A/N: Just a short fiction I've been toying with. Nothing big, or fancy...just needed something to pass the time when my mind was bogged down with other things. Chapter lengths are small, there's going to be no more than 10 of them…and in fact, there may be only 8…not sure yet…anyway, on with the fiction.

This will be eventual Mai/Shizuru…Natsuki/Akira.

Dreamweaver
Chapter 1

Maybe we were just young and naïve. I wouldn't deny the possibility.

In fact, maybe, it was simple to just place all of my hopes into one fixated goal. Since it was all too easy to do, it would make sense that I would want to pin those desires onto another person…bind them to my will, even if their own thoughts were different. At least then I could do one of two things. Force them to see things my way, or follow them blindly, wherever they went...maybe it was selfish, but it was my personal truth.

Negating responsibility is a comfortable thing to feel, because either way, you can simply deny any and all fault.

I think, that was something that I had to learn the hard way. Truth be told, I don't even think it was a learning process. Instead, it was something that hit hard, like a dead run into an abyss…that's what Natsuki was to me. A deep void, a heart so empty I could put my demons into her, knowing she would hold them for me without becoming tainted by my whims…I think, ultimately, that's why I know this would never work.

Why my love for her is so fundamentally wrong.

Reality is different, and truths are not like the fabrications we build up in our heads. I knew that, even as I gave into my baser whims. I thought, rather, I knew I wanted Natsuki…I wanted her to look at me with those sharp eyes of emerald, and see the wall I'd made up around me. I'd be lying if said my mask was easy to break down, but, for her, I would have shattered it in a heartbeat.

Or rather, I thought it would be easy enough to do…but, it really isn't.

I have to swallow my pride and accept that…that this isn't going to be the way I'd envisioned it. My sins are too deep for that, and even if she forgives me every single time I murmur an apology, it doesn't stop the guilt. It doesn't ease the moments of pain I sometimes see in her eyes. She says it's not about me, that I don't cause it…but I know, at least to some extent I do.

I can accept that…but if this life is what my dreams of her were made of…I don't want to dream anymore…I want to wake up, and put my nightmares to rest.

I can't do that with Natsuki…not anymore.

…

"Natsuki...I know you're upset, so just talk to me already." Mai sighed as she watched her friend stalk to her corner of the room like a predatory after unseen pray. "At the very least come and eat."

"It's not a big deal." Natsuki said with a wavering laugh as she tossed her duffle bag off to the side of the dorm room. "I knew that it wasn't going to work out. We're great friends, better than that, even…but anything more than that?" Natsuki just sighed, conflict in her eyes as she sat down at the low lying table. "It's not a huge deal, I guess."

"See, you say that, but there's not any mayo on that hamburger." Mai sad as she watched the biker chew the bland piece of meat with no condiments. She wondered if Natsuki would have noticed at all, but figured better of letting such absentmindedness go on. "So, dish…what happened?"

"Mai, come on…there isn't much to say." Natsuki shrugged as she scratched the back of her head and pushed the plate forward. "We just decided it wasn't going to work."

"Uh-huh." Mai could see the conflict lingering in emerald eyes. "Not buying it."

"Yeah, well, I'm not telling you anything else." Natsuki rebuked with a harsh growl. "It's not like it really matters anyway."

Mai hummed a soft little sound of understanding before she began to dig into her own meal. Every so often, she would offer Natsuki a quick glance, only long enough to see the mixture of emotions that seemed to twinkle brokenly in emerald eyes. "You know…it's not really any of my concern or anything, but if you're that bothered by it, maybe you should say something."

Looking up from her meal, Natsuki bit her lip and sighed. "It's not like that." Natsuki murmured as she got up to lock the door to keep Mikoto from barging in. "Shizuru and I are good friends, so I'd like to think I understand her feelings on the matter." As she said that, her words became soft…an unusual kindness dripping timidly from her lips. "We…we did it…a few times now, actually." She looked away, feeling the intensity of Mai's gaze burning into her. "But…every single time, I could see something was bothering her…it made me uneasy too." With a shaky breath. "Anyway, you're right. It's not really any of your concern, it's just the way it is."

Mai just smiled sadly and nodded, leading heavily on one hand as she tapped her fingers on the table with the other. "You can admit that you still love her, you know."

"Mai…don't." Natsuki said swallowing hard. "Just…just don't okay?"

Mai didn't say anything as she came around to Natsuki side of the table, wordlessly using her shirtsleeve to push away the tears that trickled down blush stained cheeks, shame evident…hopelessness even more so.

…

There was nothing more despicable than a woman defeated by her own turmoil. The thought was proven even more true with the destroyed woman in question was none other than Shizuru Fujino. People said that time healed all wounds, but, at this rate Haruka was beginning to wonder about that.

"Fujino…hey Fujino!" Haruka barked, watching as crimson eyes on the edge of fracture emotions looked up to her. "Umm…you've been on the same page for over half an hour." Haruki said as she took in the unsteady gaze, watery and angry.

"Have I?" Shizuru asked as she turned the paper without even registering the page. "Forgive me, I'm a bit tired you see."

"Cut the crap." Haruki said with a sigh as she went back to her studying. "We're partners on this, I don't want you making me fail this assignment."

"I doubt I would be so inadequate, Haruka." Shizuru formed herself to say, even though the smile fell before it had even reached her lips. "It is fairly simple."

"It is." Haruka returned coldly. "So don't screw it up."

"I won't." Shizuru shot back crisply. "Get back to your own work."

"Fine…" Haruka hiss out a breath between clenched teeth, doing as she was told. She got as far as her second page of notes before she realized that Shizuru was zoning out again. "Hey, you idiot, you're doing it again…"

"Am I?" Shizuru closed her book. "I'm out of sorts. I'm going to call it quits for today." Just as she got up to stand, she felt a forceful hand yank her back down.

"Don't you even dare, stay here." Haruka bit out as she got up to go to the vending machine, buying Shizuru a can of tea, and herself a soda. "Drink that and get a grip. We have things to do, so get your head out of the clouds and your nose in a book." Then, a little softly, a bit more kindly, she mumbled behind her drink. "Or at the very least tell me what's wrong."

"I'm a twisted coward…that's all." Shizuru murmured softly in a sigh. "You were right all along, Haruka."