This whole scene, it's pure cliche, and he knows it. It doesn't mean he cares.
The night is stormy, he's long abandoned his umbrella and he's running with childish tears that he can't stop. He's supposed to be the strong one, the composed one, and he's gone and cocked that up like a spoiled brat who took the last candy from the jar. Worse yet, he's running from it, running from the problems that he'd told himself a hundred times he would face with his head held high. He's not sure where he's going, except that it's the opposite direction from where he was and that's just fine.
He doesn't recognize where he is until he's at the tiny apartment complex with a familiar set of kanji under one of the tiny mailboxes and there's thunder overhead-
Crap. This was not where he meant to go. Another screw up.
He debates going inside because the occupant is kind and willing to listen, even though they don't know each other very well. The tenant is too kind and probably knows it and doesn't mind at all. Too many soft places and sheathed kitten claws. He's heard people say that behind the other's back and he's not sure how true it is. He wants to turn and leave but he can't. He's shivering too much now and he doesn't want to get sick or worse.
He looks up at the third story window and sees someone moving by the blinds and his feet hurry forward before his brain can catch up. His shoes squelch with his socks and it hits him just how cold and gross that is but he can't slow down. He reaches the door and his knees and knuckles sting when he knocks.
Kudo Taiki opens the door, towel over messy brown spikes and a puzzled frown small on his face. "Hideaki?"
Hideaki tries to smile. "I messed up."
The games had been going so well. Tagiru has the worst case of tunnel vision that Hideaki's seen since himself and Yuu is kind of kicking his ass at this fighting one. Badly. Hideaki watches the whole thing from the couch and it's hilarious. Except Tagiru keeps looking over at him like a kicked puppy and it's a major guilt trip. So he controls it, but it's hard.
"Tagiru, you may wanna give up on this one," he says. Yuu snorts, loosening his grip on the plastic.
"You're just going to make him worse."
Hideaki knows that, but he has to try before his friend bursts a blood vessel. He's liable to break the controller at this point. "There's a crack in the plastic," he notes.
"I'll buy a new one!" Tagiru doesn't even turn around to glare, he's so focused. Hideaki smothers another laugh. His friend's an idiot.
He sobers, frowning to himself. His friend. That's all he is. That's all he can be, in this day and age. Risking much further is asking for pain, for trouble he can't afford now. But... still. He wants that trouble. Not that he knows why, this isn't like the numbers in the boxes or the smiles on happy faces when he gets the recipe right. It's just something he knows he wants from somewhere inside him, probably his liver.
"Hideaki, take my place!"
Hideaki is jolted from his thoughts, finding the controller thrust into his hands as Tagiru gets up. He's pouting to the point that his cheeks might start to droop like an old lady. "I need a soda."
"He needs to relax his ego," Yuu mutters. Hideaki snorts behind his hand because unfortunately, it's true. He's fine until someone implies competition in any way, shape, or form. Then he's practically a Slytherin or something.
Tagiru glowers at the both of them, leaving the room in a huff. Yuu chortles and puts the controller down. "Sorry, Hideaki."
Hideaki shakes his head, setting down his. Neither of them actually intend to play. Hideaki knows he's not much at video games.. "It's fine, it's not like it's boring." The two of them together are actually hilarious.
"Not about that." Yuu glances towards the kitchen, probably checking to see if Tagiru is coming back any time soon. "I've been hoping he'd catch the hint and talk to you about it."
Hideaki feels his ears burn and grimaces. "Don't worry about it, it's not going to go anywhere."
"Not to stick my foot in my mouth," Yuu manages a sheepish grin when Hideaki raises an eyebrow. "You know what I mean. But you need to at least tell him."
"No real point." Hideaki stretches. "I'm the one going to a faraway college if I can help it. Shouldn't put him through that."
"Through what? Adulthood?" Yuu reclines on the beanbag chair. "He's not stupid. Or weak."
"I don't think he is." Hideaki doesn't mean to sound defensive, but Yuu causes that sometimes. He's just combative somehow, despite being one of the nicest friends Tagiru has. Come to think of it, that's probably why he's like that. That's the only way to get through to Tagiru sometimes. "I just… I don't think I'm good for that."
"You have a career in mind, a plan on how to achieve it, and connections on where to go." Yuu sounds sympathetic, if amused. "Honestly, the better question is why isn't he asking you."
Hideaki snorts. "The answer to that is pretty obvious." He highly doubts Tagiru is any closer to him on the sexual spectrum than his desk lamp.
"From a purely aesthetic standpoint, it's not like you're unattractive or a complete bastard." Yuu rolls his eyes at the idea. "I mean, I'm about as romantic as a three-headed dog with a broken chew toy, and I can see this is supposed to go the other way around. Not my type, but still."
"You think he actually think he worries about aesthetic and common sense."
"Point." Their friend has better things to do.
Hideaki sighs. "There's still the taboo to consider."
"There's also the possibility of him saying no." Yuu frowns as if realizing he actually said that out loud.
"Oh thanks." Hideaki musses his hair up with a sigh.
Yuu rolls his eyes."You still need to ask."
Hideaki swallows a lump in his throat. The problem is that Yuu is right. And that Yuu knows he is right. Tagiru comes back in the room and Yuu gives them both a look. Tagiru glares half-heartedly and throws the soda at him before passing another to Hideaki.
To be honest, he has to do it, before holding it swallows him whole, or whatever the cliche is.
There shouldn't be secrets like that between friends anyway.
Taiki stirs the cocoa, blowing gently to cool the just reheated miso soup. As he turns off the stove, he hears Hideaki sneeze in the shower. Taiki muffles a small chuckle, but his expression sobers by the time Hideaki leaves the bathroom, dressed in slightly small pajamas.
Hideaki sneezes again. "Sorry," he mumbles. "Didn't think it would be this rainy."
"Neither did I, to be honest." He smiles glad he had been awake to answer the door."Don't worry about it. Better here than get sick, right?"
"Yeah, suppose so." He brushes his hair under the towel again. "Are you sure this isn't a bother? Don't you have homework and class stuff to deal with?" Hideaki doesn't particularly want to go back into the storm, but he had ended up here by accident (Tagiru had once told him where his senior lived, he hadn't paid too much attention.) and there were only so many accidents you could handle before you snapped.
