Once Upon a Time There Was You and Me

by: toodles13

Chapter I: Kiss the Rain

It arrived on a Tuesday.

Its arrival was preceded by a feeling of dread that had started the moment I woke up that Tuesday morning. It was the kind of feeling that you get when you know you're going to lose something, and you don't know what it is. The exact kind of feeling I had that morning five years ago.

The dread became stronger by the end of the day, when it was the first thing that my eyes have landed on when I opened the door, it was on the carpet right by my feet and was one of those things that I would tend to miss whenever I don't pay attention. Which is always, according to Yakov.

And Mila. And Georgi. And Yuri.

But not this one. Not this time. My eyes didn't miss the neat Russian letters spelling my name and address in the middle of the crisp white envelope. But what got my attention was the return address.

There was none.

Now that's weird.

Hmmm. An envelope with no return address, I should do what every man should do when they receive a suspicious package.

I opened it.

After opening it carefully, and by carefully I mean ripping at the sides with no care, I set its contents on the table. It was a folded paper and a picture.

I eyed the picture, all the while the feeling was getting stronger, and it was now accompanied by a dull nagging at the back of my head that was telling me to throw it away and a tiny ache at my chest. An ache that was so familiar, like five years ago.

I lifted it to take a good look at it.

My breath caught and my heart pounded at what was in the picture.

The ache in my chest doubled.

Why this? It's too painful.

It was a picture of our bedroom in our previous apartment in Moscow.

The apartment that I haven't entered for 5 years.

After he left.

Yuuri. My Yuuri.

I placed the picture back on the table but the image is still clear in my mind as it has been for the last 5 years. The image of the white canopy bed next to the window and the little lights hanging on the ceiling. The piles of books on the floor and the light blue curtain being blown by the wind.

Why can't I forget?

I can't forget the image of Yuuri sitting on the bed, with our baby blue blanket wrapped around him as he watches the rain sleepily, and the way he smiled at me when he saw me by the door and beckoned at me to come. I can't forget the sound of his voice when he called me.

"Hurry up and come sit next to me Victor."

The memory of the warmth and feel of Yuuri as I embrace him and as he leans back towards me laughing as nuzzled my nose in the crook of his neck and inhaling the fresh citrus scent that reminded me of tangerines during the summers in Hasetsu. "Victor that tickles. Hahaha", then the soft caress of his fingertips as they tangled in my hair.

I can still remember it all.

And it hurts.

It hurts because I could still feel it. Feel the heat in my skin as if I have just held Yuuri in my arms again, smell the scent of tangerines in my nose as if I had just inhaled them, and the feel of his fingers as if he had just ran them through my hair. As if he just called my name again. As if he was just there.

As if he never left.

I could feel the tears form in my eyes as my vision became blurry. I placed my hands on my face as if to try to stop the tears from coming but it was no use. It came. My tears flowed as the feelings from five years ago came back.

I always thought to myself that I was strong now. That I can face the world without him beside me and that even if it was just memories of him, it would suffice. That I have moving on slowly, yes very slowly, but surely. That I could be strong and not flinch or show longing and sadness at the mention of his name. I thought I was strong.

I was so wrong.

I was showing to everyone that I'm alright now. I tell them that it's already been five years and that if I'm moving on they should do the same too. Show it to them too.

Move on, give a wave, and show a smile. Then cry and die a little inside.

I noticed the folded paper and opened it. My heart skipped a beat when I saw in the middle of the white crisp paper the words that was written in handwriting that I would recognize anywhere in a single glance.

Dear my love,

If the rain comes, will you hold me in your arms again?

"Yes! I will." I wanted to shout. I wanted to, really.

But something held me back.

The pain and the fear. The memories of the pain and sadness that I have felt held me back. God knows how much I want to hold him in my arms again. How much I want to press my lips into his, and to feel and hear his heartbeat next to mine.

But it scares me now.

It scares me to know that I can lose him again. With that being said I did what I used to do when I'm alone.

I cried.

After crying for a few minutes, I steadied myself and wiped my tears. As I was wiping my tears with my hands, something caught my attention. It was on my left hand. My ring finger. My empty ring finger.

I slowly walked to my bedroom where I grabbed a small wooden music box inside my bedside drawer. I turned the key at the bottom a few times then opened the box. I smiled to myself as the melody of the song Stammi Vicino began to play and the tiny figures of Yuuri and I inside on the left of the box began twirling. I then shifted my gaze unto the right where my gold ring was placed.

A lot of things ran inside my mind at that moment. So many 'what ifs', 'maybes' and 'this/that might'. But one look at that ring and only one thought remained.

Yuuri.

I picked up the ring and placed it in my pocket, then I took out my phone and sent a text.

Going to Moscow. I'll be back in a few days.

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