A/N: Okay, so I'm a big hoe for all those kid adoption fics, and this time, it's Dazai and Chuuya adopting Aya. This is my first time writing for these three, so please be gentle. I hope I haven't screwed up royally and made them too OOC. Reviews and favourites are appreciated!
Aya hears their car pull up in the driveway, and she's out of her chair in a flash, pressing her face to glass to confirm that, it really is Dazai and Chuuya. It is, it's them, which means that today's the day! Her face lights up.
Scrambling away from the windows, Aya grabs her suitcase with careful hands, which is as big as she is. It's made of plastic, brand new and scrubbed shiny and emblazoned with teddy bears. A gift from Dazai and Chuuya, to celebrate her staying with them. She'd already packed her bags two weeks ago, ever since she'd been told that she was going to stay with Dazai and Chuuya.( She'd also badgered the social worker about when they would be coming to get her, always with pink cheeks, and a smile that could light up a room, but that was beside the point. )
"Aya, guess who's here to pick you up! Are you ready to go?"
"Coming!" Aya yells back, just as excitedly, and runs headlong out of the room, using every ounce of strength to drag her suitcase along behind her. "I'm coming, I'm coming!"
Thump, thump, thump. The wheels are muffled against the carpets, but the pitter patter of her tiny feet and the excited chanting does a remarkably good job of announcing her arrival as she walks down the stairs. Slowly, but still clearly trying to rush as much as she can, Aya rolls her suitcase down each individual step. She's very careful not to trip or make any mistake – the bulging case might very well explode out onto the floor beneath her, or barrel down the stairs if she loses her grip on the handle. It's less of a graceful union than is typically shown in so many movies, and it feels like she's been walking for an eternity, for much longer than she'd ever done before when Aya would tumble down the stairs in her haste to meet the two adults.
But today is different though, and everyone feels it in the air.
Maybe it's because Aya has a suitcase in her hands instead of her cute little duffle backpack filled with important things that she "needed with her at all times"– her drawing book, coloured pencils, her stuffed animals, and anything else that Dazai had spoiled her with. Maybe it's how Aya's already white-knuckled grip grows tighter and tighter with everything bang that her suitcase makes as it descends. Maybe, quite possibly, it's how Aya's eyes sparkle when she looks down to see Chuuya and Dazai waiting for her. She tugs her bag down the last two steps, her grassy-hued irises demanding and expectant all at once.
She doesn't even have to signal for a hug by holding her hands up and outstretched as she usually does. Chuuya takes one look at her and swings her up into his arms. He smells like cigarettes and expensive perfume, and he beams at her, a smile that Aya gladly returns. Dazai's smiling, too, and actually has the nerve to teasingly ask if she's grown any taller.
"I've been drinking milk!" Aya puffs out her chest like she's prepared to do battle over her height ( or lack thereof ). "I'll be taller than you in no time!"
"In about another ten years, sure."
"Dazai, you're an adult, quit fighting with a kid," Chuuya grumbles, setting Aya down on the floor. "Aya, are you all packed?"
"Uh-huh!"
"Do you want us to carry –"
"Do you want Chuuya to carry –"
"Nuh-uh!" Aya petulantly – with a pout and a twist of her lips – insists that she can carry her luggage by herself, which is full and bulging with her clothes and belongings.
"Then you're good to go." The social worker says, right as Aya bursts out impatiently, jiggling up and down on the balls of her heels, "Can we go?"
"Of course," Chuuya says indulgently – maybe a bit too indulgently, but Aya's his daughter now, and he figures spoiling her a little bit won't be too bad, unlike Dazai, whose fatal weakness now happens to be Aya's puppy dog eyes – squeezing the hand that Aya slips into his. "You ready to go home?"
"Yeah!"