Taiki, however, only smiles at him, one of those smiles he's seen from older siblings used to watching the younger ones flail. (He's seen it more than once.) "I did most of it before you got here, actually. Besides, I couldn't just leave you out there."
Hideaki sighs, now feeling angry at himself again. He kneads his eyes with his palms. "Shouldn't have been out there in the first place to be honest. I just… I got upset and all."
"With Tagiru?" Hideaki frowns at him and Taiki laughs. "Sorry, that's just what Yuu always does when he's upset with Tagiru, leaves and cools his head."
"Does he make you want to do that?" Hideaki wonders, because he remembers their first meeting where the elder had seemed somewhere between fond exasperation and pondering taping the other to his bed to have nothing to do with him.
Taiki frowns at him, then he sips his drink. "Once in a while. It's not as common these days, since I don't get to see you all as much anymore." He says you all like Hideaki was naturally included, and considering their first impressions of each other, Hideaki feels his shoulders ease a little. "Like you said, because of exams and all. Digital World too."
"Entrance exams," Hideaki says with a sympathetic sigh. They had one more year before those. Thinking of that makes him grimace. "God I'm an idiot." He had gotten his hopes for nothing… and at such a crucial time too… he feels Taiki's eyes on him and braced himself. He's not sure why he does.
But.
"Yeah, those horrible things." Taiki sighs a little, lost in tired reverie. Then he smiles. "You like him."
The bluntness of the statement makes Hideaki's ears turn pink. "Does everybody notice this?"
"When it comes to Tagiru, even the affection has to be obvious," Taiki explains with a nervous smile. It's a little endearing. He's never been around Taiki enough to notice, but the other boy has the reactions that Tagiru doesn't even think about having. Just as earnest, but less over the top about it. Granted, Tagiru's passion is what makes him so much fun to be around… but it takes a toll on anyone. "Except, well, to him."
Hideaki wilts a bit because unfortunately, that is exactly what happened to him.
Taiki sighs. "I'm sorry."
"Uh… why?" Hideaki scratches his head. "It's not your fault." Yuu had had the same apologetic look when he had left.
Taiki shakes his head, taking their bowls and putting them away. he's quiet for a few minutes and Hideaki takes the opportunity to dry off his hair a little more. When Taiki speaks, his voice is low and easy. "Tagiru doesn't experience this stuff too much. Yuu is his best friend, he's used to being 'Friend A', you know?" he waits for Hideaki's nod before continuing. "And… realizing that he's not just Friend A to everybody, particularly a guy… it's tough to give an answer that doesn't make him sound…" Taiki trails off and Hideaki snorts before he can stop himself.
"Like an insensitive moron?" It's harsh but true.
Taiki nods, looking sheepish. Hideaki rubs his eyes. The older teen's right, he knows he is. Doesn't exactly make it all easier to deal with, but it's good to hope that maybe, he hasn't screwed it all up.
"It's late," Taiki says suddenly, moving towards the window. "The rain is supposed to start up again in a couple of hours. I'll get you the spare futon." Hideaki instantly wants to say no, but Taiki is up and moving before he can stop himself.
Hideaki sweatdrops. Well, he guesses Taiki and Tagiru have to be alike somehow.
His chest aches a little and he smiles to hide it.
"I screwed up," he says to the empty room, assuming Taiki can't hear him.
He's wrong, but Taiki doesn't say anything anyway.
When Hideaki wakes up a few hours later, the storm has stopped. It's almost quiet now. The wind blows softly, shaking water droplets onto the window as he watches. He sighs and thumps his head against the pillow. Why can't he be the kind of person that sleeps like the dead when he's stressed?
He rolls to look at the bedroom. The light is off. Taiki-san must be asleep still. Lucky him. He knew what Tagiru looked like when he was asleep, mouth agape, loud noise, sometimes drool. Knowing the other boy as little as he did, was he quieter, more reserved, the one trying to avoid making a fuss even in sleep?
Hideaki pinches himself. Stupid, don't go after someone else just because you got dumped. Don't think about other people like that, you pervert. Watching someone while they slept was weird to begin with… damn it.
He goes to wash his face, maybe run some cold water over his sweaty skin.
He's screwed, and he knows it.
I really need to stop falling for kindness, he thinks to himself.
Taiki-san is kind, but so was Tagiru. he had misinterpreted that. He didn't want to do that again, not with his business at stake. Once can be an accident. More thatn that isn't good.
Drying his face with a hand towel, he pauses at the sound of footsteps. They head towards the bathroom, then pad away just as quickly. He waits for the sound of the sink running before exiting the bathroom.
Taiki glances up at him and gives him a sleepy nod and smile. He dries a cup, then does the same for another. "Tea?"
"Yeah, please." He yawns before he can stop himself. "Where do you keep the leaves?"
"Second cabinet, bottom shelf."
Perhaps it's due to how tired he is, but the silence feels soothing to him. Hideaki watches as Taiki moves. he's still graceful despite exhaustion. It's probably the effect of the Digital World, or at least being there for so long. Or Taiki's just graceful. It's something like that. He can't be sure. His head is screwed up.
Hideaki rubs his eyes, continues to help with the tea. "At least the rain's stopped."
"That's what woke me up," Taiki admits. "The sound was comforting."
Hideaki yawns. "Hopefully I'll be able to get back to sleep. It's the weekend and all." And if he got enough sleep, he could get out of here in case Tagiru went looking for him and found him here.
There were way too many societal norms being broken if he stayed past that. And besides… it wasn't right.
I can't use him to replace someone else.
He takes the tea mug when it's offered and stares at the contents. Sleep can't come soon enough.
Hideaki wakes the next morning in an empty apartment. He yawns over the sound of the bustling city below filtering in through the slightly open window. Whatever had been in that tea had worked wonders, because his head felt clearer than it had in ages and he actually felt well-rested. He makes a note to ask what blend of tea that is so he can have it again or know where to buy it.
He rubs his eyes and begins to stretch, feeling awkward but not knowing exactly what to do now. He sees a plate covered in plastic sitting on the table. Hideaki feels his face redden. How asleep was he? Seriously? That or taiki was just a ninja. Seriously. He picks up the note on top of the covered plate and reads.
'Sorry, had to run and help with a group project. if you leave just lock the lower lock! Thanks! Sorry, again! Don't worry about the dishes!'
Hideaki sighs to himself. That was so domestic it hurt. I am in so much trouble.
