Making Up For Lost Time
(Happy birthday, my darling Jenna! I love you so very, very much and hope you have the best birthday ever! Thank you for coming into my life and being such an amazing friend, this past almost year making memories with you has been the best time of my life. I love you so much!)
"Stevie, they need help doing inventory down at the shop. I'll only be gone a few hours, okay?" Bucky said as he peeked in on Steve who was once again bedridden with a fever. Bucky had thrown on his apron for effect.
Steve looked up from his book, coughing once into the crook of his arm. It sounded wheezy and painful, making Bucky frown. "Sheesh, can't they let you be on the weekend?"
"We've been short-staffed since Butch threw out his back and Johnny's wife had a baby. Are you gonna be okay here by yourself?"
"Yeah, don't worry about me, I'll be fine," Steve gave him his best brave smile, but his pale, sweaty face betrayed him. "I won't go anywhere except the bathroom, promise."
Bucky walked over to give him a quick hug and kiss on the forehead, his heart aching when he felt how warm Steve was to the touch. "Love ya, punk."
"Love you, too, jerk," Steve murmured and allowed himself to lean into Bucky's warm embrace before extracting himself. "Now get outta here."
Bucky smiled a bit and headed out the door. He hated to lie to Steve, but this was supposed to be a surprise. He strolled through the crisp night air, his hands in his pockets, bypassing the shop and going to the bus depot to catch the six o' clock to Coney Island. Steve would kill him for blowing what little extra money they had, but maybe not so much when he saw what Bucky brought back for him. He hoped Steve would see it and forget all about being upset. Here's to hopin'.
Once on the Coney Island Summer Fair grounds, Bucky made his way through the crowds to the ferris wheel, wanting to kill some time so he wouldn't be conspicuous by coming home so shortly after he'd left. He knew his task wouldn't take long, he was a great aim. He stood in line and paid his nickel for a ride.
"Hey Barnes, no lady company tonight?" The carny running the ride asked him.
"Nope, all by my lonesome," Bucky replied with a smile.
"You want me to get you some company?" He leaned in and asked in a conspiratory tone, eyeing the single girls who stood alone behind him.
"Nah, I think I'd like to be alone this one time. Thanks, though, Fred," Bucky clapped him on the back and climbed into his seat before he secured the guard rail.
As the ride lifted him high above the ground into the evening sky, he thought. Mostly about Stevie. How there wasn't a single moment in time he could remember that the fiery, stubborn, willful blond hadn't been part of his life, since his parents were friends with Sarah Rogers, Steve's mother (God rest her soul), long before either of them were born. Their fathers had served together in the military, and Bucky's pop had promised Steve's right before he died that he would always watch over his family. Bucky's pop was nothing if not a man of his word. Maybe George Barnes and Joe Rogers' friendship had somehow been passed on to Bucky and Steve, like it was in their DNA to be fond of each other. And fond of Steve, Bucky was. In fact, he'd known from a very young age that he was in love with Steve, and that no matter where life took them they would be together.
As much as a pain in the neck Steve could be, he was Bucky's pain in the neck. And he'd fight a thousand battles in back alleys with bullies if it meant keeping him safe. He only wished he could keep him safe from the illnesses in his body.
But it wasn't easy to be queer in this day and age – they had to keep up appearances. That's why a few nights before, they invited the voluptuous, redheaded Dot and her best friend, blonde and leggy Martha to go to the fair with them. They'd had plenty of practice with nights out with women, and learned how to communicate with one another without being too obvious; a wink meant "I love you", a hand in each pocket meant "I wish I could kiss you right now". Bucky dreamed of the day they wouldn't have to put up the charade anymore, and he knew Steve wished for it, too. One day, he believed, and if not? Well, then he'd just have to grab his best guy and run away with him somewhere. Some days, Plan B sounded even better.
