Yet another ME fanfic that hopefully will be successful…well more successful than the last fanfic anyway. This story is based around a glitch I encountered in my Mass Effect game. I walked in a Garrus/Tali scene and it wasn't supposed to happen. I was romancing Tali and I was confused when I saw this. I reloaded it and that scene didn't play anymore. I wonder why it did that. Then again glitches like that happen a lot in my ME games. I could probably list about 30 or more if you asked me. I haven't encountered many in ME3, but they're still there.

WARNING: Contains out of character characters, bashing (nobody's getting left out), mentioned glitches, and Shepard/Legion among a few other Shepard pairings.

Shepard couldn't believe his eyes or ears. Why? Why would they do this to him? He trusted those motherfuckers, especially Garrus's bitch ass. He could have booted the turian ages ago when Saren was still a problem. He could have told the guy he didn't need him once before when he was recruiting the first time and again the second time. Garrus was a trusted friend and comrade. Now he was a back stabbing cocksucker! As for Tali, didn't she show interest in Shepard before? Yeah she had and he had dated her, not minding the quarian at all. She was smart, had a nice personality, a dutiful young woman, and was very good at holding a interesting conversation. Tali had expressed not wanting to have sex just yet and Shepard told her that she didn't have to have sex yet if she didn't want to if she wasn't ready for it. He had shown a side of him that nobody else had seen before. It was because he cared and…well he loved the quarian.

Why did she leave him for Garrus? Well he wasn't sure she had just yet. He had walked in on them talking dirty to each other where Garrus was usually calibrating. He was sure he was just hearing things, but he had caught them saying things and even doing things only a couple would say to each other and do and not someone else more than once after hearing it once. Shepard hated to say it, but it made him want to cry…but only a little. It was only because he had spent his fucking money on a ring worth 100,000 credits. He couldn't sell it because of the fact that it was customized and had Tali's name on the inside of it.

To think he was planning on marrying that cheating, rat soup eating motherfucker and having kids with her. He knew he should have went after Liara. At least she could be trusted not to cheat and lay around with a womanizing dinosaur! Why didn't she just break it off with him instead of going to Garrus? Maybe he was too soft…actually maybe it was his attitude. Shepard observed his face. His eyes and scars were glowing red from his renegade actions. You know you're an asshole when you start glowing red. Maybe that was the turn off…or maybe it was how soft he was around her and how harsh he was around others. Either way, he refused to be a side guy. What was a human with a breaken heart to do? He may be renegade, but he did have feelings.

He wasn't sure how to go about breaking up with her though. He didn't want to, but it had to be done. However there was the whole Collector thing going on. Could it wait until then? HELL NO! What if they shot at him? Or worse, what if Garrus tried to eat him? Turians didn't have sharp teeth for nothing. He wasn't sure what to do. Miranda wanted everyone at their best before defeating/going against the collectors. Shepard wasn't even close, but he could handle it. On the other hand, he wanted revenge before they even went near the Omega 4 Relay.

How could one get revenge? Maybe he could find someone too. Getting a girlfriend or boyfriend shouldn't be too hard. After all, it wasn't that hard to flirt or show interest in someone. It was a piece of cake! Now who to flirt with was the real problem. He couldn't date Miranda or Jack. Jack bitched about people using her and Miranda didn't want the to get in the way of the mission (although Shepard speculated that she was lying out of her ass and thought Shepard was nowhere near being as perfect as she claimed to be). Thane and Jacob were as straight as arrows. Joker was probably straight. He couldn't tell. He was always flying the ship. Shepard wasn't interested in Joker like that anyway. What about Grunt? The thought of asking Grunt out made Shepard laugh. A gay krogan? That was hilarious. There was nothing wrong with being gay, but it was an odd thought about a krogan being even the slightest bit gay. Shepard shook his head and wiped away a tear from him laughing so hard.