He really needs to stop confusing kindness with attraction. He just has to keep telling himself that.
His phone buzzes just as he goes to remove the plastic wrap. When it doesn't make another buzz, he leaves it be and goes to dress and wash the slightly too-small pajamas. It's the least he can do. He turns on the news as he eats, forgetting about it entirely. He's eating the last of the meal when his phone buzzes again. He glances at the screen and looks away. Not the time, Tagiru. It's too soon.
He knows he's being melodramatic but well, he's earned it a little.
After this, it's back to real life, isn't it? Where he belongs.
Voices filter in through the wood, startling him into a daze."Taiki, I swear it's edible this time, honest."
A sigh. "Kiriha, I told you, I'm not hungry."
Hideaki snaps up from his doze and grimaces. He hadn't quite meant to do that. He rubs his eyes, turning off the television. So much for getting out of here. He moves to clean up as the doorknob wriggles. The two voices continue talking, one more exasperated than the other.
"Taiki," groans the voice. "Your redhead asked me to keep you from passing out while she was busy with exams. It won't kill you after that stupid meeting.
Just as Hideaki shuts off the television, the door opens to Taiki's voice. "it wasn't that bad," he says and trails off at the sight of Hideaki drying off the dishes. "Oh, hey, you're still here!" He grins like the whole thing isn't completely surreal. "Sleep all right?"
The sheer friendliness of the words almost knocks Hideaki over. "Uh, um, yeah, actually." How does someone just ask that so easily?
The blond following Taiki in puts his bag on the ground. His blue eyes narrow, just enough. The look on his face says the exact same thing Hideaki had been thinking himself. "Who is this?"
The way he says it makes Taiki roll his eyes. "He was a Hunter," he replies with a careless chuckle, as if he knows Kiriha really won't bother remembering. "He's friends with Yuu and the others." He looks over at Hideaki, who only remembers him vaguely for being around during the final battle, but no other time. "This is Kiriha, he's a good friend of mine, though for a few different reasons."
Kiriha's cheeks color. "Oi." He shoots the other a half-hearted glare.
Taiki laughs again, unabashed. "Sorry, sorry."
"You're not sorry at all." Kiriha grumbles to himself as he shuts the door, ears going pink. He gives Hideaki a look. "Your story?"
Hideaki clears his throat, feeling his face color. "Got caught in yesterday's storm."
"And Taiki's too nice for his own good," Kiriha finishes with a snort. "Right. I know the song and dance by now."He rolls his eyes. "You'd help a serial killer if he was bleeding."
Hideaki raises an eyebrow as Taiki snorts and sticks out his tongue. It's almost like watching Tagiru and Yuu fight, except less like a powder keg and more like a pair of brothers.
Friendship is weird, he thinks to himself. He and Tagiru bickered, didn't they? Before, he had won because Tagiru liked his ideas. After a while, he liked Tagiru's ideas. Then, Yuu poked himself, or maybe Tagiru dragged him against his will, back into the picture. And even before then, had their bickering been all that serious? Maybe it had just been him taking it too seriously.
Kiriha glances at him, breaking him from his trance. "Do me a favor and make him eat," he orders, voice gruff with exasperation. "I'm just picking something up and if he passes out, Akari will have my head."
Taiki throws something (a plastic bag) at him with a huff. "I'm fine," he says, hands in his pockets. "One more bag."
"Thanks," Kiriha grunts. He shoots Hideaki a pleading look. Hideaki manages to hide his laugh. Once Taiki is out of sight, Kiriha squints at him. "So."
"What?" Hideaki feels his neck prickle and straightens up, feeling a bit like a bristling cat. Hearing his name reminds Hideaki of someone fighting atop a golden dragon, but that is about all. It was probably during that confrontation with the Volcdramon.
Kiriha grunts and doesn't answer, making Hideaki wonder if there's a difference between his angry face and his indifferent one. They stand in awkward silence for a while, and Hideaki wonders if the other ever actually intends on speaking. Is making conversation that bad?
He's one to talk.
Then Taiki comes back and throws Kiriha another plastic bag. He earns a grunt of a gratitude and the swish of the door on its hinges. They're left in a more companionable silence this time. Not that Hideaki knows how to break this one either.
Taiki breaks it with a sigh, picking up the left behind bento box. "I swear, Akari is going to turn his hair grey before I do." His complaints are half hearted, judging by the way his lips twitch.
Hideaki laughs. "He's just worried… I think."
"He is," Taiki agrees. "He needs the stress. He's still going overboard."
Hideaki nods, throat tight. He needs to leave soon. He's overstayed his welcome. "Hey, um, thanks, for everything. I should get going."
Taiki waves at him. "No problem. You can come by anytime."
"Ah… sure." He can't exactly refuse. "Thanks for um, not making a big deal out of it too."
"Wasn't something to make a big deal out of," Taiki says. He shrugs a little. "It wouldn't have been right. Besides, you're already going to do it to yourself."
Hideaki feels the heat in his face, like a low simmer, and turns away. he doesn't know how to deny that, isn't quite sure he can. So he hurries towards the door with his things. He's still grateful though, because what Taiki did is important, somehow. "See-See you later."
"Bye."
It's an easygoing farewell, even though it goes against the desires of the culture to continue the line, to push the family forward. Maybe it's because he's aware that Hideaki has to give up on doing away with that societal norm for himself. Maybe it's simply a 'don't ask, don't tell' sort of situation.
It isn't what he had gotten from Tagiru.
He sighs and hurries down the steps. The weird thing about the whole thing was that he did feel better. He wasn't exactly on cloud nine, but he wasn't soul-crushed and unwilling to get up. He didn't feel empty.
The movies were lies, huh?
He rumples his hair, trying to control the mess of bedhead. His bag bounces on his arm as he walks. Now, it's on to recipe tasting, get some homework done, clean the house. He needs a productive remainder of the weekend, anything to distract himself. It's not going to be easy but he thinks he can do it.
"Good to see you're all right."
Best laid plans and all of that.
Hideaki looks up from the asphalt to see Yuu staring at him from by a fence, water bottle in hand. "tagiru was worried about you," Yuu says, wiping sweat from his forehead.
Hideaki isn't sure if his heart is swollen or deflated at the sound of Tagiru's name. it's safe for him to assume the latter but still. "I-I'm all right. I stayed at a friend's house last night." He doesn't want to ask the obvious thing but he feels courtesy at least isn't dead. He chews on his lip. "How is he?"
