Sick of Saviors
I'm in the tower. Again. Why am I so fun to kidnap? Is it because I'm blond? Seriously, I'm curious.
When my captor opens the door, his face morphs into an evil smile. Sadly for him, he looks like a dinosaur so all smiles are turned into sneers. I got so sick of his nasty grin that I smack him with the umbrella I have in my purse. It is, apparently, a mighty blow, as it knocks him right out. God, he's so fucking pathetic. Then, I half kick, half drag the moron to his boat and I push him out to sea. I would have used Kidnapper's boat to get the hell out, but it smelt like mold, vomit, and shit. I hope he drowns. He won't, but I'll forget that for now.
Now comes the waiting. I don't have a boat to escape on so I have to depend on my father's vaguely competent mercenaries to show up and play "rescue the princess". If I could have avoided them without going in that disgusting boat, I would have. The elder one only puts up with this constant kidnaping nonsense so he can win my hand in marriage. Arrogant, ugly, stupid, man. What really worries me that this game may come to that end. As I wait, I wish I had brought a book but I content myself with by imagining methods to punish my captor and the elder of my mercenaries for their arrogance.
Finally, my mercenaries arrive. Thankfully, they brought a boat this time (one time, the elder parachuted in and beat up my captor but when he finished, he had to call his brother to find a boat so I can go home and he could be rewarded). Mario smiles at me and jumps out of his boat. He's wearing a red hat and red suspenders, probably because he thinks they make him look good. They don't.
"How are we doing today, princess", he asks with irritating joviality. He reaches out his hand, intending that I give him my hand so it can be lifted up and he can have the pleasure of kissing me somewhere on my person, if not anywhere sensual. I stand up, ignoring his hand. Sometimes I forget that his head only goes up to my boobs. Probably why he keeps chasing after me.
"I don't know how you are doing, which is technically part of what you asked me, but I am very bored with these shenanigans."
"Where's Bowser?"
"Knocked him out, put him in his foul boat, pushed him out to sea"
"You ruined my fun!"
"Sorry about that. I kind of thought that your priority was getting me out."
"Sure it is, but it's such hard work, sweetheart." Sweetheart? Really? Can his pervyness be any more obvious?
""What did you just say?" I approach him maliciously. His brother, finally noticing trouble, gets out of the boat to come between us. Too late. I am completely done with this shit.
"Let me fix your 'sweetheart' dreams." I run towards the boat, jump in, cut the rope with a showy sword that was in one of their packs, and push off from shore. I'm sick of saviors.