He wouldn't mind being with one. He got along just fine with Wrex and Grunt and women krogan couldn't that must different. However he had never seen a female krogan before and he had a feeling they weren't going to let him near one. Females were highly priced on the krogan homeworld because very little of them could have babies. Maybe they'd let him get just one of them, just one of the infertile ones. However Shepard doubted they would just hand one over, even an infertile one. The ones who couldn't have children probably helped babysit or something.

What about an asari? Shepard shook his head. Asaris freaked him out. There was just something about him that was very weird and he didn't trust not a single one. Asari lived a long time and he didn't want to waste his breath speaking to one that would just move on within a month or even a week. Not all asari were like Liara. Young Asari tended to be whores. There were a few who weren't but that's beside the point. What about the hanar? As much as he didn't want to admit it, hanar was sexy as fuck. He wouldn't mind tapping some of that…

"Shepard-commander?"

"GAH!" Shepard turned around after jumping a good few feet. Legion had scared the crap out of him. He didn't even hear the geth come in. "Legion, you son of a bitch! You scared me! How fuck did you get in here?!"

"We apologize, Shepard-commander." Legion kind of sounded like he didn't care. "We walked in."

"No duh you walked in, but how did you?"

"We. Walked. In. With. Our. Legs." Legion said slowly.

"No shit! Now what do you want?" Shepard said annoyed. 'Since when did Legion become such a smart ass?'

"We were wondering if you were busy later."

"Not really. You need something? You know, besides an ass kicking for just walking in here."

"It was not as if you were naked." Legion said bluntly making Shepard stare at him.

"Did you just…"

"You know the answer, commander." Legion interrupted.

"You cheeky rascal."

"Very." Shepard again was stunned by Legion's speak. He was normally so polite and neutral most of the time. "As we were saying, would you do us the honor of coming to our 'room'?"

"Uh what for?"

"It is a surprise."

"You aren't planning something suspicious, are you?" Shepard narrowed his eyes at the geth.

"You may arm yourself if you wish." Legion walked out. Before the door closed, he looked back. "We hope to see you there."

Legion's light then cut off and then on before leaving. The renegade just looked confused. Was this a trap or was Legion's programs acting up? He wasn't going to ask Tali to fix him. If Legion started acting up, he'd just lead the geth to her. Maybe that was it! Legion wanted Tali gone! He quickly went into the AI core, making papers on Dr. Chakwa's desk fly everywhere.

What he found inside was surprising. There was a little table with candles decorating it, two bowls of soup, and a bottle of wine. Shepard was once again throw off by Legion. Wait, maybe this was Tali's way of saying sorry! Maybe she felt guilty and wanted to make it up to Shepard. Then again she wouldn't have went near/confronted the geth just for this.

"Legion did you do this?"

"Yes."

"I'm flattered." It was weird, but it was flattering.

"As you should be. Preparing this was very troublesome for us." Legion said sitting down.

"Why do you say that?" asked Shepard as he sat down in the other chair. He could figure why without him saying anything. People don't just sell things to geth unless they didn't know what a geth was. Imagine the look people would give the geth.

"The wine is our own and was no trouble. Getting the ingredients is another story."

"You didn't take them did you?"

"More or less."

"Well?"

"We will say no more…"

"Okay, if you say so…"

"…until you are drunk and won't remember." Legion mumbled.

"Did you say something?" his eyes narrowed at the geth. Did the geth say what he thought he said?

"No. Please enjoy your meal, Shepard-commander." Legion gestured at the food. "We made it ourselves."

Shepard decided to ignore the suspicious geth and ate just a bit of Legion's food. Surprisingly it tasted really good. Since when did Legion cook? It was the most delicious thing he had ever eaten. Maybe he should put Legion in charge of the food from now on. "When'd you learn to cook like this?"

"We "learned" from the prospective of another."

"How? Are you all connected to each other or something?"

"We 'connect' to each other by hubs." Legion explained. "We have to be near one to access another's prospective."

"So you didn't work in the kitchen?"

"No."

