What He Meant to Her
Sloan Shepard couldn't remember the last time she had been this tired. The days after Akuze, when slept eluded her until she was too drunk to do anything but pass out? N training? The hunt for Saren? The Collector base? They paled in comparison to the bone deep weariness that seemed determine to knock her down and keep her there. Her eyes blurred. She paused in reading the numbers on the terminal and scrubbed her hands over her face. She swayed on her feet, and sighed. She ran her hands over the top of her head. Stray hairs came loose from her bun and she stopped to check the time. How long ago did Kaidan go to bed?
She had promised him she'd follow, but that was nearly two hours ago. She couldn't stop herself from running over the numbers, their progress. The massive fleet she was gathering, piece by piece, the progress on the Crucible, the supplies they had gathered, the numbers scrolled passed her eyes even when they were closed. They invaded her dreams; well, on the nights she wasn't haunted by those they had already lost.
She stretched her neck from side to side, hearing the joints pop and feeling the fleeting relief the release of pressure allowed. With a resigned sigh she turned on her heel and left the War Room. She nodded at Cooper and Lopez, the night shift guards, as she passed them. The ship was long since sleeping. The skeleton night crew was keeping her running as EDI piloted, which allowed Joker much needed time to sleep. It was still odd to her, to see the ship like this: nearly empty with the lights dimmed. Even She got to rest.
Shepard stepped on the elevator. She reached up and unpinned her hair before allowing herself a moment to lean back on the wall and close her eyes. It's possible she dosed off; EDI woke her, speaking her name softly. She opened her eyes and found the door to the elevator standing open. She thanked the AI and stepped towards their quarters.
Their quarters.
Hers and Kaidan's.
She felt a flutter in her chest at the thought of sharing something so intimate, and personal with him. Living quarters. She liked it. She enjoyed the thought that, at the end of the day, he would be there. Somehow, it made making the hard decisions just a little bit easier. A smile tugged at the corners of her full lips as she pulled herself from the wall and made her way to their room. The door opened upon her arrival and she crossed the threshold.
Part of her expected to see him sitting up, data pad in hand, and waiting for her. She was pleasantly surprised when she glanced at the bed and found his sleeping form lying on his side. It was one thing she found endearing about him. She was a violent sleeper. She moved a lot, especially when she dreamed. She'd end up sprawled across the bed, sheets tangled in her legs and twisted around her torso. Not Kaidan, when he slept, he slept; though, it didn't take much to wake him, he wasn't a mover.
Her eyes lingered over his back, and she chewed her lip as she stepped down into the room proper. She stripped to her panties efficiently, quickly, and moved closer to the bed. Silently, slowly so not to disturb him, she pulled back the sheet and slid into the bed with him. She was instantly enveloped by the warmth he provided. She sighed, and her body relaxed. She was suddenly very tired.
Still, like a moth to a flame, she found herself sliding closer to him. Her hand beneath the blanket slipped over his hip and up his abdomen to his chest. She felt the muscles jumping beneath her wandering fingertips. Once her palm rested over his heart, she pressed her face to his back. Her favorite spot right between his shoulders. She adored every part of him, but there was something about his back and shoulders. Maybe it was how broad they are; like the mythical, Atlas, he could hold the universe on his back. Or maybe it was the way he seemed to fold around her when he held her. Maybe it was simpler, like the beauty mark on his shoulder blade. She placed a light kiss to the mark as she admired it. She could feel his heart beat increase against her palm.
She laid her face against his back again, breathing deeply, before pressing her body against his, molding herself to him. Her naked skin against his, warming her to her very core. His hand was suddenly covering hers, and she cursed silently when she realized she had woken him. He curled his hand around her fingers and lifted them to his lips. He pressed gentle kisses to her fingertips, and she sighed lightly. She followed his lead, leaving a trail of warm kisses along his spine, moving up towards his neck.
She inhaled deeply, her exhale cooling where her lips had pressed against his skin. She loved the way he smelled. Recently showered, his skin lost the scent of gun oil and replaced it with military issue soap, which wouldn't normally be a pleasant aroma, but mixed with Kaidan's own spicy, warm fragrance was one of her favorites, comforting and familiar. Kaidan. She reached the stretch of skin at the junction of his neck and shoulder, and she felt him inhale and tense as she teased the sensitive skin. She was cheating, her lips grazing near his amp port.
