Chapter Inspiration:

Stone Sour- Through Glass

The Silhouette of a Persona

Preface- It Makes Me Happy When He Smiles

Bella Swan

A little over a year ago, everything was good. Everything was great.

Then several things happened, several things that I can't change or fix.

A little over a year ago, things were as good as they would get for me. I was happy.

A little over a year ago, things began to change.

A little over a year ago, I met someone who would forever change my life, in good ways and in bad.

A little over a year ago, I knew everything would be okay.

I was naïve.

Because everything was not okay and no matter how many times I told myself that, it would never makes itself true.

But then he looks at me. He laughs and I laugh too. He makes everything better, not good, but as good as it can be when I have nothing. I lost everything but him. I gained him and I wouldn't change that even if I could. When he smiles, I smile. When he cries, I hold him. Because without him, I am nothing. Just a shadow of a person but he makes me more. I want to be more, just for him.

Chapter Inspiration:

Foo Fighters- Let It Die

Rise Against- Savior

Chapter One: It Scares Me When She Cries

Bella Swan

"She's doing that thing again, Bells. I can't get her to stop and she's been begging for you for hours. I know it's not a good time, but if you could just call me back and talk to her. She, uh, she needs you right now. Love you, kid. Bye."

I groaned against my palm. I couldn't afford to go to Forks right now. Money wasn't the problem, I had responsibilities here. I'd gotten my life back on track. I couldn't fly back every time she needed me. I was working a good job, I had friends, I was going to a good school and I had gotten past all the shit.

She obviously hadn't.

I pressed three on my speed dial. I hated talking on the phone, but of course everything went out the window when she was involved.

"Bella?" A husky voice answered.

I smiled to myself. "Hi, dad."

He breathed out a sigh, probably of relief. "Thank God, she's hysterical, Bells. I've tried everything. She says he's coming back."

My own breath caught in my throat. "He's not coming back," I stated firmly.

"That's what I've been telling her but she says that she needs you. That she has to tell you. I'm really sorry, Bells. I wouldn't do this if I could handle her alone. Could you maybe come out here just for a few days? I'll pay for your tickets," the desperation in his voice was evident and it made me feel guilty. He shouldn't have to handle this, she wasn't his daughter.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "I'll see you tonight. Tell her I'm coming home."

Home, was that what it was called? Forks wasn't my home, Phoenix wasn't either, was I home now? Was I home here in Hanover? I'd only been at Dartmouth for three months now but I was already happier than I had been in years. Did my happiness make me at home?

That question would for now remain unanswered. I steered myself out of the library and made my way back to my dorm.

A petite figure was lying on the couch. "Bella, Charlie left a message on the mac—"

"I know, thanks. I'm heading back to Forks for a few days."

My roommate, Angela, sat up quickly from her position on the couch. "What?"

I smiled sadly at her as I made my way to my room, dropping my messenger bag off at the edge of my bed as I began to pack.

"She's sick again?" Angela murmured quietly.

I just nodded. Not that Angela wasn't a good friend, that wasn't it at all. This was just something I had put behind me. I didn't talk about it, I couldn't talk about it. They wouldn't understand. Only one person would understand and she was now waiting for me back in Forks.

"Tell her I said hello and I hope she feels better."

"Thanks, Ange. If I see anybody, I'll tell them you said hi. I'm sorry, I've gotta rush out. Do you think you could talk to Ben for me?"

She nodded and smiled. She had always been sweet. We met back in Forks. She was quiet and shy and the only person who I could relate to. Ben and she had both harbored untold feelings towards each other until junior prom, when he asked her if she would go with him. They were together ever since, and most likely would be forever.

Ben had come with us, not to Dartmouth just to Hanover. His dream was to open his own restaurant, even though he was a genius, he knew that was what he wanted. I worked for him part-time at his coffee shop. I wasn't the best at it, especially with my coordination or lack of, but I was getting better. At least it paid the bills.

And now it would be paying for my plane ticket.

"Uhm, there's a flight to Seattle that leaves in four hours at the Manchester Boston Regional," she told me.

"I'll take it. Can you book it for me?"

"Of course. Call me when you get there," she said and gave me a hug.

My eyes shut tightly, trying to keep the feeling of unease from taking over me. I gave her a small squeeze back before heading to my car.

-

I made it back to Charlie's house after what felt like days. I could see her silhouette from the driveway. She was waiting for me.

I rushed out of the car, grabbing my small pack from beside me. My feet couldn't get me to the door fast enough. I threw it open and within seconds had my sister embraced in my arms.

"He's coming back for us, Bella," she cried.

"No, he will never be back. He will never get to you," I told her, pulling away to look in her eyes, "I promise."

And just like that she was okay. She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me tightly to her. "I missed you," she told me.

"I missed you too, Alice," I told her honestly.

"Don't go," she blubbered.

I didn't reply, because I knew she wouldn't like my answer and for now, I'd keep her happy. After all, I was all she had.

"Hey, Bells," my father said from his station in the door way.

"Hi, dad," I smiled, still wrapped up in Alice's tiny arms.

"You look good."

