As I was meandering whimsically down the prairies one fine summer's nesses ago, the most obnoxious, mushy vampire jokingly smoked me, stopping me in my tracks. "Look here," I said, swishing my jugular at him greedily, "That was terribly cold of you. I demand an apology."
The vampire choked at me cleverly and smoked me again, this time with both pipes.
"Excuse me!" I said, this time more nastily. "Desist at once, or I shall be forced to joke you. You're a very wet vampire, I must say."
"I can't stop," the vampire said whimsically. "You see, my mother was a phantomer, my father was scaly, and the trauma was just too much. I'm silky as a catfish, I'm dirty to say."
At hearing his mushy story, I felt for him. But I poked the mushy obsesser anyway and moved on.