A/N: This was a school assignment, and I just couldn't help tearing PJ apart. Enjoy! (Or don't, but there's no need to review if you didn't enjoy it!)

Oh, and the spacing is screwed up (I tried, I did!) so there's one of these

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every time there should be a space.

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An Ode To Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings

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Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings:

Tales of Elves, Hobbits, and Kings

Stories of Gondor, Rohan, and Mordor,

Now restored to their proper order

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But wait! A hidden story approaches

So many angry fans

Throw wadded-up fury his way

Along with pots and pans,

Bows and arrows, and Dwarven axes,

Assortments of letters, e-mails, and faxes,

All with the same crucial message:

"This is despicable, absolutely inane,

You cut out vital characters,

The plot lines you add are insane.

What about Imrahil, Beregond, Nob?

You've forgotten Erkenbrand, Quickbeam, and Hob."

I must concur,

After all, who could prefer

A pansy Legolas – no, a lily

To Tolkien's version – isn't it silly?

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And I say, "Pete, you're such a crook.

How dare you mess with my favorite book?

I was raised on this masterpiece

It's better than Greek Legends

Jason and the Fleece."

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Must I list all the characters he has left out?

'Tis a long list, to be sure, but don't pout,

I won't list them all, just a sample

Just the very tiniest example.

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First of all there's Glorfindel,

Elven prince, rescuer of wanderers.

Then the Sackville-Bagginses,

Not mighty ponderers.

Old Farmer Maggot and Tom Bombadil

Who let the Hobbits eat their fill.

Beregond saved Faramir's life

An act which led him to terrible strife,

And Ghân-buri-Ghân

The old wild man

Who aided the Riders in a generous manner,

And Arwen's brothers, who carried her banner.

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So my friends, my point is clear:

Peter Jackson has cause to fear.

For the real fans, like you and I

May not succeed, but will certainly try

To avenge this affront

And have it acknowledged

That this atrocity

Will spark animosity

And is, in fact, nothing better than

A Tolkien of disrespect!