A/N: I feel like I should put big warnings on this before you read it. This one-shot alludes to prior character death set in an ALTERNATE universe from my other Promise series stories.

If that is not your thing, please turn back now.

Again, this includes a main character death, which occurs before this story.

And, again, this is NOT set in my normal Promise series story timeline.

Because I would never include it with the other stories.

The mattress dipped when someone else crawled onto the bed. He wasn't asleep, but he kept his eyes closed, even as he felt hands begin to slide up his legs and a finger immediately push into him without preamble. There was no need for discussion or kissing. He wouldn't allow it anyway.

He didn't go looking for this, but he didn't turn it away either. He grunted as he dropped down to insistent fingers. It was the only sound he allowed himself. The sounds he had made during previous encounters had driven his true mate crazy with lust. They'd been cherished noises. He wasn't about to let those sounds by heard by another.

He could restrain his noises and it had been years since he'd allowed a churr to roll up his throat, but he wasn't successful at keeping his body's movements under such strict control. His body remembered the sensations that were beginning to course through him and his hips thrust up into the hand stroking him. He kept his eyes shut as he heard a low moan and felt himself stretched by the other's hard length pressing into him.

"Raph," they whispered and he knew what they wanted. But his only response was to shake his head. He couldn't. He couldn't open his eyes if there weren't going to be sapphire blue eyes looking back at him.

They pulled out and pushed back in slowly before they quickened their pace, matching the speed of the hand gripping him with the speed of their hips. He tried to ignore the groans of pleasure coming from the other as his own eyes squeezed together even tighter as a warm feeling ran through his limbs.

He wasn't going to last long. But that was okay. He didn't deserve any of this pleasure. He knew it. And the guilt of letting someone else show up and take his place in this bed began to course through him just as he reached his release with a shaky exhale. The other groaned out a long moan as they reached their own release as well. He shuddered as their face pressed into his shoulder. It was too close. Too close to his neck. They lifted their head as they realized his shudder was from discomfort.

"Raph," they whispered again. But he only turned his face away and rolled onto his side, forcing them away from him as his legs shifted. There was a sigh and the mattress moved as they climbed off the bed and quietly left the dark room.

He let his arms spread out across the mattress as he fell back onto his shell and released a strangled noise when he found nothing but empty sheets. His body was satisfied. But his heart ached. His turtle was gone. And the guilt from what he'd just let happen again was too much to bear.

He sat up in the bed and let his face fall into his hands. He was listening to his own ragged breathing when he felt a shiver run down his spine. His head jerked up as he swore he had just felt something brush across the back of his neck.

He held his breath and pushed his senses out. "Leo," he whispered. "Leo, I'm so sorry." There was a shushing noise and he swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. "I miss you," he whispered.

Love you, Raphie.

He rubbed his fingers over the old blue cloth wrapped around his wrist. "Aishiteru," he whispered back.

A/N: I hope you don't mind me quoting you, WhoAmI659, but as you said, maybe reading this further allows us to "appreciate the relationship they maintain in actuality."

I'd like to send a heartfelt thank you to WhoAmI659 (my angst expert) who offered wonderful suggestions for this piece when I asked for a review while I was still deciding whether or not to even post this one. If Raph and Leo angst is your deal (and if you've made this far, maybe it is), you should read WhoAmI659's stories. "Gravity is Falling Down All Around" and "Summer Can't Last Forever" both left me in tears.

And if you're upset after reading this, which I'll admit, I kind of am - feel free to go read "Goggles". Or even the entire Promise series (possibly again?). Either should make you feel good about Leo and Raph again.