I wrote this after Heaven and Hell….. I hope you like it. If you didn't see that episode yet …. just want to warn you that there is a little spoiler in the beginning of this chapter.

Will You Catch Me If I Fall?

It had been two days since Dean had told Sam about his experiences in Hell. Now they sat in the motel room as Dean finished off another bottle of whiskey while Sam checked out possible new hunts on his computer. He looked over at his brother sadly.

"Dean it wasn't your fault. You were tortured into doing it." He repeated for what he thought must have been the hundredth time, trying to get through to his brother.

"I should have fought him Sam. I shouldn't have given into him." Dean said as he took another swig from the bottle.

"You didn't give into him for thirty years Dean….thirty long years." Sam blinked back tears as he remembered his brother telling him what he had endured in Hell.

Dean had told him that the time down there was like forty years instead of forty days and that he was tortured continuously the entire time. For thirty years he was tortured daily until he had been ripped apart so bad that they had to stop and make him whole again only to start the torture over again. For thirty years Alastair, his torturer, had told him he could get down from the rack if he himself would take over the torturing. He had refused until he could no longer stand it. After thirty years he had stepped down from the rack and began torturing souls just like himself and now the thought of it was tearing him apart. Sam knew he was slowly losing his brother….again.

"But I did give in Sam….. I gave in and tortured other souls for ten years. Ten long years." Dean said sadly as he took another sip from the bottle.

"No one could have fought that kind of torture Dean. Everyone would have broke sooner or later. Even I wouldn't have lasted that long."

"You weren't in Hell Sam….You didn't see the things I did….You didn't do the things I did."

"I was in my own kind of Hell Dean. … You died for me." Sam blinked back tears as he swallowed the lump in his throat. "I had to live with knowing you were burning in Hell for me, and I couldn't do anything about it."

"But you didn't torture anyone Sam…..I did. I tortured people who were just like me……people who had sold their souls. … People like Dad."

"But you're out now. The angels pulled you out of there Dean. They pulled you out for a reason…they must know you're worth something."

"What? What the hell am I worth?"

When Dean was about to take another drink Sam pulled the bottle out of his hand.

"You got to stop this Dean…..You got to stop destroying yourself."

Dean reached up and grabbed the bottle back.

"Let me alone."

Sam shook his head sadly and went back to looking at his computer.

Later

"I think I found something." Sam said as he leaned in close to his computer and read the headlines of a newspaper from a nearby town. "People are being found murdered……well actually butchered….their bodies ripped to shreds. It says here that some of the town's people are saying they saw a large creature walking upright near the edge of town." Sam looked over at Dean. "I think we got ourselves a Wendigo."

"Let some other hunter take it."

"Dean we're less then fifty miles away….It's in Port Plymouth, Oregon….It'll do you good to get back out there and help some people."

"I'm through with hunting Sam. I'm through with everything."

Sam began tossing his clothes into his bag. He knew it was senseless to argue with Dean, especially in the condition he was in.

"And where do you think you're going?" Dean's half shut eyes looked up at his brother.

"If you don't want to come, fine. But I'm going to see if I can help."

"Don't be stupid Sam….You can't go by yourself….it's too dangerous."

"Then sober up and come with me." Sam hoped his brother would change his mind and go with him.

Dean took another swig from his bottle.

"I told you I gave up hunting, and I meant it. You should too if you know what's good for you."

"I'm going with or without you Dean." Sam grabbed his bag and started heading for the door.

"Then at least take Bobby with you."

"I'm not going to bother Bobby…..I can handle this myself."

When Dean sat back in his chair and took another drink Sam opened the door, and with one last glance back at his brother left.

TBC