*Author's Note* Hello! This is the first chapter to Medius:Effy, the unofficial in between story of Effy's life from the end of season 4 and the beginning of season 7. I am American so there may be lapses in the story where American slang is used instead of English, so I apologize in advance. Thank you for reading and enjoy!
The day of the funeral was cold and rainy, like the earth knew what it had lost. Tiny water droplets covered the freshly waxed casket as JJ, Freddie's father, and a few other members of his family walked him down the stone steps from the church to the hearse. Karen stood and tried to stifle her cries by pressing a tissue over her mouth and nose but she couldn't stop her chest from heaving.
I wanted to cry. But tears wouldn't come.
It was a closed casket, for the sake of Freddie's dignity. The reports said he was barely recognizable. Found bloody, blue, and stuffed into a garbage bag. Horrid.
Cook disappeared the night of the party and no one had seen or heard from him since, nearly a week later. We all put the pieces together after the DNA tests were released. Dr. Foster was found dead in his home, beaten to death, but it was Cook's blood on him along with his own. Cook was either dead somewhere waiting to be found, or he was on the run. Either way, I knew we'd never see him again.
As the attendees dispersed to their cars to follow the hearse to the burial site I hung back and tried to gather my thoughts.
"Aren't you coming Ef?" Pandora asked, huddled under an umbrella by Thomas's side.
"I'll be there. I just...I think I'm going to walk."
"In the rain?"
"I've got an umbrella." I said tipping it towards her.
"Shall we walk with you?"
"I'd like to be alone."
She shrugged and hurried Thomas along to catch up with the others already getting into their cars.
I waited for all the cars to begin their drive a few blocks down before taking off my heels and pulling out a pack of cigarettes from my purse. The ground was cold but it soothed my sore, red feet. I stuck a cigarette in my mouth and lit it before picking up my heels and walking down the sidewalk towards the cemetery.
I didn't even stay to see if he'd come home. I left. We all left. Except JJ.
I wasn't sure if that made me selfish or a bitch. Maybe it made me both.
Cars drove by as I took a drag from my cigarette. They didn't know. 99% of England didn't know. 99.5% didn't care.
The rain somehow made the day more bearable. It would feel cruel to have nice weather on a day like today.
I made it to the cemetery with pink prune-y feet from the puddles just as the minister finished his speech and they began to lower the casket into the hole dug for Freddie. Everyone was huddled under the small black tent over the ditch and if they could't fit under the tent, they hugged the edges. I stood back and watched from afar. It's not that I didn't want to say goodbye. I just wanted to do it in private.
His father threw down a handful of dirt onto the casket and wrapped his arm around Karen as she cried into his shirt. The diggers began their job and everyone watched on with sullen faces. I dug my toes into the wet spongy ground and wondered who I was standing on.
Freddie's father stayed around until 5, even when everyone else had left and Karen was waiting in the car.
"I'm sorry." I called out to him, not sure of what to say or do.
He turned around, startled. "Oh, Effy. I didn't see you there." He wiped his face on the back of his sleeve. "I was just...saying goodbye."
I approached him slowly, heels still in hand. I'd probably sink into the ground and be swallowed up by whoever was buried underneath me if I wore them anyway. "Awfully long time to say goodbye."
There was a long pause as I closed the gap between us.
"I just...can't believe it."
I pursed my lips and crossed my arms, unsure of what to say. I wasn't very good in these situations.
"You stood back there the whole time?"
I nodded. "I just thought family was more important."
"He loved you, you know." Pause.
"I know." I said slowly.
"I think it's late enough." He said wiping his face again. "We just have to remember he's with his mother now."
I nodded in consolation.
"I'm gonna be going now. Don't stay too late. It's going to get dark in a couple hours."
"Don't worry."
He tried to smile as he walked away but it was in vain. Anyone could see right through it.
As he walked away I stared and the freshly packed dirt, still thick, brown, and fertile. It felt like someone else. Like someone else was buried beneath my feet.
