Hey everyone! :)
SO i know this isn't a DH update, but i wanted to do something a little more fun and practice a few tips i got ;)
I was in the shower this evening (where i do all my best thinking) and this story just popped into my head. And yes, I was laughing to myself in the shower.
It's kind of funny pseudo-smut with a fluffy ending. (I never could just have normal genres).
Hope you enjoy it, tell me what you think because i've never really posted comedy stuff before!
Enjoy :)
"Guess Who?"
It was Saturday night and the Glee kids, in their now weekly ritual after "Rachel Berry house-party-train-wreck-extravaganza" tradition, were winding down from another booze-fuelled party, this time at Puck's house. It had actually been rather more tame than the first three or so attempts at throwing parties, but none of them could say they didn't still enjoy it. They were all happily buzzed throughout the night rather than completely wasted, and now most of them were sprawled contentedly on the couch listening to the bass-heavy songs blasting from the speakers.
Santana, newly single after dumping Sam, and Brittney, who was flying solo for the evening as Artie had to go to Tennessee with his mom, were on the love-seat, Brittney sitting sideways with one leg over Santana's lap. They were smiling at each other, softly talking, and would share a sweet kiss every few minutes or so.
Mike was on the far end of the couch opposite with Tina, who was snuggled against him, but chatting with Mercedes and Kurt, happily catching up on their lives. Lauren was still dancing, surprisingly with Sam (they seemed to have struck up an odd friendship during the evening, sharing a common interest in Avatar, and were currently having a pseudo dance-off, laughing hard).
No-one had seen Finn, Rachel, Puck or Quinn for a little while (maybe a minute, maybe an hour; who could tell?) but everyone assumed they were working through left over frustrations and didn't consider going off to find and interrupt them a good idea.
As the thumping bass of the last song quieted, the play list on the iPod finished, leaving the room relatively quiet.
"Kurt, go put a song on," giggled Mercedes, urging the boy with a back-handed nudge to his knee. He was sitting sideways on the sofa, on his knees, slumped into the back of the couch.
"I don't wanna" was his petulant reply. The girl rolled her eyes and turned to get Mike to do it, but he and Tina were sharing a passionate kiss, and she dared not interrupt them. She tried calling over to the sci-fi twins, as she had dubbed them, but they were currently too busy re-enacting what could either have been a fight scene or a scene where someone has a seizure, to listen.
Knowing that the two ex-cheerleaders on the chair opposite wouldn't move for any amount of coaxing, Mercedes struggled to get off the sofa without dislodging anyone. As she made her way to the iPod dock though, she froze and turned back around, meeting the wide-eyes and sly grins of all of the other partiers.
Now that the music had stopped, they could hear sounds coming from the room above them. Not just any sounds though; they were specifically sex sounds. Mercedes' jaw dropped with a scandalized smile as an extremely loud moan cut through the silence.
"Oooooh, god, yeah!" Kurt and Tina giggled as the moan petered out.
"Was that-?"
"Did that sound like-?" Another pleasured groan met their straining ears.
"Mmmf, yeah, like that." Santana's grin spread across her face in realization.
"Oh my god, that's Berry! Berry's getting it on upstairs!" she cried across the room with a scandalized smile. Brittney's eyes were bright, and all of the others were smiling in disbelief. Rachel had never been good at keeping quiet, and apparently this was true in every part of her life.
"But who is…?" Mike looked around the room as he asked, wondering what people thought, as another whimper broke the silence.
"Please, baby, don't tease me!" Santana, holding Brittney's hand and leaning forward, rolled her eyes.
"Well, it must be Finn, Sister Mary Jew wouldn't let anyone else swipe her V card. She's a little heart-eyed freak about him even though he's been a total douche bag to her. Maybe this is her trying to win him back?" The rest of the group nodded absently, concentrating on trying to hear a clue from the girl's cries.
"Just like that baby, yeah. I like it when you - ahhh!" Mercedes slid sideways from where she stood onto the armrest, the shock affecting her body. Kurt patted her knee, in slightly-horrified sympathy.
Hearing the way the girl's pleasure was escalating, Santana reconsidered her first guess.
"OK, no way. I know first hand that the boy does not have enough game to be getting those noises out of her. Even Manhands isn't that good an actor. It's not Finn"
Just as Santana finished, Finn walked in from the kitchen and sat on the vacant armchair.
"What's not me, you guys?" he asked cocking his head to the side. They all looked at him, slightly shocked to learn that Rachel really was giving it up to someone other than the boy she had been mooning over for a year and a half. A very loud yell answered for them.
"Oh fuck yeah, baby. Do it to me hard." Finn choked hard on the beer he was swigging.
"That." Said Mercedes humorlessly as he managed to stop coughing.
"Is that - ?" He asked, the horror evident on his face.
"Yup" cut in Tina.
"But she's supposed…she can't…I'm supposed to be her -" He was obviously struggling to phrase his emotions. Santana snuggled back into Brittney's side.
"Oh get over it, wonder boy. You dumped her, because she made out with Puckerman, after you lied to her face for months. You told her you felt fireworks when you kissed Quinn, but not with her. You can't expect her to save her big V for someone so full of shit, that's not her style and you know it." His face contorted in rage.
