CHAPTER 1

Writer's block sucked. Especially when you're an international bestselling author. Helga Pataki knew that better than anyone else. She drummed her fingers on her desk in angst. Why can't novel ideas just come to me? She thought to herself. That would make writing so much easier.

Helga stared at her blank computer screen, the curser blinking. She groaned and slammed her head against the table in angst. She didn't have time for this. Her publisher wanted a book out in the next month! Although Helga LOVED her job, she admitted that being a worldwide best- selling author had its downsides.

For one, her publisher was getting annoyed by her lack of ideas. "Your fans are demanding the new Helga Pataki book NOW!" He told her in an e-mail. "You have to keep them satisfied!" Helga hated to admit it, but he was right. It had been almost a year since her last book came out. Unfortunately, nothing in her life was worth writing about.

Helga's first (and so far most successful) book came out a few years after she graduated college. She decided she wanted to publish the journals she wrote in her youth. There were 23 of them in total, so she spent a long time looking through them until she found the one for the one that would be her first book: the journal she wrote in fourth grade when she attended PS 118.

She admitted while painful to look back on (particularly the angst filled entries about her alcoholic mother, abusive father, and her oh so perfect older sister) she realized that this would be the perfect journal to start with. She corrected her spelling and grammar, as well as changed the names of the people in her entries and edited out entries she found to be pointless.

After about two years of editing, rewriting, and reviewing her work, she sent it to publishers. To say that the books weren't a hit would be an understatement. They sold over a million copies worldwide. Helga appeared on talk shows, interviews, and even started her own charity helping underprivileged children.

She began publishing the next 22 of her journals within the next few years, which also became a huge hit. Her fans sympathized with Helga-or "Cassandra" her penname in the novel-having to deal with neglectful parents, people at school, anxiety, and of course…Tristan. Or as Helga had come to know him growing up, Arnold

Yes, Arnold. The object of Helga's desires since kindergarten. She clearly remembered how he always put others before himself, the tufts of hair that stuck out of his football shaped head he had, and how deeply passionate he was about everything he did. He was everything she ever wanted.

Helga spent all of grade school collecting tufts of his hair, his chewed up gum, and lint from his clothing to make a shrine for him in her closet. She planned to tell him how she felt about him at the end of high school. But that all changed sophomore.

Arnold had a crush on a girl named Lila Sawyer ever since she arrived at PS 118. Everyone knew it. It made Helga sick to have to sit back and watch Arnold attempt to win her heart. At least she knew he'd never succeed. Not only did everyone know that Arnold had a crush on Lila, but everyone also knew that Lila didn't "like like Arnold, but just like him."

But that all changed when Arnold asked her to the spring formal. They ended up going to dinner afterwards and kissing. The next day, Lila was officially Arnold's boyfriend. Helga felt like her heart had just been y mercilessly stabbed, torn to shreds, and then thrown into a meat grinder.

She wasn't the emotional type at the time other than when it came to Arnold, but she still remembered crying for hours in her room with the door locked when she got home. Her whole world was shattered. There was so many things she knew she should have said and done.

Arnold and Lila continued to date throughout high school. Helga didn't know whether or not they were still together (she lost contact with everyone she knew at school after high school graduation) but frankly she didn't want to know. The past was just too painful.