Apologies to Joss Whedon, David Greenwalt, W/B, and Fox. More apologies extended to Seth Grahame-Smith (who was a fantastic inspiration!) Most apologies extended to Jane Austen, who might find this parody amusing - and who would have loved to live in the time of Buffy, Cordelia, Willow, Fred, and Faith.
Chapter 1
It is common knowledge that a woman must be in want of a husband, and a husband must be in want of a wife. It is a benefit, however, that either and both should happen to be skillfully adroit with the slaying of demons. And fortunate, indeed, if they both find it a necessity to fight the oppression of evil while looking good in the process. The Giles household certainly had received the best training in both husband hunting as well as demon slayage. Their gift, one might argue, lay in the ability to look good whilst doing both concurrently.
In the Rupert Giles home, one could find five girls brought up by their mother, Lorne, who was always concerned with their clothes and their singing and had remarkable ability to read their minds. This made sneaking out at night quite difficult, and, although Lorne Giles encouraged the girls to find their happiness (at least they believe their mother encouraged their happiness – their mother always seemed to give vague answers that never seemed to get them anywhere), she always found a way to make the girls wonder at their decisions and second-guess themselves.
Which, of course, is a good sign of terrific parenting.
Rupert Giles had considerable background in demonology, an area that was feared and revered at the same time by the men and women of the nearby village. He had instructed his daughters in demon legend and lore, both the basic and the complex, and he had also overseen their instruction in weaponry. Of course, some of his daughters were keener at one than the other. They all, however, appeared to have a remarkable gift that would aid them in their mission. Which, as Mr. Giles constantly reminded his girls, must be kept secret from those outside the Council of Watchers so as not to ensue panic. Of course, with everyone in _ already suffering from demon attacks almost daily, such secretiveness became sheer impossibility in their hometown.
Elizabeth Giles (everyone called her "Buffy") was the oldest of his girls, and, many would argue, the most beautiful. Her figure was slight, her arms toned, her voice soft, her eyes and mouth a delicate shape, her hands lovely and smooth, her hair blonde and long, her voice musical, her demeanor kind, her mind dedicated to the protection of the public and to the mission of demon eradication. One must not, however, mistake her petite frame and soft-spokenness as sign of a fragile creature – o, no! – for Buffy's talent, and gift as some would claim, lay in the art of slaying. No weapon could cross her hands but that she did not know how to use. No punch or kick could send her sprawling to the ground without her getting back up. And she did all this while wearing the latest fashion, which delighted her mother. Buffy's heart, though, ached for nothing more than to be an ordinary lady, who could fall in love with an ordinary gentleman and had an ordinary house in the ordinary countryside with ordinary children. But, if that couldn't come to pass, then she would settle for someone who could support her world-saving. But only at a distance.
Faith Giles was the youngest of the girls. Faith had equal ability as her sister Buffy, but, many would argue, had greater talent at the art. The opposite of her sister, dark hair and dark eyes graced her charming features, and her mouth was very pleasant to look at, though it knew no restraint when she spoke. She moved in a way that left nothing to the imagination (for her dress always revealed her petticoat, shoulders, and ankles – and sometimes, scandalously, her corset, knees, and bosom!) – much in the same way that her mannerisms reflected precisely what was in her heart, for her mind certainly could not keep up with her passions. Quite frequently, in the heat of battle, Faith let her good senses go and, instead, embraced the danger in the name of said danger making her fight harder and more keenly. She was dedicated, as Buffy and her other sisters, to fighting demons and saving the world. But, she wanted to have fun while doing so, and she wanted to use her talents in a way such that she could benefit from them, as well, and, therefore, made it her motto: "Want, take, have." This, of course, was surely disagreeable to most of her other sisters, but the men of _ found it quite remarkable, indeed. Lorne was appreciative of her gaucheness and hoped it to be useful in capturing the attentions of a young man, whereas her father was frequently annoyed by her and wished he could only gain some peace from her embarrassing flirtations.
Willow Giles was the middle daughter, and the good people of _ believed her not to be as lovely as either Buffy or Faith (which, of course, was ludicrous, for her flaming hair and dark eyes against her creamy skin surely made her as lovely or even lovelier) – and they (along with her mother) also found her dress to be rather plain, as she was ill concerned with making herself a veritable fashionista, instead, occupying herself with books and the piano (which she was not very adept with, unfortunately, just as she was not as talented with weaponry as her other sisters). She was, however, extraordinarily gifted with the talent of witchcraft, which she hid from her father, for Rupert Giles would have found her dabblings in the dark arts intolerable given their charge by the Council . . . not to mention that she seemed to take no interest in finding a husband for herself, which greatly displeased her mother.
In between Willow and Faith was Winifred Giles, with dark hair, kind hand, and breathy voice. She was astonishingly gifted with doing sums in her head – and she greatly vexed her father every time they sat down to a game of chess. Freddie, it should be noted, was gifted not only with sums and puzzles: she had great ability to create weapons, and she and Willow would frequently find themselves in quiet conversation regarding many intellectual pursuits. But, even though she was intelligent beyond measure, she was also impressionable and looked up to her sister Faith as she looked down to her. For, as everyone knew, Winifred was frightened of stepping out on her own and greatly admired Faith's wont to speak her mind and live freely. Lorne encouraged this behavior, for she believed Freddie needed some liveliness – and her father could see no harm in this, as he hoped her gentle and quiet demeanor would rub off on her youngest sister. Anything Faith did, Freddie wanted to tag along and participate, sometimes biting off more than she could chew, but usually helping to save Faith from certain disaster by stepping in at the last moment with one of her inventions.
And, the final member of the Giles household, the second eldest daughter: Cordelia Giles. Cordelia was tall and graceful and loved to laugh. Her brilliant smiles always extended to her hazel eyes, and she was exceptionally able at dressing in the latest fashion – with uncanny talent at spotting name brands from fifty yards away (and her mother, although usually annoyed with Cordelia for one reason or another, could not help but admire Cordelia for it). Cordelia was rather good with slaying and weaponry, though not nearly as adroit as her sisters Buffy and Faith – but not even Faith could keep up with her sharp tongue and biting insults. When she was younger, Cordy had been very much like Faith – although more flamboyant and less heated, but she matured as she grew older and wiser. The most notable change came about, though, when the visions began, which likely were inherited from her mother's side of the family. Cordy's visions warned of demon attacks and allowed her and her sisters to thwart their evils in time to save would-be victims. Her only caveat was in that she changed her hairstyle often which, sometimes, suited her ill and made her look older than she was (and she already had seemed to age no less than ten years after the visions began not more than two years ago). Her father often found her infuriating, but he admired her more than he cared to admit.
Thus were the Giles girls: very remarkable, and available, young women who were just trying to save the world and fall in love. Very like all young women of all ages and times.
And one day, as fate would have it, a young man let the neighboring park at Netherfield, only three miles away from the Giles humble home . . . and things began to change . . . for the girls.