"Asleep." Yuu looks sympathetic for the second time and somehow that makes it worse. "He kept trying to call you and I told him to quit and go back to bed. If you weren't fine, someone would have noticed."
"Thanks." It feels awkward to thank him, but it's the least he can do. Why would I answer your calls right now Tagiru? It's petty but he wants to be left alone after that mess. At least for a while.
Yuu regards him, taking another swig of water. Hideaki tries not to squirm, feeling like he's under a microscope. "He's uncomfortable."
Oh he's uncomfortable. "My fault," Hideaki sighs automatically. There went that friendship. That was the problem with confessions; this was inevitably a concern.
Yuu rolls his eyes. "he's a bit self-centered. It's sinking in."
"And I'm not self-centered?"Hideaki huffs a little, trying to defend his crush and failing.
"Course you are. We all are. He's just obtuse about it." Yuu laughs. "Even Taiki-san is a little self-centered… well, no, maybe not. Can't say for sure. But considering how he acts, we've seen how that works out."
"Well, that's a bit helpful, so I can't say I mind." HE bites his tongue. He can't even keep a secret. Darn it.
Yuu arches an eyebrow. "So that's where you were." he sighs. "Could have been worse i guess. I'll finish my run and go let Tagiru know you're okay."
Hideaki nods in gratitude. "Thanks… sorry about this."
"Eh." Yuu shrugs. "It was bound to happen eventually. better you than someone else to knock the realization into him." He starts to jog off. "Be careful, okay?"
Hideaki scratches his head. "Thanks, I-I'll try."
Yuu smiles. Hideaki smiles back nervously. When the blond is gone, Hideaki hurries home.
This weekend was complete crap.
Classes are on Monday as usual. When Tagiru waves, he waves back. He ignores the flashes of concern and irritation. The hellos are enough. He's not going to push it. He's not going to push himself. He has a more realistic dream now. There's nothing wrong with pursuing that, is there?
If that means he has to deny the first dream existed, well, that's the way it goes.
He spends most of his time in the library, studying the business angle of a restaurant, or job hunting. His cooking skills are average, and he practices with them. He barely sees Tagiru as a result. He tries to act like this bothers him more. The pain becomes this underlying ache, like after pulling a muscle.
Maybe it's better they aren't dating anyway. Tagiru doesn't have a head for numbers (no offense but he just doesn't), and the idea of him forcing himself to is unfair. He should just marry a smart girl and go from there.
He thinks that, but he's seen Taiki more times than he's seen Tagiru and he can smile whenever he does, thinking of the easy answers and quick smiles. Taiki always waves and Hideaki wonders if Tagiru has talked about it with his senior, and why he wouldn't. It wasn't like Taiki would push him about it. He didn't have the time. He was in college now. Besides, tagiru had said no. Everyone with a good heart respected that. Even him and he didn't have one.
Hideaki licks his thumb and turns the page of the study he's reading. He should expand beyond takoyaki, beyond flavors of rice balls. He doesn't need elegant cuisine or things like that. He's not looking for riches, just money. He has had to tone it down in recent years. He scribbles recipes into his notebook and makes to shut the ones he has.
"Hey."
Hideaki hits his knee on the table in an attempt not to jump. "Ow," he mutters, looking up at Tagiru. "What?" His tone is snappish, pretending his heart isn't turning to ice at the sight of him. "Could have coughed or something first." Since when were Tagiru and stealth in the same sentence?
Tagiru only stares at him. He looks slightly accusatory, but softens a bit. "You're usually more aware than that!" he protests, voice low. "Good book or something?"
Hideaki manages a smile. "Yeah, cookbook. The old recipes are pretty fun to twist around, you know?"He frowns, puzzlement now hiding his confusion. "What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be at cram school."
Tagiru groans at the mention of it. "Nope, they cancelled it. Supposed to be a bad typhoon coming in. So I came here to get a couple of audiobooks. Kiichi told me about. Had a zombie kick lately. Somehow he's become a horror nut." He's clutching a couple packs of discs in one hand. "Can't wait until I can just download the stuff."
"Mom still worrying you on the college entry stuff huh?" Hideaki had gotten his mostly handled. He just needed to choose which one. But Tagiru's mother was nothing if not worried about her airhead, well-meaning son.
"It's a pain. My grades aren't bad and I'm still screwed." Tagiru flops down in a chair and scans one of Hideaki's earlier reads. "'Basics of Architecture'?" He looks up at him. "You're not building a fancy place, are you?"
Hideaki shakes his head. Like I'd build a place you wouldn't want to be in. Okay, this conversation is easy. He can talk about this; he knows he can. "A shop is more stable than a cart. I need to have an idea of how it was built so if I need to renovate, I know what the builders are talking about. Also so I know how the insurance works."
"Huh." Tagiru nods, grinning wide. "Yeah, makes sense. Yuu would love to help. You oughta ask him. I mean," he scratches his head. "You know me, visual, active, all of that stuff. I can help with demos! And design! Maybe!"
Hideaki tries to ignore the clenching swoop of his stomach (he's really not over him and he knows it) as he lets out a weak laugh. "Yeah, but you'd have to promise not to eat it before I say so." He forces an exaggerated sigh, slumping back in his chair. "It's been real busy lately." And it has, not just because he's avoiding Tagiru, not just because real life does not go on hold when you have romantic crushes, but because the Xros Loader has made so many noises and yet he can't find a way through. "Tagiru, have you…" He trails off. Tagiru's face has become oddly sober. "What is it?"
Tagiru puts the book down. "I wanna help you." When Hideaki only blinks in confusion, he huffs. "Well, I promised to help and you ain' been talking to me and I know there's not much I can do, but…" He shrugs. "We're friends, so…"
Hideaki twitches. Damn Tagiru and his earnest enthusiasm. "Yeah." He hasn't forgotten that promise. "Yeah, but I'm all right right now. You should focus on yourself for a bit; you've got exams coming up."
"Yuu promised to help me with that already." Tagiru waves a hand, half in dismissiveness, half in exasperation. "Mom's paying him."
Hideaki muffles a snort. "I really don't want to make it worse on him then." He's surprised the other boy hasn't asked Taiki. Taiki is his senior and has done this before. We do keep saying Tagiru is dense, he thinks to himself, mulling over the ideas. Yuu probably hasn't noticed either.
