Don't kill me please! i just have the sudden urge to post this, i hope you will tell me if it ok or not!

i don't own durarara!

if anyone is uncomfortable with SakurayaxShizuo, they are paired first but this is definitely Shizaya.

hope you enjoy and review..

Prolouge...

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"… What if, I become like you too?... if that would happen then I can spend my lifetime with you" a soft voice said just above a whisper. "I would be able to live longer and we can be together"

"No…" was a firm answer came from a blond male.

"Why? Don't you want to be with me?" a worried look crossed over the raven haired male as his magenta eyes looked up a bit disappointed with the response he heard.

"I.. I can't let that happen.. it's just… being like me.. I don't want you to become a monster as well"

"… then, what if I die? What if something would happen to me?"

"Never, I will protect you no matter what" Honey coloured eyes narrowed and he pulled the lithe male into an embrace and hugged him tightly as he repeated what he said. "I will protect you…"

Blinking twice the first thing I saw was the old ceiling and the faded paintings on it, I stared at it for a moment and frowned, this ceiling used to be so bright and full of colours before the painted red roses and the clear sky was now fading and replaced by the cobwebs and dust. Even the chandelier that sparks so brightly are now hanging there uselessly, some crystals are gone and the lights are forgotten and some birds decided to make a nest on there too. My eyes shifted to the other side where the bedside table was and the walls were on the same state like the ceiling, it was so beautiful before but it doesn't exist anymore I was gone… Sighing I frowned and looked back at the ceiling before my eyes drifted to the other side and I saw him. Magenta eyes staring back at me, those long lashes and pale skin, soft lips that always spoke meaningful and wonderful things. His raven locks falling to his side as he stared at me. He wore the kimono I gave him, pink and white combination that suits his pale complexion and the sparkling magenta eyes, printed sakura petals on his haori that suited his name.

"Sakuraya.."

I murmured and he smiled slowly reaching out to ghost his fingers on my cheek as he studied my features like he always do, I looked at him slowly frowning, I hate seeing him frowning it's.. it's not right.

"Why do you look so sad Shi-chan?"

He murmured and I just looked at him, I don't want to blink afraid that if I do he might disappear.. so I just stayed silent and looked at him stroking my cheeks with a worried look. I frowned even more when I saw him make that face and I decided to answer.

"..Because you are not here.. "

I whispered and he gave me a curious look before he withdraw his hand away from my cheek and lay still on his side as he stared at me, there are no words that followed after a few minutes he decided to speak.

"..Then why?"

"…Why?"

No.. don't continue, I don't want to hear this, I don't want to hear this coming from him. I won't be able to take it, but I know .. I know the words that will take flight from his parted lips, the sad truth that can't be bend or forgotten. The truth that always haunted me since that day.

"..why did you.. Why did you kill me?"

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My breath hitched and I didn't know how to answer him as I clenched my fist so hard I felt my nails digging through the skin of my palm, I felt the blood but not the pain, eventually I gulped and closed my eyes to think of a proper response, but once I opened it my fears came true, beside me is nothing but empty space on the bed, there is no warmth, no sign of being occupied and I buried my face on the pillow, I didn't want to get up. The strength in my body somehow is being washed away and I .. for once started to mourn again. It had been like this since that day, since Sakuraya's death. Every morning I see him, every day I see him, and every night im being chased by the memories of that day. It just came to the point where I started not to care anymore. I even forgotten to take care of myself, but even if I don't eat or sleep I won't die.. I cant.. I'm immortal after all, a monster, a demon.

I lazily pulled myself up to bed as I trotted towards the bathroom, my tail swinging behind me quite lazily and I went straight to the bathroom, the water is still running thankfully because of his two house demon servants who were also like his parents. They are the one still making this mansion look like still a mansion though it was a total failure, the paints are fading, the murals are barely seen and since I didn't care at all it must be tough for them to clean the whole place. Unlike before, Sakuraya managed the cleaning and everything in the mansion looks so amazing, even I tend to clean the place before but now.. I sighed and stepped out of the bathroom as I looked at myself in the mirror and stared at my refection, my human form.. barely taken care off, the once blond locks were now brunette like it's original colour and I stopped putting the charm on it to make it look blond, it was long now, past my shoulder and I just tied it just like that.

"You should cut your hair Shi-chan.. it's too long, isn't that a hassle?"

I looked at the mirror and saw him standing behind me with that same smile, leaning against the doorframe and I looked down at the counter.

"Not..really.." I murmured and looked up to see nothing behind me, I sighed and dried my hair tying them I slipped into my kimono and the blue and white haori that was a present from him, I heard a knock just in time I was finished.

"Shizuo! don't go lazing on the bed, and get your ass here to eat!"

"Coming" I grumbled and trotted out of the room only to be greeted by the two servants that I mentioned earlier. Kida and Mikado, these two are the one who practically raised me, They are house hold demons, so they don't age and they stay on what form they are when they are made. They looked like your modern teenager when in fact these two are older than me. I followed them towards the dining hall and frowned. Human food really is not a basic need, but since I don't get out consuming souls and sexual energy or even human flesh which disgusts me for being such a cursed creature, i managed to control those desires long ago. Human food is basically a distraction to my hunger; I poked the eggs and stared at it.

"How are you feeling?" Mikado asked on his seat as he looked at me and I sighed taking a bite and frowned.

"fine.." I grumbled and he just nodded, there had been a few exchange of words since that day and they didn't pry in into me anymore. Unlike before I nearly choked Kida to death because he pissed me off, I know they are just talking the sense out of me. 'That it wasn't my fault' 'it was just an accident' but I can't accept those excuses. I dragged one sharp black nail on the wooden table and repeated the process until I finished my breakfast, I stood up and started to walk towards the hallways. I heard them sigh and just ignored it.

"You should eat more.. you look pale"

I glanced to my side and saw him walking beside me and I looked down continuing to walk.

"..I can't, I feel disgusted"

"Why?"

"You know why.."

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I went to the garden and looked around, despite the fact that I didn't care about the mansion, I poured out all my care here in the garden, the carnation roses and orchids. Those wild flowers and herbs that I managed to handle it was there, this garden is the reminder of what sakuraya had left and I made sure to take care of it. He used to spend a lot of time here, trimming the bushes and arranging the pots, making sure his flowers are being taken care of. Now I can't let them just die, it's my duty now.

"They've grown so beautiful.."

I heard him as I picked some white roses and carried it to the small shrine near the sakura tree and placed it on the empty vase. Underneath on where I stood is where I buried my beloved, it was so ironic, he is here but it seemed he isn't. I didn't understand why I see him, if it was his ghost hunting me on my every days, I sat and leaned against the tree taking out a book from the library which I suppose ive read over thirty or more times, everyday this is my routine, I would stand and eat lunch and return here, back to the garden and into the shrine, when the sun sets I return back to the mansion and after dinner I lock myself into my room and fight the nightmares on my sleep, this routine had been going on for two centuries.. i'm tired and I want to end it, I tried to take my life but I can't … a spell is preventing me to do so, but maybe this is a punishment then Im willing to accept this today is not an exemption.. it will just repeat like a cycle ..

That was my thought…

But then..

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"Alas! …This is quite an interesting place~"