Nodding eagerly, Aya grabs her suitcase again, waving bye to the social worker before grabbing Dazai's hand and practically hauling him out the door. There's nothing quite like the tinkling joy of a child's laughter, and Chuuya's heart seizes up when he remembers the mute, white faced child they'd first seen at the orphanage, curled up in the quiet corner.
"Aya, be careful! Don't fall!" Chuuya yells, though he's not even sure that the girl's heard him – although at least Dazai's with her, and on second thought, he'd better chase after them before they burn down the car.
It's almost like he's taking care of two children now, not one. Now that Aya's raring to go, their goodbyes and thank yous will have to be rushed. Truth be told, he's excited to see Aya's face light up when she sees her new room.
"Thank you," Chuuya says, gratefully.
"It's been a long time since I've seen her this happy," The social worker says in a low undertone. "Take care."
Aya will admit she's unusually silent on the way to Dazai and Chuuya's apartment on the very outskirts of town, a far cry from her earlier behaviour, when she'd been so excited that she could barely stop talking.
She's still excited, bouncing up and down in the booster seat that she's strapped into – only that this time, the feeling is muted, as though someone's draped a cloth over a bright lamp. And Aya catches sight of her face in the car window, seeing her face all lit up like that, like someone had handed her a favourite treat or a toy and told her that her life was about to change.
And in a way, it is.
Even if it's only for a short while.
Aya can't look at either Dazai or Chuuya, even though she can feel two worried gazes on her in the rear view mirror. She worries her bottom lip between her teeth, the anxiety seething through her like liquid. This is only temporary, she knows it is. This happiness that she feels won't ever last. Soon, they'll get tired of her and leave her behind, and Aya isn't ready to say goodbye yet. She doesn't want to say goodbye. She wants to stay with them forever.
Her throat feels tight, her eyes burning.
"Aya?" Dazai says softly, breaking the silence that envelops the car. He's searching her face really intensely. Aya feels like at any second she could break down and blurt something crazy so she drops her gaze down to her lap. "You alright?"
"'M fine." Aya tries to swallow around the lump in her throat.
Chuuya's voice is just as soft. "Are you feeling sick?"
Shake. No.
Aya closes her eyes and reaches back into her memories, the best ones she's ever had –the time Chuuya and Dazai had taken her out of the orphanage and to the beach for a picnic. She hadn't been the best behaved child, running wild and amok like it was the last time she'd be allowed outside. She'd charged right into the ocean, too excited to remove her clothes before getting wet. She'd refused to wear a hat, had squirmed and kicked and had had to be held down as Chuuya applied sunscreen to her face and shoulders, cackling and laughing hysterically when she'd nailed Dazai in the face with a bucket full of sea water.
( She doesn't know that that was the day Dazai and Chuuya had decided that she just had to be theirs. )
And now she finally is.
Chuuya knows that Aya's thrilled by how she kicks her short little legs in her booster seat, but truth be told, he's worried by how silent she's being. Aya certainly isn't a shy girl; in fact, the opposite is true. At least, not in the time that they'd knew her. Aya was painfully honest and blunt. If she's curious about something, she'd ask about it, she'd let the whole room know if she was happy or sad or displeased; which was why it was strange that she's being so unusually silent.
Chuuya looks in the mirror, back at Aya, as he grips the steering wheel with a white-knuckled grip. "Nearly there, Aya." He says, to which a head full of crimson curls bobs up and down enthusiastically before looking away, her face practically pressed up against the glass, drawing stick figures in the vapour condensing on the window. Chuuya looks at Dazai, who looks back at him. A cool, bandaged-covered hand covers his own, a comforting smile aimed his way. Everything will be fine. He's over thinking this.
The car grinds to a halt, the seatbelts are unclicked and unfastened. Aya lingers in her booster seat, kicking her legs and looking out the window, even when Chuuya unlocks the door and comes around to the back to open the door.
"Aya?"
"I –" She inhales and pretends that she's brave. "Yeah?"
