Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine. Tite Kubo owns it and should entertain me by creating a storyline based around Yamada Hanatarou.

A/N: I'm not dead and Clipboard isn't abandoned. This plot bunny has been bothering me for months now. I felt like it needed to be done. The flow might be a bit awkward considering I wrote it in bits and pieces so my thoughts weren't as organized as my other fic's. Still I hope you enjoy it.

"Soifon-taicho needs a boyfriend." Rangiku grumbled as she slid next to the other members of the Shinigami Women's association.

"That's unlikely."Ise Nanao spoke "She has an unhealthy obsession with cats."

"She may have a obsession with kitties in more than one way." Matsumoto muttered. Isane coughed in discomfort at the obvious innuendo about the second division's captain's pending sexuality. "You know its possible." She protested in defense of Nanao's vicious glare.

"Hm... If there was only combine Bumblebee-chan's love of kitties with a boy then you would have your answers " Yachiru chipped in happily. Isane smiled at Yachiru innocence. Had she known the effect that Yachiru's words would have on the seirtei she wouldn't have smiled rather she would have dragged the tiny lieutenant out of the room before she had a chance to even utter them. Laughing the four lieutenants departed from their secret room in the Kukchi complex. However had even one of them noticed the contemplative stare of Nemu the event could have been avoided.

The actual body modification would be easy. She was after all Mayuri's daughter and in her own right a scientific genius. The actual problem was finding a test subject. It was a shame that Mayuri-sama had prohibited her from doing any sort of experiments on members from the 12th. The concept was easy enough, but finding the ideal subject was a bit harder. Even she had to admit, that very few could actually succeed with the look. Searching through Mayuri-sama's database searched through male shinigami files looking for th ideal person. As she scanned through the fourth she stopped.

"Subject acquired."

"That brat Hanatarou has been missing for the pass couple of days. Leaving me to cover for the little twerp yet again. I don't understand why Fuku-Taicho and Taichou favor the brat so much. I'm so much more useful then he is. I don't see the point in worrying about him. He's probably just playing hooky. I wish I could play hooky." Imerua dictated as he wrote in his diary.

Isane frowned. It was unlike Hanatarou to disappear and miss his duties. In fact the only time that something like that had happened had been the whole incident with the Ryoka. A chill ran through her. What if something bad happened to the seventh seat. Perhaps it was time to see if one of his two friends had seen him.

Hanatarou awoke with a long lazy stretch as he yawned loudly. Blinking several times he attempted to get his bearings. While it wasn't unusual for him to fall asleep sometimes while cleaning, he did generally wake up where he slept or found himself in one of his division's hospital beds. This was neither his last memories laid somewhere in the sixth division barracks talking to Rikichi, about.... Well he couldn't remember his memory got a bit hazy afterwards.

"So you have finally awakened." Came the calm almost disinterested voice of Nemu. Instantly he knew where he was the 12th division's research and development labs. However this fact didn't comfort the previously clueless medic. No in fact the knowledge only served to instill fear into the small male.

Standing up Hanatarou , leapt off the table and made a beeline towards the door and made it all the way back to the fourth division in record time. Well thats what he intended anyway. His perfect escape plan was hindered by the straps securing him to the table that completely prevented him from moving more than a couple of centimeters. His feeble struggles continued for several more seconds before completely dying down.

"Are you done." She asked after he gave up.

"So this is how it ends, huh?" He sighed depressed. "I'm gonna be one of Captain Kurotsuchi fabled experiments.". Resigning himself to being another guinea pig of Captain was so much he still wanted to do . Finish those Harry Potter books, draw manga, get laid. He was aiming a bit high with the last one, though getting kissed by a girl would have sufficed.

"Your analyses is incorrect Yamada-san, Mayuri-sama has no intents on studying or experimenting on you. In fact Mayuri-sama doesn't even know your here."

Eh he wasn't going to be experiment on. He was gonna live. Words could hardly express the joy the timid seventh seat felt as he got his new lease on life. "So I'm not gonna be experimented on. So why am I tied up?" he questioned.