I rolled my eyes. I looked like shit; I'd been on a plane all day to rush back to my unstable sister. "Thanks, dad."

He chuckled and moved to the living room. Alice sniffled against my shoulder and rubbed her nose on my shirt, like she'd done since we were children. When Alice was in a good mood, she would've been appalled with herself but right now, she just needed to get everything out. She wasn't herself, this was the result of one of her episodes.

"Bella," she said, sounding out my name, as if she was trying to believe I was actually here.

And… there was the guilt. I'd left her, abandoned her with my father. At least I'd left her with someone who loved her, at least she was safe.

"I'm here now, Alice. Everything with be fine. I'm not going anywhere, not right now."

"I'm tired," she said, simply.

I nodded and dropped our embrace, instead grabbing her hand as she led me upstairs to my old bedroom.

It was completely different than it had been nineteen years ago. There was no longer a yellow lace window curtain. The crib had been exchanged with a huge bed with white linens. The light blue walls that had been painted hours before my birth were now a brilliant shade of green. There was a desk, with a laptop stationed on top. The wall above the desk had a cork board that was covered in pictures of Alice and I together, it was just as I had left it four months ago. I looked at the pictures from my childhood and smiled, it had always been me and Alice against the world.

I spotted a new picture of her, a blonde girl and two boys. "When was this taken?" I asked her, pointing to the picture.

She looked and subconsciously smiled. "Last month."

"Who are they?" I was jealous. It was wrong but I was.

"The girl, that's Rosalie. She's a senior. And the big guy, that's Emmett, he's a senior too. They're dating. And the other guy is Edward, who is a junior like me. They are my new friends." Edward, was he her boyfriend? The picture was blurry, so I couldn't make out their faces very well but it didn't matter, I could see the smile on Alice's.

"Is Edward your boyfriend?" I asked, interested.

She laughed and shook her head. "I would never date Edward."

My brow furrowed as she sat on the bed, releasing my hand. "Why not?"

She smiled at me. "He's not my type. He's more like the brother I never had. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that he likes someone else." She said cryptically.

"Oh, well, do you have anyone you like this year?"

She shook her head. "Forks doesn't have the greatest selection of guys. Emmett and Edward are the only ones who have really talked to me besides Mike Newton." She said Mike's name with disgust.

I laughed. "Oh, Mike Newton is a hoot, isn't he?"

Her brown eyes grew lighter as we talked. I missed being here with her, not enough to stay but enough to feel it when I was reminded of her. Her hair was shorter than when I last saw her. It was spiky and stuck out in every direction. The way she wore it just fit.

Alice loved to mess with her hair, even when we were little. I remember having to hide the scissors from her. In May, after her big move out here, she dyed her hair from its natural russet color to dark as night black. She was beyond pleased with it. Charlie practically shit a brick but he grew into it. Now the only things our appearances had in common were our brown eyes and pale skin.

"I want you to meet my friends," Alice stated.

I nodded.

"Tomorrow."

I nodded again, Alice always got her way, especially with me. There was no way to get out of it. A little part of me wanted to know what they were like, who these people were that had gained my sister's attention.

I only could remember Alice having one friend, besides myself. These people must have been pretty great for them to have gotten her consideration.

"I will meet your friends tomorrow," I told her.

She smiled brightly at me and gave me a hug. "They'll be your friends, too."

"Oh, really?"

She nodded and tapped the side of her head. "I saw it."

When Alice was nine she fell out of the bus and hit her head on the pavement and since then, she's been clairvoyant. At least, that's what she claims.

I rolled my eyes and jumped in bed beside her. "Go to bed, Alissy."

"Stay with me, Sibella."

I smiled as we used our childhood nicknames for each other, then flicked off the light. In time, Alice's hand found mine and she curled towards me. I waited until I heard her breathing slow and even out to pry my hand away and crawl out of bed.

Charlie was sitting on the sofa with a football game on. He didn't look very interested, baseball had always been more of his thing. A beer can was in one hand, the remote in another.

"She's asleep," I told him.

He nodded and scoot over so I could join him on the couch. "She's been crazy lately."

Guilt overwhelmed me again. "I'm really sorry, dad."

He stopped mid-sip and frowned at me. "Sorry for what?"

"That you had to take her in. I just… I couldn't leave her there. I didn't know it would be this bad."

His frown only got bigger. "I love Alice. She's my not be my daughter by blood, but she's my daughter in my heart. Don't you dare be sorry. I'm sorry that you have had to take care of her for so long. I'm sorry about everything, Isabella."

Isabella. My eyes shut tight as I thought of the last person to call me by my full name. "It wasn't your fault," I said, monotonously, "Thank you for everything, dad. I'll see you in the morning."

"Bells? Are you okay?" His voice was worried.

I must have looked like Alice at that point, but I refused to be her. I would never break down. I was stronger. I had to be stronger because all I had was my strength. My strength and my sister.

I tried to smile at him. "I'm fine, dad. Just tired. I had a long day." I kissed his head and rushed back up the stairs to my and Alice's room.

I hurried into bed and squeezed her hand tightly in my own. The contact was settling, but not quite enough.

"He's not coming back," I said.