"We're here." He kneels, so that they're at eye-level – Aya can see Dazai peering over Chuuya's shoulder – and places a hand on her shoulder. "You ready to come in?"
"Uh-huh."
"Is something wrong Aya?" Dazai asks her again gently, concern written all over his face, "You can tell us if there is. We just want to talk."
Aya shakes her head, staunchly brushing aside their concerns. "No."
She fiddles with her belt for a minute before Chuuya intervenes and lifts Aya up, out of her seat and sets her on the ground. But before he can probe further, Aya almost comically dashes to the trunk of the car to grab her suitcase. With a sigh, and an exchange of Looks with Dazai, he decides that he'd talk with Aya again later, but optimistically, it might just be leftover nerves from moving into a new environment. They haven't even stepped into the house yet and Chuuya's already a helicopter parent. Lovely.
This is the type of house that Aya's seen in her picture books, peering from under her lashes at the colourful figures painted on the pages, laughing, talking, families with no cares. She'd never had one.
She tries not to let awe blanket her face as she's led into the house, but she's fairly certain that she looks like a hick in the big city for the first time. This is what normal looks like – so very normal.
She's never wanted anything so badly in her entire life.
"It's so big," Aya comments, her eyes enormous as she takes everything in – the tall, arched ceilings, the panels of dark wood, the enormous sofa that practically screams for her to bounce up and down upon it.
"You've seen it before," Chuuya says on a crooked smile, slightly relieved now that Aya seems to be back to her old self.
Aya twists her lips up in a pout. "It's still really big!"
"And it's your house too, now." Chuuya adds, scooping up Aya's duffel coat from where she'd haphazardly tossed it in the corner as soon as she'd walked through the door.
Aya hesitates. Should she – But then Dazai's asking her if she wants to see her room and then she's up and running again, dragging her suitcase right along behind her.
Aya's room is right down the hall from theirs – not so near that the little girl would be alerted to any questionable noises coming out from their bedroom, but not so far that she wouldn't be able to find them easily.
She's staring at the door, at the wooden plaque emblazoned with her name on it in big, bold letters. Aya, it says. She whips around to stare at Dazai and Chuuya, who are watching her just as intently, gauging her reaction.
"Is this my room?"
"Of course. There's your name on it, isn't there?"
"Uh-huh." Aya says, but her voice is a little off, and Chuuya instantly wonders if she's scared or nervous, should they talk to her now, but the little girl's already opened the door to her room and has already charged inside, and stands there, looking around with eyes that shine like stars.
It's raining outside, but Aya's room is full of sunshine. The yellow walls, the ivory curtains with their crisp white ribbon trim. The soft carpets, the cuddly stuffed animals piled up in a mountain, the white desk and chairs, the canopied bed with its white sheets and blankets. She looks at the books on the shelves, the cupboards stuffed full of swimsuits, the frames on the walls waiting to be filled with the pictures of their happy family.
"This is so cool!" Aya crows, and unable to help it, a little giggle escapes her. She throws herself onto the bed, bouncing up and down excitedly and sending toys flying. Chuuya makes a mental note to ask her to pick them up later. "Look at all my toys! I've never seen so many before!"
"Yeah, look at all her toys, Chuuya," Dazai practically sneers, waggling his eyebrows in Chuuya's direction. Chuuya rolls his eyes. Right, as if spoiling Aya silly is going to be anything but good for her in the long run.
He takes his pleasure in elbowing his husband in the ribs, using enough strength to make Dazai double over in pain.
"Aya, do you like your room?" Chuuya asks, catching and holding Aya as she trips, smiling, into his arms, in a blur of yellow and red, like some kind of tropical flower.
"Yeah! It's super cool!"
"There's a beach nearby. We could take you there after lunch, if you want. We could go everyday, and teach you how to swim –"
" – Everyday."
Dazai's quick to pick up on the slight down turn of Aya's mouth, the flatness in which the word comes out. "Don't you like the beach, Aya?"