"Then why'd you learn it?"

"We learned it for you."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"When did you learn it?"

"A week ago."

"So you're telling me you left for a communication hub?"

"Yes. It was very easy to gain access to one. While you were flying near one of the hubs, we quickly organized a list of recipes we wanted to feed you. It was difficult given the distance, but we managed to get what we needed with EDI's help."

"EDI helped you without permission?"

"No. We forced a selective few of her programs to allow us to use her as we saw fit. We will not go into any details as to what we did. Just know geth have technology of their own that we use and develop. Using that with EDI's programs helped out."

"You didn't mess anything up, did you?"

"No…unless you wish us to."

"NO! I mean that's not necessary, Legion. I apparent you doing this."

"This one enjoys seeing the expression of happiness on your handsome face."

Shepard coughed. Now that was unexpected. "Legion, you called me handsome!"

"Does the term not fit? Shall we call you sexy?"

"I…uh…well I…uh…" Shepard wasn't sure what to say. Legion was hitting on him! "I don't mind, but uh…"

"Are you uncomfortable, Shepard-commander?"

"No, no! I'm just surprised to hear you say that!"

"Just because we are geth doesn't mean this platform doesn't have feelings or the geth equivalent of feelings."

"You mean you like me like me?"

"If by that you mean would we like to pursue a romantic relationship with you, then yes."

"I didn't know geth could be romantic."

"It is not common, but it is possible for an AI to love an organic or at least have some other feeling towards an organic. We are yet to meet another platform who has a relationship with an organic."

"I see." Shepard wasn't sure what to say. This would explain why Legion used his armor to repair himself, why he helped them before they could talk with each other, and this fancy dinner. "I guess being you romantically wouldn't hurt anybody."

"We are pleased to hear this."

The rest of the evening involved Shepard answering Legion's questions and vice versa. Shepard found Legion a heck of a lot more interesting than his whole crew combined. Legion had a bit of sass in him as demonstrated before. He even called Saren a little bitch, which made Shepard laugh so hard Legion feared he would die from laughter.

"Don't make me laugh like that! Where'd you learn that word?"

"It was not our intention to cause laughter and we learned it form you among other words."

"I figured you did. Just don't go using that around anybody else."

"We won't."

"Great. Right, so how was working with Saren besides him being a…uh…reaper's bitch?"

"He talked too much." Legion's light turned red. "We took delight in watching him die."

"GEEZ, LEGION!" Shepard said loudly. "You're really something! Wait, you were there?"

"More or less." Legion didn't say anything else.

"You're not going to tell me, are you?"

"No. It is getting late. You should sleep. We will clean up here. If you are still interested, come back in a month."

"Why a month?"

"No data available." Legion was clearly lying. Shepard didn't need facial expression to know lies when he saw/heard one. He wasn't going to push the geth though.

"If you say so. Good night, Legion."

"Good night, Shepard-commander."

Once Shepard had gotten back up to his bedroom, he was happy that he had gone. It was surprising that Legion liked him, but like he had said before it did make sense. The fact that Legion admired him and liked him was kind of cute and just a little creepy, but not too creepy though. Being with Legion was much better than being with a cheating, sickly fuck face. Plus, now that he thought about it, it would make Tali irritated and jealous. He wasn't just going to lie though. He wanted to see what other options he had though. He did give him a month to make up his mind…that or have a glorious threesome with Legion and some other participate. Yes, that would be something! Either way, Tali's little affair wasn't going to keep him down.

That's all for now. I don't hate Garrus or Tali and I know they wouldn't have a secret love affair behind Shepard's back. I might do a female Shepard version later if enough people tune in for this one, but only once this one is done. This story won't be all Legion/Shepard, but it is present. If you have any crazy OCs you want in the story, review or PM me (but mostly review). If you like it, tell me. If not, tell me anyway. Scenario suggestions may be put in later. BTW, no hate towards asari or any other race in ME. I might put in female Shepard or clone Shepard.