As the ferris wheel slowly moved, he reached inside his pocket and pulled out a small black velvet box, lifting up the lid. He watched how the simple silver band glimmered in the light and smiled to himself. Soon – next weekend maybe – he'd ask Steve to stay with him for the rest of their lives (despite the fact that he knew what they'd been doing the past two years was basically marriage. This just felt more official). He knew Stevie worried sometimes that Bucky might get through with hiding, with keeping a secret, and would up and decide one day to go off and marry a dame. He wanted him to know that he would never leave him. Not for one second would he ever even think it. No way.
It was risky, especially now in the middle of the war when men were being shipped overseas left and right, but Steve was worth it. Without a doubt, his Steve was worth any risk. He just hoped Steve would agree to wait for him if, God forbid, he would be sent off to fight.
He blinked and suddenly realized the ride had come to a stop, so he slipped the ring box back into his pocket, nodded at the carny, and strolled off to his next mission. This part was key. He made his way past the groups of people milling about to the booth with the shooting game. The whole idea was to aim and fire a water pistol at a bullseye target until it fell over. Bucky had a knack for it – his dad had schooled him from a young age how to use a gun. This wasn't exactly like that, but close.
After some small talk with the guy running the booth, he paid his quarter, lifted up the gun, aimed and fired. Bullseye. He kept his finger on the trigger, sending out a steady stream of water until he knocked the target down. The man at the booth looked a little surprised, as did some of the other men trying to win a prize for their sweethearts. Bucky just grinned.
"You're a helluva shot, kid," the man gruffed. "Our boys over in Germany sure could use a guy with skills like that."
"Thanks," Bucky mumbled, a little bashful. He didn't relish the thought of going into a warzone, and shuddered at the thought of taking another man's life. The only way he'd be okay with that is if the other man was threatening Steve's life, in that case he would use any force necessary.
"Pick your prize," the man instructed him, waving at the shelves full of stuffed animals.
Bucky scanned the shelves, looking for the right teddy bear. A few nights before, when they were there with the girls, he'd won a bear with a red, white and blue ribbon tied around his neck, and tried to give it to Steve, but Steve just looked embarrassed and insisted he give it to his date, Dot. Bucky had reluctantly agreed.
He finally spotted the bear, his eyes lighting up. "I'll take that one, please."
The man got it down for him, wiggling his eyebrows as he handed it over. "For your sweetheart?"
"Yup," Bucky replied with a nod. His eyes softened as he thought of Steve, curled up at home reading in bed. "For my sweetheart."
The man smiled and nodded at Bucky, moving on to the next player. He'd brought along a small paper bag which he slipped the bear into, then went along his way. He walked around the fairgrounds for a while to kill some time before he headed back, thinking all the while about Steve and orchestrating his plan to propose.
If only he'd known...
But he didn't know anything of what would become of his small, frail Steve, or moreover what would become of him, and with nothing but hope for a blissful future with the man of his dreams after the war ended, Bucky went home with a spring in his step. He whistled all the way back to his apartment where he finally quieted in hopes not to wake Steve if he'd managed to drift into a somewhat comfortable sleep, and stopped at the post box to see if there were any letters. There was a letter for Steve from Bucky's youngest sister (he'd always thought she was a little sweet on Steve), and another one addressed to him.
A letter informing him he'd been drafted into the US Army.
The bag with Steve's bear crashed to the ground along with his heart, and he swallowed around the lump in his throat.
He stared at the paper for a long time, all of a sudden chilled to the bone.
75 Years Later...
Bucky walked down the hall to the bedroom he shared with Steve in King T'Challa's lavish compound deep within the jungle of Wakanda, carrying something in his arms. He could hear the water running in the bathroom and thought Steve might be humming while he showered. A few months ago, there would have been no peaceful melody on Steve's lips, right after the battle with Tony and the other Avengers who decided to join him. There was a lot of healing they both needed to do, both physically and emotionally. As traumatic as Bucky's years in HYDRA had been, he never once forgot that Steve was burdened with living a life without him after he fell. Bucky didn't think he could be that strong, if the tables had been turned. Just the thought of a single minute living in a world without Steve was enough to bring the once feared and dangerous assassin to his knees, sobbing like a baby. They could each live to be a thousand years old, and he'd never be prepared for a time beyond Steve Rogers.
