There is a girl of the age of seventeen. She is considered to be funny, smart, outgoing, beautiful, and happy. This is her exterior. No one really knows of the conflict she has internally. She questions everyone and everything. She can never tell when someone is telling the truth. Do they really like her? Do they really want to be her friend? Is it an act?
She goes through her days with a mask on. A mask that only came off when she is alone. It only comes off when her walls can't support all of the emotions she is trying to hide. Nothing can hold back the tears that fall from her eyes. It is like a dam. Once the concrete barrier that has been protecting her from everything breaks, nothing can stop the damage from being released. No one has ever seen her cry as hard as she does when she is alone. She has cried in public when she is sad or when something seeps out from the cracks of her dam. Those were just tears. No one has witnessed the tears and sobs that break her own heart. No one has seen the sniffling of her nose as she tries to be quiet. No one knows how dirty her sleeves get from wiping her nose after the dam brakes. Nothing can stop the dam from braking. No one has witnessed the shaking that occurs when she is crying.
There is sad music that fills her head as she tries to cope with all of the emotions breaking loose. She can't look anyone in the eye if they do come. The times where there is someone in the house and the dam breaks. Those are the worst. Her dam breaks and she can't let anyone hear it. Nothing will save her if they hear. If they hear, they will knock her down so much that there will be more released from the already emptied dam. There are emotions that are released that she knows aren't accepted by them. If she shows weakness then more pain will be inflicted on her. The pain is indescribable. The pain is something no one should ever experience. There are worst forms of pain that she wishes to never experience but as of now, the hitting, punching, and kicking is the pain she fears.
The world says she shouldn't fear them but she does. Nothing will ever erase the fear she feels of them. Once a feeling is felt, it will never go away no matter how hard you will it to. She can't tell on them because they have provided for her in more ways than one. Nothing she can do could ever repay them for what they have done. But she questions why everything she has been given has to come at a price. Life shouldn't come at a price should it? It doesn't matter what the answer to the question is because the mask will go back on. The girl will pretend that she has never had to ask herself those questions. She will force herself to forget the pain. She will force herself to rebuild her dam, even if it has more holes and cracks in it than ever before. She will force herself to pretend that she is happy. She will force herself to not feel.
But this only works for a period of time. This only works until the dam can't take all of the lies, all of the emotions, and all of the pain anymore.
This is a cycle. A cycle never ends. It will go on and on throughout her life. Nothing will change it. It is the lifestyle that has been forced upon her so that she can keep up the appearances that everyone expects. This is what she thinks. What she knows. She knows she must get used to it, for her own sake, so that her heart isn't surprised at every crack and break.
That is until she meets him.