Tagiru glares, and it's pretty rare for Tagiru to actually glare. Look annoyed yes, but glare like he's going to kick your butt? Pretty hard to find. "Hideaki." He stresses each syllable like they've all done him a personal wrong.
Hideaki looks over him and regrets it seconds later. The glare has transformed into a pout, which if he knew about, would never get over the embarrassment. "Y-Yeah?"
Tagiru stares at him and grimaces. "What… what did I do?"
Hideaki looks down. Where to start with that?
You said no when I was kinda hoping for a yes. Because that was a perfectly fair answer, yeah. You looked scared. If you just hadn't said yes, and still said we were friends and that this was still okay, and hadn't expected it and that was okay, instead of that look on your face. I'm not even sure it matters now, since whenever I've seen him, I've looked at your senior with the same stupid flip in my guts and he smiles and I don't know why.
But he can't say all of this, wording it only sounds good in his head. So he says instead, "I made things awkward. I don't want to make it worse."
Tagiru stares, eyes widening. "I don't hate you."
Hideaki bites his lip. The way Tagiru looks now is so similar to that night at the party. He hadn't even done anything then, hadn't even wanted to. All he'd wanted was his friend's support, if not his feelings.
"I know you don't," he finally says, gently snatching the book and moving to return things to their shelves. "But… I'm sorry. For a while, I should take care of stuff on my own. Just… just until we can smooth things over." He sighs. "I have to go. I have work in a couple of hours and I need to eat."
He's running, and they both know it. But it's better to cut ties, before they grow to resent the elephant in the room. He needs to get his act together, because this is right for the both of them. This would have its own problems, its own side effects, but it's still better than forcing something that isn't really there.
Dobermon's presence would be helpful right now. The guy made things make sense. He would have hit him for being so stupid.
But the Digimon were in their own world, and the humans were in theirs. That was just how things needed to be.
Perhaps due to his increasing obsession with ignoring Tagiru, Hideaki ends up noticing Taiki's normally faint presence at his former high school has disappeared all together. He doesn't ask, but he does wonder, and he wonders more when he sees Kiriha there instead, talking to Yuu. He pauses to listen, just once.
"Yeah," Kiriha says. "He's fine." He shrugs. Yuu shoots him a look. "He is. Akari's been hounding him to stay in bed. It's obnoxious but that's how it is."
"So the whole 'thrown into a wall by a sonic attack' issue has been settled?" Yuu's voice is dry. Hideaki isn't sure if he wants to know how serious the other boy is or admire how much sarcasm is in his voice.
Kiriha rolls his eyes. "You know Akari won't just let him run off again."
"Still." Yuu sighs, the sound making him sound so much older than he is.. "Tagiru will be relieved to hear he's all right at least."
"What?" Kiriha raises an eyebrow. "Does he like him too?"
Wait, what?
Yuu lets out a barking laugh. "I got over that a long time ago. I want my heart to make it past the age of thirty, thanks. And he's just worried. Taiki-san can act worse than him."
"And yet you let Tagiru be your handheld leech."
Hideaki shifts to pass by doesn't want to hear this.
Yuu shrugs. "He's stuck himself to me. I'm used to me."
Kiriha shrugs, as if the answer isn't worth his time. "A friend of yours was doe-eyeing him a while back."
Hideaki takes this second to bolt, not hearing Yuu's answer. He doesn't want to know what they think of him, if it's them they're going to talk about at all.
More time passes. His Xros Loader beeps for nothing. Taiki is nowhere to be found. He hears Yuu and Tagiru talking over lunch as he passes, nose in a book. He doesn't want to see Tagiru's face but most of all, he doesn't want to be caught.
He thinks about Taiki. He imagines that smiling face covered in bandages a second time, imagines him bloody and raw and in pain. The Digital World jeers at him even through the protective shield of the title of 'king'. His friends sounded like they were taking care of him anyway. He shouldn't be worried; they had managed to heal him after the mess with Quartzmon after all. Why would this be any different?
Hideaki starts to walk. He vaguely remembers the way. The rain has blurred his memory by now but he walks slowly and thinks he's crossing the right streets. he's wrong, he gets lost for around five minutes and honestly that's fine because he doesn't know why he's going in the first place.
Eventually, he finds himself hesitating in front of the door, hand raised to knock, eyes puzzled and heart starting to thump in his ears. He didn't really know the other, did he? Not in the same way as Tagiru anyway, not with the same level of importance. Yet he's here right now.
You've already stayed the night, what do you have to lose, his brain supplies. It doesn't help, really, it doesn't. His face burns and he fails to control it even though there's no one there to look.
He knocks. There are a few moments of silence, then someone unlocks the door. He almost bolts at the sound and swallows. He really needs to stop being a coward. If only he knew how.
Seriously, what could possibly go wrong?
The door doesn't open to Taiki, but a redheaded girl whose face turns from disgruntled to merely puzzled. Had she been expecting someone else? She gives him a quizzical eye squint. He knows her vaguely, but her name escapes him.
"Um…" He fidgets, and hates this. Before this whole thing he was so confident. He needs that back so badly. "Hi, is Taiki-san there?"
"Ye-es," she replies, dragging the word out like a cinderblock. Her eyes look like chips. "Why?"
Hideaki pauses a minute, turning over the many reasons why she could not be happy to see him. "Ah, I'm just here to check if he's okay…?" She probably knew him from Tagiru. No wonder. He wasn't someone you wanted for healing unless the person really was half-dead.
"Why?"
Hideaki blinks. "Um… he helped me out the other day." It's better than saying 'because I might like to hug him or talk about my future or know why he's the way he is' because tht's too long and nonsensical.
The young woman nods, peering at him. "You're Tagiru-kun's friend, right? Hideaki-kun?"
Hideaki nods back, starting to relax and trying not to flush. It's nice to think of Tagiru and not feel like crawling into a hole and dying brutally at the thought of his own stupidity. "Yeah. He's a good friend."
"Not good for healing people though." She steps back, glancing into the back of the apartment. "So long as you don't rile him up too much to make him pull something, you should be fine. I have to head into work. Her nose wrinkles and Hideaki tries not to smile. Apparently her job is less important than her friend. It's admirable… and kind of funny.
