Your Devious Heart

Kir Sirin

He's sitting next to me.

My heart starts to race.

He gazes at me.

My throat becomes dry.

He whispers my name.

And I close my eyes.

Whisper it again. I wish I could say.

He takes my hand in his and holds on tightly. I turn to him and have the sudden urge to wrap my fingertips around the ends of his perfect hair.

We're alone, my mind whispers. No one would have to know.

But someone would know.

You would, Kaoru. You would know. And you would never wish to look into my eyes again.

This pain in my heart has become like a best friend to me. Insomnia filled nights and over thinking my new trade.

Loving you…

My favorite pastime.

I smile when you speak. My ears don't register what you said, but it doesn't matter because all I need to hear is your voice.

You tighten your fingers around my hand and your eyes hold a spark of concern.

"Hikaru?" Your voice carries softly through the wind currents and into my mind; fogging everything. "Is something wrong?"

Of course something's wrong.

My heart has become a felon and has grown to love to indulge in this sick fantasy of mine.

I am selfish, I know this, but could I be as selfish as to take you into my embrace and keep you all for myself?

Could I claim your lips below mine and force you to stay?

That dream replays itself in my head over and over again.

I take your face in my hands, you would blush, and then I would lean in and watch as you close your eyes ever so softly. I would place my lips on yours in a delicate manner and you would melt in my arms.

But, in my mind, you would kiss me back.

And that's how I know it's only a dream.

Because, my sweet Kaoru, you would ever do such a thing, and that thought always causes my eyes to moisten.

Which is the reason for your concern.

"Hikaru?" You turn fully to face me and wipe a fallen tear with your thumb. You keep your palm against my cold cheek and my heart breaks.

Why did it have to be you?

You're the only one I can't have.

As the pieces of my heart fall into my stomach and burn in the acids, I place my hand on top of yours.

I sigh, more tears fall, and I press your hand harder onto my cheek.

"Kaoru…" I whisper.

It's time for you to hate me, because my heart cant stand this pain any longer.

Your devious heart loves to play tricks on my mind and pretend it cares.

It's time for me to win one.

"Hikaru, what is it?" Your soft voice fills the cracks in my heart. "Why are you crying?"

You can feel my pain. You show it clearly on your beautiful face. My chest aches as your eyes hold my tears.

I'm terribly sorry for forcing you to feel my own pain.

I never meant to.

"Please," You plead," tell me what's wrong."

"I'm in-love…" I whisper. Your eyes brighten a bit and you give a soft smile.

"That's wonderful, Hikaru." For some reason I feel like you're hurt in some way. Your voice becomes tight when you ask, "Who is it? I-Is it Haruhi?"

My heart cringes when I whisper, "I'm in-love with… You." I let my hand fall from his and land on my lap. "I'm in-love with you, Kaoru."

The tears your perfect eyes spill are your own now.

I vaguely wonder why you're crying.

"Kaoru…" I shake my head, but my eyes are unable to disconnect with yours. "I-I'm so sorry… I didn't mean… I-I never—"

But your lips against mine suddenly forced me to stop speaking. My body grows rigid and my eyes wide.

"Hikaru," I feel your breath brush against my burning lips. "I'm so happy."

My eyes ask why because my mouth has become unable to.

You smile and cup both sides of my face. "I was so afraid that…" Your tears fall fast and free now, but you smile through them. "When I let you go on that date with Haruhi, I didn't think you would fall in-love so quickly, but… When you said you were in-love just then, I… I was so scared…"

My mouth learns the art of speaking and I ask, "Why?"

Kaoru, your eyes hold all the light of the world as you smile magnificently. "Because I wanted you to fall in-love with me." The blush graces your cheeks in a soft pink. "I'm in-love with you too—"

I quickly press my lips against yours.

My heart had heard enough, now it was time for my nerves to tingle at your touch.

I feel you hold the back of my head and press me deeper into my own kiss. Your tears fall into my mouth, so I wipe them away blindly.

It seems your devious heart also kept something from me.

Something I desperately wanted.

As I flicked my tongue over your mouth I almost laughed at the moan you let out.

I suppose I should let those things go.

Since your heart belongs to me now.