Chapter 1

I struggle shoving the key through the hole balancing the groceries on my now turning bright red fingers. I finally get the key into the lock twisting it open. I see Peeta. His eyes bright red, and his cheeks soaked in tears on the couch. I place the heavy groceries by the door and make my way towards him. "Peet.. Whats the matter babe?" I sit next to him and watch as a movies credits rolls across the screen. "Ma-" he chokes as he tries to suppress a sob. "Marley died." I pull him close to me and he pulls me under him so I lay down and he can lay on top of me. His head resting against my thumping heart. I wrap my arms around him as he's squeezing me to him tight.
I bite on my lip to stop the smile forming across my lips. This is why I love him so much. Such a big strong intimidating man, is such a big softy at heart. I run my fingers through his long stringy curls to comfort him. He's lost a lot of people he's loved and movies like that bring back terrible emotions for him. His nightmares about seeing his purple lipped blue faced brother, who was strangled by his mother haunts him almost every night. "I love you." I say. The same goes for me if it weren't for Peeta, I would have fallen into a depression.
Mom, Dad, Prim, and I, we were all in the car that day. It happened so fast. One minute I'm talking to Prim about her crush on a boy at school, and the next my head snaps so hard against the window. I woke up with my head pounding against my skull, I'm seeing two.
Prims body had torn through the seat belt and her bloody body across my lap soaking my jeans. Moms body is half through the window and on top of the hood. Dads head hit so hard against the steering wheel his head looked as if the steering wheel and his head were one. My throat is so sore and I've finally realized I have been screaming. I unclip my seat belt and open my door. Carrying prim out in my arms. I lay her down on the wet rainy asphalt and I lay down next to her. Stroking her now stained red hair. A strained moan escapes her bloody lips. "I love you, Prim." Her eyes shoot open and she struggles to take in her last breath, and then shes gone. I close my eyes hoping to die with her, but when I wake up a male nurse was checking my IV. Making sure the tube is flowing correctly. I look him up and down and see Mellark on his ID. His blue eyes meet my gray ones. His lips stretch across his face and the corner of his eyes wrinkle "Morning, sweet heart." Ughh. His smile kills me. Its really disgusting that he can smile at me with everything I've been through. Its really rude to be this happy around me when I feel like someone has stopped my heart and hit me with a truck. I start weeping now. My Dad. My Mom. My Sister. All dead. Why am I alive? Why couldn't I have died with the rest of my family? He stops checking the IV and turns to me. He grabs tissues on the table next to the hospital bed and wipes the tears from my trembling face. "I know how you feel. I've-" I cut him off because it total and complete bullshit what he had just said. How would he know how I feel? I'm sure he has a perfect life. The perfect job while my family suffered. "Please just stop," I tell him. He backs away from me, taking the wet tissue away from my face. "I'm sorry-"
"Please, Can I have a moment to myself?" I try to say in a strong voice but it comes out more like a squeak. "Of course." His blue eyes grow weary as he takes one last good look at me before he leaves.
Sitting in this quiet room makes everything worse. I can hear my self think. I think of Prims dead lifeless body. Blood was everywhere, oozing from the gashes in her skin. Glass shoved in the left side of her body. My beautiful little sister dead. In a second. I can't even begin to say what I feel. I hurt all over. I feel so frustrated about not being able to do anything for her. The truck had hit her side so fast I didn't even have enough time to shield her from any of it. Its all my fault she usually sits on the right side of the car. That's was her spot. Instead I sat in that spot and because of that she's dead. It should have been me.
The next day they still haven't released me. They want to make sure every part of my body is working right. Every time Nurse Mellark comes in he avoids talking to me he only says things like: "Everything looks good," or "I'm going to go get you another IV bag." I shouldn't have been so quick to interrupt him. But I was angry, how would he know how I feel?
The next day when I woke up the room filled with the sweet aroma of flowers. It was the white roses surrounded with bright yellow dandelions, sitting on the table of my hospital bed. I reach over for the note planted in the flowers and all it says is: "I'm sorry."
I know none of my friends would send this because I only have one friend. Gale. And he would fly out here to tell me he feels sorry for me, but he is working in the mines and probably hasn't heard about what's happened. Its probably better that way because he would just remind me of my family. After all he is all I have left.
I wake up the next morning to the smell of something so good. Freshly baked bread. My eyes snap open. Food! Nurse Mellark is placing small rolls of bread on the table. "What's that?" I say and he jumps back, and I laugh. I actually laugh. It feels so good to feel that feeling again. His face goes into shock when he hears my laugh. His lips split into a smile. "You have a great laugh."
His intensely blue eyes search mine and I can't seem to tear my eyes from his. "How are you feeling?" He steps closer, still not breaking the eye contact. "Was it you who gave me those flowers?" He finally tears his eyes from mine. "Yes." He huffs. "Why?"
"I.. God! I know exactly how you feel. When I first saw you laying on that stretcher when you first came in covered in blood, lips purple. I.. I literally thought I was going to die if you died, and when you had pulled through I had never felt so happy you were alive. You were asleep for a few hours and when I was checking your IV and saw your gray eyes. My stomach fluttered with butterflies. I couldn't believe how beautiful you are even covered in bruises. When I tried to tell you I know how you feel, I shouldn't of, I remember when people tried to relate to me and they had no fucking idea what I went through. That's why I got you flowers. I know it was cheesy but I don't know.. Something about seeing the hurt in your eyes made my heart ache like never before."
"And so you bought me bread?" The words just came out, and they came out harsher then expected. But what did he expect, he'd just come in here and tell me he loves me? He doesn't even know me.
"I.. I um actually baked it for you." He murmurs.
Oh god even worse! This guy is falling hard.
"Katniss, Please just give me a chance to be your friend."
"You don't even know me."
"I want to know -"
The hospital door bust open and brown haired, gray eyed man stares back at me. "Katniss! Oh god!" Peeta backs away, taking his hand from mine. The realization that he was holding it made my heart speed up.
Gale gets down on his knee's next to the bed and rest his forehead against my arm. "I got the first flight out here as soon as I heard."
Peeta slips out the door.
"Oh Catnip, I'm so sorry." His voice breaks, and his tears fall down my arm. When his broken face looks up at mine. I realized how really broken I feel and the tears come again. But they come more hysteric. I move over so Gale can climb in and it hurts so much to move, but I do it. He lays down next to me and I cuddle up into his chest and weep. He kisses my forehead as I cry myself to sleep.
I wake up wrapped around sleeping Gale. My leg shoved between his and my head resting on his out stretched arm. I lay my hand on his face and stare at him. He jolts awake. "Jesus Catnip, your hand is freezing."
"Its the morphine. It makes me feel cold, and tired." I add in while yawning. "I have to leave today," Gale says placing his warm hand over mine. "They said I could have the day off but need to be back today." I frown at him. His warmth and comfort makes me feel whole again. "I'll be back in 3 days when they release you, and I'm going to take off for awhile to take care of you." Anger boils within me. "No. You can't do that! That's just stupid, you have a family to think about."
I didn't have one anymore is what pops into my head.