He follows her in, marvelling in how clean the apartment still is. Either she's cleaning or Taiki doesn't know how to make a mess. Or both. Taiki himself is laying on the sofa, blanket wrapped around him like a cocoon. Taiki lifts his head to look at them and the movement shows a shiny red mark down his neck and covered by the blankets. It reminds Hideaki painfully of the burns he got in early days of cooking food.
Though he didn't show it, Hideaki could almost feel how much that movement hurt.
"Oh, he says, smiling. "Hello Hideaki. Sorry, I'm not in any condition to be a good host."
"No, don't worry about it," Hideaki replies, taking a seat in one of the chairs. Seriously, don't. You look awful. And that's the wound he can see. "I happened to hear you were hurt, so I thought I'd drop by and see if there was anything I could do."
Taiki laughs. "Yeah, it was a pretty bad negotiation.." His friend snorts. "Akari's been so busy fretting over me, I don't think she's slept."
"I noticed," Akari says dryly. Hideaki laughs.
"Friends are like that." He thinks of Tagiru and scratches his head. He needs to do something. "You seem to be in good spirits though."
"the Digital World is a good place," Taiki says, then he winces. "It's still hard to negotiate with everyone, and sometimes even Shoutmon won't listen and crack someone's head before I can stop him." His lips shift into a fond smile. "I wish you guys could see it."
"Why are-" Hideaki pauses to collect his thoughts so they're less accusatory. "Why can't we go?"
Akari shakes her head."The Digimon call us." Her voice turns somewhat grim. "Not the other way around."
Hideaki thinks of Digiquartz and shivers a little, thinking of the spider who had eaten him with ease. who had devoured the world in its web without a thought. He thinks, he hopes, the Digital World is less malevolent than that. He wants to talk to Dobermon again, more and more as he thinks about it.
Akari looks between them and sighs, picking up her jacket. "I have to get to work. Can I leave you with him until my shift is over?"
"She acts like I want to move," Taiki mutters this with a playful smirk and shuts his eyes.
Hideaki hides a smile. "I'm sure we'll be fine.
Akari makes a disagreeable murmur, but leaves anyway.
In the span of these few hours, Hideaki feels himself relax. Taiki is quiet for the most part, dozing or watching television. He even manages to help Hideaki with homework a little when he asks, relating the college experience. In conclusion: they both need to get more sleep.
Then, to ruin the peaceful silence that had settled over them all, Hideaki's stomach begins to grumble. he groans. "It's been that long?"
Taiki laughs again and the sound still sounds like agony. "You have been here a while. Want me to make something?"
Again? "I'm the cook here," Hideaki jokes, shaking his head. He knows Taiki likes helping people but this is ridiculous. "You're still stuck on the couch."
Taiki's face twists into something like a childish pout. Hideaki fights down embarrassment. How can someone make that kind of face and not feel ridiculous? "I'm not helpless," the older male says.
Hideaki snorts. Anyone who called a spiky goggle head helpless needed a boot to the head. "No, but you're still injured." He straightens, smirking a little before he can quite help himself. "Let me do it. I am the one studying this after all. I'd be screwed if I couldn't cook."
Taiki sits back a little, mollified. "That's true… all right, I'll leave it to you." He pauses. "I'm glad you're still trying to follow your dream."
Hideaki tilts his head thoughtfully and shakes it. "It took a bit more branching out than I thought it would, had to learn not to be so specialized, so specific, you know? It helps the team." He goes to the fridge. "I… I realized that if I wanted to do this, I should know what everyone else is doing, or at least have an idea." He pauses, curiosity striking him in the chest. "What about you, Taiki-san?"
Taiki is quiet for a few moments? Did he fall asleep? Hideaki wonders. He supposes that he can't blame him if he does. Hideaki isn't his friend despite all evidence to the contrary, and he doesn't have to tell him anything if he doesn't want to. Besides, Hideaki had always spent more time hanging with Tagiru and Yuu.
And look where that had gotten him.
He waits until the water is boiling before turning around. Taiki's eyes are closed, in some deep thought he hopes, because that seems like him. "Taiki-san?"
Taiki opens his eyes, looking puzzled. "Sorry, what is it?"
"You didn't answer. Are you okay?" Hideaki catches himself. "I mean, you don't have to tell if you don't want to. I was just curious, that's all."
Taiki nods. "I'm okay; the question just surprised me. People usually don't ask is all." He reaches for the nearby open water bottle and takes a slow drink. When he puts it back, there's a little more color to his face. "Well, I… I kind of want to work with kids."
"Like teaching?" Hideaki glanced at the bubbling water and turns it over. He doesn't know how good or or otherwise Taiki is with kids, but his easy nature seems well-suited for it, at least little ones.
Taiki nods, a little more relaxed. "Yeah, like that. That's what I'm studying anyway." He pauses, expression turning thoughtful and puzzled. "In the Digital World, Shoutmon had to learn how to read and write more, and had grown in in a war zone. That did a lot to him, and I know for sure he's not the only one. I would like to be able to help in some small way. Besides," he scratches his head. "Schools are competitive enough with the test scores. We don't need to make it worse on ourselves."
"You want to take it out all together?" Hideaki was in high school, he knew how competitive it could be. Still, that sounded a little blasphemous, even to him.
Taiki shakes his head again. "No, just make it easier a bit. Somehow." He laughs. "I'm not sure how yet."
Hideaki smiles in jest. "Maybe I'll end up opening a kid's culinary school and you'll help out there."
It's more of a joke than anything, but Taiki's eyes light up anyway. "Be good, wouldn't it?" he says with a loose smile. "We'd each know someone."
"Bit of a pipe dream though," Hideaki says, trying not to be amused and stirring the noodles.
"You're talking to the guy who supported Shoutmon on a dream for world conquest," Taiki points out with a laugh. "I'm pretty sure whether it's a pipe dream or not is just encouragement."
Hideaki frowns, then ca snort of laughter leaves his lips. "You know, I didn't think of that. Good point."
Taiki smiles and shuts his eyes again. Hideaki looks at him thoughtfully and goes back to the fridge.
Maybe… maybe he should think of his desires as something other than a pipe dream.
For the second time in weeks, Hideaki is interrupted by the sound of tagiru's voice hissing his name like some sort of cat.
