; some sentences are constructed in illogical/incorrect ways; and the narration, though purposely written this way, is confusing as hell. I will keep editing out the mistakes as I proof-read, but don't hesitate to point them out if you see 'em!
Timeline: this fic is canon up until #692 of the manga.
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. All I have to my name is the ideas behind this story.
Barebones - Arc I: Recovery - Chapter 1: Chimeras of Sunshine
It's only when stripped of the shell of beauty, that stars show their true light.
A pretty dream, isn't it? Sakura looks up at the blue, bottomless sky. It's a radiant summer day - cotton clouds sail through the empyrean ocean above, as she lies back and watches peacefully. The gentle breeze makes the grass dance in unpredictable waves, rustling her clothes , as the wild strands of her pink hair float in the wind. Hands behind her head, the girl sighs. So serene... Yet she has this nagging sensation that there is something she forgets... perhaps a distant memory, a menial task. Unimportant, probably. Who cares, anyway? She feels so content, so relaxed, that right now there isn't a single thing to cause worry in her mind.
"Hey, Sakura-chan," greets a familiar voice, so close to her it almost startles her. She didn't notice that there was someone here. The girl looks to the side, and her inquisitive eyes meet with Naruto's lively gaze. The boy shows a large, happy grin. "Enjoying the day?" he asks, as breezy as usual. He sits down next to her and adopts a similar position.
"Yeah," she mutters, closing her eyes again. It's nice that Naruto is here. "It's beautiful," she adds. A content smile spreads through her face. When was the last time she felt like this? Even though it feels like something is amiss, she just doesn't care.
Her response is a hearty chuckle, so typical of him. Naruto's dreamy eyes wander over the lush landscape. He seems happy, too. What a perfect day... if only it would last forever. The pinkette closes her eyes, taking deep breaths. The air is filled with the strong scent of summer, of life.
"It's cool to see you like this. It doesn't happen often anymore," he comments, his voice tainted by a nostalgic, slightly sad note. His sigh is so soft and quiet that she can barely hear it.
"It's okay," Sakura replies, waving a hand in the air. Something soft brushes against her fingers, though she pays it no attention.
"Sakura-chan…" the boy mutters. His voice sounds definitely concerned this time. "You gotta wake up…"
An ear-piercing scream echoes through the empty battlefield. Sakura holds her head with her hands, feeling like it's going to melt from pure pain. The sensation can be compared to having many poisoned needles stabbing through her skull. The girl's eyes feel particularly affected, her vision clouded by the pain. Never before had she been this hurt.
Yet, her thoughts linger on Naruto's words, still ringing in her ears. Wake up.
"GO AWAY!"
She can't tell if it's tears or blood, but a warm liquid runs down her face and drops quietly on her lap. She can't hear these soft taps against her clothes, because she is still shouting so much that her throat feels raw. It's incoherent, just chaotic shrieks to let it out. After a while, the headache ebbs, but that was probably the least of her problems. Her whole body shivers, cold and numb, though the pain she feels won't leave.
'I can't do anything about it,' she realises, distantly. The urge to keep yelling is almost impossible to resist.
Regardless… it's not like anyone can hear her. The vague shadows that linger in the atmosphere... she can almost feel them tug at her, trying to drag the girl outside of her cracked shell of sanity. A simple thing - like shouting, or feeling pain, reminds her she's still alive. It's something to hold onto, because there is nothing else.
"Hey, Sakura-chan…"
She is vaguely aware of the feeling of a kunai in her hand. Then, she hurls it towards the position of the auditory hallucination. Sakura blinks a few times, her eyes scanning her surroundings on the lookout for more of them. Perhaps they aren't real, but they're still dangerous. She must fight.
"COME FOR ME! I dare you!" she snarls, angrily, holding another kunai defensively. If anyone approaches her, Sakura is sure she will destroy them. Because there are no friends left. If anyone comes nearby, she expects them to be an enemy.
