A/N: So ... well, I decided to trash all of the chapters I was ahead of OS tonight. And ... I just needed to write something that wasn't related to that, just so it could breath a bit. And then this happened. This is a serious issue and ... I hope I did it some form of justice.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Otherworld universe by Kelley Armstrong.
What do you want me to do?
It was the question that hung in the air. Unasked. But both we waiting for the answer to appear out of the air.
She ran her fingers through her hair. It felt dry. It needed a cut. She needed to pay attention to things like that. He hated when she didn't pay attention to things like that. Her face probably needed touch ups. She should have made sure before she opened the door that she was ready.
What do you want me to do?
She stared at him for only a half a second – a glorious half a second that felt like an eternity – but diverted her eyes when he noticed.
What fight was this? Five? Six? All in the past two weeks? It was all too much. Clearly a sign that things needed to slow down or stop completely.
He didn't wait for her to ask the question before he told her calmly the solution to everything that was troubling them.
Give up her career. No wife of his was going to be working. It didn't matter that she brought in more money than he ever could dream. Or maybe it mattered more because of it.
She wanted to call someone, family, friends, but he had pushed her away. She was his. Only his. And what would they tell her that they hadn't told her before? Run, run away. Please, you can stay with us, it isn't a problem. We will help you. He can't get to you from here.
The highs were euphoric, there wasn't anything that could compare to it. They would come and go, but that was typical. But the lows were scary. Frightening. Dangerous.
What do you want me to do?
She nodded in agreement, not processing what he was saying. Agree and it will be over. The high will come soon. Everything will be so much better if she could just make him happy. And keep him there. But she couldn't, she knew that. Happiness was a snake, and if she tried to catch it, she would be bitten and suffer.
"Are you listening to me," he thundered.
Lauren raised her eyes some, but not meeting his. No, never meeting his, not in a mood like this.
"I …"
He started again, bellowing.
Leaving wasn't the hard part. She had left several times. She managed to kick him out once or twice. But he never stayed gone long. Or, rather, she would call him back and beg for forgiveness, please give it another shot.
She was isolated. She and Jennifer had fought over Steve and Jennifer cut her off. Jennifer was the only family she had left that cared.
All she had was him.
So each time, she let him back in.
And the cycle would begin again.
One phone call changed everything. She didn't know how she managed to do it. She wasn't sure how or where she had drawn the courage from.
But she had.
She had called her sister – perhaps a sister's love is deeper than the fear of rejection – and told her about the possibility that the Edison Group was offering.
Years later, Lauren would look back and see that was where it all changed. That phone call gave her nightmare a huge swell before the dawn.
She wore many different faces. There was the face that she had at work. There was the face that she had with Jennifer. And there was her true face with him. He let her know that she could pretend all she liked, he knew her better than any other. He could see how filthy she was, how the rest of the world must be idiotic for not seeing what was as clear as day to him.
But cracks started to emerge. They were small. So small that Lauren didn't even realize that they were forming. But they were taking hold. And after months, the cracks that had barely ruptured had grown into cataclysmic cliffs. He was on one side. She was on the other. There only needed to be one crack and one of them would fall.
And it did crack. And it was not an easy break. Both sides swayed, threatening to topple the other on their way down.
But he did fall and she did not fall with him.
She could breathe fully for the first time in over a year. And it was wonderful.
It wasn't just medicine that Lauren concerned herself with afterwards. Before she never really looked for signs (before she never would have recognized the signs), but she did now. She looked at her patients not only with a medical eye but with an interpersonal as well.
Abuse was common, more common than everyone liked to think. Abuse wasn't always fists and black eyes.
She educated herself about it, about how easy it is to fall into the cycle, about how hard (and how hard it was she knew) to get out of it. And how dangerous.
When she first learned about the special project going on, she was intrigued. But after reading some accounts, she grew horrified about what was going to be unleashed upon the world. It was a recipe for disaster.
Possessiveness. Aggression. Territorial. Quick tempered. Lethal.
The alarm bells were going off in her head.
They were going to unleash beasts out into the world. It didn't matter that they had planned a 'rigorous' social regimen for them. Whatever their nature was, it would emerge eventually. She couldn't let that happen, not in good faith.
Normal humans were dangerous enough with those qualities. Werewolves upped the danger level. A woman who found herself in his crosshairs would most likely not get away.
It was a recipe for darkness.
Sixteen years later
It was happening again. Right in front of her eyes.
What could she say? Would it make a difference?
Whatever she said, Chloe would go against it. She was a teenager. She didn't know anything. She didn't have the life experience. She never knew that people could be beasts. And God willing, she never would know firsthand.
Kit swore that Derek wouldn't follow the pattern. Kit said that he had raised Derek better than that. But he did say that things were progressing much faster than he liked, that Derek keeping tabs on where she was, at all times, was a bit much.
Kit had convinced her to wait, to see how it goes and if things did turn toxic, she and Chloe would be free to leave. Tori would have the option of leaving, if she wanted.
Lauren agreed to it, but part of her wondered if she agreed because it seemed reasonable or if she was just trying to appease the man so that things could get better.
She felt helpless. He had convinced them all that this was a good deal. He had dealings with the Nasts before. He knew that this was the best offer they were going to get.
And she agreed.
And she hated herself for it.
She knew that she had reverted. She had given up her agency. She had given up her voice. She would have to do better next time.
That was all she could do.
She knew what Chloe's thoughts were. Chloe thought that she didn't like Derek because he was a werewolf (mostly true), that they were far too serious for their age (definitely true), and how possessive he was of her time with her (true).
But Chloe didn't know what was the basis for all of it.
Sure, Lauren had made sure that emotional aspects, as well as the cycle of abuse, were covered in their education, along with sexual education and general wellness.
But she knew Chloe and the rest of them had brushed it off. Because obviously they weren't going to let something like that happen to them. Only weak people let that happen.
Lauren had asked Chloe to stay in tonight, just so that they could talk. Chloe had rolled her eyes but agreed.
So it was on that night that Lauren told Chloe her story. The whole thing. About how her aunt, the doctor that stood strong in her opinions, had let herself be controlled by a man and actively worked to ensure that she never escaped from his grasp. She told her the story about how she was an island and he was the only thing she could cling too. She told her the story of how dangerous it was, the fear that she slept with.
She told her of the tears of relief of when it was all over. And the crushing waves of fear of it being snatched away. And the nightmares of their situation as it all rang so familiar, so easy to totter into the abyss and how dangerous it would be to climb out. And how tempting it would be to let go and sink to the bottom.
Lauren told her it not to scare her, but to share her experience. To share her life experience so that she could use it as armor, to use those markers as signs, to ensure that those things would not happen to her.
It wasn't because of fear that she told Chloe those things.
It was because of love.
Love can be the most beautiful thing in the entire universe.
But it can also be a dangerous beast.