"But she's supposed to be mine. She's supposed to love me. I was gonna forgive her and we were gonna get back together after I punished her enough."
Brittney, in her ever-clueless way, shut him up quickly. "I guess she doesn't love you any more then, Finn." He glowered at her from his chair, about to yell at her, but one look from Santana had him sinking down into the seat.
"I guess it must be Puck then." said Kurt in dazed acceptance.
"C'mon baby, harder! Fuck, you know how I like it, c'mon!" That particular yell had them all exchanging embarrassed glances.
"'You know how I like it?'" Kurt repeated, disgusted. "Oh my god, that sounds like-"
"Like they've done it before" Santana smirked, crossing her arms over her chest. "Well, looks like little miss virgin 'til 25 has been holding out on us!" Her statement was overwritten by a series of loud slapping noises, punctuated each time by an 'Oh!' or an 'Mmmf' or a 'Fuck, Yeah!'
"Oh baby yeah, spank me while you fuck me hard." By this point it was starting to get uncomfortable. They each shifted on their seats (although Mercedes noted with a raised brow that the two "couples" had tightened their grips on each other) and looked anywhere but each other as the noises became almost constant. At this point even Sam and Lauren had heard it, and had dazedly drifted over to the sofas, standing either side of Finn's armchair and staring up at the roof.
"Oh yeah! Oh fuck, yeah!"
"Who is it?" the blond boy asked, obviously meaning who was causing the noise, as the source of the screams was clear considering they heard that voice constantly during glee.
"Puckerman," Tina answered absently, also staring upwards even though she couldn't see anything. Lauren's eyebrow tweaked in interest, then lowered in irritation.
"Mmm, yeah I….Oh god baby you're gonna make me…Mmm…Oh, yeah! Ah! Play with my clit baby, just like that. I-I'm gonna…Ohfuckyesbabymakemecum, lick it, ye- uh!… I'm cumming! Nnng, yeah, I'm cummiiiing!"
Everyone around the room tried desperately not to meet each other's eyes, pretending they weren't interested in the screams of pleasure, secretly enjoying the scandal.
Eventually the noises from above them stopped, and the room went quiet (other than the slight panting coming from all of them, which they would swear on each other's lives never happened).
"Well dang," the usually subdued Mike in the corner said, breaking the tension. "Who knew either of them had it in them?" Tina laughed and slapped his thigh, and everyone else smiled, laughed or nodded.
"Sooo…who spills the gossip to Jewfro'?" Mercedes asked, practically drooling at the thought.
"You can't tell anyone about this!" Finn exclaimed, sitting up in his chair again. His face was a little flushed, and a little green at the same time. "They're our team mates, we can't-"
"Oh cram it, Bigfoot, the only reason you don't want people to know is because you don't want the rest of the school to find out that you couldn't even deflower the biggest loser in the school when everyone knows that she was even totally stalking you. Or that Puckerman has now taken two of your girls' virtue." Santana again shut him down. Brittney, dazedly smiling at him, added:
"Face it Finn, you've got no game."
"Nope" Sam agreed, still staring at the ceiling.
"Nooo game" Lauren agreed, also looking up. This thoughtless agreement caused Finn to get up and storm out of the front door like a child.
"At least when Rachel does that she doesn't make herself look like she's a constipated two year old" said Lauren as she slid into his recently vacated chair. There was the odd nod of agreement as people started to look at each other again.
There was silence for a few moments. Brittney was whispering in Santana's ear, and the Latina was smiling smugly. Kurt looked slightly ill, but too excited by the scandal to let it bother him for long.
After about five minutes, Puck came swaggering down the stairs, fastening his belt. The rest of the glee kids looked at him in astonishment as he went to sit on the armrest of the love seat, not looking at them as he was concentrating on his buckle. Eventually he noticed the silence and looked around at them.
"Wow, dude" said Mike unapologetically.
"Wow." Sam repeated, nodding. Puck looked around, surprise on his face.
"I never knew she was such an animal" Santana said with wide eyes.
"Who?" Puck asked, blaming his confusion on his buzz.
"Rachel. She's way hotter than I thought" Brittney informed him insistently. His right eyebrow arched.
"What about her? Where is she?" He twisted his neck and body around, casting his gaze around the room for her, coming up fruitless, and looking back to them.
"Don't play dumb, Puckerman, we heard you" said Kurt, with a slight shiver.
"Heard me doing what? Peeing?" he said, more confused than ever, and a little grossed out.
"No, dumbass, we heard you and Berry doing th-" just as Santana was about to say 'the dirty', a moan once again broke the silence, and the words died on the brunette's lips.
"That," said Mercedes, her face falling. The smile curling Puck's lips informed them all that he had not been involved with the previous ruckus, but wished he had been.
"You were really peeing?" Asked Kurt. Puck nodded slowly, gaze lifting upward.
"I wish I hadn't passed out after, clearly I missed a lot." he said, grinning.
"Oh yeah, baby, take me. I love it when you ride me like an animal. OH FUCK!" The screams were starting to get louder again, and this time, the content was much dirtier.
