Happy Birthday, Lydia!
Disclaimer: I do not own Beetlejuice.
In honor of my birthday, which was a few days ago, I decided to write this so…Happy birthday to me! :D
"Beetlejuice, quit pranking my parents!"
Beetlejuice supressed a sigh as he waited for her to finish scolding him for the hundredth time that month. You'd think that after hearing the same speech everyday, he'd stop. But, come on, Lydia's folks were way too fun to mess with! The poltergeist nodded and pretended to listen as she went on about how her father was on the verge of needing therapy, and how her mother was actually starting to suspect something.
Yeah, right. Mr. and Mrs. Deetz were the most oblivious people on the face of the Earth. He had interacted with them in several different disguises, pulled every trick in the book, and even taken them to the Neitherworld personally, and they still didn't see anything out the ordinary.
And then she started about how if her parents were to find out about him, she wouldn't be allowed to see him again. Ever. That was the only part he ever paid attention to, and only because it gave him this weird stinging feeling in his chest. But that would never happen. No, he just wouldn't let it.
"Beetlejuice? Beetlejuice! Are you listening to me?"
Oh!
"Course, babes. No more pranks. Promise."
She looked at him quizzically for a moment, then gave up and smiled.
"Good. Now, Mr. Beetleman, please go and tell my parents their little flood problem has been taken care of."
"Will do, Miss Deetz." He winked and disappeared downstairs. In the living room, Charles sat in a chair, taking deep breaths and trying to calm himself while his wife was staring at something in a soaked cardboard box unhappily.
"Everything's back to normal." he assured them. "Now about my pay…" he trailed off as his eyes caught the box in Delia's hands.
"What'cha got there?"
"Our daughter's birthday present." She responded miserably, holding up a spoiled pink fabric that was once a dress. Apparently his little underwater world adventure had done some good after all; Lydia would've hated it.
Wait…BIRTHDAY?
Beetlejuice thought hard, counting the days in his head. Tuesday, Wednesday…
Oh. Crap.
A week from now was the twelfth-Lydia's birthday! Or was it the thirteenth? He was pretty sure it was the twelfth. Yes, it had to be the twelfth.
Damn it!
"I, uh, gotta go."
Beetlejuice ran out of the door, completely forgetting about the money.
XXX
Back at his roadhouse, random objects went flying out of Beetlejuice's closet as he searched for something to give her.
Suit. Mold. Dust. Suit. Skeleton (He supposed that was from the lie he told Lydia), jar of beetles, tube of bone-bond, block of cheese, suit, cobra (How the hell did that get in there?), suit. None of these were good enough. Looks like it was time to hit the mall. Except…He felt his pockets, which held nothing but a couple beetles. Right. He had forgotten to collect his pay from the Deetz. He ran a hand through his greasy hair, pondering. He had no money for a gift, so he would have to get some. Well, that should be easy enough. Almost everyone he knew adored Lydia.
XXX
"It's Lydia's birthday? Ooh, I should get her something! Thanks, Beetlejuice!"
…..
"How stupid do ya think I am? I'm not lending money to you!"
…..
"No."
Beetlejuice winced as another door slammed in his face. Apparently asking for money hadn't worked after all. That meant he was going to have to convert to plan B. The scariest plan. He was going to have to earn it. He plopped a pile of newspapers on the table and started searching through the Help Wanted section. There were pages and pages of them, so he should be able to do one…
XXX
Dog Walker
"Grrrrrrrr, bark bark bark!"
"Whoa, easy boy…Down boy! D-down! Ahhhh!"
After being chased down eight blocks by a Rottweiler, he crossed that one off the list.
Hairdresser Assistant
"BEETLEJUICE!"
"Yeah, boss?"
"I TOLD YOU SHAMPOO, NOT HAIR DYE!"
…Fired.
Sales Clerk
"Do I look fat in this dress?"
"Yep."
…Fired.
Waiter
"I ordered a cake, not a snake!"
…Fired.
Telemarketer
"No, wait! Don't hang up! Would you be interested in-"
…
"Please?"
…
"BUY THE STUPID VALCUME CLEANER OR ELSE!"
…Fired.
Lab Assistant
"Hey, what's this do?"
"No! Not th-"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
…Fired with a lawsuit.
Daycare
…Let's not even go there.
Beetlejuice sat on the side of the road, sulking as he thought about how disappointed Lydia would be when he presented her with nothing. Some friend he was. Suddenly, his ears picked up on a distant buzzing noise. It sounded like…
His stomach growled. Beetles. Licking his lips, Beetlejuice followed the sound to a field nearby. Well, no sense in letting a perfectly good lunch go to waste. He cracked his fingers and began eating. When he was finishing the last one, a farmer came running towards him. Uh-oh.
"You!"
Beetlejuice winced.
"Yes?"
"Are you the exterminator?"
"Uhh…"
"You did a fantastic job! My field is completely beetle-free, thank you! Here's your check!"
Beetlejuice stared at the money in his palm in amazement. Now this was enough to buy Lyds something nice. He probably shouldn't take it since he wasn't actually the exterminator, but the guy wasn't even there, so screw him. He grinned and shook the farmer's hand.
"Pleasure doing business with you."
XXX
Oh, yes. It was perfect. He carefully wrapped a ribbon around the brightly colored box, afraid to break it. She'll love it, he thought triumphantly. Even more than Jacques' book, Ginger's tap shoes, The Monster Across the Street's cowboy hat and way more than Mrs. D's stupid dress. He glanced at the clock. 3:30. Lydia should be home from school by now. Almost bouncing with excitement, he materialized in her bedroom mirror.
"Hey, babes!"
She sat at her desk, quietly reading a book. Which was sort of weird, since it was her birthday and she should be celebrating. As usual, her face lit up upon seeing him. She smiled and bookmarked her page.
"Hi BJ! Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"
The room seemed to shake a bit as she summoned him and he floated in. She greeted him with a hug and looked at him excitedly.
"So what do you want to do today?"
He raised an eyebrow, wondering why she hadn't mentioned the special date.
"Umm, party?"
She stared at him. "What?"
He couldn't hold it in anymore. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" he screamed and held out the gift. At first she just looked confused, then she broke into a huge grin and giggled.
"Aww, BJ! Thank you so much!"
Beetlejuice smiled proudly.
"But you know, my birthday's not 'till tomorrow."