Prologue
Edward is back. He has been for a while now and I would like to say I couldn't be happier.
Unfortunately this isn't exactly true.
After we came back from Italy, I was so happy. Once he had managed to convince me I was not in fact dreaming,
I was finally able to relish in the fact that the man I loved more than anything,
the man that I had been yearning for, that I had nearly gone crazy over losing, was back.
The great big hole in my chest had disappeared and at first it was like it had never been there.
This feeling did not last.
The longer Edward was back, the more I noticed the scar that hole had left in me.
And I was the only one who noticed it. Edward didn't notice and neither did the rest of the Cullens.
So I tried to pretend it wasn't there.
Edward proposed to me. I couldn't believe it. Not because I was so happy about it, but because I wasn't.
I've never had a lot of faith in the institute of marriage, and getting married at 18
never seemed like a good idea to me. Edward was the one who wanted this.
So I said yes, even though we both knew I wasn't happy about it.
The only thing I wanted, was for Edward to change me. So we could be together, as equals.
I was afraid if I didn't marry him, he would never turn me…
Okay, so maybe getting changed wasn't the only thing I wanted. But the second thing I wanted,
would never happen unless I was a vampire. Because what I wanted,
was to have a physical relationship with Edward, and he would never go there unless I was changed.
As a human I was too fragile, too breakable. Like a porcelain doll.
A little brown haired, brown eyed, pale, clumsy as hell, doll.
That was how he saw me. And I had to be turned in order to change that.
I had to do whatever I could to make sure that Edward wouldn't see me as a doll anymore,
to make sure that he wouldn't leave me alone again.
I had to do whatever it takes.