'Unless what?'
'Unless I marry him'
The world was closing in. Maura could hear her pulse throbbing in her ears. She blinked.
'No'. It came out as a breath.
Jane focused on Maura's eyes. Before she could speak Maura bolted.
Fleeing the scene Maura heard Jane call out to her. As well as Patrick Doyle Sr say to Casey
'Lovers spat?'
She realised too late that she has come with Jane and Casey. She dialled a cab and went to hide out in the bathroom until it came.
Standing in front of the mirror she begged herself internally not to let the tears come. It was proving difficult as they were threatening to spill over of their own accord.
She closed her eyes and breathed. She could barely hear the bathroom door swing open. She did however feel arms encapsulate her.
'Maura, what's wrong? Please talk to me'
Jane's voice was strained. When Maura opened her eyes that same look was there. She opened her mouth to speak when her phone signalled that her cab has arrived.
Pulling from Jane she headed for the door. Jane's pull was stronger though and she felt herself flush with Jane and gazing in her eyes. Before she could think she leaned forward and pressed her lips to Jane's. She didn't allow herself to feel the disappointment of Jane not returning the kiss so she pulled away almost as quickly as she had leaned in. Turning on her heel she was out the door.
Jane stood quietly for several long moments. She had no idea what had just occurred. She knew she had wanted Maura to kiss her before. But she had put all thoughts of it happening out of her head long ago and let herself enjoy Maura's friendship. Now when her dreams literally came through it felt like a nightmare. And the reason -
Jane was jolted from her thoughts by the door knocking. Realising she had to face Casey she headed out.
Casey reached for Jane's hand
'What's up with Maura? I just saw her peel out of here like the place was on fire'
Thinking on her feet Jane spoke quietly
'She got called to a scene. I'm off, so I get to stay'
'Lucky me. Let's go do something a lot more age appropriate please?' Casey's question hung in the air as Jane was again lost in her thoughts.
She let Casey drive as she really could not shake the fuzz that had seemed to come over her.
'I don't feel very good, do you mind if I go rest? I'm sure there's other people you want to see it Boston' Jane smiled weakly
'Oh Jane. Is there a chance you're coming down with something? I'll drop you at your moms'
Jane almost sprang out of her seat and said No but something stopped her. She let Casey drive her to Maura's but didn't let him get out of the car.
'Casey, we gotta talk. When I'm feeling a little better though. Late dinner tonight? Pick me up about 8?' Jane smiled. She had no idea what was about to happen but no matter what she couldn't continue with Casey.
Jane approached the door and got her key out. Turning her key Jane was not prepared for what she walked into.
llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
'But Maura! Why? Why now? Why are you running?!'
Angela was shouting but she couldn't help it. Ever since Maura had been accused of murder and Angela gave Lt Cavanaugh evidence that made Maura look guilty, their relationship had been strained. Angela had spent most days trying to shows her how sorry she was. From a practical sense Maura's house had never been tidier, which was quite a feat given Maura's already typical OCD tendencies and as far as their friendship went Angela had been doing all she could to show Maura how sorry she was. There were nights when they talked for hours. Luckily for Angela, Maura agreed communication was the best way to resolve the situation. Angela was her best friend's mother and she never wanted Jane to have to choose between them. Some nights Angela cried bitterly over her mistake and Maura joined her. In had been one such night when Angela asked Maura why she was still trying. Why Maura hasn't asked her to leave? Maura's answer was simple.
'Jane'
Angela knew what that meant. Putting her arms around Maura she assured her if this was what Jane wanted also she would support them. But she needed Jane make the decision.
'I can't watch her marry him. I can't Angela. I thought I could. If Jane is happy I am too. But I know she's not. I want to tell her he's no good for her. That he's a user, but I can't. I'm selfish. I want Jane for myself and that's not fair.'
Maura slumped to the floor and sobbed. Angela sat down beside her and pulled her close. Just like she had Jane until Jane was big enough to squirm away.
'Jane hasn't said yes'
Once Maura calmed she looked at Angela.
'I know, and I don't know. It was just too much when she told me he asked her. I mean, it wasn't even a proper proposal. Seriously, marriage!? They haven't spent more than 24 hours together in 20 years for God's sake! I'm the one that's been there every time he walked out. Every time. And when Jane looked at me as she was saying 'unless I marry him' -
Maura paused to scoff at the memory
'- it felt like she was looking right into my soul and saying 'Give me a reason to say no'. But I know it wasn't. It couldn't have been. No I've fucked everything up. I ran, and when she came to find me I kissed her'
Maura stopped. She hadn't meant to tell Angela that much. But she couldn't stop it coming out.
You kissed her? And what? Left?'
Maura nodded slowly, fighting back more tears that refused to stop flowing.
'When was that sweetie?'
Maura inhaled deeply.
'About 30 minutes ago. My cab arrived and I ran. Again'
'Did you say anything after?'
'No, I didn't even give her the chance to kiss me back. If she hadn't pulled me back I wouldn't have done it.'
Maura slumped over and put her head on her knees. Angela rubbed her back.
'I better go then'
Angela stood and left the room. Maura suddenly saw red and jumped to her feet.
'That's okay Angela!' She shouted while following her out. 'I'll get over it myself shall I?' Maura had no idea where this anger had come out of nowhere but she needed to get it out. She knew yelling at Angela was irrational but she couldn't stop.
'I thought I was like a daughter to you!'
Angela stopped dead.
'You are Maura' Angela tried to keep her cool. 'And I am going to treat you exactly like I do my own children. I would never leave you, but you listen to me missy. Do not raise your voice to me'
A cough startled them both.
They stepped into the kitchen and Jane stood there.
'There ya go Maura. I knew exactly what my daughter would do. I knew she'd be here. I wasn't walking out on you, I was coming to tell Jane to stop being so obtuse and see what was right in front of her face. You! I see how you are with each other. I love you both. Now sort it out'
With that Angela strolled out of the room and towards the guesthouse.
The women faced each other. Maura's heart was pounding even harder now. She closed her eyes to centre herself and immediately she felt Jane's arms around her. The tears returned and this time she didn't fight them.
'I'm sorry Jane. I just couldn't pretend -'
Maura was cut off by Jane's lips. She felt like her heart was going to burst for completely different reasons now. She threw her arms around Jane's neck and moaned Jane's name. She felt Jane smile, kiss her chastely again and pull away.
'I'm not marrying him. I wasn't sure how you felt. I was pretty sure you didn't actually feel anything but then when I told you, your face said a thousand words. I thought I imagined it but thank you. Thank you for being brave.'
She leaned her head against Maura's and remembered about the plans she had made with Casey.
'I didn't have to time break up properly with Casey. Everything just happened so quickly. I told him I'd see him later but I can't do that. I know he's a dick but I don't wanna be one either. I'm gonna go find him now. I'll be back soon'
With another chaste kiss Jane forced herself to pull away
'Can I borrow your car?'
'Of course, Jane. Thank you. This is why I love you. Your integrity. Hurry back. We have lots to talk about'
Jane smiled and left.
Maura stood very still for a very long time. She felt a breeze go past her as Angela returned and promptly put the kettle on
'Tea?' Angela said with a smile