But there is no one. Once the echoes of her voice die down, she realises her slip and bites her lower lip. Alone. The thought makes her wince, painful and too destructive to be able to process it fully, so she shuts it down.
Ino's voice is next, and this time Sakura is sure she can see the blurry movement of her friend's body, somewhere in the fog. It's there for a fraction of a second, and then it's gone, and so is her kunai, chasing after the vision hopelessly.
If someone asked her about discerning reality from illusion, Sakura would probably stab that person before they could finish the sentence. Her fingers fumble around with the kunai in her pouch, too insensitive to respond properly. It takes a while, but she manages to pick one up and hold it as a last, desperate method of defense.
Curled up against the stone of the small cave, Sakura waits. But nothing happens, and all she can hear is the clatter of the kunai when it falls to the ground. She dropped it, her hands far too clumsy to hold it any longer. Her jade eyes stare at it emotionlessly, as the weapon sits quietly between her feet. Suddenly, she feels angry at it. The damned thing is only another mockery of her failures.
Thoughtlessly, she rips off her kunai pouch and throws it outside. Away with you. She can hear the collision of the metal blades on the dusty ground. It has taken a lot of effort to coordinate her hands, but she feels better when it's done. And then the voices come back - she doesn't have any method of defense now. All she can do is curl up tighter and scream.
It has probably been a few days… Sakura isn't sure how long. The outside is either very cloudy and foggy, or completely dark. No signs of life… no sounds, besides the illusions of people and monsters that shouldn't be there. She's probably losing it, and she knows, but the strength to care isn't there anymore. There isn't a reason to fight, so why bother remaining sane? It hurts too much.
Her clothes are in tatters, barely giving her any warmth. Her chakra hasn't recovered, because she has spent it constantly, to try and keep herself alive. Indeed, the injuries on her body are just nearly lethal. Sometimes they get worse and she feels like she's dying, but it's almost always an hallucination. She knows that without rationalisation, it's just her survival instinct keeping her in this side of death.
Sakura isn't sure anymore - what is real and what is a product of her battered mind? She doesn't have a concussion or a fever severe enough to cause visions of the sort, so perhaps… perhaps she's just crazy. Does it even matter, anymore? She's probably going to die here. No one will save or even remember her. It's heartbreaking, but she knows she's helplessly alone in this damned battlefield.
The visions come and go, and she gives up on ignoring them. After a very long time, she breaks down and starts talking to them. Sometimes, they even respond. One of these times, Ino looked at her sadly (some days, the visions are clearer). Never before had Sakura seen the blonde girl look so sorrowful.
"You still have to blossom, Sakura," she said.
Naruto is the one who appears the most, usually in visions that also cloud her perception of surroundings. She finds herself sitting in different, more peaceful places, alongside him. The scenarios seem based on the land around Konoha, always in the summer, so bright and warm... She assumes the frequency of his appearances is because of her massive guilt over his fate.
"I failed you," she cries, trying to hold onto him during one of her dreams. He holds her, patting her back awkwardly.
"It's okay, Sakura-chan. You can do this. You just gotta wake up."
She tries to shout, beg and wail for him to stay, but it's useless. Every single time, he, and all those she loves, end up fading away. They vanish amidst the fog and the darkness, into oblivion. Those brief moments are usually the only ones where she realises the extent of her plight. Sakura curses, pleads, punches and simply hurts, but no matter what she does… they don't come back. They aren't really there, and she knows it.
Even though the girl spends most of the time confused about reality... Deep down, she knows. That they're gone, with them all those pretty dreams of the future, all the love. That soon, she will join them and it will all be over. But if she lets go of them, the shadows will eat her. She doesn't want to die - not yet, not like this. So she talks to the people that don't exist, she screams in rage towards enemies that can't hear, and she stays alive just because there is nothing else to do. Because it's all she has left: just dreams and nightmares and memories of friends and foes.