He looks up at Tagiru with a small smirk. "You know, I sit in the library so I can get work done," he says. Hideaki feels his smirk soften into a smile and is relieved to find it isn't painful like it used to be. "So what is it, and why are you skipping cram school again?"
Tagiru pouts at him. "Worrywart. Only did it once for the flu."
"Right, right. Everyone worries over you and you can take care of yourself just fine."
Tagiru squints at him. "Quit sounding like Yuu; it's starting to be weird."
Hideaki lets out a laugh. "You probably need to start listening to us if we're saying the same thing, Tagiru." He sobers. "So what is it?"
Tagiru's slowly forming surly huff melts into half of a smile. He practically vibrates where he stands, This has to be good. "Wisemon made a giant portal!" Someone glares at him and he lowers his voice. "We can go see Gumdramon and everyone else! Finally! It's time to kick Digimon around and show them how awesome we are!"
Well, whatever had been expecting, that was certainly not it. "We-We can what?"
Tagiru's grin turns smug. "Hah! Got ya huh?" Come on, pack up your stuff and let's go!" He moves to hastily put the (smaller this time) pile of books back on their shelves. "Taiki-san said he can't keep it open for very long or things might start getting out. Come on!" He moves to take Hideaki's wrist. Then he stops. "Sorry, got carried away there!"
Hideaki looks at him, marking his page and putting the text away. What was that about? He was just being friend- He mentally facepalms and reaches out to muss Tagiru's hair. "My skin ashy or something?"
Tagiru raises an eyebrow, a look he has to have gotten from Yuu. "You've been avoiding me for weeks. Thought you, well…"
"I've been an idiot is what I've been," Hideaki says with a sigh. "And I've known it too." He picks up his bag. "Sorry about that."
tagiru isn't quite done, which Hideaki supposes is to be expected. "I mean you visited Taiki-san over me-"
More than once, actually. "That's a bad thing?" he says incredulously.
"You actually talk to Yuu."
Hideaki really wants to sweatdrop because they've done that for years. "We do talk when you're not around. We can be friends without you playing middle man."
Tagiru waves his arms as they walk out of the library. "I'm getting to a point, you know?"
Hideaki tries not to sigh. "I don't hate you Tagiru, even though it probably seemed like it."
"Then why won't you talk to me?" Tagiru's voice comes out a mix of whiny and accusing, at least to Hideaki's ears. He doubts the other boy means it that way, considering his comments so far. He doubts it, but it wouldn't surprise him anyway.
"I…" Hideaki falters, then nods to himself. "I confessed." At Tagiru's nod, Hideaki continues, feeling more awkward by the minute. "I was kinda serious about it, and all, and you said no. That kinda hurt."
Tagiru blinks. "What. was I supposed to go along with it and say yes?"
Oh yes, make me look like the bad guy. Or at least feel that way, geez. Hideaki shakes his head. "Well, obviously, it would have been nice if you had, but not if you didn't mean it that way. Look, that's not the point." He exhales a heavy breath. "I just… the look on your face wasn't all that… heartening. You're really open, you know. And, I thought saying I liked you, I thought that scared you. I mean, liking guys isn't exactly 'okay' yet, so…" He trails off, face flaming. God he's an idiot, a complete moron, why did he think that way?
Tagiru doesn't speak for awhile. He is still leading the way, but he's barely watching the path. "So that's what Yuu meant," he finally says with a groan. "He said something after you left the party, something about how you would think I wouldn't be your friend after that because I was too weirded out and wouldn't tell you."
Hideaki is the one looking down at his feet now. That was exactly what he had thought.
Tagiru stops walking and looks at him. His cheeks burn. "You… you actually thought that?!"
Hideaki squirms in place. "Yeah… yeah I did." It's what happens after all. No one is silly enough to be upfront about it but that is what happens.
Tagiru doesn't speak, merely turns to start walking again. Hideaki follows, not having to look to know the other is fuming. "It's not because I said no."
Hideaki grimaces. "No. Course not. I didn't want to do something stupid over it, yeah, but it didn't help. You faking it would have been worse, if I'm honest."
Tagiru sighs. "You're too complicated, Hideaki. You could have just told me that."
"I know that now." He scratches his head. "It's just… not really easy to think that way when you're emotionally compromised. I wanted to give myself time, that's all."
"Still dumb." Tagiru is calming down now. "At least it's not me for once. Well…" He grimaces. "At least not all of it."
Hideaki laughs. "Yeah, I know. I caught your disease from hanging out with you too much." He bolts off before Tagiru can process what he said.
Tagiru lets out a growl of irritation. "Hideaki, get back here! I know where the portal is! Get back here and take a punch. darn it!"
Hideaki ignores him. He still has his friend, at least. Maybe that's enough.
The portal to the Digital World makes Hideaki very glad he has never had motion sickness before. Spinning and falling and twisting about until they landed face first into grass was about the worst first impression of another world he could think of. No wonder the Digital World wasn't a tourist trap.
"That could have gone better," Yuu mutters, picking himself up.
"I think Wisemon made it that way on purpose." Taiki goes to help them up. He had watched them fall with an expression of sympathy on his face. Hideaki ignores the heat in his face. "Make it less enticing for people to leap in and out. It's easier for me." He blinks at Hideaki before looking at something a distance away and waving.
Shoutmon strides up to them, confidence in each step along with the new scars on his scales. "Good timing," he tells them, microphone mace in hand. "There's been a lull. We can take you inside without anyone becoming piecemeal."
Akari smiles at the sight of him and cracks her neck. "Too much trouble to teleport us in, huh?"
"Given away you were coming." Shoutmon waves a lazy hand. "At least all the way over here, it can look like an accident."
Akari sweatdrops. Sound logic from Shoutmon, who would have thought?
Taiki laughs. "Sorry, Akari."
Shoutmon snorts at his long-time soul brother. "Come on guys, before some other idiot tries to break the truce."
"Where are Damemon and the others?" Yuu strides next to Taiki. His expression is tight as he chews on his lip.
Shoutmon grunts. "Prepping, helping any wounded, the usually. The Hunter kids are finishing the supply relay."
"We get to fight?" Tagiru practically leaps across the clearing. Hideaki sweatdrops. What is he so excited about?
Yuu and Shoutmon both roll their eyes as Taiki shakes his head in amused exasperation. "Not a chance. None o' ya'll killed nobody in your lives. You aren't going into anything unless we need you to. Can't play all of our cards, all right?"