He moaned lightly on his exhale. He lifted his arm forcing her to move away from him, but only for a moment as he wrapped it around her and turned onto his back. She leaned down and pressed her lips to his as she shifted, lying over half of him. He released her hand and reached up to cup her face. His thumb gently caressing her cheek as their lips parted, their tongues danced. Her hand rested, still, on his chest. Her fingers toying with the coarse smattering of hair on his chest. His hand moved to the back of her head and tangled in her hair as their kiss deepened.
Their breathing quickened and, coupled with their soft moans, disrupted the quiet of the room. She was completely lost in him, and she was okay with it as she surrendered to him, to the pulsing in her veins and the tightening in her core. He must have felt it when she did, he let out a soft growl from the back of his throat as he shifted and rolled her beneath him. She gasped and smiled as he left a trail of wet kisses along her jaw. Her back arched and her head dug into the pillows allowing him better access to her neck and chest.
His stubble was a delicious contrast to the softness of his lips as he nuzzled the tender skin of her neck and dropped lower to the curve of her breasts. His hands wandered over her body, following his favorite path, touching her in all the right places. It was as if he knew, he knew exactly what to do to. As his hand moved to her panties, she wondered, briefly, if he knew how good he was at this. She was on fire, and thought she might burst at any moment.
He pulled away from her abruptly, and she instantly missed his heat, his weight, until she felt him tugging at her panties. She shifted to help him, and opened her eyes to watch as he sat back and removed his shorts. She chewed her lip as her eyes moved over his body. The muscles shifted as he did; he was perfection. Gorgeous. Strong. Masculine, but so gentle with her. Her heart swelled when he moved back over her.
Her legs fell open for him, and he settled in the cradle of her hips. His mouth moving to hers again. He kissed her deeply, slowly, thoroughly. Her hands slid up his arms; his skin warm, slick beneath her hands. Her hands went to his hair, tangling in the disheveled curls as he continued to steal her breath with every move of his lips and tongue.
He was pressing against her, and he pulled back and met her eyes. She knew she was as flushed as he was. He pressed his forehead to hers and licked his lips. His eyes met hers, and she smiled at him. She couldn't help it. He made her feel … happy. She lifted her legs, and dug her heels into his behind. He dropped his lips to hers again, and she gasped as he slipped inside her. He moved slowly, and with purpose. The way he felt above her, around her, inside her, was like nothing she had ever experienced before him. She had never felt so connected, so loved, and cared for as she did when she was with him.
He was absolutely everything to her. Her world had never revolved around anyone other than herself and the things she wanted, not since Mindoir, anyway. Now, all that mattered to her was this, him, being with him. Their bodies moved together, slowly, gently as their pleasure rose. There was a familiar tightening in her core, and he dropped his face to her neck as her back arched bringing herself closer to him. She dropped her hands from him and gripped the sheets, tugging as her body tensed. He groaned as she continued to move with him. Her reached and found her hands, one at a time, bringing them above her head and lacing their fingers.
He lifted his head and met her eyes. His eyes were flashing blue and she knew he was close, but, still, he slowed his movements. He made sure he hit all the right spots inside her. She gasped, her hands squeezing his as she peaked. She said nothing, but was overwhelmed by everything in this moment. His body, his scent, his eyes, the sounds he made, everything was perfect and she couldn't believe it when her eyes filled with tears.
With a few sure movements, he followed her over the edge, filling her and slowing to a stop as he lowered his mouth to hers again. She was lost in him, and she was never more okay with losing herself. She would give him everything, anything he asked for, and he would take whatever she was willing to give, but would never ask for anything more. When he pulled back, and found tears on her cheeks, she watched concern, and fear, wash over his features. His lips pursed as if to ask what was wrong, his brow knitted over his eyes, which had returned to their warm whiskey color.
She just shook her head and smiled; she lifted her head and kissed him again. He released her hands and held her face, wiping her tears. He shifted, and she whimpered quietly when he slipped from her. He continued to hold her close to him, her head resting on his chest as he rolled onto his back. He kissed the top of her head, his hands caressed her back and her arm which was stretched over him. Their legs tangled together.
This. This was all she wanted. Him. She sighed, and pressed a kiss to his chest. She could feel him relaxing. His muscles twitching as he fell back to sleep. She made herself, and him, a promise. He would survive. She would do whatever she had to do to make sure he made it. There was no point in winning if it meant a universe without Kaidan Alenko.
A universe without the man she loved.