"I guess she could just be…fantasizing?" Tina said, not sure that even she believed that answer.
"God yeah, pound me. I want to feel you inside me for daaaaays!"
"Nuhuh," Santana dismissed with a shake of her head. "No way. Sometimes doing it to yourself is better than someone else, but never that good. Unless she came with a dildo in her bag just in case, and a serious problem with drunken delusions, she has to be up there with someone else."
"But who?" Mercedes wondered out loud. "Everyone else is down here or gone." They all looked around trying to think of who it could be. There was only one entrance to the house, and there was no way Berry would invite someone without telling Puck first.
"Not everyone." Brittney mumbled absently. Everyone's eyes surveyed the group, one at a time understanding what the blond meant.
"Oh fuck yeah baby! I'm yours, I'm your slut! Give it to meeee-aaaaah!"
"You don't mean-" Tina gasped.
"No." Santana dismissed, shaking her head.
"That's impossible." Sam said, wide-eyed.
"How would she…?" Asked Kurt.
"I haven't seen her since…" Mike drawled in shock.
"Baby, please, put it…I-I want it iiin my…Ahhh, yeah, there baby! Only you know how to do me right!"
"There's no-one else it could be." Said Santana, her face stoney in shock.
"Told you there was weird tension between them." Lauren said to Puck plainly.
"You're gonna make me cum so fucking hard baby! So close, so fucking close! I'm- I'm-! Oh fuck!"
"It has to be." Said Puck with the biggest shit eating grin any of them could imagine.
"QQUUUUIIIIIIINNNN!" Rachel's scream as she climaxed literally shook the windows. She howled and cursed, and there was another, less loud yet just as emphatic yell along with it, but all any of the other club members heard was the name of the blond ex-cheer captain on the brunette's lips.
Finally there was silence. The expressions on everyone's faces ranged from elated to disgusted.
"Quinn Fucking Fabray just fucked Rachel Freaking Berry into oblivion on my bed." Puck said in awe. "I'm never washing my sheets again." Lauren's eyebrows raised in an unimpressed expression at the boy's words before she picked up a plastic bottle from beside the chair and beaned him with it.
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
Upstairs on Puck's bed, Quinn was laying on top of Rachel, who had her stomach on the mattress with her hands hastily tied to the bedposts. They were both breathing heavily, eyes closed, Quinn's cheek stuck to the flushed skin between Rachel's shoulder blades because of the perspiration, and remnants of Rachel's wetness on her face. The strap-on she was wearing was still deep in Rachel's asshole, and her left hand was still gently cupping Rachel's pussy, middle finger lightly tracing the girl's slit underneath her. She was dropping absent-minded kisses on the shoulder blade in front of her face with her eyes closed.
Eventually Rachel came around from her sex-coma, shaking her head from side to side slowly, trying to get the damp hair away from her eyes before opening them, by brushing it away using the pillow. Quinn, noticing her problem, reached up and brushed the hair away for her, and Rachel smiled and kissed the wrist in front of her mouth, her eyes still closed, before it pulled away to rest on her shoulder.
"Thank you baby." She sighed. Quinn mumbled something that might've been 'You're welcome' before the brunette opened her eyes and lifted her head a little. Quinn felt the movement and looked to the girl's face.
"Wassamatter?" Quinn slurred, due to sex-fatigue rather than intoxication.
"No music" Rachel muttered, equally disabled. Quinn allowed her face to sink down to Rachel's back again.
"So?" The blond asked her girlfriend.
"I was loud. But it was on before, louder." She grunted, her head sinking back down to the pillow.
"Mmhmm" Quinn acknowledged, losing the battle with sleep rapidly.
"The others…downstairs." Rachel said, soothed by the warm weight on top of her.
Quinn's eyes opened slowly in realization that the lack of music meant everyone had probably heard Rachel's banshee screams, then slid closed again, not able to care. If Rachel isn't panicking, I'm not going to. She slipped the dildo slowly out of her girl, dropped it into the open bag on the floor, along with the scarves that had been around Rachel's wrists. She kissed the slightly irritated skin on each arm before settling again onto Rachel's back like she knew the diva liked. She rested her temple on the smaller girl's shoulder and kissed her neck.
"Baby, it's been three months. Now's as good a time as any." She pulled the sheets up over her bare ass, and put her arms palm down onto the mattress. Rachel's hands snaked out to cover her Quinn's and interlinked their fingers.
"You're right," she sighed. She felt Quinn smile and hum against her skin.
Suddenly there was a rattle at the door. It stopped for a second before the door handle started to jiggle desperately.
"Aw, come on, it's my room! I wanna see! And where am I gonna sleep?" Puck yelled in distress from the other side of the door.
If Rachel wasn't so close to sleep she might've laughed. "Love you" She muttered against the pillow.
"Love you" the girl whispered into her ear before pressing a kiss to it and resting her head back down onto the tanned shoulder peacefully.
Alright, so please tell me what you think, this is kind of a new style for me.
For those of you reading Defining Happiness, i'm hoping to have the next chapter posted by Tuesday at the latest.
Until next time ;)