Title: Kinda, Sorta, Maybe the Father…
Author: sofialindsay
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing: Emily/JJ
Disclaimer- If I owned them, we'd see this happen, but it wouldn't be on primetime. Pay Per View, maybe, but not primetime.
Rating: PG
Summary: Agents can faint too.
AN: Thanks to darkbardzero for looking at this even though she was ill. (Oh, the price we must pay to read fic…). Thanks to steppenwolf20 for the title idea, and all the awesome icons. And for being online at 2AM (my time) to give me someone to bug! g
AN2: This was created as a result of reading comments in some of the threads. It's fluff, and not to be taken seriously. I don't remember who said what, but if there's a comment in here that you said, and you feel you MUST have credit for it, let me know and I'll add it to the disclaimer.
Archiving: P&P, others ask.

JJ looked nervously at the four faces staring back at her. Garcia, Morgan, Reid and Emily all had the same look: complete and utter disbelief.

"Is that goofy looking detective the father?" Morgan asked.

"He can't be. I thought he was gay," Reid countered.

Garcia cringed, "Gee, Jayj, if you wanted sex that badly, couldn't you just buy a vibrator? Sleeping with Reid wouldn't have been as bad as this!!…Sorry Reid."

"None taken," the genius replied, "She's not my type either."

Emily giggled. As all faces turned to the silent profiler, Garcia did some wild hand gesture, "Emily, feel free to pitch in at any time…Do you have something you'd like to add?"

Coming out of her trance, Emily shook her head. "I'm sorry. I would have sworn JJ just said she was pregnant."

"I did." JJ replied, earning a confused look for her comment.

"How?"

Morgan laughed, "And to think! I always thought we'd have to explain to Reid the facts of life! Never you! But then again, you don't have much of a social life, do you?"

Emily glared at him, effectively shutting him up. "I know how it works you moron! I just thought Jayj was gay and with someone else."

"You and me both!" Garcia muttered, earning a swat to her shoulder from the other blonde.

"Guys! My sexual preference isn't on trial here! And why in the Hell do you think I'd fuck him? Of all people! Give me some credit, I do have taste! And Garcia, trust me, I'd go without before I slept with him!"

Now everyone was confused. Reid, being ever the genius, finally spoke up.

"Well, if it's not the gay detective, who's the father?"

Now a true smile spread across the blonde's face. "Emily."

"Huh, Jayj?" The profiler responded, obviously thinking the blonde wanted her attention.

"No, doofus. You're the father."

Silence filled the room. Finally, Morgan stood and gave Emily half of a hug, "Congratulations! I'm not sure how you did that, but I don't really wanna know."

Reid frowned, "JJ…you know a woman can't get another woman pregnant, right? Unless Emily…"

"Shut it, Reid!"

"Get off of me! I'm not the father! That's not even possible!!" Emily snapped, trying to wrap her head around the newfound information.

"Yes you are!! Remember the case a few months ago, with Carrie?"

Emily's mouth fell open.

"Remember the long talk we had?"

JJ watched with morbid fascination as the color drained from the brunette's face,

"Remember where we went a few days later?"

Now Emily was looking deathly pale.

"That was ten weeks ago. I'm about ten weeks pregnant. Therefore, you are the father, Emily!"

Everyone watched as Emily's mouth opened and closed methodically.

"Oh my God, how am I gonna tell my mother?"

No one was expecting the thud that followed as Emily promptly passed out. Peering at JJ intently, Garcia narrowed her eyes.

"Jayj, who's the real father?"

"Oh I don't know, some random guy we chose out of a long list of numbers. He was suppose to look like Em though." The press liaison replied without a care in the world.

"What?!" Garcia squeaked. "You and Emily did what? Because I tell ya, if you guys had a threesome and I wasn't invited to watch…"

"Baby girl, is there something you need to share with me?" Morgan piped in, his curiosity now peaked.

"Morgan," Reid began, "It's perfectly natural for people to be curious…"

"Get real guys, it was a donor!" Looking around the room, she rolled her eyes at the stunned looks from her coworkers, "God, for a group of profilers, you guys are stupid! We've been together for a year!!"

Reid's head cocked to the side, "Does that mean that detective didn't hit on you?"

JJ rolled her eyes, "Well yes, he did, but that's another story. See me later, and I'll give you his number."

A knock on the door announced Hotch's arrival. Walking into the room, he stepped over the unconscious brunette, "Ah, JJ. I see you told Emily you're pregnant. Reid, go get me a glass of ice cold water."

A few short minutes later, a splash and a rather girly shriek was heard throughout the BAU. Holding the empty glass, and seeing his now-wet agent hugging her now-pregnant girlfriend, Hotch smiled. And another thud was heard.

Grinning, Emily pulled away from JJ and looked at the genius lying on the floor.

"Don't worry Hotch, I have this one covered! Honey, get your cell phone!! I know you still have that Crawfish Detective's number from when he was calling you nonstop. I think it's high time we do a little revenge-matchmaking."