But he didn't have to think about that today. Today they were healing, both individually and together. It was a slow, at times painful process, but they were getting there one day at a time with each other's never-ending love and the help of some very generous, kind friends. The list of people they had to thank was growing longer every single day. After everything, Bucky couldn't believe how damned fortunate he was, and the biggest reason was about to come out of the bathroom. He deposited his package on the bed and then dashed back out of the room, hiding just around the corner where he could peek into the bedroom and watch.
Steve walked into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, using another to towel off his short blond hair that stuck up every which way from being wet, his torso glistening with the droplets still clinging to his skin. Bucky licked his lips and had to resist the urge to barge into the room and shove Steve down on the bed.
Patience. There would be plenty of time for that later.
He watched from his hiding spot as Steve finally caught sight of the brown paper bag with a red ribbon tied around the handles, and seemed to hesitate. In his mind's eye Bucky could imagine the puzzled look creasing up his lover's brow and almost chuckled out loud, but managed to silence himself before he gave himself away. Steve took a step toward the bed, then hesitated again.
Oh, for Pete's sake, Bucky rolled his eyes and stepped into the doorway with a smirk. "It's for you, bonehead."
Steve whirled around, relief washing over his face. Some old habits, like fear, are hard to break. He smiled. "Oh... Buck, what's this about?" He cocked his head in a quizzical tilt.
"Why don't you look for yourself?"
Steve licked his lips and went to the bed, untying the ribbon and reaching into the bag to pull out the brown bear with the red, white and blue ribbon. It was dusty and moth-eaten, but he'd placed the ring box in between his paws. Steve blinked and looked back at Bucky a second, then took a shaky breath and lifted up the small ring box, opening it and looking at the ring. Along the inside of the silver band Bucky had engraved, 'Til the end of the line'. He turned to Bucky with tears in his eyes.
"Buck...?" He asked in a quivering voice. "What... Where did this come from? You gave that bear to Dot."
Bucky took a deep breath and stepped forward, laying his hands over Steve's. His mind raced, but he forced his mouth to slow down. "Remember that night I told you I had to go in for inventory at the store? Well, I told you a little while lie. I actually went back to the fair and won you another one. I meant to give it to you, but... things... Life happened."
"Yeah..." Steve swallowed, looking down at it, then back to Bucky's face. "A-And the ring?"
"Look, I know saying we've been through a lot is... the biggest understatement of the century. But all of this has just shown me that there's nothing and no one out there better for me than you. I've loved you my whole life, Stevie, and I'm going to love you until my last breath. You drive me crazy sometimes, and I know I drive you just as batty sometimes, but I love every second of it and I want you to drive me crazy, to fight with me and make up, to laugh with me, and to love me for the rest of my life. There's nobody in the world I'd rather do those things with than you." He gazed into Steve's watery eyes, taking a deep breath. "So whaddya say, Stevie? Will you grow old with me?"
Steve looked from the ring to Bucky, his mouth hanging open as little tears snaked their way down his cheeks. "I... Uh... I..."
"C'mon, Stevie, you're killin' me," he teased, lightly knocking his chin. "Just say it."
"Of course I will, Buck. Of course, I'll marry you," Steve gushed out in a sob, throwing his arms around Bucky's neck.
Bucky grinned and wrapped his arms tightly around Steve's narrow waist, cupping his cheek and kissing him deeply. Steve rubbed the back of Bucky's neck and melted into his lips, pressing himself closer with a soft groan.
They got rid of their clothes and spent the rest of the day, worshiping each other's bodies and murmuring their love for each other. Finally, there was hope back in both of their eyes.