Nemu blinked. "When did I say you weren't going to be experimented on."

Hanatarou blinked twice confused. "Um... But you said Kurotsuchi-taicho wasn't going to experiment on me..."

Nemu stared, and blinked at Hanatarou. "That is correct Yamada-san. Mayuri-sama has no interest in you. I however do." The chill that resided in his spine before came back at double the force. "Rest well Yamada-san." He could have sworn that in the last couple of moments before it all faded he saw an evil smile gracing her face.

Hours later Hanatarou awoke to complete and total darkness. He was relived to find that he was still alive and no longer bound to a table in the 12th division's lab. This was relief was short live when he tried to move and bumped his head against the ceiling. While no longer bound his movement was limited by the small space he was confined in. Well at least he was still alive, he managed to take a little a pleasure in that solidarity fact.

Soifon glared bitterly at Nemu. The latter stared blankly unaffected by the hateful intent of the former.

"Now Taicho. Nemu only doesn't know any better." Momo attempted to calm the irate captain.

"I don't know how she got the idea that your a closet lesbian." Rangiku whistle innocently.

"You." Soifon flew across the room strangling the hapless vice-captain.

"Now now. Soifon, please restrain from killing Rangiku, I doubt her captain would appreciate it." Unohana smiled pleasant. Instantly the strangling stopped. Rangiku let out a tiny laugh of victory "Rangiku your captain keeps complaining about you sleeping on the job, perhaps you should visit us sometime." Rangiku nodded silently as she received the veiled threat clearly. "Now ." Unohana stood up. "I must be going. My seventh seat has apparently been missing for a while now. I have to go see Kenpachi-taicho about this matter." While her smile never wavered an incredibly large amount of killing intent filled the room. No one moved a muscle as the fourth's captain departed followed by timid vice captain.

As soon as she departed. Soifon's hands were immediately at Rangiku's throat choking the life out of her once more. Sighing the remaining members of the watched the show with mild amusement.

"Oh whats in the box." Yachiru exclaimed cheerfully as she already started tearing it apart.

"That is Soifon-taicho's gift." Nemu announced and the shinigami women's association stared at the present with more than slight fear as if the box contained a bomb. Nemu gifts were no where near what you would call appropriate. Bombs, unmentionables, snakes and various other experimental subjects had taught the members of the SWA that any gift Nemu presented was better left unopened. Nanao attempted to stop the SWA president. But it was too late. She had already torn apart the box. Closing their eyes the SWA attempted to prevent their precious minds from being scared by another one of Nemu's gifts.

"Kitty!"

Huh!? A cat?! That was her gift to the irrate bumble bee captain. Opening her eyes in with the rest of the shinigami in the room Nanao found herself starring at something that wasn't quite a cat being cuddled by Yachiru. As if connected by a single mind. One simultaneous thought crossed every female's mind at the same time. Mine.

Light filled his eyes as his confinement crumbled around him. Yachiru's high pitch scream of kitty filled his auditory senses. Was the vice-captain of the 11th always so loud. He found himself instantly being cuddled by the young girl. What the hell was that about. Glancing around the room he could not find the kitty that the young girl had proclaimed to exist. Not that it mattered very much. Swish his tail as the young girl petted his head. Hanatarou's sighed in contentment.

…

Tail? WTF? Since when did he have a tail? Running a hand through his hair he was surprised to find to his ears not quite where they were suppose to be. What the hell had Kurotsuchi-fukutaicho done to him.

Looking up in hopes of finding an answer, Hanatarou froze. His mind flashed warning as he finally noticed the hungry stares of the women in the room. Each and every single one focused on him. Only one thing came to his mind finally processed the situation.

Oh shit!

E/N: For those who really liked it don't worry its not the end. I have plans, but don't expect an immediate update. Though that shouldn't hinder you from reviewing. Reviews make me more motivated and help me get better. Better is always good, right? So send me some feed back on any and all fics. Both good and bad are accepted. So help a brother out. Till next time.