Tagiru pouts. "But, but… we can help!"
"Tagiru," Yuu mutters, going over and swatting his friend on the head. "We'll be fine out there, stop worrying."
Tagiru puffs up. "Who's worried?"
Hideaki snickers. "You're so transparent."
"Hideaki!"
They all laugh. Trust Tagiru to lighten the mood.
"Why are you still up?"
Hideaki nearly falls from the windowsill in surprise. what is with goggleheads and startling him? Taiki stands there dripping wet, hair drooping and clothes ruined. At Hideaki's puzzled look, he explains. "Just got back." He squeezes a part of his hair. "This fight's over. Apparently Shoutmon finally scared them down. So, you?"
"Couldn't sleep," Hideaki admits. "It's weird to be here." He leans down a little and scratches a dozing Dobermon's ears. "Feels different."
"I imagine." Taiki wears a sympathetic smile, even though his problems seem so petty and small to Hideaki's own ears. "It's a weird time adjustment." He sits on one of the cots. "But the body figures it out pretty quickly.
Hideaki hums and sits back to look at him. "Why did you all not let us fight?"
"You mean aside from what Shoutmon said?" Taiki shrugs. "Too many people not used to team-planned executions. You only had Digimon primarily independently, the adjustment would have been too much to work around .At least, that's how we've figured it."
"Our teamwork skills could not have been that bad."
"You'd be surprised." Taiki sounds even more exhausted than he di while he was recovering. "You all have to not just work with each other, but with us. And thre wasn't time. You all could have been killed otherwise."
"So could you." The words slip out before he can stop them and the worst part is that they are true.
Taiki smiles, but doesn't deny it. "We kept an eye on each other."
"Still." Hideaki smiles. "Doesn't help." He frowns. "Why are we here, if we're not going to fight?" He really just sounded like Tagiru, darn it.
"In case you need to be."
Oh. That makes sense. He thinks it does anyway.
Taiki picks off the rest of his ruined shirt (lack of modesty indeed, Hideaki thinks with a flush), and crawls under the sheets of the nearby cot. "Get some sleep," Taiki tells him. "We may still need you."
Hideaki shifts and manages a nod. "In a bit."
The only answer he gets is soft breathing. It's soothing, in a way.
When he wakes later, his back is stiff and his limbs jelly. He watches Taiki for a few moments and smiles before he knows why. "Taiki-san," he asks the sleeping male. "What kind of person would make you happy?"
Seconds after he says those words, his face heats up. Why do I want to know that anyway?
He shook the thought out of his head. He couldn't focus on that now. Not when he had a life to work at. If he wanted to be needed, to not be the wreck he was over a crush… if he was serious about these feelings for anyone, he needed to be more than just serious. He needed to be an adult about it.
Hideaki thought he knew just how to start.
Tagiru bounces beside him. "You ready for this? You good to go?"
Hideaki sighs. "Yes, Tagiru, I'm fine."
"You sure?" Tagiru squints at him. "It's you, you tend to lie about this stuff."
Yuu sighs. "Tagiru, you're not helping him."
"Speak for yourself!" Tagiru shoots a glare at him, half-fond, half exasperated. "I don't see you getting in his face, Yuu!"
"Just because the direct approach is how you do it, doesn't mean I want to." Yuu's deadpan would be amusing if they both weren't so exasperating.
Hideaki almost throws his hands up in irritation, almost. He swears Tagiru brings this childish banter out of everyone and while it may calm the gogglehead's nerves, it did nothing for his. Even though he did appreciate the effort. And he had no reason to be nervous, nope. Not at all. "Quit encouraging him, Yuu," he finally says, rubbing his head.
Yuu flushes. "Sorry."
"See?" Tagiru crows and pumps a fist, way too pleased about this. "You're not much better."
"Tagiru," they both say together. Just to be safe, Hideaki reaches behind him and pinches Tagiru's cheek. He turns away at the sound of the yelp, briefly amused.
He exhales slowly. "Okay, I can do this. It'll be all right." It will.
"It's not like you're asking him out on a date or something," Tagiru chimes in with a grin. Yuu hits him, right in the shoulder sore from practice. "Ow!"
"Dating's gone so well for me, Tagiru," Hideaki says dryly. "Haven't you noticed?" Tagiru pouts. Not that he wasn't intrigued by the possibility but it was a bit too soon for that. He has to stop thinking about that. He needs to be sure he's not falling for kindness again. He needs the person this time.
Speaking of that… He straightens. "All right, here goes."
He enters the campus, searching for a familiar mass of brown hair. The buildings all look the same right now, and students are milling past in small groups. He winces, then he catches sight of a red and white shirt. Hideaki raises his voice over the crowd. "Taiki-san!"
It takes a couple of tries, but Taiki finally looks up from his book and waves. Sighing in relief, Hideaki begins to trek through the crowd, grimacing in exasperation. By the time he makes it through, he's panting. Taiki's laughing in semi sympathy.
"Rush hour," he tells him. Hideaki groans. someone could have told him about that. He's really not ready for this adulting thing.
He clamps down on the negative thoughts. They aren't helping. One step at a time. That's all he can do.
"Hey," he finally says, catching his breath.
Taiki blinks like he's turned into an owl. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?" he shuts his book and looks up.
Hideaki shakes his head. "Nah, they canceled me for today. They're doing some renovating in there." He pauses then shifts back on one foot. "I was wondering if you'd mind giving me a tour of your school."
Taiki packs up and rises to his feet. "Sure, I don't mind. But why here?"
At least the question isn't why me, he thinks. That would have been awkward to answer. "Someone said things being a pipe dream could be considered encouragement," he says. 'I want to see how right they are."
Taiki laughs and hideaki smiles. "Then let's get started once the crowd dies down, all right?"
"Okay with me."
Yes, this is okay. It's not what he expected, but somehow, that's a lot easier to bear than he thought it would be.
A/N: I did it. I finished it. I actually finished it. I need to go collapse into a ball and then get up and write for nano in the morning cause not tonight. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this... whatever it is. I enjoyed doing it way back when i did. Never doing it again.
Challenges: Diversity Writing (Anime/Manga) I4. write a oneshot, The over 10k oneshot challenge, Valentine's Day/White Day Advent day 27. write a bout a confession, and Pairing Diversity boot camp prompt 38. 'delicate'.