C and A: The Thread

There have been moments like these before… Moments of anxiety, sad moments . 'To grow up with someone means to be friends, enemies, strangers, and lovers '. Mostly lovers. Because love is a thread. A tiny, invisible thread that can transcend oceans and penetrate walls. But love must express itself physically.

Cate loves him. Not the way she used to but she sure loves him. He knows that in his bones. And he does love Cate. They grow together, for the best and the worst. He could never predict she would evolve this way, his young angelic bride to become a universal legend and one of the most stunning women that ever graced the earth. His young bride, the mother of his children, became his pride. And then his sorrow.

He was unfaithful for a reason. This is what he likes to think. He kept as a jewelry his humanity and his brains within the wild superficial beasts of the theatrical scene and he even accepted the denial of his humanhood 'because he was not attractive enough' in Hollywood's and fans' plastic world, aw the cruelty of some comments!, But his manhood was not to be kept. Was to be spent. With someone. With Cate preferably. He knew people were also fascinated by their adversity, by how queer couple they looked for this glamorous fake world. Some even considered Cate's substantial criteria in picking her soul mate based on his brain and soul and not on money and looks a kind of secret victory for humanity. Some even appreciated his own talents and his contributions to Art and his support for his wife! They were so out of context for this industry and this world! Good! They grow up loving British punk after all! That was the positive side anyway, he though omitting conveniently other aspects. But C was never there. 'Never' was an unfair word. She was not there enough for his standards. She was a good mother and a good daughter in law for his parents, he should give her that, one of those women who love motherhood and big families and all and like to care, but she was not the partner she used to be. Not the recent years.

So there have been girls for him. One in particular. Rumor had it there have been girls, one in particular, for his wife too. But he could not really distinct reality and false gossip, and he could not dare to be brave enough to confront her. To ask her to clarify if it was a kind of mutual untold agreement (because of Hollywood's 'free and easy' or 'openminded' life style realm), or some kind of stupid submarine rumor to keep the 'secret interest' of audience high, (because he knew first hand the conservative, motherish core of his wife and he could bet she never cheated). But whatever had happened, whenever they met they could find the thread again and spend days and mostly nights exploring eachother's minds thoughts and bodies. There, in the silence and isolation of their room, they became 2 persons again, leaving outside the hostility or the curiosity of the world. There he could control her body and mind, there he could feel it! His hands have been created to be filled with her curves, her boobs in his palms were like the first mud of the creator before a world was going to be revealed for ever.

But now their tiny world have been revealed. And they were exposed because of his stupid mistake although her team could still fix it. 'Incident forgotten' in a few weeks. Fix the public image, not the private damage.

Because now Cate was standing before of him and her eyes were hurt and furious. A little girl asking where her perfect father has been, and a bitchy wife ready to explode because he had ridicule her. A fragile kid and an adult master. All things Cate…in fact, some of all those things… And he never felt enough or worthy inside…

What you have been thinking? She screamed at him. What about your sons? Fine example you are yourself!

Nothing happened Cate! I was just drunk that is all, you know me!

Fuck you Andrew! She screamed teary. I give you the golden life and you can not keep it in your pants at least publicly for fuck's sake!

Well I guess some of us can! he told in a vitriolic manner implying private affairs.

She gave him a long bronze gaze of disbelief, semi hurt semi shy, and left the room in disgust.

He grabbed her in the corridor. You are mine! He screamed. I helped you to grow and evolve!

Well God knows I did repeatedly the same but you couldn't do anything really could you? It was her turn to be vitriolic.

He never realized how but he slapped her. This filthy insulting world had invaded her bright brain. She was light. Accepting their cruelty she becomes dark.

She was astonished. Tears start running in her glorious cheekbones. He was astonished with himself too. He threw himself in her feet. It was his turn to cry bitter tears of regret.

He heard Cate's legs to take her away and he was bleeding. But soon those legs stopped in all those years and he sensed the thread like a golden rope thrown at him in a stormy sea. Cate was sentimental. Cate was coming back. Cate had a family to think first. He felt her hand on his shoulders. He raised his head and looked at her like a kid looks at the sun. How could she ever silently asked him to be the father, he was a man in love. He was the kid!

Let me love you! He whispered. Cate smiled at him, a sad but glorious smile as she nodes. She took his hand and they entered their bedroom. She undresses herself never loosing eye contact with him. He feels like a very special diamond is going to be given to him in the shape of this gorgeous woman. Cate is standing naked before of him and her tender skin radiates love and human warmth. He looks at her gaze. He knows it. Her thoughts are exposed in that tiny vein in her neck. He looks at her body, glowing in its female vulnerability and yet its blonde masculine grandness. So beautiful! Breathtaking despite the years. He knows every bit of this body, he has seen it in all its various ages, in sickness and in health. Cate is not a distant photoshoot. She is his soul mate. She is his best friend and his worst enemy. Like he is for her. He takes a good look. They both smile, there is a conspiracy among them, a hidden world, sink and yet glorious. An Atlantis for two. It is called "Intimacy". Soon he will devour her. He will let the most intimate part of himself to be lost in her folds and her screams will fill the room, the area, the world.

His world.

He wants to fertilize her again to win the time. To love her again to win the odds. To enjoy her again to win the world. To have her in his life again. 'People who need people are the luckiest people'. Straight, Gays, Bi, Married, Single… Nothing and noone can break the thread… Not even our cynicism.

Nothing apart from the noise of the cell phone that penetrates his sleep and demands him to wake up and return to reality. And A finds himself alone. In the bed. Shuttered. In their bed. Half. In their glorious home. Abandoned. And then he realizes the noise was not a demand to quit sleeping but a message. He grabs the phone. It's a message.

A message from Cate.