"Freddie..." My voice caught in my throat. "I'm sorry."
"Effy? Effy? Effy are you there?"
It was the third time Naomi called me. It was the seventh call I'd gotten that day on the house phone and it was the seventh call I didn't pick up.
"Look Effy, we're all worried about you. It's been three days since the funeral and you haven't spoken to any of us." Pause. "We're all going to the shed if you want to meet us there. Freddie's dad said we can still use it." Pause. "We just want to make sure you're okay." Pause. Click.
I couldn't face them. Not today. Not any day. Honestly I never wanted to see them again. Sometimes things just happen and everything changes. This was one of those things.
"Effy?" Anthea opened the door a crack and looked in at me lying on Tony's bed. "You haven't come downstairs for three days. Aren't you hungry?"
I never took my eyes off the ceiling.
She came in and sat gently on the foot of the bed. "You know, bad things will always happen." She pursed her lips, unsure of how to finish. "But you just have to..."
I sat up and stared her in the eyes for a long moment before I spoke. "You're right." I said never taking my eyes off of her. "I'm going out." I swung my legs off the bed and exited the room before she could say anything.
"No, Effy. That's not what I-" she said calling to me from the top of the stairs, but I slammed the front door behind me before she could finish.
The weather had perked up and the sun was out, but it wouldn't be out for long. It had already begun it's decent into the western horizon.
I wasn't going to the shed, I had already decided that. But I left everything in the house. My wallet, my cellphone, even my shoes.
So I just started walking.
And I didn't plan on coming back.
I can't tell you how long I walked for but I can tell you the bottom of my feet burned and I had been walking in the dark for quite awhile. I didn't know where I was going. Part of me Just thought I'd keep walking until I'd walked all the way around the world.
"Hey!" I hadn't noticed a red Honda Civic roll up beside me.
I looked over at him quickly, startled by his shout.
"Jesus Christ I thought you were deaf. I've been calling you for the last three blocks. Where are you going?"
I shrugged and continued walking.
"You haven't got any shoes on!"
I stopped in my tracks, my arms crossed from the cold, and weighed my options. Walking around the world had a certain appeal to it but I was cold and my feet hurt.
"Where are you going?" I turned to him and asked.
"I was headed to a party up the road but if you need to go somewhere I can take you."
I smiled as I approached the car. "What a coincidence, I was just headed there myself."
Turns out this "party" was a club named Intensity and the boy that picked me up was named Roman.
"How long were you walking?" He asked as he pulled into the parking lot.
I looked down at the clock on the dashboard. 10:43. I'd left around 6. "I don't know." I lied and turned to look out the window.
"Must have been a long time then."
I shrugged as he turned into a parking spot and turned off the car. "You need shoes to go in."
"Well looks like we're out of luck then." I said finally turning to him.
He looked at me as he thought. "Wait here a minute." He got out of the car but before closing the door, leaned in to ask "What shoe size are you?"
"Five."
"I'll be right back." He said before closing the door of the car and taking off towards the club. I could hear the bass in the distance and watched as girls stumbled towards the entrance, some falling and needing help up from their girlfriends. I wondered how many calls I'd gotten by now, and if Anthea was looking for me, then I remembered I don't really care. I wondered what Freddie was doing, and if heaven really existed like the minister said. If it did I hoped that's where he was.
Roman returned after I don't know how long of waiting with a pair of dirty tennis shoes. "I couldn't get size 5," he said opening the car door and extending them out to me, "but I got size 6."
I sat there looking between him and the shoes.
"They're a friend of mine's." Pause. "It's either this or I take you home."
I sat there looking at the shoes before finally sighing and taking them from him. "No socks?"
"I mean, if you want to wear a pair of dirty socks I can go back in and-,"
I cut him off by clearing my throat and putting them on. They should have been too big but after all the walking my feet had swollen to a nice plump size 6. I got out of the car as he shut his door and hit the lock button on his keys.
"Ready?" He asked.
I raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you?"