"I do, but –" Aya drops her gaze to her stockinged feet, worry glazing pale features.
"But?" Dazai probates gently.
"I – I thought. I thought that I would have to go back." She rushes the words out. The moment she's said them, she wants to take them back. But it's too late now. "I thought you would have to take me back afterwards."
Still holding Aya in his arms, Chuuya sinks to the ground and sits, pulling Aya onto his lap. "What do you mean, Aya?"
Aya twists round to look at Chuuya, then back at Dazai, confused. "Don't you have to bring me back in the morning? Then you gotta write on those papers to take me out again, right?"
Chuuya's "Oh, Aya," is interrupted by a sudden fit of laughter from Dazai, who doubles over holding his sides. How Chuuya wishes he could kick his husband, but with Aya securely in his arms, the best he can do is glare at Dazai, trying to kill the man with the force of his glare.
"What's so funny?" Aya demands petulantly, scrunching up her nose when she sees Dazai's shoulders shake. "What did I say?"
"No, Aya, when we said that you'd be staying with us, we meant that –"
" – That you'd be living with us." Dazai's face is purple now with the force of containing his laughter, and a small part of Chuuya finds himself wishing that he would choke.
"Living? I don't get it." And this time Aya scrunches up her face in annoyance, not understanding why they're both laughing at her. Her pouting lower lip screams a refute.
"Aya," Chuuya says carefully, gathering himself so that he won't start laughing like his husband – even if a small part of him privately wishes that he could. We should have explained it to her properly. "Aya, do you when you stayed here with us for a week?
"Yeah!" Aya ping-pongs her gaze between Chuuya and Dazai, her expression utterly sober. "We watched all those movies and we went on all those drives, and we all slept together in that big bed."
"And do you remember when we asked you if wanted to stay with us?"
Aya nods.
"Well, we meant that we wanted you to stay with us for a long time."
Aya squirms. "Like a week?"
Dazai muffles a laugh.
"Well, Dazai and I wanted you to live with us forever." Chuuya says into Aya's curls.
Aya's little voice pipes up. "Forever?"
"…Yes."
Forever. Aya mouths the word to herself, over and over again, liking how it feels in her mouth. It seems almost impossible that someone would want her, would accept all of her wholeheartedly, but now that it's finally happened, she can't wrap her mind around it.
"Forever," Aya says, aloud this time, and this time, her voice trembles, her eyes pooling rapidly with tears.
"Aya?" Chuuya asks in alarm. "It's not finalised yet, but if you want to go back, we could –"
"I don't wanna go back." Aya punctuates this with a firm shake of her head, her voice holding an authority that belies her tiny frame and oversized eyes. "I wanna stay here. I just –"
"Just?"
"I just thought…" Her eyes are downcast, and Chuuya can feel how rigid she is, the seriousness in the tension of her small frame. "I thought you were going to keep me for a little bit, and then take me back and go away forever. Like my."
Like my parents.
"No, Aya, no."Chuuya says firmly, and something in his chest breaks at how waterlogged Aya's voice sounds. "No, we would never do that."
Dazai's sitting on the floor with them now, and he inches closer. "We'll stay with you as long as you want us to." He insists on a smile, cupping Aya's cheek as her eyelids flutter rapidly and begin to gloss over, shiny with tears.
"But I'll always want you to stay with me," Aya says, and she begins to cry. Her first sob is almost a scream. "Forever and ever."
"Then we'll stay with you forever and ever." Dazai says, and wraps his arms around Aya, who starts sobbing even harder, with barely a pause to breathe as her small frame is wracked with the release of so many emotions.
Aya finds herself smearing tears and snot over Dazai's shirt, with Chuuya patting her back and whispering that it's okay into the crown of her head, and before the floodgates well and truly open, she has the strangest thought – that she would like to stay like this forever.
And she knows it's impossible, but Aya hugs them tightly anyway, and nothing in the world could have ever convinced her to let go.