Back To December
Sonny's Pov.
"Ya sure. Be there soon." The text read. I put down my phone on the table, and looked around. I was at a small diner sitting at a table, no one was here except the people who work here, and me. I looked around taking it all in. After that I took out a coin and started to play with it to take my mind off of things. I try to do anything to keep my mind off of things now. Everything was just terrible. I heard the bell ring from the front of the diner but just kept flipping the coin in my hand. I felt terrible, miserable, and lonely.
I felt a hand on my shoulder which caused me to jump, and drop the coin. I grabbed it quickly, and looked at the seat across from me, but quickly looked down when I saw Chad sitting there.
"Hi." I said quietly.
"Hi." He replied.
I'm so glad you made time to see me,
Hows life?
Tell me hows your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
"Thanks for coming." I said becoming interested at the table design.
"No problem."
"So, um, hows life been? Hows your family? Haven't seen them in a while." I said looking everywhere but up.
"There great I'm good, been busy you know. My family misses you." That sentence stung my heart.
"That's good."
We small talk
Work and the weather,
You've been busier then ever.
Your guard is up, and I know why.
"What are you doing now? Movies?" I asked pretending to look at a menu.
"I have a new movie coming out." He tried to tell me little as possible. I understand why. He doesn't want to get close to me again. I understand that.
Cuz the last time,
you saw me,
is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them there to die.
It was the December 24th, at 4:02pm, when I decided to end it. He gave me roses, and that set me off. I thought that we wouldn't last, I needed to be free of a serious relationship, so I got scared and just ended it. I threw the roses at him, said some terrible things I shouldn't have, and left our home. I came back the next day while he was at work, and got all of my things and left to live with my mom again.
I felt like I was about to burst into tears seeing him here. I threw my perfect life away. I miss him all the time. I can't do anything without thinking about him. Nothing. And it frightens me that I can't go on without him. I made the worst mistake of my life. He was my third boyfriend, but he was the longest. Four years.
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine,
I go back to December turn around and make it all right,
I go back to December all the time
I had to tell him everything sooner or later. Or I would never sleep again in my life. Which I haven't since the breakup. I can't live without him. I have to tell him now.
These days i haven't been sleeping,
Staying up playing back myself leaving,
When your birthday passed and I didn't call,
And I think about summer all the beautiful times I watched you laughing from the passenger side
And realized i loved you in the fall,
And then the cold came the dark days when fear crept into my mind,
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye
I finally looked up at him, and he got a concerned face.
"You look like you haven't slept in a long time. Are you alright." In my head I smiled, but on the outside tears starting pouring, and I couldn't stop them.
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And i go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what i had when you were mine,
I go back to December turn around and change my own mind,
I go back to December all the time
It's time to speak now.
"I'm sorry Chad, for everything! For breaking up with you, and not telling you why, for everything I did to ever hurt you." I sobbed. My heart was crumbling.
"I was just scared. I was afraid you would leave me, and I would be crushed, so I thought if I ended it, I would be fine. But I'm not. I can't sleep, or eat right, or act, I can't do anything anymore. My mom wants to send me to a therapist, but I wont go, because nothing will help." I cried my heart out, and I looked him in the eyes the whole time. I couldn't tell what he was thinking.
" I miss your tan skin,
Your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right,
And now you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry,
Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably my less dreaming,
If we loved again i swear I'd love you right
I'd go back in time and change it but i can't,
So if the chain is on your door i understand
"And I miss you so much. I feel like nothing without you. One day I was ready to kill myself. I had the knife in hand, but my mom stopped me. I just. I don't know what to do. If you ever took me back I swear I would never break your heart again, and I will love you forever, and I'd love you right. I understand if you don't want me. I do. But I don't know what I'll do." I finished sobbed so hard I couldn't see anything anymore.
I saw Chad's blurry figure stand up, and walk away. I sat there, still crying. He left me. He doesn't want me after what I did. I wouldn't want me. Why am I even still living? I can't do this. I can't. I can't. I can't. I kept repeating in my head.
I heard the bell ring again, but I almost didn't hear it since my cries were so loud. I was ruined. If he couldn't help me, no one could. I stood up, and turned around. I looked down, and saw the man I loved holding a bouquet of flowers, and a ring, kneeling on one knee.
But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying im sorry for that night
And i go back to December.
It turns out freedom aint nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what i had when you were mine,
I go back to December turn around and make it all right,
I go back to December turn around and change my own mind,
I go back to December all the time
All the time