Welcome back McKinley high muckrakers! Christmas is over, we're back at school and I've got to tell you there's been some creepy sights already. For one I saw a massive white poofy ghost in the hallways, it was singing and these two zombies were following it trailing something red, I think it was freshmen blood… total horror show and that's not the half of it.
I thought there'd been a murder in the hallways cause there was all this blood everywhere, but it turned out to be social suicide as Sam's joined the synchronized swim team. Rick the Stick and his band of icepricks gave him the cherry slushy treatment - I don't get why they think it's so lame, I know they secretly figure skate, like with the sparkly outfits and dirty dancing lifts. Anyway, Sam's just doing it to get back into favour with Mercedes who both spoke up about their summer fling. I think he's doing it for the mermaid angel but she only seemed interested when he looked hurt, perhaps he should try washing up in front of Mercedes to get some tail. You're going to have to try harder than that my little fairytale creature because she's been kidnapped by a very big mean giant.
Sam's not the only one playing games to win affection, Becky set her sights on Artie this week. Isn't there a cheer code not to go out with your fellow cheerio's ex boyfriends? Santana's right she's a conniving bitch and I'd really like to hear what's going on in her head… Maybe she just wants to be the new Bartie. It really seemed like they were hitting it off until Becky sent him some super secret special pictures, which he then showed to Sue… anyone else a little creeped out? I know he was looking for the best way to dump her but there is a line, I guess maybe you can't see it from your chair. Anyway don't feel bad Becky I tried that with Kurt when we were dating that one week and he was kind of freaked too - I guess blonde cheerleaders really just are too intimidating. Luckily some gal palling and ice cream with Sue took the edge off their joint burns (Coach Beiste eloped? I'd talk about it more but that seems to be all the information we've been given unfortunately!) They're kind of cute together kind of like a fluffy little baby bear and super angry PMSing mama bear - shame their friendship would be called Sucky.
On the flipside we saw a lot of Winn - the student teacher friendship with ick factor… But I'll get to that in a minute because the big news this week was that Mr Schu proposed to Miss Pillsbury! She's that red haired lady who keeps asking me to draw pictures so she can show my parents what's wrong with my head. I thought I'd have to draw a new one when he came into class and wrote 'Marry Me?' on the board, the idea of him proposing to me creeped me out more than my Uncle and his goat...
Anyway what he really wanted was for us to come up with romantic song ideas for the proposal – not surprising he wasn't romantic enough to come up with his own ideas, after all it pretty much took an accidental proposal from Miss Pillsbury in the teachers lounge to even plant the idea of marriage in his head. The girls focussed on what it's like to meet the love of your life with their rendition of 'The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face' – (Santana reminisced about meeting me ) while the boys focussed on sex… I don't think they've even done it yet, was 'Moves Like Jagger' really the best idea? Shame on you Artie and on that note also never encourage Mr Schu and his erm 'rock star hips' - my twitter was totally flooded when everyone in school requested it to please stop! In the end it was Sam's idea of 'We Found Love' – an awesome aquarian number, that got Will the answer he was looking for.
Anyway back to Winn – Mr Schu took Finn ring shopping (it's a mystery why he'd take Finn, who dresses like a toddler, when Finn's stepbrother has more style covering his body than skin) and asked him to be his best man. Over rings Finn told him he was thinking of joining the Army, and as much as I secretly might like him to get blown up I don't feel safe in the hands of a boy who thought he could get a girl pregnant in a hot tub (and before you say anything readers, storks are in books and on TV, there are not cute cuddly cartoons of people getting babies from hot tubs.) But Will held an intervention to put a stop to that idea, turns out Finn's dad isn't so hot either, pretty much like Finn. After this setback he decided to follow in Will's walking on water footsteps and proposed to Rachel who failed to comment on her decision – perhaps there's still enough time to stage an intervention for her and make sure she doesn't make the mistake of saying yes.
And that's the dish of the week Muckrakers, next on the menu is a Warblers reunion served with eggs benedict and a tall icy glass of initiation for Blaine at last.
Cheerio!