"Katniss you're my family too." He raises his voice a little.
"And I can take care of myself."
"I know you can-" he says getting up from the bed and grabbing his bag. "But no promises that I won't be back to help." He kisses my forehead "I have to go, I love you."
I nod my head at him and he's gone.

Later when the doctors say that I can take a shower, I want to jump up and run straight into it. But they warned me that I can't really put too much pressure on myself after being in bed for so long. One of the nurses helps me to the bathroom and sat me down on the closed toilet lid. "Just get undressed and a nurse will be in to help you. You may keep the towel on while the nurse assists you. "She places a towel on the sink for me. I strip down to nothing and wrap a white towel around me. Within seconds he's standing in the bathroom. Is this even allowed? "If this makes you feel uncomfortable all you have to do is tell me and I will go get another nurse," He says shyly. Yes go get someone else, I think.
"No its fine," I tell him instead.
Its not like I would mind if Nurse Mellark saw me naked;he is so attractive it hurts. But this is seriously not the time. "I'm going to wash your hair, but you have to wash your body... unless you need assistance?" He tells me, shyly not meeting my eyes.
"I think I can do that." He stands me up and I can already feel my legs begin to shake. He starts the water and places his hand on the curve of my waist. Pulling me against him to support me on my weak legs. When the water warmed up he helped me take the step into the shower. The warmth of the water wrapped around me. The relief flooded my muscles. Standing outside the stream of water, he reaches across and pumps shampoo into his hand. Massaging the soap into my scalp, I bit my lip to keep myself from moaning out loud. Oh god, it felt like heaven. His fingers worked though my wet hair and I couldn't stop the small groan. "How do you feel today?" he asked me while his fingers worked the soap. It took my a second to get my thoughts together. "I'm okay," is all I managed. "Okay you can rise the soap out now." He removes his fingers from my hair and I turn to tilt my head back under the running water. The suds fall wash out of my hair as he pumps the conditioner into his hands. Once all of the soap is out he repeats the process with the conditioner. He rinses his hands off and I soak my hair clean. My legs feel so stiff.
"I'll be right out the door if you need me." He says. His eyes not meeting mine, he closes the door behind him. I begin to scrub myself when my legs give out and I crumble. This is so embarrassing. I try to push myself back up but my arms are so weak. Oh no... Of course. My arms are so weak that I can't wrap the towel back around my bare body. "Katniss?" Peeta calls as he comes through the door. He must of heard my body smack with the tiled floor. "What happened?" He asks wrapping the wet towel around my body and picking me up to carry me in his arms. "My legs gave out," I explain. I can feel the heat in my cheeks.
He sits me on the chair and runs back into the bathroom. I hear the shower turn off and he comes back holding a dry towel. He stands me up and peels off the wet towel, and for a brief moment I'm naked in front of him. He wraps the dry towel around me, lifts me up, and places me on the hospital bed. His eyes look over me and his eyebrows furrow, almost like he's in pain. I shivered from his gaze and he pulled the sheets over me, despite the heat that flooded my veins. "This is so embarrassing," I mumbled looking past his shoulder at the ceiling. "Don't be embarrassed," peeta told me, turning my chin to meet his eyes."You're injured and in pain, not only physically but mentally too." I try to not let the water filling my eyes fall but a traitor tear escapes down my chin.
His hand cupped the side of my face and wiped it away with his thumb. "Its okay to cry," he whispers, his eyes break away and glance down at my lips. Subconsciously my lips part as he leans in, his ocean blue eyes fluttering close. I feel his breath on my chin and his nose graze mine as our lips gently touch. They are so warm and so soft. I move my lips against his, and I swear, my heart bursts.