As time passes by in a blur, the voices and figures stop visiting. Even the monsters are gone. One by one, they disappear. It's a clock, ticking down time until she crosses the threshold of death. Maybe... maybe it's for the best. The pain will be over, and nothing will matter. It would be such a mercy. The last day, Naruto gives her the most heartbroken look. She wants him to smile, feeling herself far too gone to handle any more of this, but she can't voice her words.
"Don't give up," he mutters, the look in his eyes so desperate that it looks almost real. Behind his irises, the girl can almost feel a glimpse of his inner fire.
Yet, Sakura can't do anything as his image fades away.
"Please… don't leave…"
Her voice is hoarse and raspy, but it's still worth nothing - he's gone.
'I'm really alone.'
It should have been over soon, but for some reason, she still doesn't give up. Somehow, she manages to hang on just a bit longer, with the last remains of her hope. Maybe things will miraculously get better. It doesn't happen as she expected it to.
Her breathing is ragged, heavy, as Sakura stares silently. A strange item has invaded her safe haven: a single feather is carried by a gentle breeze and brought to her lap. Wind gusts are rare in this place, so it startles her into semi-awakeness. She looks down, and after a few weak attempts, manages to hold it in front of unfocused eyes.
A crow's feather. It's soft and strangely warm - but maybe she's just cold. She twirls it with her fingers, because once more, there is nothing better to do.
"Sakura."
'Isn't that great,' she grumbles, internally. 'Now the feathers talk.'
The stupidity of the situation almost makes her chuckle, but all that comes out is a hoarse, bloody cough. With a frown, Sakura stares at the velvety item intently. It feels like her mind should've been able to connect it with something, a memory, perhaps a name or a face… but she can't remember.
She falls asleep shortly after, but she can still hear it when another gust of wind takes the feather away from her fingers, and it speaks again. This time, it's Naruto's voice. So lively and caring that she wants to cover her ears and scream.
"What do you want from me?!" she replies, angrily. She snatches the feather clumsily, trapping it in her cold hands.
"Don't give up." Whose voice is that? Kakashi-sensei's? She can't tell anymore. In her demented and moribund state, she has heard almost every voice she can recall, from the people who fought alongside her. It's like a lingering echo that still rings in her ears, day after day.
She manages to figure out that the feather speaks when there's rushing air in contact with it. Either wind, her breath or waving it around. Always different, familiar voices, telling her to stay strong, to not give up, to stand up and fight. They give her a slim beam of hope, and Sakura latches onto it desperately. It doesn't matter if she's crazy or not anymore, so why not believe in the words of a feather?
Sakura props herself up, stumbling out of the small cave and falling over, prey of the gravity and tiredness. She lands in front of her kunai pouch, and picks it up amid whispered apologies for throwing it away. The girl crawls and walks, dragging herself through the empty battlefield.
It doesn't matter where - what the feather tells her is that she has to move. Do something. Otherwise, she will die. She doesn't know for how long, but at some point she hears different, unfamiliar voices. She looks around and notices that the lighting has changed - the outlines of shrubs are defined by the soft, silvery color of moonlight.
Squinting, Sakura manages to locate some of the stars on the sky, but they don't really help with directions. She's just happy to see it again. If it's real or not, she doesn't know for sure... but it's pretty. Then there's movement, and someone - a real person, standing beside her. She is held up by them, as they say things she can't understand. The words are blurry.
Against her will, a wave of chakra forces her to submit to unconsciousness.
A.N.: And that's it. Consider this an experiment on my part... and so far, the most fucked up Naruto fanfiction I've written. No, it doesn't get any better. Yes, stuff's explained. You won't get yelled at for pointing out what and why something sucks, either. Reviews are extremely appreciated, regardless of if they're praise or criticism (or both!).
Funfact: yes, the title is (edit: was!) the same as Silver Queen's "Dreaming of Sunshine". It's a bit coincidental - I knew about the story and I've read it, but the words fit nicely for the title. If I recall, I had already published when I realised it was an unintentional similarity. So there's that!
Cheers!